A chilly new year feeding the ducks

It’s been a few weeks since we last had time together. The video calls are absolutely better than nothing but even those have been disrupted by your mum. Today was wonderful, I love hearing your beautiful voice and looking at your gorgeous oval-shaped eyes.

Reflections on the future

As we ease into the new year, it feels like being at the start of a marathon. From the start line, you know what to expect at the end, but the journey ahead will be challenging, however much practice and planning was done to prepare.

Life feels heavy and too often sad. The countless difficulties and stress about whether a choice was the right one, makes me constantly think that I’m doing everything wrong. The sadness of our distance has kept a painful cloud over everything the last year.

We finally have something to be positive about though, on the horizon in a few months you will stay overnight with me and I know it will raise our spirits immeasurably. The love of a morning kiss and tenderness of bath time will be ours to share again.

While life and its many complications feels too hard to bear sometimes, the relief of having you home (finally home!!!) will let me feel like the grey clouds are parting and we can build our relationship.

Our day together

It was an extremely cold day. The hotel was warm but walking outside was unpleasant, demonstrated by few people out and about. On picking you up I had planned to go into the shopping centre immediately and avoid making you uncomfortable. After going through a few markdowns in the shops and you showing me a few items you’d like for your bedroom, we made it through to the shopping centre where I planned to relax at Starbucks while Olivia made her way to join us.

I say relax but in reality I mean hide and scan the floor in case your mum followed us to snipe at Olivia. Following the abuse your mum gave me when she saw Olivia nearby that time, and threats that I wouldn’t be able to have you for the day, both me and Olivia are frightened of an outburst, which has caused Olivia to insist on hiding both in time and distance. The uncomfortable feeling followed us through the day.

Winter walks with daddy

The shopping centre was a warm haven but not what I want for our day so we didn’t spend long there. Plus before lunch I like us to create an appetite with a walk. So, covered up with our many layers we worked our way to the river and ended up by the ducks we’ve visited many times.

To our fortune, a man came with lots of bread to give the wildlife starting with the funniest moment of him throwing an entire loaf into the river for the seagulls to attack.

Your fearlessness continues to surprise me, not minding being close to the frantic flapping birds is great, it means we can get right up close to them.

Our lunch and staying away from the cold

It started to get even colder so we went to the restaurant I planned. There was no need for booking as it was one of the quietest days in River Town I’ve seen. I think families were more interested in staying cosy at home.

While we waited for the meal you joined us like an adult interacting and enjoying the moment of socialising. It was heart warming and the highlight of my day.

I’m unclear why but the restaurant had stacks of baskets near the tables so in a moment of silliness we played with them as hats.

Our lunch dates are really joyful and Olivia had been helping all day. Little things like pushing the buggy meant I could have more time giving you hugs.

Reluctant to go back outside I had dragged lunch on for a while and you expressed that you were ready for a rest so I bundled you into the buggy like we were going back outside for aimless wandering but instead after only a minute you had closed your eyes so I chose to stay inside where the restaurant’s ambiance would make a better backdrop than the ice cold air.

As our previous River Town days have concluded, the time after your nap becomes basically enough for a brief play, change, snack, kisses and then I drop you back with your mum.

Our time feels stubbornly only a lunch. When I’m outside at 4pm it hurts me to see families enjoying themselves still busy and making the most of the day while I have to hand you back like a punished dad only given limited time.

Plans for next week

Ahead of your overnight stays in a few months I’m going to start decorating your bedroom so you love it as much as your River Town bedroom. I’m planning time for us to organise things into your drawers and spaces so you know where your things are and feel comfortable overnight.

I’m counting down the days. Nothing will make a happier sleep than hearing your little snores next door and bringing you into my bed in the morning for warm snuggles before breakfast.

#childhoodMemories #coParenting #dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyLaw #familySeparation #fatherAndDaughter #fatherSRights #fatherhood #longDistanceParenting #overnightVisits #parentalAlienation #parenting #parentingAnxiety #parentingStruggles #weekendDad #winterActivities #winterWalks

An unnecessarily hostile start to the year

You’ve been away on holiday, hopefully enjoying yourself. I’ve been thinking about you every day. My mind is filled thinking about your cute mannerisms and the way you say things.

Me and Olivia make jokes using your sayings like the way you say ‘bigger one’ (referring to you asking for more mayo and ketchup) mimicking your voice. We also do things like point out dogs by calling them dee dees.

It’s been really hurtful thinking about you when we’re not together but now with the court order, I’m trying to be optimistic and make a success of it. I’m trying not to avoid thinking about you or bringing you up in conversation, instead I’m trying to celebrate you for the wonderful personality that you have.

The impossibility of agreeing on even the tiniest things

Recently I agreed to change our video call time to earlier because it would mean consistency for you having our call together after dinner and the time is ahead in Coldland.

I realised that I could be stuck on a train at that time, perhaps with patchy reception or unable to find a quiet environment. So I asked your mum if we could rearrange. I didn’t expect it to be an issue as our call would most likely only be a couple of minutes and I was essentially available at any time in the day.

Your mum decided to refuse. It was a reminder of the losing situation I’m in. I’m left with the choices of planning ahead and letting your mum know if something could affect plans or risk not providing a warning and being accused of being unreliable.

It’s been a week since our last call. You’re away abroad so I can’t see you and even with clear recommendations that our time should be regular. Your mum remorselessly finds every opportunity to cut the little that we have.

A frustrating start to the new year

New Year should bring revitalised energy and renewed drive to provide generosity to the world. In your mum’s and my case, it should be another reminder to focus on your wellbeing. I’m lost at the thought that she could be starting with the intention to continue to cause as much disruption as possible.

Trying to find optimism

I won’t lose hope that your mum’s aggression and hostility will ease with time but for now I guess I have to be realistic as well.

All going well, we’ll see each other on Tuesday during our next call and I’ll give you a big hug next Sunday. I can’t wait. I know you’re going to be lovely and chatty and your voice is the sweetest thing to my ears.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4Ics03xzUQ

#childWellbeing #coParenting #courtOrders #dad #dadLife #daughter #emotionalWellbeing #family #familyCourt #familyLaw #familyMediation #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #mindfulness #NewYearGoals #optimism #parentalAlienation #parenting #resilience

A warm weekend in October just before family court

It feels tense around sensitive days like the upcoming hearing. As your mum limits interactions, there are so many things that need to be sorted out but it’s hard to resolve anything, however basic, like collecting your high chair or carseat.

The weather forecast said it would be a surprisingly warm weekend, basically like summer. I wanted to do something nice with you like a picnic but your mum refuses to meet in the centre so it will be tricky within our time.

The main person who’s worse off because of your mum’s hostilities is you. There’s no reasonable perspective to explain why she should be so difficult to cooperate on little plans for the day.

Our sunny day

I tried to make the best of the day and planned to get to Zizzi’s for lunch which gave us enough time to look at a few shops and explore for a bit.

One of the estates in the area was open to the public so we had the chance to check out the grounds. The pretty gardens and enclosed green was perfect for a running monkey like you!

You’re becoming more independent, some of our day involved you walking slowly with your little legs. It’s going to be lovely when you’re older and we can go on treks and adventures. I’m sure you’ll be leaving me behind!

The day was straightforward. There’s limited room for planning more exciting things and you’re often unwell in some way or another so calm days seem best.

Our moo-full afternoon

After lunch, as usual, I take you for a stroll in your buggy where you promptly fall asleep. I walk with the aim of having some background momentum so you sleep better but sometimes it’s tiring to be honest. Today’s heat and busyness wasn’t great for walking around but the most important thing is you slept well.

While you were snoozing, I had walked up to the edge of the centre until I saw a few cows next to the canal. It was unusual and not something I’m used to seeing back at home in the Big City! I waited nearby expecting you to be waking up around this time and in perfect sync you shuffled awake with a herd of beautiful brown cows in your view.

At this point I had to prepare for getting back. 40 minutes could easily become more if you need something along the way.

It’s starting to feel like we really only have lunch. It’s hard to make happy memories when most of our time together is in a restaurant or just walking to and from the station.

In the future, let’s go for lunch and make it really special. Sunday lunches have been our time since you were a baby. It was forced on us but let’s embrace it and make it the special daddy daughter time it should be.

Court on Thursday

My mind is a blank as it has been so often in the last year. It’s impossible to ignore but too painful and stressful to allow to surface. I don’t know what to think about Thursday. Your mum has done everything possible to stop us from having a relationship and take you from me.

Impossible choices

When your mum took you I had the impossible choice of refusing and the huge problems that would’ve caused short term, or do as I did and work through the court process knowing that your mum had already planned out that the move would become the status quo and a family court wouldn’t force her to move.

I did what I thought would cause you the least distress but sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for me to take the alternative option which would have kept us together for the years ahead. This is the dilemma I will always live with.

Back in River Town in a few days

I’ll be back in River Town for 9am on Thursday to be told why I can’t have you overnight. Why I can’t give you a kiss goodnight. I’ll be told why you can’t go on holiday with me. You’ll be 3 years old and still unaccustomed to being with me overnight if I let your mum’s plans go ahead. I may have no option.

The system doesn’t care about the bond between a dad and daughter.

#apart #dad #dadLife #daddyDaughterTime #daughter #dayOut #family #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #parentalAlienation #parenting #sunnyDay #timeTogether #toddler #toddlerLife #withMyGirl

I’ve taken the 1st steps in seeking legal action against my mother and my ex.

When I was about 9 (so around 1984) my mother started ‘checking for worms’ which involved a very invasive investigation of my vagina, about once a week.

There were atleast 3 of her boyfriends and 2 babysitters who sexually assaulted me and my younger sisters. That’s not a coincidence.

When I was 19 I was in a physically and sexually abusive relationship with a man who was frankly a psychopath. My mother took his side and they conspired to take my 2 daughters away to live with him.

Those daughters are now 32 and 29. My eldest and I have a wonderful relationship now but I missed her most important years. My other daughter barely acknowledges me and I feel that loss every day.

It’s time my mother and my ex paid.

#ParentalAlienation #ChilhoodAbuse

Rechtsextreme #Netzwerke nutzen das #Familienrecht aus, um Kinder von Elternteilen zu entfremden.

#ParentalAlienation Syndrome:

"Dabei ist das angebliche Syndrom #unwissenschaftlich &#frauenfeindlich
Einige Länder haben es als Argument in Sorgerechtsverfahren bereits verboten. In anderen europäischen Ländern ist es dagegen auf dem Vormarsch. Auch in #Deutschland." berichtet @DasWissen

https://www.swr.de/swrkultur/doku-und-feature/die-entfremdungs-luege-wie-rechte-netzwerke-das-familienrecht-unterwandern-feature-2025-03-14-100.html

#rechtsextremismus #noafd #sorgerecht #coaching #esoterik

Today, we celebrate dads—present, loving, and strong.

But we also remember those who are no longer with us...

To the dads who were pushed out, worn down, or alienated from their children—we see you. We honor your love. We speak your name.

Your story matters.

🕯️This Father’s Day, we remember with love. We stand for truth. And we vow to do better...

#FathersDay #FamilyLawReform #ParentalAlienation #attachmentpathology #childpsychologicalabuse #GoneTooSoon #FathersMatter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9avel1ROzYk

When our summer’s day is cancelled and melts away

Summer has arrived and the atmosphere has changed. People are excited to be outside socialising and it seems like every family is making the most of the warmth.

A heatwave was predicted to arrive for the weekend and I wanted to make the most out of the popular family area at Steel Space in City Square. The water fountains there are adored by kids.

I asked your mum where she would drop you off and pick you up. This way, I could organise and maximise our time by asking your grandma and Clive to meet us at City Square before handing you back to your mum at 4pm.

Last summer I had more time with you, but your mum has cut it back to 4pm. For many families their fun is barely starting while by 3:15 I’m having to get back towards the handover point.

Another disappointment

On Saturday your mum sent me a message to inform me you had had a rough night.

I’d spent the last couple of days making plans with family and working out the itinerary so I could keep you cool but also make the most of our time.

I went to various supermarkets to ensure I had lots of options for your lunch and afternoon snacks too. Watermelons were in high demand but I didn’t stop until I had one, so I could hydrate you with refreshing slices.

Stupid optimism

Yesterday, I went to a Elly’s BBQ who lives nearby. While I socialised, I had you on my mind and tried to be positive that you’d be better for our Sunday together.

Jenny baked a tasty cake so I asked her what she included, to make sure it was suitable for you, and brought some home for you to try.

The fridge was full of watermelon, I had all the ingredients ready for lunch and plenty of snacks. It was hard to sleep, I was eager to see you.

The dreaded message

I don’t know why I let myself get upset when I finally saw the message cancelling. I can’t even go up and visit you to look after you when you’re unwell.

The feeling of not seeing you arrests me. It took me hours to get myself together after trying to figure out how to fix this situation.

I know things will change somehow so I’m doing everything to make sure you will always have a happy welcoming home with me.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7vkCAgrDDv3AgRCXYJUUoD?si=a2c1cb2320aa45dd

I picked this song because it’s monotonous and repetitive. Just how this situation feels.

We’ll have our sunny days together

I’m fast losing the moments of having you run around naked in the sun, filled with joy and a huge smile – the one I love so much.

I’m thinking about our future, the next decade. We’ll have lots of lovely moments together. One day we’ll fall asleep in the park together. One day we’ll go camping together. I can’t wait. They will be some of my happiest moments in my life.

I’m sick and upset about losing so many precious moments, I hate it and just want to skip forward to when we can spend the day together and chat all day, without anything to worry us.

Please always know it wasn’t me not wanting to look after you when you were unwell. Your mum is doing everything she can to stop us having a relationship. I’m sorry everything is a mess.

I promise when you’re able to make the decision yourself, you’ll always have a home with me.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2dkIVglYeSeGEVfu0ttySn?si=LqSAEOM9Sse72q5woZ9L6A

#cancelledDay #dadBlog #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #familyDiary #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #missingYou #myGirl #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting #summerIsHere #withoutYou