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#fathersrights

A chilly new year feeding the ducks

It’s been a few weeks since we last had time together. The video calls are absolutely better than nothing but even those have been disrupted by your mum. Today was wonderful, I love hearing your beautiful voice and looking at your gorgeous oval-shaped eyes.

Reflections on the future

As we ease into the new year, it feels like being at the start of a marathon. From the start line, you know what to expect at the end, but the journey ahead will be challenging, however much practice and planning was done to prepare.

Life feels heavy and too often sad. The countless difficulties and stress about whether a choice was the right one, makes me constantly think that I’m doing everything wrong. The sadness of our distance has kept a painful cloud over everything the last year.

We finally have something to be positive about though, on the horizon in a few months you will stay overnight with me and I know it will raise our spirits immeasurably. The love of a morning kiss and tenderness of bath time will be ours to share again.

While life and its many complications feels too hard to bear sometimes, the relief of having you home (finally home!!!) will let me feel like the grey clouds are parting and we can build our relationship.

Our day together

It was an extremely cold day. The hotel was warm but walking outside was unpleasant, demonstrated by few people out and about. On picking you up I had planned to go into the shopping centre immediately and avoid making you uncomfortable. After going through a few markdowns in the shops and you showing me a few items you’d like for your bedroom, we made it through to the shopping centre where I planned to relax at Starbucks while Olivia made her way to join us.

I say relax but in reality I mean hide and scan the floor in case your mum followed us to snipe at Olivia. Following the abuse your mum gave me when she saw Olivia nearby that time, and threats that I wouldn’t be able to have you for the day, both me and Olivia are frightened of an outburst, which has caused Olivia to insist on hiding both in time and distance. The uncomfortable feeling followed us through the day.

Winter walks with daddy

The shopping centre was a warm haven but not what I want for our day so we didn’t spend long there. Plus before lunch I like us to create an appetite with a walk. So, covered up with our many layers we worked our way to the river and ended up by the ducks we’ve visited many times.

To our fortune, a man came with lots of bread to give the wildlife starting with the funniest moment of him throwing an entire loaf into the river for the seagulls to attack.

Your fearlessness continues to surprise me, not minding being close to the frantic flapping birds is great, it means we can get right up close to them.

Our lunch and staying away from the cold

It started to get even colder so we went to the restaurant I planned. There was no need for booking as it was one of the quietest days in River Town I’ve seen. I think families were more interested in staying cosy at home.

While we waited for the meal you joined us like an adult interacting and enjoying the moment of socialising. It was heart warming and the highlight of my day.

I’m unclear why but the restaurant had stacks of baskets near the tables so in a moment of silliness we played with them as hats.

Our lunch dates are really joyful and Olivia had been helping all day. Little things like pushing the buggy meant I could have more time giving you hugs.

Reluctant to go back outside I had dragged lunch on for a while and you expressed that you were ready for a rest so I bundled you into the buggy like we were going back outside for aimless wandering but instead after only a minute you had closed your eyes so I chose to stay inside where the restaurant’s ambiance would make a better backdrop than the ice cold air.

As our previous River Town days have concluded, the time after your nap becomes basically enough for a brief play, change, snack, kisses and then I drop you back with your mum.

Our time feels stubbornly only a lunch. When I’m outside at 4pm it hurts me to see families enjoying themselves still busy and making the most of the day while I have to hand you back like a punished dad only given limited time.

Plans for next week

Ahead of your overnight stays in a few months I’m going to start decorating your bedroom so you love it as much as your River Town bedroom. I’m planning time for us to organise things into your drawers and spaces so you know where your things are and feel comfortable overnight.

I’m counting down the days. Nothing will make a happier sleep than hearing your little snores next door and bringing you into my bed in the morning for warm snuggles before breakfast.

#childhoodMemories #coParenting #dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyLaw #familySeparation #fatherAndDaughter #fatherSRights #fatherhood #longDistanceParenting #overnightVisits #parentalAlienation #parenting #parentingAnxiety #parentingStruggles #weekendDad #winterActivities #winterWalks

An unnecessarily hostile start to the year

You’ve been away on holiday, hopefully enjoying yourself. I’ve been thinking about you every day. My mind is filled thinking about your cute mannerisms and the way you say things.

Me and Olivia make jokes using your sayings like the way you say ‘bigger one’ (referring to you asking for more mayo and ketchup) mimicking your voice. We also do things like point out dogs by calling them dee dees.

It’s been really hurtful thinking about you when we’re not together but now with the court order, I’m trying to be optimistic and make a success of it. I’m trying not to avoid thinking about you or bringing you up in conversation, instead I’m trying to celebrate you for the wonderful personality that you have.

The impossibility of agreeing on even the tiniest things

Recently I agreed to change our video call time to earlier because it would mean consistency for you having our call together after dinner and the time is ahead in Coldland.

I realised that I could be stuck on a train at that time, perhaps with patchy reception or unable to find a quiet environment. So I asked your mum if we could rearrange. I didn’t expect it to be an issue as our call would most likely only be a couple of minutes and I was essentially available at any time in the day.

Your mum decided to refuse. It was a reminder of the losing situation I’m in. I’m left with the choices of planning ahead and letting your mum know if something could affect plans or risk not providing a warning and being accused of being unreliable.

It’s been a week since our last call. You’re away abroad so I can’t see you and even with clear recommendations that our time should be regular. Your mum remorselessly finds every opportunity to cut the little that we have.

A frustrating start to the new year

New Year should bring revitalised energy and renewed drive to provide generosity to the world. In your mum’s and my case, it should be another reminder to focus on your wellbeing. I’m lost at the thought that she could be starting with the intention to continue to cause as much disruption as possible.

Trying to find optimism

I won’t lose hope that your mum’s aggression and hostility will ease with time but for now I guess I have to be realistic as well.

All going well, we’ll see each other on Tuesday during our next call and I’ll give you a big hug next Sunday. I can’t wait. I know you’re going to be lovely and chatty and your voice is the sweetest thing to my ears.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4Ics03xzUQ

#childWellbeing #coParenting #courtOrders #dad #dadLife #daughter #emotionalWellbeing #family #familyCourt #familyLaw #familyMediation #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #mindfulness #NewYearGoals #optimism #parentalAlienation #parenting #resilience

A warm weekend in October just before family court

It feels tense around sensitive days like the upcoming hearing. As your mum limits interactions, there are so many things that need to be sorted out but it’s hard to resolve anything, however basic, like collecting your high chair or carseat.

The weather forecast said it would be a surprisingly warm weekend, basically like summer. I wanted to do something nice with you like a picnic but your mum refuses to meet in the centre so it will be tricky within our time.

The main person who’s worse off because of your mum’s hostilities is you. There’s no reasonable perspective to explain why she should be so difficult to cooperate on little plans for the day.

Our sunny day

I tried to make the best of the day and planned to get to Zizzi’s for lunch which gave us enough time to look at a few shops and explore for a bit.

One of the estates in the area was open to the public so we had the chance to check out the grounds. The pretty gardens and enclosed green was perfect for a running monkey like you!

You’re becoming more independent, some of our day involved you walking slowly with your little legs. It’s going to be lovely when you’re older and we can go on treks and adventures. I’m sure you’ll be leaving me behind!

The day was straightforward. There’s limited room for planning more exciting things and you’re often unwell in some way or another so calm days seem best.

Our moo-full afternoon

After lunch, as usual, I take you for a stroll in your buggy where you promptly fall asleep. I walk with the aim of having some background momentum so you sleep better but sometimes it’s tiring to be honest. Today’s heat and busyness wasn’t great for walking around but the most important thing is you slept well.

While you were snoozing, I had walked up to the edge of the centre until I saw a few cows next to the canal. It was unusual and not something I’m used to seeing back at home in the Big City! I waited nearby expecting you to be waking up around this time and in perfect sync you shuffled awake with a herd of beautiful brown cows in your view.

At this point I had to prepare for getting back. 40 minutes could easily become more if you need something along the way.

It’s starting to feel like we really only have lunch. It’s hard to make happy memories when most of our time together is in a restaurant or just walking to and from the station.

In the future, let’s go for lunch and make it really special. Sunday lunches have been our time since you were a baby. It was forced on us but let’s embrace it and make it the special daddy daughter time it should be.

Court on Thursday

My mind is a blank as it has been so often in the last year. It’s impossible to ignore but too painful and stressful to allow to surface. I don’t know what to think about Thursday. Your mum has done everything possible to stop us from having a relationship and take you from me.

Impossible choices

When your mum took you I had the impossible choice of refusing and the huge problems that would’ve caused short term, or do as I did and work through the court process knowing that your mum had already planned out that the move would become the status quo and a family court wouldn’t force her to move.

I did what I thought would cause you the least distress but sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for me to take the alternative option which would have kept us together for the years ahead. This is the dilemma I will always live with.

Back in River Town in a few days

I’ll be back in River Town for 9am on Thursday to be told why I can’t have you overnight. Why I can’t give you a kiss goodnight. I’ll be told why you can’t go on holiday with me. You’ll be 3 years old and still unaccustomed to being with me overnight if I let your mum’s plans go ahead. I may have no option.

The system doesn’t care about the bond between a dad and daughter.

#apart #dad #dadLife #daddyDaughterTime #daughter #dayOut #family #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #parentalAlienation #parenting #sunnyDay #timeTogether #toddler #toddlerLife #withMyGirl

Jumping bean, a day in our neighbourhood

We played lots today. Being at home and in the neighbourhood is so simple but also my favourite.

I’ve been thinking about our time together all week. For lunch, I thought I’d give the Asian style tofu a go again, as you liked it last time when Olivia made us lunch.

Your mum dropped you off which, I was really happy about because we’d have as much of the 11-4 as possible. She was with a woman, I don’t know who and how well you know her. To avoid issues I don’t ask, I’m not able to even ask who you’re spending time with.

Together at home

You make your way inside with increasing familiarity, there are a still a few parts that you don’t remember like navigating inside the building, but once inside your home I’m pleased you know your way around and immediately roam like you’re the boss. This usually means exploring the balcony, an obsession equal during winter or summer! I make sure to wipe down the balcony so you can explore freely and not get too mucky from the dust and spiderwebs!

Once settled, I wanted to get a few bits from my bedroom so you followed me in and ran around to the curtains to play and hide. Your joyful face while you hide and I overreact to you revealing yourself is exactly what I thought being a dad would be like. Olivia joined in and we entertained your game, or perhaps you were entertaining our reactions.

We jumped about in bed including me helping you do a rolypoly. I remember when you were too delicate to hold leaning over and now you’re the one jumping wildly!

A local afternoon

After your nap we went to the coffee shop nearby, for a snack and babyccino. These little things are the weekend’s dream. Having fun in the warm weather and making the most of the local amenities.

Still with lots of energy I thought it would be best to go into the courtyard where the shade kept us safely away from the sun and minimal time would be lost travelling around.

Our last games of the day

A delivery box about your size became the last game of our day. It’s true what they say about fancy toys. Sometimes kids are more interested in the box than the toy.

Ahead of your mum collecting you, I went through the routine of ensuring you had a fresh nappy for the journey home, a good sip of water and was full of kisses.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BMtOdxWb3g4Xzl1BaG9pA?si=q2ro2ZQ2RW-dCC0gnPz0pg

#dad #dadLife #dadTime #daughter #family #familyCourt #father #fatherSRights #fatherhood #missYou #parenting #preciousMoments #timeTogether #timeWithDaddy #withYou

When our summer’s day is cancelled and melts away

Summer has arrived and the atmosphere has changed. People are excited to be outside socialising and it seems like every family is making the most of the warmth.

A heatwave was predicted to arrive for the weekend and I wanted to make the most out of the popular family area at Steel Space in City Square. The water fountains there are adored by kids.

I asked your mum where she would drop you off and pick you up. This way, I could organise and maximise our time by asking your grandma and Clive to meet us at City Square before handing you back to your mum at 4pm.

Last summer I had more time with you, but your mum has cut it back to 4pm. For many families their fun is barely starting while by 3:15 I’m having to get back towards the handover point.

Another disappointment

On Saturday your mum sent me a message to inform me you had had a rough night.

I’d spent the last couple of days making plans with family and working out the itinerary so I could keep you cool but also make the most of our time.

I went to various supermarkets to ensure I had lots of options for your lunch and afternoon snacks too. Watermelons were in high demand but I didn’t stop until I had one, so I could hydrate you with refreshing slices.

Stupid optimism

Yesterday, I went to a Elly’s BBQ who lives nearby. While I socialised, I had you on my mind and tried to be positive that you’d be better for our Sunday together.

Jenny baked a tasty cake so I asked her what she included, to make sure it was suitable for you, and brought some home for you to try.

The fridge was full of watermelon, I had all the ingredients ready for lunch and plenty of snacks. It was hard to sleep, I was eager to see you.

The dreaded message

I don’t know why I let myself get upset when I finally saw the message cancelling. I can’t even go up and visit you to look after you when you’re unwell.

The feeling of not seeing you arrests me. It took me hours to get myself together after trying to figure out how to fix this situation.

I know things will change somehow so I’m doing everything to make sure you will always have a happy welcoming home with me.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7vkCAgrDDv3AgRCXYJUUoD?si=a2c1cb2320aa45dd

I picked this song because it’s monotonous and repetitive. Just how this situation feels.

We’ll have our sunny days together

I’m fast losing the moments of having you run around naked in the sun, filled with joy and a huge smile – the one I love so much.

I’m thinking about our future, the next decade. We’ll have lots of lovely moments together. One day we’ll fall asleep in the park together. One day we’ll go camping together. I can’t wait. They will be some of my happiest moments in my life.

I’m sick and upset about losing so many precious moments, I hate it and just want to skip forward to when we can spend the day together and chat all day, without anything to worry us.

Please always know it wasn’t me not wanting to look after you when you were unwell. Your mum is doing everything she can to stop us having a relationship. I’m sorry everything is a mess.

I promise when you’re able to make the decision yourself, you’ll always have a home with me.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2dkIVglYeSeGEVfu0ttySn?si=LqSAEOM9Sse72q5woZ9L6A

#cancelledDay #dadBlog #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #familyDiary #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #missingYou #myGirl #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting #summerIsHere #withoutYou

Cherished time together after family court

After the court day, I’ve been in shock and struggling to make sense of what the rest of the year is going to be like. I can’t get excited about having you overnight and more of the same is what has been imposed on me.

Temporarily forgetting about problems

It’s hard to think about our time together without the disappointment, but your smell and beautiful face partly lets me forget about the problems while we’re together.

Today I picked you up from the station as usual, I had suncream to ensure I would protect your beautiful skin. I was keen to get back to our neighbourhood so we could make the most of the safe streets and play areas.

Your leggings were a little wet because you did a big wee which leaked slightly, so I took them off and it was the loveliest sight to see your legs out, I rarely see your skin apart from when I’m changing your nappy. I miss giving you a bath.

Funny little things you do

We chilled at home and played. Olivia bought you crayons which she also wrapped up. You’re such a lucky girl, getting presents all the time.

At home, I’m extremely happy to say that you know the rooms and the spaces and go about on your own. This is exactly what’s right. It’s your home, your space to enjoy and feel comfortable in.

For whatever reason you wanted to rearrange the pots kept on some shelves in the balcony. I love seeing you do your own thing.

Big girl lunch

You’re eating well and I think you’re more interested in proper food nowadays, so Olivia made us a tofu stir fry. A meal we have together regularly and I was pleased to share with you.

You didn’t like being in the high chair like usual, so you climbed out and sat with me, then went over to Olivia. Adorably, you fed her and your appetite seemed to grow with each bite. We’re lucky to have Olivia in our lives, she cares about you a lot and helped me cope during this horrendous year.

Home time, it’s hard.

Your mum asked me to drop you off at City Square station a few minutes earlier so she could get the train back. So at 3:25 it was already time to head back.

Even after a 40 minute nap you were tired from the day. It’s not right that you can’t stay overnight and be peaceful at home. I’ll keep trying to make it work, but I’m also desperate for the day when we can do more than just stay near home. I hate rushing back mid-afternoon, feeling hollow for the rest of the day without you.

Next time

7 more days till I see you again, all going well. I’m planning a picnic for us and to practice some rolypolies.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6gLziluLoYfPsu1Y2KKGNo?si=b695f0c6a318426f

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7m3NBBXwnMF3NeF1vbhVrL?si=8OFnMcY9SKSKu_n3K1otFQ

#dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #familyLife #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #missingYou #myGirl #parentalAlienation #parenting #raisingAGirl #toddler

Back in family court fighting for you

I’m on the train home after a momentous day. It’s mid-afternoon with beautiful blue skies and people are wearing their short sleeve shirts and summer dresses. Maybe some of them were smart enough to take the day off, for an extra long weekend.

Today’s hearing

This week has been horrendous and my experience of the family court process is that it feels completely haphazard and unpredictable, which fades away hope for a good outcome for us.

At the hearing, I was placed in a heartbreaking position. Now your mum has created the status quo of you living in River Town, it’s realistically impossible that the court would force her to return to the Big City or even establish a workable coparenting arrangement. The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to parent you equally, 50/50 time with both parents and all our love.

I’ve tried so hard to make sense out of her reasoning for all of this. I will never understand why she’s doing everything to stop us having a proper relationship. Why does she hate the idea of you getting a kiss from me goodnight?

Remaining problems

I had to focus the issues at the hearing on when we would have time together and start overnights. Otherwise, your mum clearly wouldn’t let it happen for a long time and be rigid and create obstacles. So I can’t leave it up to her to decide.

I overheard her barrister refusing to negotiate, it sounded like your mum had already made this a red line.

I also couldn’t leave arrangements about your birthday for your mum to decide on. I want to be able to give you a cake, to give you a birthday kiss…

At the hearing, your mum refused to agree that I could have you on your birthday. She’s heartless.

What’s happening next

Although I tried to be practical, your mum completely refused to agree to when I could have you overnight and about your birthday, so the court’s help is still needed to resolve those issues. A further date has been set for early October.

We’ve lost so much time already, but before completely slipping through my fingers, I will keep fighting for you and I’ll keep building a happy home you will always feel safe at. I promise sweetheart.

I hope you never doubt my love for you.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1ryI8w9IcBc0eLJ1MHklkJ?si=T-hjqtsfQeOByIp0mMj__w

#childrenSRights #custodyBattle #dad #dadBlog #dadDiary #dadLife #daughter #emotional #familyCourt #familyLife #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightingForYou #heartbreak #love #mentalHealth #missingYou #myBaby #myGirl #parentalAlienation

The torment of looming family court

This week started with the deadline for filing documents to the court. All weekend it’s all I thought about. The stress and uncertainty that the outcome may become a horrible legally enforced separation between us.

Your mum’s lies and accusations

Your mum has used random messages as evidence against me. She’s clutching at straws including making up that I take you around all day on public transport. She has no remorse and acts with total impunity. The sad fact is she can make up whatever she likes, it’ll just work against me and never be checked.

The reality is that since she took you away the day before my birthday, the week before Christmas, I’ve been too scared of losing time again. I’ve brought you home and avoided travelling in case she refuses to let us have time together, again.

Taking the solicitor and barrister’s advice

Everyone is telling me to concede, to present myself as the reasonable one. They’ve told me the courts won’t do anything to bring us back to the same city, or develop a suitable arrangement so I can coparent you.

I’m shattered and heartbroken. I will go to court to face lies. I’m devastated and the week hasn’t even finished, the event hasn’t even taken place.

The courts will reinforce the status quo, the status quo your mum calculated to separate us and make it impossible to care for you or even give you a kiss goodnight, without her getting in our way.

I don’t know what Friday will bring but it’s nearly here. We’ll be in the same city but I’m not allowed to go and see you at nursery.

Thinking ahead

In the future, something will change, I’m sure. Right now, this is the most pain I’ve ever experienced.

My dream is to give you a bath tonight, to put you to bed and listen to you sleep all night.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6UBSgILqh7FgaVNWoHfBlj?si=2d6f1e9468674951

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5vM8I3uTRSILgH9x7uw4vp?si=cTfqrOL-Rcmf_vWzv585NQ

#coparenting #custodyBattle #dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightingForYou #heartbreak #myGirl #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting #UKFamilyCourt #worthIt