Me: "I don't know. Probably I'm ADHD, not AuDHD."

Also me: owns 20 shirts in the exact same style but different colours.

Hmmm...

#ADHD #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic ?

If you’re wondering if it’s okay for you or your family members to stay in their room rather than join the festivities, here’s some of my thoughts on that: https://youtu.be/L6NxYEI-M3A?si=l6m8qhhS01BWY_TG

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Autistic #Neurodiversity #AutismAcceptance #Acceptance #Understanding

Happy Birthday to me, and Merry Christmas to you! 🎉🎂🎁🎅

This year, I feel more grateful than ever to have a wonderful wife and a fantastic family who not only offer kindness and support every day, but also accept me and love me just as I am ❤️

Wishing everyone the best for the festive season and beyond! 🎄

#happybirthday #merrychristmas #christmas #xmas #neurodivergent #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #adhd #anxiety

Lange habe ich nichts mehr von mir hören lassen, und ich kann auch noch nicht versprechen, dass sich das zuverlässig ändert.
Ich war 11 Wochen irgendwie unter einer Käseglocke auch psychiatrische Klinik genannt und das war extrem anstrengend.
Jetzt wieder in diesem „normalen“ Leben zu sein, ist anders wild.
Trotzdem, oder vielleicht auch gerade deshalb, freue ich mich darauf morgen nach Hamburg zu fahren und lauter liebe Menschen wiederzusehen.

#39c3 #depression #audhd

I just had a moment of Ad-free Boredom. for a full minute I was not thinking about banners or pop-ups or pre-rolls or sponsored segments or logos plastered on a t-shirt. like... damn, did I used to feel that sort of peace all the time? no _wonder_ I was better at managing my disability. holy shit. we are living in ADHD hell.

#adhd #audhd #anticapitalism

Fun (not-so fun) fact:

I can't play the piano (or any instrument in fact) and talk. At music college (yes, I was a professional musician) it was a source of great confusion from many other students. And I can understand it: I was the student who never fucking shut up, a result of me trying to people-please on one hand while simultaneously masking and feeding my AUDHD. But if I try to talk and play, my speech slows down... a lot.

I also used to get so tired that I lost the ability to speak. I'd just say gibberish, and get frustrated with what came out. I could type, I could write, but I couldn't SPEAK. This was especially frustrating when around my late sister, who was deaf, because while I could use sign language, my BSL wasn't up to snuff.

Today, half a world away, I know now that my extreme exhaustion and non-verbalness is a side-effect of #AuDHD. It gets worst on Thursday and Friday evenings, after a long week of work (Intense script editing on Thursday, filming on Thursday - where i have to be extroverted on camera - and video editing all day on Friday are extreme hyperfocus events).

Last week, I got so frustrated with myself filming TEN. I couldn't say the right words on the script, kept substituting or mispronouncing things, and instead of a one-take wonder, which happens sometimes, it was a metaphroical car crash.

I ended the week exhausted, and this week, I've been (largely) off work. But I've also been hyperfocused on a project or two at home that has seen my work space turn into a bomb site, me learn new programming stuff, figure out techniques to chain LEDs together for WLED installment in an art piece, and (while doing all of that) assemble a clip show (the little bit of work I've done).

Yesterday was particularly busy in my head, despite me not doing much out of the home. I was trying to compile software for a new ESP32 board I purchased, and didn't really understand what was going wrong. I also had to diagnose an air purifier that started misbehaving, and I was doing a lot of close-up work like soldering, 3D printing and modeling. Think high-reward, high-risk, and frustration when I had a few setbacks (leading to self-doubt and self-loathing).

I also made the mistake of hearing a news segment on #Epstein et al and their victims, and one woman who was among his "first". The story she told was eerily similar to my own #abuse story -- and how those in power are often able to convince law enforcement that there's nothing wrong.

Last night, I started having word problems. Badly. I was dead on my feet by 9:30 but didn't actually get to bed until 10:30pm. I woke up at 3, and couldn't sleep until 6, when I ended up having crazy vivid dreams. I woke up again at 7:45.

I am exhausted. And I'm struggling to speak. Turns out that my AuDHD can't tell the difference between hyperfocus: work and hyperfocus: play.

I've just... given myself AuDHD #burnout while on fucking holiday, y'all.

Physical activity - light physical activity - will hopefully help get the blood pumping, so here goes. Maybe I'll be able to speak properly after that.

I am also craving a weighted blanket and comfort food.

I heard someone refer to anxiety once as a “worry trap”, and I loved that. It just feels like a trap that you get into and you can’t get out of, because you don’t have that resolution. You don’t have that closed loop of being able to solve the problem.

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Anxiety