@actuallyadhd @autistics

I seem to have identified a bug in my systems.
No matter how much time (in hours not minutes) I give myself to wrap my head around prepping & even starting to prep for eventually going to be at or if possible before midnight, I somehow still end up not getting to bed till 02:00 give or take half an hour.

I can feel completely zonked all day or all evening due to short nights of sleep if I have to get up early. It makes no sense. I think I need to start using a metaphorical hammer & somehow persuade myself that the world won't end if I do that thing tomorrow or those things the day after.

It does seem to be because there's that one thing, out of many that's been hanging over me for days, weeks, months or longer & today was going to be the day. So it may be late but this maybe the only time I have a set of spoons the right shape or strong enough to deal with this task. It's now or never.

It can be a small complex task, revamping bullet journal templates in my more app, sorting out all the stages for a future batch cook or a long laborious one involving things I'm not keen on like clearing up cobwebs & bugs 😱 or unidentified spills, dirt & giant dust bunnies 🤢.

I've tried reminders, alarms. I've planned days where everything has all the time I need & more but inevitably this either leads to stagnation because I'm so out of spoons not helped by the side effects of lack of sleep. Alternatively, the ADHD trait of getting sidetracked comes along & nixes my timings & tasks.
I've tried getting up earlier which, unless I have an early enough appointment or planned activity with or for other people generally fail to launch on time or if I survived the important thing in the early hours, I'm then a zombie & spend more time just sitting, gathering dice / spoons by not doing anything.

I keep telling myself I'll figure it out & find a way but I'm not sure I'm wired to ever find a fix for getting myself to bed before midnight.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction #LackOfFocus #SelfCare #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems

@actuallyadhd @autistics

Random thoughts & feeling energised in a knackered sort of way. If I was less knackered & not aiming for the end of day wind down I'd get of my backside & do things.

If this foes turn into a solid bit of insomnia, maybe I should use it as it'll mean that I won't get nothing done tomorrow.

Hello insomnia, my old frenemy.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems

@actuallyadhd @autistics

Really need to get to bed before midnight tonight, or I turn into a gremlin or something 🤷.

I need to start reclaiming my mornings as it would be nice to get to about lunch time & actually have accomplished some thing. Just simple things maybe but things like a bit of house cleaning, going for a walk, some reading & maybe a little bit of writing & drawing.

Maybe it could boost my confidence & make it possible to volunteer somewhere, even if the local volunteering options are only charity shop work.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #MindFog #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #LackOfFocus #SelfCare #Depression #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems

All I've wanted for days of alternating too little and too much sleep was a normal night of about 8 hours. Well, my body delivered, it just decided to knock me out before even 7 PM cause I made the mistake of trying to stretch out my legs on the bed for a little bit while watching TV, so I woke up for good around 2:45ish this morning.

Even on a "good" sleeping night I find myself awake when nobody else is like 5 hours before school.

#insomnia #sleep #sleepproblems

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#sleep #anxiety #meditation #stressrelief #sleepproblems #guidedmeditation #selfregulation #mentalhealth #nighttimeanxiety #relaxation

Is it already something something the something morning?
Something something & I was enjoying my something something sleep, something something bloody something daylight something something mornings!
I'll something something frelling something them a something bloody something something morning!

#Life #SleepProblems #TissuePaperEyelids #WaferThinEyelids #DaylightOClock #SleepDeprivation

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Well, life with no schedule & no solid plans has hit a small bolder today.
I had a vague plan to finally give my Lineage OS a massive update (going through most of the rigmarole of installing fresh OS procedure 😰) & updating a laptop that's been neglected for several months & finally Linux-ifying my Surface that has been missing for many months (possibly a year or more).

The small bolder = my phone, thankfully, reminding me that today is library day, swap & renew books. Renew I could do online but swap means prep for peopling mode, get changed & step outside.

Today I started feeling fine but my lack of enough sleep soon caught up, so me & my brain just cringed & thought, "hell no!" to the reminder, but needs must.

I'm glad I managed to just get on with it rather than waste ½ - 1 hour trying to rejig a planned day. It meant I could just get on with it.

I'm back from the library & a quick look in the secondhand bookshop / cafe where I found two books to take home. Got back home, still feeling knackered but also feeling much better.

I doubt I've got the spoons to sort my phone but laptop is doable & if I've still got the time & mood to do it, maybe sort the Surface.

Oops! More than I was expecting to prattle 😅. Guess my autism is in a talky mood.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems #MindFog #Burnout #Spoons

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Today's plans got chucked in the bin last night.
First I messed up, then my guts kept me awake for 1½ hours. Still had a few things planned but I'll try & see if today can be used to begin weaning me off plans.
If in can wean myself off plans, maybe I can begin to learn to be a bit more spontaneous, or so goes the theory.

First, try wrapping my head around the 'be kind / gentle with yourself' mantra as I always fall into the trap of, '-but this needs doing, or I can quickly do this, & that & probably this thing!
Next thing I know, it's taken me 6 - 8 hours not including food breaks to get these three, quick & simple tasks done & I'm as relaxed as mouse in a trap, being stalked by a cat.

Here's hoping I can put a crack in that self-destructive cycle.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
#Depression #Sleep #SleepProblems

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Waking up & wondering why my bedside lamp is on & why my phone isn't next to it?
Especially as I remember putting phone next to it & switching the lamp off.
Hello, life stresses. What's happening now?

Also, why does my body default to 6 hours sleep? When it clearly needs more? And yet it won't let me install the Nap Time plugin I so desperately need.

Result: permanent dice / spoon deficit

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons

Last night I just-one-more-chaptered myself into staying up until 2:45am to finish the book. Having gotten less than 4 hours of sleep as a result, I now find that this was both a glorious choice and an abominable one.

Is it naptime yet?

#reading
#books
#ILoveBooks
#ImWithTheBanned
#SleepProblems
#ADHD
#DAVE
#DopamineAttentionVariabilityExecutivedysfunction
#IUseALotOfHashtags
#sleep