I still often feel guilty for taking the bus. So many years of partners and colleagues and such telling my to stop wasting money and being lazy, and bike instead. Or walk, it's just 5k there, and another back. And especially when the money was tight, that really did hit painfully. Not that money isn't tight now, but not as tight as it has been at times.

So, every few years I get a bike and try to use it to get to things. And eventually it just wears me out and I stop going. Because truth to be told, I hate it. Always have. it's uncomfortable physically, the traffic is too chaotic so it's overstimulating, so when biking, I just end up feeling miserable mentally and physically.

Recently, my bike broke. So instead of fixing it, which I don't know how to do to begin with, I got myself a bus pass. And I feel sucky about it. But like today, I had a bad night last night, slept late, was tired... If I didn't have the bus pass, I probably would've stayed home, instead of going to do something that turned out to be quite fun. I slept too late to walk there (I *do* like walking, but it's slow, even with my pace). If my bike was not broken, I don't think I still would've taken it, because I would've had to go through the city center, and I was feeling way too crappy for that to begin with. And if I didn't have the bus pass, I would've counted the pennies in my head and probably decided that it was too expensive to get a single ticket there and back. So I would've stayed home. I almost did even now.

Yes, the bus pass is expensive here, I don't even get any discounts for it. But it frees up so many spoons, from decision paralysis to the actual getting to places. I can hop on the bus whenever I want, I don't have to think I should bike or if I want to spend the single fare or whatnot. I even use it to go to the gym and swimming. Oh but you should bike there, biking is a health...thingy*, I hear you exclaim there to your screen. Schtum, not for me it isn't, I would run out of spoons and not go at all. That happened last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. And...

I don't know how long I can afford the bus pass, but for now I can. Now, how to get myself a free bus pass... Preferably for life!

#ActuallyAutistic #AutisticBurnout

*for those way too interested in this, the word I was looking for there was terveysteko

There is a direct correlation between how comfortable I am with you, and how many times I rewrite a simple text before hitting send.

#AutisticBurnout

I mean, I've misplaced stuff before, but today I tried to put my vacuum cleaner in the fridge...  

#AutisticBurnout

The Journey of a Glass Child: Embracing Uniqueness

https://dreamspacestudio.net/the-journey-of-a-glass-child-embracing-uniqueness/

At times in my life when the external requirements on me have conflicted with my internal needs or reality, the dissonance between those two has proved immense, painful, energy draining, and lonely. 1/2

#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticMasking

Here's a hard truth. Even when things were at their hardest — I was surviving. I was making it.

Not always well. Not in any way I liked. But I was doing it.

Which meant I could do it. Which meant I could keep doing it. 1/2

#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #Neurodiversity

This review of autistic burnout might be useful to people who experience it.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735825001369?via%3Dihub

#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse @autistics #AutisticBurnout #ActuallyAutistic

In #AutisticBurnout, your brain and nervous system are struggling to keep up with demands that were never reasonable to begin with. They've gone into self-protection mode.

Try to honor that.
Give yourself compassion. 1/2

The neurotype itself is rarely the hardest part.

The real danger hides in comorbid anxiety, depression, and burnout.

You mask your natural traits to navigate a neurotypical world. This constant performance wrecks your nervous system.

#AutisticBurnout

Hi, I’m Rook. I’m a 30-something nerdy #trans vixen.

I’ve been doing #WebDevelopment, #programming, and #database stuff since I was a kit, and I'm still loving it.

Currently, I am recovering from #AutisticBurnout and dealing with multiple #ChronicIllnesses.

Previously, I worked with complex #automation and #robotics systems in #HealthCare, doing a mix of #UserSupport, #SystemAdmin, and #DataAnalysis.

At home, I’m constantly tinkering with #SmartHome projects using #HomeAssistant, building my own #electronics, and battling my #3DPrinting hardware.

I also enjoy running around as a big, silly #fox in the #Furry fandom. #Fursuiter

I’m #ActuallyAutistic, #AuDHD, and #ADHD. I’m a proud #transgender member of the #LGBTQIA #queer community,

#introduction #reintroduction