Some time ago I made a post explaining how it took me a while to comprehend the term “non-binary”, but when I did start to understand it, I felt like it explained a few things about my own past.

…And then I just sort of left it at that.  

Well I figured tonight was as good a night as any to experiment with GhostBSD on my laptop really investigate the concept and what it means, by doing some reading on the subject and seeing what the enbies of fedi are talking about. And I’ve come to a conclusion: Teenage Johnny, if he knew about any of this, probably would’ve flown the demiboy flag.  

(But like, discreetly. Because teenage Johnny grew up in a small town among narrow-minded bigots.)

(Also teenage Johnny was around a couple decades before the term came into use, but we’re ignoring that detail.)

Middle-aged Johnny, on the other hand, is a bit more ambivalent about all this. There are times when it still kinda feels appropriate: Like sure I’m physically a man, and I’m quite fine with that. But I don’t necessarily feel like a man at a given moment, nor do I want to. And I’m not really sure whether these are enby feelings, or just generally feeling that gender norms are bullshit. (On that note: hot pink on black is a sweet colour combo, and the immediate family member who once tried to shame me for suggesting as much can shove it.)

On the other hand, these feelings aren’t so strong that I feel compelled to personally explore any of this. But I’m thinking I’ll follow a few more tags, as a means of casually comparing my experience with that of others.

Anyway, this dragged on for longer than I intended. Trans rights, and y’all have a great day.  

#Enby #Nonbinary #Demiboy #LGBTQ

Chose an outfit for today and listened to my feelings, discarded the first two choices. Seems that demiboy is the gender of the moment so ended up with a hoodie that's a bit fancier than your usual hoodies, but a hoodie nevertheless. I've never worn this for work but it seems crucial for the process of accepting the masculine part of my fluid gender. Certainly didn't expect gender euphoria but here we are!

#NonBinary #GenderQueer #GenderFluid #demiboy

Yesterday's therapy musings made me realize that there are parts of my gender that I haven't really accepted. The fluidity itself, but also two endpoints of a continuum. I mean my gender is more complex than a single continuum but this is an integral part of it. For one end, I've struggled with agender as the loss of gender feeling altogether is scary.

But maybe the most interesting is that I'm not comfortable with the other end, which is demiboy. There have been times when my gender feeling approximates masculine and demiboy is the best label for that. Not quite a man but near. I guess it's as if accepting I'm sometimes close to my AGAB means I'm not queer enough.

#NonBinary #GenderFluid #DemiBoy #agender