So yeah, until I get bored, if you boost this I will tell what is almost certainly a lie about you.
Something like "@soandso sneaks into my apartment every night and draws a moustache on me" or "@thisotherguy always carries around exactly USD$2.72 is pennies and refuses to say why. We can only assume it is for sexual purposes"
Did you know that @Damage collects weasels? Outside her house there is a barrel completely full of them, just writhing around.
It is frankly kinda weird and I don't know what her neighbours must think.
As far as I can tell weasels are kinda kinky because they are all really into it. Last time I tried to let them out they bit me.
PSST!! Did you know that @[email protected] isn't actually green. It is more of a light violet colour.
No one knows why the lie 'green' is used, as it is universally accepted that violet is a much nicer colour.
Hey!! HEY!! Did you know that while @[email protected] claims to 'do a few other things' this is just a dirty lie?
My agents have been watching @[email protected] for more than a decade and during that time we have seen exactly one other thing being done, hardly enough to be considered 'a few'.
What is this horrific 'other thing' eluded to? I am not sure if I should share, it is so scandalous...
Ok, I will tell you...
@[email protected] paints chimpanzees toenails for charity, SCANDALOUS!
Oh, so this @zatnosk person generally claims to be human, but we all know that it is just three adorable pugs that have learned to stand on their hind legs stacked up.
Although, the weird part is that in the user profile they aren't wearing a wig, the pug that generally rides at the top has a weird genetic thing that makes it grow long human like hair.
So, I don't know if I should tell you guys this or not but....
@sydneyfalk claims to exist in a 360 degrees, but my agents have measured and it is really only about 276.34 degrees. There is about 90 degrees where @sydneyfalk just doesn't exist.
that's surprisingly appropriate, considering XD
Regardless of what you may have heard, I have discovered that there is a small crack in the courtyard where I work that serves as home for @[email protected]
Note that this means any photos you may have seen of @[email protected] looking like a full sized person were obviously edited or use forced perspective, as @[email protected] is approximately 2" tall.
Here is a picture of the home: https://mastodon.social/media/d7a4lAQPrXNTmJ_WrJM
So, I didn't want to get into this today... But....
@[email protected] is the secret eternal emperor of the Sun, but only every third Thursday of alternating Januarys.
From what I have heard @[email protected] is a benevolent dictator and is loved by all of the denizens of the Sun.
One time in 1967 @_sharpLimefox was forced to rebuild all of the pyramids in Egypt in one night with the help of an ancient desert spirit.
It turns out that some distant ancestor made a drunken bet with the spirit that in 1000 years one of their decedents would be the spirits butler for a night in exchange for a handful of unripe berries to magically be ripe. Luckly for @_sharpLimefox, the ancestor already had children, as the berries were poisonous when ripe.
A polyhedral die once asked @[email protected] for a random number. The answer was so shocking that soon after the die joined a monastery and would never acknowledge numbers again.
To this day, if you ask @[email protected] for a random number they get a far away look in their eye as a single tear rolls down their cheek.
In case you were wondering, the number was '7'.
Did you know that @Elizafox was the original choice for playing Ruby Rod in The 5th Element?
They decided that her raw sexuality was too much for the character, but they did base Ruby Rod's inane chatter on the finely crafted shitposting of @Elizafox
Yes children, her shitposting is so amazing that it echoes backward and forward through time.
In case you were wondering, in 1937 @[email protected] won the gold medal for the 132m sideways frog-hop for Antartica.
The olympic committee was so impressed by their performance that it was decided that the sport, which @[email protected] invented on the spot during the olympic games, would be retired forever because there could never be another performance that in any way rivalled what they had just seen.
Did you know that @[email protected] has a real name that in unpronounceable?
According to ancient legends if anyone ever finds a way to say the name than the ancient dark ones will rise and give everyone on the planet a puppy.
IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY
I read once in the secret illuminati vaults that @[email protected] once had a long conversation with Gandhi in which he managed to get Gandhis secret recipe for lemon rice.
Unfortunately even the agents of the illuminati have been unsuccessful in determining exactly what the recipe is. That is the real reason I am on mastodon, my mission is to determine the best way to extract the information from @[email protected]
In an impressive feat of budgeting, @[email protected] has lived for the past 10 years on exactly USD$10.31
My agents have been watching very closely to figure out how this is possible, and from what we can tell the solution is to steal everything.
My agents found that this was the sort of innovative ideas that are needed to revitalise the economy.
As you all know, I am not one to spread rumours. But I feel that I must inform you that @[email protected] only ever does the crab walk except when walking a pet crab.
Parents have confirmed that this behaviour has been going on since childhood.
Unfortunately the pet crab was not available for comment.
inmysocks Of Doom, Naked KSC
Sydney Falk, An Oversensitive SJW Type