Another Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
Dispatches from Bluesky:
Pretty much every post I've seen upon remembering I have an account and logging in has been hot takes from nerds about threads, and I can get that here with tons of extra features and better shitposts.
Show threadAnother Angry Woman
bluesky doesn't even have *polls* to explore which large animal would be most damaged if one was to fart one's dick at it
Jul 7, 2023 at 9:42amWeb
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
which large animal would be most damaged if one was to fart one's dick off at it?
whale
20.6%
elephant
6.7%
giraffe
63%
other, please express in replies
9.7%
Poll ended at .
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
Updated dispatches from Bluesky: I posted the banger toot about farting dicks off and the only reply I got was a sincere explanation as to how to post polls, pure mastodon behaviour right there with none of the fun bits or edit button
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
Updated update: The polling on Bluesky is completely broken and requires using a special bot to create it lmao wow that's terminally broken
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
It's like bluesky don't even *care* what would happen to various animals if you farted your dick off at them
Show threadMichael KohneJul 7, 2023
@stavvers I'm getting the impression that Bluesky isn't really out of alpha testing yet.
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@mhkohne there's a certain charm to the jankiness, but it will never get the janky to good post ratio as here
Show threadSICK CUNT DRACONESJul 7, 2023
@stavvers i think a spider would take the most damage. difficult to hit but if your aim was good enough it would fucking explode. the best you could do to a giraffe is knock it over
Show threadSICK CUNT DRACONESJul 7, 2023
@stavvers you said large animal. im deleting my blog
Show threadAngela Glansbury 🚽Jul 7, 2023
@pisscotheque @stavvers
a spider is an animal
Show threadSICK CUNT DRACONESJul 7, 2023
@floppyplopper @stavvers but it's not large plopper it's not large. unless you compared it to something even smaller like a dust mite or tardigrade but that sort of pedantry does not feel in keeping with the spirit of the enquiry
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@pisscotheque to be fair, it could be like that big spider in lord of the rings, I bet sam could have killed it by farting his dick off at her. quality toots nonetheless.
Show threadSICK CUNT DRACONESJul 7, 2023
@stavvers i think a shelob's pride would be woefully injured by being struck by a farted off dick. perhaps badly enough for it to die. it's a very serious animal that wouldn't have a healthy reaction to being disrespected like that
Show threadWilson "Beans Clock" ScraddockJul 7, 2023
@stavvers if you had good aim you could block a whale's blowhole
Show threadBrynJul 7, 2023
@beanclock @stavvers It would have to be a really lucky shot, like if the whale was breaching, and had rotated on its side in the air. One in a billion shot, though.
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@bryn @beanclock Luke Skywalker could do it
Show threadWilson "Beans Clock" ScraddockJul 7, 2023
@stavvers @bryn "let's blow this thing and go home kid"
Show threadAlexandra LanesJul 7, 2023
@stavvers @bryn @beanclock He could bullseye a womp rat.
Show threadTirialJul 7, 2023
@stavvers If the fart was so powerful that the dick was traveling at relativistic speeds, I think the explosion would destroy all animals within the blast radius.
Show threadCharlie StrossJul 7, 2023

@Tirial @stavvers Relativistic dickfarts will likely affect the launchperineum like a SpaceX superheavy test in a Texan nature reserve. Also, at relativistic speeds it's going to compress the air in front of it so much in the first millimetre or two that it'll induce fusion reactions between oxygen and nitrogen nuclei, never mind hydrogen (according to XKCD, who Know These Things).

Could be new underwear time!

Show threadSpartyGirlJul 7, 2023
@cstross @Tirial @stavvers Let me just say underwear technology advances and NASA space research are highly correlated.
Show threadBrandon FergusonJul 7, 2023
@cstross @Tirial @stavvers "launchperineum" will be the funniest word I hear for at least a week. 😂
Show threadAndy PriceJul 7, 2023
@stavvers Giant squid
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@andyprice I feel like the squid would 100% absorb the dick and bounce it back to your face
Show threadAndy PriceJul 7, 2023
@stavvers Perhaps we're imagining different magnitudes of ballistic propulsion here
Show threadChristine SchuhmannJul 7, 2023
@stavvers Someone said Sunfish and I agree.
Show threadeena meena meJul 7, 2023
@stavvers whale: farts smell so much worse when wet.
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@meena a very very intriguing point
Show threadIan TindaleJul 7, 2023
@stavvers I could almost certainly cause the expiry of for example an ant if I just whacked my dick onto it, which when you think about it must be a rather humiliating way to go if you’re an ant
Show threadIan TindaleJul 7, 2023
@stavvers maybe that’s how the earth dies – not through entropy or heat death or climate change or nuclear war, but having a dick whacked onto it
Show threadIan TindaleJul 7, 2023
@stavvers That must be what I presume the follow-up sequel that comes after “Don’t Look Up” must be about
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@u0421793 "Look Down At Your Apocalyptic Dick"
Show threadIan TindaleJul 7, 2023
@stavvers see, I don’t think this kind of academic and analytical discourse would work over on Threads™
Show threadmartynpieJul 7, 2023
@stavvers I think the giraffe. As a proud, yet elegant beast it would be at risk of dying from embarrassment.
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@martynpie this is a marvellously compelling case.
Show thread⁂ Fish Id WardrobeJul 7, 2023
@stavvers Please *express* in replies? I see what you did there
Show thread💀andrzej💀Jul 7, 2023
@stavvers one of those massive jellyfish
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@ajswritesthings high risk of your dick bouncing back and hitting you in the face imo
Show thread💀andrzej💀Jul 7, 2023
@stavvers but if you penetrate it will keep working its way through the jelly doing cumulative damage over the years — high risk high reward I guess
Show threadJenkinsJul 7, 2023
@stavvers am I farting towards the animal or is my fart-powered dick heading towards the animal? Also, what are the weather conditions, specifically wind (the meteorological version) direction and speed? Cross-winds require all sorts of recalculations.
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@daijenkins the dick is heading towards the animal, and of course one must account for friction in water if the dick is aimed at the whale.
Show threadJenkinsJul 7, 2023
@stavvers Ta. I'm going for the giraffe with a long slender neck that must be vulnerable to fart launched dick attack. My aim would need to be true though.
Show threadGeorge PotterJul 7, 2023
@stavvers assuming we're talking a fairly low speed impact, I think we're looking at a cheetah or some other apex feline as being the most injured. The physical harm wouldn't be significant but can you *imagine* the emotional harm to a cat's dignity from being hit in the face by a farted dick?
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@georgepotter high risk of it then swatting the fuck out of the dick with its massive paws and eating the thing while making full eye contact
Show threadGeorge PotterJul 7, 2023
@stavvers frankly that's the only move available for it to regain dignified authority over the situation
Show threadRuby JonesJul 7, 2023
@stavvers elephant, because I am given to understand they startle easy.
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@RubyJones I believe the elephant would simply hand your dick back to you with a disappointed, reproachful explanation, and tell all the other elephants you're a dick-farting weirdo.
Show threadRuby JonesJul 7, 2023
@stavvers your faith in elephantine clarity of mind exceeds mine.
Show threadThe TurtleJul 7, 2023
@stavvers TRUMP FARTED ON MY DICK
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@the_turtle TRUMP TRUMPED, surely
Show threadDJDarrenJul 7, 2023

@stavvers Whale, obv.

They can hold their breath for a long time, can whales, but the sheer volume of air created by farting your dick off at one will cause it’s lungs to explode.

Show threadIan TindaleJul 7, 2023
@stavvers also, the precise logistics of farting a dick off kind of imply that there’s a biological future unreleased feature that involves being able to queef out of a dick, and really that makes so much more sense than the present version, bearing in mind sharts and the untrustworthiness of farts in general as one gets older – queefing through the dick is just so much more sensible
Show threadCottagecore Torment NexusJul 7, 2023
@stavvers feel like a lot of people who voted for a tall animal (giraffe, elephant) have been quite optimistic about the *trajectory* of a farted off dick. or are ready to see somebody lose a lot of blood
Show threadCallistoJul 7, 2023
@stavvers Wait, whose dick are we farting off at these animals? Do we get to choose? Does the person/animal whose dick it is, have to agree?
Show threadJonathan PerryJul 7, 2023
@stavvers What must I eat to produce these explosive farts, and where can I buy it? For my … experiments
Show threaddonkey herder, fowl friendJul 7, 2023
@stavvers duuuude, I just think the large animal hurt worst in the dick explosion is gonna be the former dick-haver. There’s a lot of blood vessels down there! And what happens to the testicles, are those like scattershot?
Show threadMarcin S-J Jul 7, 2023
@stavvers
I saw this today, can't be a coincidence
Show threadStatusSquatter  🍫Jul 7, 2023
@manualcookie @stavvers 😍🥰❤️
Show threadAnother Angry WomanJul 7, 2023
@manualcookie this explains FULLY why elephants came dead last