After about 50-60 text messages with J things always go south. I had a good day but now I'm way up in SUDS with sadness + depression and #SuicidalIdeation is up too, but not unmanageable. Tooks a bunch of meds and going to bed

#goodNight

From the time I was about 11, I understood that both religious traditions condemned me as evil and broken.
I spent much of yesterday in anguish, and I’d like to tell you why.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/this-depraved-disordered-queer-f-word-shed-tears-of-anguish-yesterday-06fc3c77adb2?sk=89a9fb6b6f7f78e109eb5d0a7404a659

#LGBTQ #Gay #Queer #PersonalStory #SuicidalIdeation

Promptober 2025 Day 20: Claw Marks

Using thepromptfoundry’s Ominous October list.

Slip is a Chicago Spirit OC who belongs to diristine and clefrot. David is mine, some kind of god/horror/thing who belongs to Ira’s crew.

CWs for drowning, choking, mind/body/something-control, mindfuck, suicidal ideation, hubris

***

Slip realizes he might be in over his head about the time the claws start sinking through the back of his neck into his hindbrain.

David’s grip is crushing—David? his frantic brain flits to, who names a nightmare god ‘David?’—and Slip feels his whole body losing its ability to coordinate itself under the pressure. His knees buckle, dropping him slowly to the floor.

Oh. He might die here, actually.

“After all, Filip,” David’s voice murmurs, “isn’t that the real reason your lungs fill with water when you work magic?” Slip hears that like it’s coming from his own chest, echoing through his bones. “Wasn’t there a moment when the water poured into you, when you felt it pouring into your men, and you were so very much one with them? Hovering with them in the liminal moment between life and death?”

Slip’s breath hitches in his chest. No.

But. But yes. The memory comes back to him, the swirling blue-white at the surface of the water as he sank into the depths. The vibration of the water as they tried to shout for help, with no air to shout into. The sensation of it sweeping down into his lungs, the sensation of the water not just surrounding him but becoming him. He’d become it, as his consciousness had diffused into that world, and he’d flooded into them, and they’d gone down together—

His magic stirs. He stirs it, or the claws puncturing his mind do, and he can’t tell the difference. The water begins to pour into his lungs, and it tastes like life and death, and when he tries to cough it out, it shoves upward, into his sinuses, and then back down, leaving him choking and gasping for air like he had that night, like they all had even as he’d coveted every space inside them.

“Didn’t it feel so terrifying, so good? You were like a god in that moment. ” Slip’s body reverberates like he’d spoken the words himself around this growing column of water that’s fucking his trachea. He moans and it dribbles from his nose. “The moment you seek again now out of fear and hubris, each time your magic begins to pour through you.”

He claws at his own throat. He can’t breathe. He doesn’t want to, if it means he has to let the magic go. It’s running wild now, and he can’t tell if he’s calling it or if David is, somehow, but he can feel the tides seething through him, he can feel the Moon, is it even possible to die when he’s not a human body at all, he’s a force, a substance, thrumming invisible in the air and plunging into these lungs—

His lungs convulse, grabbing desperately for any tiny gulps of air he can, and informs him very clearly that yes, he absolutely can.

#bodyHorror #chicagoSpirit #choking #drowning #eldritchHorror #horror #hubris #mindfuck #monsterfuck #myFanfiction #myFiction #nsfw #objectPenetration #suicidalIdeation

Donna's Discussions Episode 26 - I'm Crashing Part 2

https://makertube.net/w/h9NrFCANU5JyH5BoYK3Zz1

Oklahoma trans woman fired over Charlie Kirk comments was nearly driven to suicide

https://fed.brid.gy/r/https://www.advocate.com/news/oklahoma-trans-woman-fired-over-charlie-kirk-comments

My bipolar neighbor just knocked on my door and asked me to call 911 for her again.
She's done this 3 or 4 times before, when she was off her meds and mostly feeling physically awful. This time she was *on* her meds; and having auditory & visual hallucinations, plus suicidal ideation (apparently she was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia, as well as the BPD). She had some real depressive affect going on, too: like talking and moving, and even to some extent seeing and hearing, were an almost insurmountable effort.
I'm not sure why she asks me to call 911 instead of calling them herself. She's always said her phone was dead or lost or something, so maybe it's just that. Maybe some it's to borrow some white privilege: she's just the kind of middle-aged Black woman that bigots love to discount, & I look and speak like the dictionary definition of a "Karen." Maybe she just wants another human to be with her when she's feeling alone and confused and scared.
Anyway, I can't do an awful lot of good in the world these days; but I can lend someone my phone and then sit with her for however long it takes for the paramedics to show up so I can make sure they're taking her seriously.

Which I did. It was actually a cop that showed up; but he was just there as kind of a "placeholder" because it was going to take the paramedics about 30 mins to get here. He was also someone my neighbor knew and felt comfortable with, so I felt okay leaving her with him. (I would have stayed anyway; but I'm having pretty bad diarrhea today, & that's not very conducive to hanging out in the apartment lobby.)
So she'll be heading off to the Big Fancy University Hospital downtown, not just one of the local "satellite" hospitals. And I'm back home, doing whatever it is that I normally do, and really hoping she's going to be okay.

#Neighbors
#MentalIllness
#Bipolar
#BPD
#Schizophrenia
#SuicidalIdeation
#FirstResponders
#JoinIn (not sure about this hashtag, but this is pretty much What I Did Today)

Does anyone else have experience with Quetiapine / Seroquel causing a massive increase in suicidal ideation?

Like I've been getting really bad, like praying for death and fantasizing about ending it all.

I've stopped taking it which means I only got about three hours of sleep last night since it was prescribed for insomnia. It was great for insomnia but the other part is untenable if related. I was also losing the ability to carry on a coherent conversation and was constantly on the verge of a crying fit.

I hope it's the meds.

#Seroquel #Quetiapine #Insomnia #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts

Donnas-Discussions-Episode 24 - How Canceled Appointments affect Me

https://makertube.net/w/jmYPJNCUgm8UpRmoMPiZ5F