I remember feeling kind of smug when the COVID lockdowns started happening because I've led a very solitary life, even in childhood. It really wasn't that much of a change.
I can recall ten years or so when I was laid off from my longest-held job position and I was coming to terms with it all drawing to a close. I sometimes wouldn't step foot out of our home for days at a time.
So years after that, when the pandemic hit shortly after I began seeing my partner, we hunkered down and just rolled with it.
The problem now is all those people I looked at judgmentally for going into hysterics because they weren't able to get their hair cut or go out clubbing during a deadly pandemic, have adjusted back to a culture of interacting with other people, and we.. haven't.
It doesn't help that we're perpetually broke, only avoiding homelessness thanks to the incredible generosity of our friends here.
It's difficult to justify painting the town red when your bank account is only in the black thanks to charity.
I think (at least in my case) it's primarily due to not having a reasonable baseline with which to return.
Even before the pandemic, I've lived next door to neighbors for literally *years* without conversing beyond "hello" or "excuse me" if we happen to be passing.
In more than six years, my partner have had guests over a total of 2 (two) times, during a total duration of roughly 4 (four) hours.
We never go anywhere.
We never do anything.
I'm not exaggerating.
I don't think this is just typical introversion. We live within an hours' drive of the vast majority of both our families, but we see them maybe twice a year.
We're not religious (I'm basically full-blown atheist) so church-going is not a plausible option. I've visited UU services a handful of times many years ago, but I could never feel very passionate about it.
Anyway.. I want to become more socialized, but I'm not sure I remember how, because I'm not sure I ever really learned.
It's like we both need to be trained on how to reintegrate into society, and to break a few of our hermit-tendencies.
#MentalHealth #Isolation #MentalIllness #Depression