@actuallyadhd @autistics

Ever had one of those days where, it's been so frelling long that you've forgotten what it's like to not be in burnout but you're also just mad at everything because there's no way out of burnout?

No official diagnosis & your GP threw out the preliminary test that said you're a good candidate for autism that you got years ago. The waiting list is impossibly long so by the time you:
1) Pluck up the dice / spoons to face the GP (I'm still working on it 😣)...
2) Get an appointment & (by a miracle) maybe still have the dice / spoons...
3) Actually persuade the GP an AuDHD diagnosis is what you need...
4) Jump through whatever hoops to get the preliminaries sorted...
5) Get the green light for getting a diagnosis...

... You'll be waiting so long, you won't need it anymore as you're too old to work & are on minimum pension.

My messed up bodyclock doesn't help either.

Oh, it's you Depression... 😫... Just what I need 😡😩.

I hate it when I give myself reality checks 😔.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#MindFog #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
#SelfCare #Depression
#Life #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems

@actuallyadhd @autistics

Weird, or just because of the state of the world.
Looking at you, Fart stain (trump) & you Nastyyahoo (Netinyahu(?)) In particular. Putler's (Putin's) lackies, doing his dirty work? 🤷

Woke up because of bad dream that would definitely fit in with the kind of horror movies involving the supernatural & hauntings. I don't remember much apart from the most horrendous outcome, resulting in the house, or people being haunted by a screaming baby that's completely unrecognisable because it's just this black shape, burned completely.
That's probably the bit that woke me up.

Checked the time (07:30) & tried to get back to sleep... Must have drifted as I found myself with the same people being forced to go different ways one North, the other South & a long way away from their home. They split up to wait for, I assume their respective transport.
Dream cuts to the inhuman screaming from previous dream & I'm back at the place that's now haunted by this ghost or entity of this burned baby. It's pitch black but when the ghost shows up I can still see it's shiny black form that looks like it's become more demon with more bulk & fat folds than any baby would have.
That's my cue & I'm awake. It's 08:00.

I felt awake but my eyes were & at 09:00 (now) still are, "nope, not ready."

This timeline is gross.
Why are people who have rap sheets a mile long & growing day by day in charge of entire countries, with other countries (🙄SOME other countries), mine included 🫣🤬, more or less going, "yes sir ,no sir, three bags full." for these criminals who should have been jailed years ago?!

Sorry for spreading more negativity but I needed it out & shouting at a wall or a door wasn't going to cut it.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #Depression #SleepProblems
#Greed #PoliticalCorruption #CriminalsInPower #MassMurderers
#RapistsInPower #PedophilesInPower #ChildMurderersInPower
#EpicFails #Enshittification

Dear Old Git Time,

Please rewind, hold your horses, slow down, chill, take a break, hit pause, back it up, go back a bit, and a bit more, give me a chance, calm down dear, for the love of sanity STOP!

Yours Sincerely,
Tired of Always Losing Huge Chunks of My Day

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons

@actuallyadhd @autistics

Was going to keep today a Do Stuff day so I could zombie my way through that (recovering from being up several hours earlier than I'm used to & having to people & adult most of yesterday) so I can actually enjoy my duvet day tomorrow.

Enter fly in the ointment.
Tomorrow is more going out & peopling 😱. Then next weekend Saturday is more peopling & being social at friends' (shared) birthday.
Problem with this picture, Saturdays & Mondays are usually duvet days.

One positive is, I've already tackled today's adulting, phoning my Mam so hopefully she won't phone me later today 🤞.

Can I book my 12 month cryostasis treatment now!?
No, I'm not asking for a friend.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
#SelfCare #Life

@actuallyadhd @autistics

My getting up has slipped into the afternoons & I'm not happy about it.
Especially as in a few days I'll have to be up before 07:00 to be able to spend the day on an outing with friends. 🫣

Stricter morning routine?
- Alarm goes, switch on radio or preselected podcast instead of noticing the Mastodon notifications so I don't vanish down a 40+ notification hole?
🤔 … 🤔 In theory very easy to do, in practice very difficult to stick to, as my AuDHD screams for comfort from not being ready to face the day.

- Swap chores around with things I enjoy, want to get stuck into?
My big worry is that once I start the thing I want to do I will ignore all cues for stopping & doing the 'must do' tasks.

One possible fix for ignoring cues, is have lunch be the cut off point as I, like a lot of critters can be greatly motivated by food.
Current problem, lunch is around 18:00 give or take an hour & as I'm painfully aware of it being evening my brain & body default to evening mode, time to read or ideally, relax so those 'must do' tasks have pretty much a zero chance of happening.

I guess, I might be spending some time working this one out this afternoon / evening. I don't mind spending my evenings messing with dilemmas like this, as long as I can shove a movie I enjoy on whilst I'm doing it 🙂.
… That's if I remember 😅.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic
#Hyperfocus #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction
#MindFog #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #LackOfFocus #SelfCare

Clean sheets and that's the best I can do today.

#NoSpoons

@actuallyadhd @autistics
I keep forgetting that even good being social knocks me so far sideways that all I've managed is a bit of washing up & hanging washing.
Whilst I loaded & started the washing around midday, it was something after 18:00 before I even got anything else done.

Just about managed feeding myself, even though I was hungry for tea I had zero idea or enthusiasm for cooking. Plan A failed as I didn't have any mixed veg in the freezer to go with whatever tinned thing I picked.
Plan B just about made it.

🎶 Hello AuDHD,
it's nice to talk with you ag-
…

OK! Come back here! …

My plans for getting a decent start on decorations flunked & has not returned.
Just finished tea 'bout half an hour ago & it's already pretty much supper time, if I want a chance of waking up early enough & feeling remotely productive tomorrow, that is.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #SelfCare #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction

I have to ask the fediverse this question... why do people insist on directly tagging random strangers to ask for assistance especially if their bio specifically says to not directly message but will boost posts and is not in a position to give money? I mean I always feel guilty when people ask me directly and I can't provide and I have plenty of mental health issues that I am working on...

#NoSpoons #EmptyCup #EmotionallyDrained

@actuallyautistic

@actuallyadhd @autistics

I really wish my Mam wasn't such a technophobe. Doubly annoying that she lives so far away & triply so that she doesn't ask one of her more tech savvy friend's to help her get to grips with her phone.

The flip side is that she's the only person who phones me so I have no way to verify if all the phone call woes are her accidentally triggering things by touching buttons or things on screen (I can imagine her holding the phone slightly away from her ear so the in-call screen is displayed) & putting herself on mute or me on hold.

Is it her or has my phone, network or the Lineage OS developed problems?

After today's particularly Mute & Hold heavy call, or calls - I'd have to hang up & phone her again & again to get back to having a conversation instead of hearing nothing or being on hold - I hope she will take my strong suggestion of asking one, or some of her friends to help her.

I was hoping she would be coming over for xmas or new year's, giving me a chance to check her phone, maybe minimize google spying & if I can figure out how to be patient enough show her how to use her phone whilst knowing she won't remember or will struggle to remember.
I'd also have to hope I can still fathom how phones running android OS work as it's been several years.

I don't have the spoons to go visit her & with the festively terrible (non-existant) public transport between hers & the nearest hotel ensuring my spoon tank is permanently empty for the duration so it's probably not a good idea.
Last year I left her's on xmas day just before we were going to have dinner. Walking back to the hotel in tears & having snacks instead of a good meal. I do not recommend as it's probably my worst xmas & would not like a repeat. 😔😢😞.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #SelfCare #Technophobia #TechEducation #TechFails #EpicTechFails #Enshittification