Kind or Clueless? Can we play together or not?
Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta
People mean well, they really do.
But, let me say generic small talk has got to go.
It’s annoying and cringe-worthy. And I wish people would just stop being so clueless.
“Hope you are well.” This is usually sent in emails and it irks the hell out of me. Why wouldn’t you be well? It’s boring and reeks of autopilot A.I. Have you ever answered someone who says “Hope you are well?” honestly? The last few times I did, I wrote back, “Yes, I’m doing great! Saw one of my favorite bands recently.” And I added, “And how are you doing?” The person seemed to have wanted to start a conversation by saying “Hope you are well.” But they showed their true colors by not responding to me, not even to let me know how they are doing. What does this say? Phony is the first thing that comes to mind.
That dated email banter has to stop. If you are sincere in wanting to know about someone, ask more specific questions — about their career, their pets, their hobbies. Your generic email is effortless.
Is this how you want to be viewed? As a bore? Then go ahead, keep typing “hope you are well” but don’t expect an answer to your email.
2. “Any big plans for the weekend?” I’m living the creative dream. I have no two days alike. For real! There is no routine in my life at all. I can get up as early as 5 a.m. or sleep to 8 on any given day — including weekends. As a journalist I might be covering a story on the weekend, but hitting the beach on a Tuesday. There is no rhyme or reason to my life.
For those of us who love our careers, we don’t live for vacations or weekends, we just live! Lucky us!
(As a side note, in my much younger days I worked for four years full time for a musical instrument store. My hours were 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. with Sundays and Wednesdays off. That was truly a dream life. People think not having a full weekend off was bad, but Saturdays went so fast; I still went out Friday nights, had Sundays off, then my Tuesday nights were like a Friday night all over again. That gig prepared me for my future dream career! It’s always great having time off when hardly anyone else is off!)
Anyway, I recently saw an interview with actress/artist Eve Plumb, talking about how she’d rather work than go on a vacation. I agree wholeheartedly! I just love what I do. And at the end of the day, there’s no better place I’d love to be than in my husband’s arms — it doesn’t matter where we are.
Mind you, I do have great weekends when I can fit them in my schedule. But I don’t wait for the weekends to have fun. My life is fun. And, let’s face it, nothing beats taking a random day off when no one else is off — less crowds, less traffic, cooler memories.
Know your audience. We’re not all working for the weekends, most of the time it’s the week days that work for us!
3. What can’t you do? It was once called “branding.” Now it’s called multi-hyphenate. It means generating income from multiple sources. I’m so glad it’s a thing because you’re always evolving and learning. Doctors attend conferences to learn more about their trade. David Bowie was a musician, actor, artist. So many people have multi-hyphenate careers.
I started out as a journalist. But that wasn’t enough. I wanted to be a ghostwriter too. Then after helping so many others write their books, I wrote six of my own. Then I became a public speaker. Then a relationship coach. I do all these things and it’s awesome!
Now suppose you meet someone who is happy being a housewife. They may say, “What can’t you do?” when they learn all you’re involved in.
How are you supposed to answer that?
Are you supposed to run down a list of things you really can’t do?
I can’t sing. I’m not the best housekeeper. I’m a nervous driver. I can’t memorize scripts.
Is self-depreciation the answer to the question?
Or do you just smile, which can be interpreted as arrogant?
Don’t put people on the spot like that. It’s not kind.
NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE — I am not alone!
Validation. When I write an opinion piece such as this, I like to do a brief Google search and see if others are complaining about the same things I am.
It seems that each of these three things bother other people too.
It’s not all in my head. These things are not cool to say to others.
If you don’t say them, you’re ahead of the game.
If you do, don’t take this personally. It’s easy to up your game and figure out better ways to begin emails, to start conversation, or to tell someone they are amazing without appearing catty or unkind.
Life isn’t living unless you’re challenging yourself. How about it? Today!
#badEmails #blog #fun #goodCommunicationSkills #happiness #howToWriteAGoodEmail #inspiration #life #love #manners #mannersInTheModernWorld #mentalHealth #motivation #politeness #talent #vent #writing
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