Chinyere Okoli-AzzalarabWhy Some People Expect a Red Carpet After Starting a House Fire
Hey friends, Tina here. Pull up a chair, grab a beverage of choice (mine is currently a coffee that’s 40% caffeine and 60% “don’t talk to me yet”), and let’s have a real-time heart-to-heart about something that’s been living rent-free in my brain lately.
I saw a quote recently that basically read my entire life for filth. It said: “The audacity they had after the betrayal is what hurt the most because it showed they never felt remorse, only entitlement.”
Can we just sit with that for a second? Let it marinate? Because I don’t know about you, but I have met some people who have more “audacity” than a cat that just knocked over an expensive vase and then looks at you like you should be the one apologizing for where you placed it.
Recognizing Toxic Audacity and Entitlement
You know the type. These are the people who will set your metaphorical house on fire, watch you stand on the sidewalk in your pajamas holding a singed toaster, and then have the absolute nerve to ask, “Hey, so… since you’re not using the kitchen right now, can I borrow five bucks for lunch?”
It’s the lack of accountability that’s the kicker. When someone betrays your trust—whether it’s a friend who gossiped behind your back, a partner who wasn’t where they said they were, or a family member who crossed a line for the thousandth time—you expect a certain level of, I don’t know, humanity? You expect a “holy crap, I messed up, how can I fix this?”
Welcome to the Entitlement Tour
But instead, you get the Entitlement Tour.
They watch you processing the damage. They see the bags under your eyes. They see you pulling away to protect your peace. And instead of saying “I’m sorry,” they get offended. They act like your new boundaries are a personal insult to their character.
“Oh, so we’re just not talking now? Wow, Tina, I didn’t know you were so dramatic.”
Sir/Ma’am, I am not being dramatic. I am being unavailable for further participation in this circus. There is a difference!
When Setting Boundaries Offends Them
I’ve learned the hard way that when someone gets angry at your boundaries, it’s usually because they were benefiting from you not having any.
It’s a specific kind of psychological gymnastics. If they act like the victim of your “coldness,” they don’t have to face the fact that they were the villain of the initial story. It’s a total “uno reverse” card on your emotions.
If you’ve ever felt like you were the one apologizing for being hurt, honey, you’ve been “Audacity-ed.” It’s a tax we pay for being too “graceful” for too long. People start to think your grace is a permanent subscription service they don’t have to pay for with basic respect.
The Psychological Gymnastics of a Betrayal
Honestly, at this point in my life, I have to laugh. Because the sheer confidence it takes to hurt someone and then expect “access, grace, and silence” is almost impressive. It’s like breaking someone’s window and then getting mad that they put up bars to keep you out.
I’ve reached a stage where I don’t argue anymore. If you show me that your disrespect wasn’t an accident—that it was actually a choice you’re unwilling to own—I’m not going to give you a lecture. I’m just going to give you the gift of my absence.
Giving the Deluxe Gift of Your Absence
And let me tell you, my absence is deluxe. It’s quiet, it’s peaceful, and it doesn’t come with a “please hurt me again” coupon.
If you’re going through this right now—if you’re feeling “mean” for saying no, or “harsh” for cutting off someone who didn’t value you—remember this: Your boundaries are not a punishment for them; they are a protection for you.
If they wanted access to the inner circle, they should have been a better guardian of that privilege. You aren’t a revolving door, and you certainly aren’t a punching bag that says “Thank you, may I have another?”
So, here’s to us. Here’s to the ones who are finally taxing the audacity and closing the gates. It might be lonely for a minute, but the air is a whole lot cleaner out here.
#accountability #dealingWithAudacity #entitlement #lackOfAccountability #mentalHealth #protectingYourPeace #relationshipAdvice #relationshipBetrayal #settingBoundaries #storiesFromTina #toxicPeople #toxicRelationships
kkarhan
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CBC Ottawa
Shouting into the void
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