Symptom: Assigned Female At Birth

https://www.illmarks.com/symptom-assigned-female-at-birth/

#acog #afab #art #AssignedFemaleAtBirth #bodyHorror #bodyMapping #bodyart #bodydysphoria #bodyhorror #chronicIllness #dysphoria #Dysphoric #genderAffirmingCare #GenderAffirmingHealthcare #gyn #gynecology #healthcare #healthcareArt #invasive #longcovid #marginalizedGenders #mastcellactivationsyndrome #mcas #medart #medical #medicalArt #nonbinary #obGyn #OBGYN #pwLC #pwme #reproductiveRights #SciArt #SoTiredOfGoingToTheWomensClinic #trans #TransInclusiveHealthcare #TransRights #TransRightsAreHumanRights

So I've noticed in my recovery isolation post-#orchi that I've been in my emotional feelings a lot more. Sometimes in a #euphoric way, sometimes in a #dysphoric way.

In a group chat the other day with local queers on #Signal , the topic came up of sexual encounters that felt off...

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I disclosed the story of my first time with a woman, which I thought was completely consensual for the past 11 years (I was 19, she would've been in her early twenties). Apparently was an act of #rape by coercion/deception on her part. At the time, I simply registered as betrayal at the time. I guess that it was betrayal, but it was more than that.

The thing that revokes consent? After the sex, she revealed that she hid a wedding ring in her pocket, that she was cheating on her soon-to-be-hubby, and that she was using me to do so. If I had known ANY of that, I would've turned her down on-the-spot. And then she had the audacity to say that if I told anyone about this, she would file #SA charges...and since I presented 'male' at the time (my #egg would not crack for another 8 years) and had internalized that a woman's word would be valued over a man's in a SA case, I believed that no one would believe me.

I've spent a chunk of the last 48 hours processing that what happened to me was #rape . I have decided I'll be talking this over with my therapist before posting the details on other forms of social media. I'm focusing on healing now and the trauma feels muted yet always there under the surface....and I do wonder if it made my #dysphoria harder to process at the time.

To date, she's the only #ciswoman I've had any #sexual relations with.

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#update #trans #transbian #transgender #transwoman #translesbian #triggerwarning #contentwarning #transfeminine #trauma

Someone is feeling really #dysphoric seeing all these lovely #trans ladies discussing their #hair today.

Someone being me, who has less hair than a proverbial cancer patient. 😒

Happy boxing day people.
Woke up extremely #dysphoric today. Almost ready to go starve myself to drop weight.

But I bought so much "stuff" to eat over #Christmas I can't not eat it.

Starvation isn't the answer anyway. Smaller portions of better things, and 1/3 vegetables on every plate is the answer, along with a walk every day. But I'll be buggered if my mental health will let me start doing that.

Aaaaaaaand... Here comes the #depression

#trans #mentalHealth #dysphoriablows #SelfHatred