I experienced parenthood as a gauntlet of having to choose between honoring my children's autonomy and needs, and people pleasing.

This interview with Supriya made me reflect back on the last decade of my parenting journey, and how terrifying those early years were. There's a period of time where people are kind if your baby cries, and then a long stretch where a child's every public meltdown is the parent's fault and shame comes strong and fast from all directions.

And then, you learn how to prevent meltdowns and co-regulate but they mostly require setting boundaries. And once you start setting boundaries, the judgement comes at you even more.

Not to mention what happens after--trying to build your own communities of people who trust kids, and all the mess and conflict of community building.

Supriya, like my previous interview with Sue, is "just a mom"--and has a lot to say about that framing.

https://untanglingourselves.com/episode/9bb1d62c/shifting-to-trust-with-supriya-narang

#unschooling #coregulation #feminism

No complex system regulates itself in isolation.

Phase 6 introduces co-regulation: shared stabilising effort distributed across many agents, rather than centralised control.

This pattern appears in biology, secure attachment, ecology, governance, and increasingly in human–AI interaction.
When regulation is shared, systems become less brittle and more capable of recovery after disruption.

#CoRegulation #Resilience

Phase 6 also introduces long-horizon cognisance — the capacity to hold delayed consequences, tolerate uncertainty, and resist premature closure.

This capability is evolutionarily recent and culturally fragile. It degrades under chronic stress and constant urgency, yet it is essential for maintaining stability in complex environments.

#LongTermThinking #Cognition

Your family isn’t failing because things feel hard right now.
You’re living through a real physiological transition — with emotional, sensory, and neurological demands most people don’t name.

Early October is nervous system season.
Not hustle season. Not perfect parenting season. Not self-improvement season.

It’s a time to soften the expectations, build anchors, and choose connection over control.
#familystress #fall #october #coregulation #adhd #audhd #autism

https://envisiontherapydfw.com/family-stress-in-fall-why-october-feels-so-overwhelming-and-what-actually-helps/

《小小孩大情緒》：孩子「需要」崩潰才能成長為有韌性、善良，而且能夠自我調節的人

Co-regulation isn't just about emotions.

It's also about tuning into the other person and reacting in a way that invites the other person to respond. I cover this in my talk tomorrow.

Watch it for free by registering here: https://guidingexceptionalparents--behaviorrevolution.thrivecart.com/behavior-sos-2025-pass/

#EmotionalRegulation
#AutismAwareness
#Neurodivergent
#CoRegulation
#Parenting

Something my friend Penny & I bonded over early on was that the way we thought we were supposed to parent wasn't working for our kids.

Together, we learned that what our kids need most is to feel safe and loved. If you want to learn a different way to parent your neurodivergent kids, Penny's upcoming summit will help you.

Register for free here: https://guidingexceptionalparents--behaviorrevolution.thrivecart.com/behavior-sos-2025-pass/

#EmotionalRegulation
#AutismAwareness
#Neurodivergent
#CoRegulation
#Parenting

What is the link between #attachment, #socialconnection, #energy conservation & #coregulation / social #allostasis?

Check out the recording of my latest #keynote at #SNRAC2023:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=md5LPLkPvVg

@SoNeAtLab

Two weeks left to submit your #abstracts for our #conference on "The #Social #Neuroscience of #Relationships, #Attachment & #Caregiving" (#SNRAC2023) in association with @SoNeAtLab: https://pvrticka.com/soneat-conference-2023/.

Venue: #University of #Essex in #Colchester (#UK)
Dates: August 14-15, 2023

#brain #psychology #trauma, #adversity, #touch, #oxytocin, #genetics, #epigenetics, #allostasis, #coregulation, #psychopathology, #emotion, #pain

We practice walking meditation together
One, two, ... twelve times across the nursery
I've got you

Bring your attention to my gentle sway
Hear my bare feet on the wooden floor
Creak, slide

Bring your attention to your breath
Notice your belly rising
And falling

There's no hurry
This moment is beautiful
We nurture us

Now you're asleep.

#writing #motherhood #parenting #coregulation #meditation #sleeptraining #sleep #rituals #attachment #meditation #love #sleepybaby #MyPoem #MyWriting