Insecurity Princess 🌈💖🔥

The long-term arc of how we approach software engineering operations and resilience and maintaining operations expertise is one of the most crucial open questions right now, but we're all too exhausted to put meaningful energy into engaging with that

And then there's the further metacognition step to recognize and synthesize the many consequences of the layers of challenging patterns and problems that we're not engaging with or proactively addressing or even anticipating at all because, again, we're all too exhausted to put meaningful energy into engaging with that

8:23pmWeb
Show threadInsecurity Princess 🌈💖🔥10h ago

Do you want more energy and stress reduction and energizing human connection, but you feel too introverted and drained to do anything about feeling exhausted all the time? I have a couple suggestions that might help!

1. Self-regulation:
There are many self-regulation methods (explore them!) but two quick simple options are splashing your face with cold water, or taking a quick breath in followed by a long exhale.

Exhaling longer than you inhale calms your autonomic nervous system by switching your brain from sympathetic (stress response: fight, flight, fuck, freeze) to parasympathetic (rest and digest).

2. Co-Regulation:
Spend a couple minutes with another human you feel comfortable being around. Make eye contact (not necessarily continuously!), talk to each other in calm and soothing voices, and recognize and acknowledge both your and their emotional states through active listening. Physical presence and mutually comfortable consensual touch can elevate the connection.

Co-regulation enables two people to mutually facilitate emotion regulation and help us feel grounded. Co-regulation also fosters secure attachment and builds feelings of trust and safety — but I want to focus here on the value that co-regulation can have for each individual regardless of the relationship.

#selfregulation #coregulation #HPAaxis #AmygdalaHijacking #ParasympatheticNervousSystem

Show threadInsecurity Princess 🌈💖🔥10h ago

I know you've heard people say "just take ten deep breaths" — and if it were that easy and effective, you wouldn't be reading this. You don't need to clear your mind (hi ADHD dolphins!), but you DO need to have part of your mind pointed towards self-awareness of the state of your body and your emotions. Don't change your body's state nor your emotions, just recognize what you're feeling and acknowledge that it's okay to have those feelings

Each of these techniques helps your mind and body leverage natural stress reduction by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which reduces heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels. Parasympathetic response enables more effective emotion regulation and dopamine regulation. Co-regulation can elevate endorphin levels and oxytocin.

Try different approaches! The exact methods and components of self-regulation or co-regulation that work best for you will be unique, but you will probably find high overlap with the people closest to you (because, «quelle surprise!», you meshed best with people who co-regulate and self-regulate similarly!).

Show threadInsecurity Princess 🌈💖🔥9h ago

Do you find yourself gravitating towards increasingly stronger methods of activating dopamine spikes?

You may benefit from exploring dopamine regulation. The brain has two ways to release dopamine:

1. "Tonic" dopamine represents the baseline dopamine levels in your brain, which are typically steady but vary somewhat throughout the day

2. "Phasic" dopamine bursts are active spikes released in response to events

High parasympathetic tone helps your brain maintain healthy "tonic" baseline dopamine levels. Low baseline levels can cause reduced motivation or depression. Stress activates your sympathetic nervous system, causing hyper-reactive phasic dopamine spikes. (Chronic stress and chronic hypervigilance, like C-PTSD, can cause even weirder behaviors like depressed cortisol levels that I'm far from qualified to describe or explain.)

Intentionally being self-aware and mindful in how you engage in self-regulation and co-regulation will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which supports dopamine regulation. In particular, it increases dopamine sensitivity (reward sensitivity), which means that you feel satisfied by smaller quantities of dopamine, rather than needing high-intensity activities to release stronger dopamine spikes.

Show threadInsecurity Princess 🌈💖🔥9h ago

While I've been writing about management, I connected the dots between some things I learned in therapy about what I need for my well-being, and my own daily practices I habitually do as a manager

Since the first time I managed a team, ten years ago, I've heard from both reports and peers and even interview candidates that they feel safe while talking to me, and that I enable them to feel comfortable being vulnerable. I think attunement and co-regulation are part of the foundation of building trust that facilitates that connection

The more I learn about things like attunement and co-regulation, the more I recognize my own intuition for building effective partnerships with colleagues. There's a lot more to it, but that's a crucial foundation I now understand how to name and describe and coach.

Show threadOrca 🌻 | 🎀 | 🪁 | 🏴🏳️‍⚧️9h ago
@saraislet Thanks! Will try.
Show threadSnoopJ10h ago
@saraislet TIL "dolphining", thanks
Show threadJeffrey1h ago
@saraislet something that helps me - a walk around the park/block, in a bit of a quicker step than a stroll or easy walk. An ‘active rest’ helps digest the thoughts in my brain.