title text: "Want to feel old?" "Yes."

desktop link: https://xkcd.com/3172
mobile link: https://m.xkcd.com/3172
explainxkcd: https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/3172

#Humor #Satire #Thanksgiving #Turkeys #Bribes #trump #alt

Borowitz Report 11/11/25 SATIRE
TRUMP REFUSES TO PARDON TURKEY AFTER IT FAILS TO BRIBE HIM (SATIRE)

#Joke #Humour

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>;
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s OK sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device sir?”

Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”

Me: “I think it's already on.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”

Me: “I don’t see that.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”

Me: “Yes.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”

Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”

Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”

Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”

Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”

Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “OK sir. Please press that button.”

Me: “Ok.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”

Me: “No. The door popped open.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”

Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”

Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”

🚨 BREAKING #Google just activated #Gemini on #Gmail - without asking you.

Turn it off now; here's how!
https://tuta.com/blog/how-to-disable-gemini-on-android

✊️ Fight AI & fight Google

You have to manually turn off Smart Features in the Setting menu in TWO locations.

Share so everyone is aware. ❤️

Very noteworthy how most of these professions are typically female-gendered in US culture.

Also, it completely misses the point that a profession is an occupation REGULATED BY A STATUTORY BODY with specific privileges and responsibilities defined by law."Professional" has been devalued in recent decades by overuse, but do you really want to be treated by an unregulated doctor?

Whatever idiot drafted this guideline is clearly not a member of a regulated profession.

DOJ is apparently ready to pay $50 MILLION in restitution to QAnon conspiracy theorist and convicted felon Michael Flynn.

Flynn pled guilty to lying to the FBI and committed arguably treasonous acts. But he gets $50M.

White supremacy is when a convicted white man can get restitution for committing crimes but innocent Latino Americans are getting tortured and deported on the mere accusation that they're undocumented. Horrific.

When Republicans in their 30s get caught supporting Hitler in a group chat, conservatives call them “kids.”

When underage girls get sexually abused by Trump's friends (and probably Trump), conservatives call them “young women.”

The language tells you everything you need to know about GOP morality and family values.

ICE is pulling out of Chicago, for now.

In the process, they created patentently illegal, unconstitutional chaos.

The result? They detained 614 immigrants. Only 16 had any kind of criminal record.

https://www.commondreams.org/news/worst-of-the-worst-doj-figures-show-97-4-of-614-detained-immigrants-in-chicago-had-no-criminal-record

#uspol