Johan Diederik
JA WestenbergEvery bank is like “we’re more than just a bank” and all anyone wants is for them to shut the fuck up and be a bank
Tanek Rune@Daojoan
Normal people: Could you just staff your branches and phone lines with real people again instead?
Calico JesseHumans are expensive and make mistakes. We have to replace them when they make too many mistakes.
Artificial Plagiarism bots are expensive and make mistakes. We have to throw more money at them when they make mistakes.
Capitalism!
refraction 
@Cassandra_Complex @Daojoan banks: close every branch and replace everyone with AI chat bots, got it
webhat@elexia @Cassandra_Complex @Daojoan my first IT job, in the Netherlands, was at the end of the last century when a bank decided that they should get everyone on the internet, so they started an ISP, which later transformed into a "free" ISP
Their long game was to have online banking, so they could close local branch offices
@webhat @elexia @Daojoan
A manager once, with a straight face and his whole chest, told me the next step up the corporate ladder from bank teller was moving to a larger city and working in their call center.
Not only would I have to relocate, pay more for housing, report to a building with many staff during COVID, but obviously without any raise. Wait, why was I not enthused after 7 years with the company?!?
cpkimber@Daojoan there’s a laundromat near my house called “More than a laundromat”, but it really is simply a laundromat. It makes me chuckle to think about.
Like, c’mon laundromat it’s really ok, just be yourself no one said you have to be anything else.
The Orange Theme@theorangetheme @Daojoan That's brilliant
dragonfrog@theorangetheme @cpkimber @Daojoan there was a laundromat / bar on the high street near where I grew up. Legit "more than just a laundromat" - you could have a beer and play a game of pool while you waited for your washing to finish. I never brought laundry there but I went for drinks a few times and the laundry machines were in use.
Jenica Lake เหล็ถเลถ
Fragarach@dragonfrog @theorangetheme @cpkimber @Daojoan
I have fond memories of a cinema in Germany years ago. The seats were in pairs with a small table between, a dim individual light. You pressed a button, and a waiter would come and take your order for beer and snacks.
Beat the hell out of sitting in one of many rows with teenagers dropping overpriced sticky popcorn all around.
Definitely more than just a picture house.
@Fragarach @dragonfrog @theorangetheme @cpkimber @Daojoan we have (or had) a couple of those in Amsterdam, I love them
So many dynamos
Gentleman Programmer@Daojoan See also mobile network providers and smartphones and laptops
rk: it’s hyphen-minus actuallyAt First National Bank, you’re more than just a number. You’re three numbers, followed by a dash, and then six more numbers.
Dingo@Daojoan
Walks into bank.
Can I have some new tyres please?
Yes sir, is there anything else we can help with?
I'd like a chicken burger too thanks.
Voiceover:
Bastard bank, more than just a bank.
Walks into bank.
Can I have some new tyres please?
Yes sir, is there anything else we can help with?
I'd like a chicken burger too thanks.
Voiceover:
Bastard bank, more than just a bank.
Jess👾@electric_gumball @Daojoan That's just a walmart
jaryl@Daojoan where I'm from the banks were insinuating that they were more reliable than a spouse, and a replacement for mum's cooking. Can't make this shit up.
the elder sea@Daojoan
Now do browsers and ai.
Now do browsers and ai.
bigiain
MidniteMikeWrites
su_liam
felix (grayscale) 🐺@Daojoan this is why I signed up for my bank's "you like surveys don't you?" list. every few months I get asked a bunch of inane questions about the wording for a hypothetical credit card offer, and most of my responses are like, "geez I don't care about any of this weird micro-optimization that feels like it's trying to trick me in some way. this would go straight to spam in 0.5 seconds if I weren't looking at it for this survey"
Duncan Bayne@Daojoan Not just a bank, but a savings bank. Backed 100%* by a well-diversified range of commodities.
* Appreciate that's not always entirely possible, watching e.g. the price of gold plummeting just recently.
Marc Jones@Daojoan on a visit to the UK last year (1st time in 17 years) I tried to pay old bank notes into an account.
"I'm sorry, but we're a no cash branch."
Sorry, is handling money not the core business of banks? If I only wanted to be scolded for not living within my means or not making savvy investments, I would live with my parents. (Edited for rogue punctuation.)
"I'm sorry, but we're a no cash branch."
Sorry, is handling money not the core business of banks? If I only wanted to be scolded for not living within my means or not making savvy investments, I would live with my parents. (Edited for rogue punctuation.)
Baa 🐑
Aprettyture! [0172]@Daojoan legitimately thats why i love my bank, i dont have to fucking think about them, sometimes they send me an email or something but they . just. are a place my money is
-carrie
-carrie
@Daojoan i had gone like years not really giving them any thought until i recently realized this and its been like. a huge plus to me ksdgnsjgsdg
-carrie
-carrie
Joanna Holman@Daojoan same with health insurance companies. I don’t want them to offer discounted movie tickets, I want them to properly cover my dentist visits
isolI'm wondering if Macquarie Bank (Australia) still thinks the constant bombardment of ads about how they're going all-in on AI in everything, is a good idea? 🤔
Cara Bruar@Daojoan all I want is an account. They keep offering me 'products'.
johnny anhedonic@Daojoan they're not even banks. the airline will give me a credit card, the supermarket will do my car insurance, and i can't speak to a bank teller in person about the latest scam phone call coming from the bank’s compromised third-party provider
Ben S.
Flipper 🐬🏳️🌈@Daojoan I guess they know, deep down, that being a bank is just not a sufficient reason to exist
🦩 Plastic Garden Fauna 🦩@Daojoan PREACH! 🙌🏽
Nikolai Hampton 💾@Daojoan also banks: “we’re here for you. It’s a journey and we want to grow together”.
Also banks later: “Oh, you mean you’re having tough times? Oh no, we didn’t mean were ‘there for you’ like that. Sorry cant help… P.S., your fees are going up (so we can better grow together).”
Deborah Pickett@Daojoan Haha one bank here realized this and their latest marketing spiel is "Just enough bank". Credit to them for not taking themselves too seriously.
sortius 
@Daojoan that's why I've stuck with ING. No bullshit, just a standard set of accounts. It's all I need
Steve@lilstevie @Daojoan yep, financial crimes are generally a sign they do banking
@sortius yeah, about that 😂
webhat (@[email protected])
@[email protected] @[email protected] @[email protected] my first IT job, in the Netherlands, was at the end of the last century when a bank decided that they should get everyone on the internet, so they started an ISP, which later transformed into a "free" ISP Their long game was to have online banking, so they could close local branch offices
Brian Grinter@Daojoan @timrichards
The bank I worked for in the 80s had a travel agency.
A few years later someone must have said “what the hell were we thinking” and the sold it off
The bank I worked for in the 80s had a travel agency.
A few years later someone must have said “what the hell were we thinking” and the sold it off
Michal Bryxí@Daojoan Most banks also suck in the basics of banking: Easily send money out (or sometimes even in), see monthly/yearly breakdown of my spendings, have a useable address book, speed, security, …
haliphax 👾@Daojoan My brain melted when I was in San Francisco for work a few weeks ago and found out the Capital One Cafes are an actual thing. (No, I did not go inside, but there were people in there drinking coffee and doing coffeeshop shit.)
standev
maxotaf
Muod
HollieK
eobet@Daojoan every coffee chain is also a bank when all anyone wants is for them to shut the fuck up and just serve coffee.
Trump & Epstein: Biz partners.
Moz
Leonardo Fontenelle@Daojoan every time some org claims to be "more than ...", I think "not really"
diesUndDasMitTassen 🇺🇦@Daojoan These days somehow everything is more than it should be. Everything tries to be everything else, while the core function is getting worse.
People are the same, they can always do best what the others do. They are unsuccessfull only in the things they do themselves. But they can't help it.