There is a way for you to do that thing you want to do. You're going to have to shift your focus to find it. The problems you focus on don't have the answers you seek.

Della

#selfmasterycoach #selfmastery #focus #focuscoach #perspective #perception #answers #solutions #questions #thinkingproblem #contentcreator

The essay titles in my new book are intuitively guided. So I've just started writing one called, "In a Nutshell".

How's this for an analogy?

The mind is the nutshell in this analogy.

"Closing the shell doesn’t avoid the pain, it just traps it inside."

Love to all.

Della

#writer #writerlife #indieauthor #selfmastery #focus #selfawareness #thinkingproblem #healing #spirituality

Have you ever let a problem stop you?

You had that big dream or goal and you couldn't figure out how to get there because the problems suddenly got in your way.

What if that was mostly a perception problem?

You see the focus on the struggle and the problems keeps you stuck in the problems. When you learn to shift your focus away from the struggle, that opens up the possibility that you can adapt and find ways around things.

Often what happens is that the problems don't have immediate solutions. We think we need to solve them before we can move forward? But what if that isn't true?

By allowing yourself to adapt and continue on the journey anyway, you're more likely to run into a solution somewhere in the process. The solution will show up because you were willing to keep moving forward. Your goal was more important than dealing with a bunch of problems you didn't have solutions to.

The problems may not be optional, but your struggle with them most certainly is. The way you deal with that struggle is by changing how you see the problems, what you focus on, and your strategy for managing them.

You don't have to keep running away from what you want. You just have to decide you're willing to go on the journey anyway. Make the journey the priority, not the problems.

Do you need some help with this?

My private coaching packages give you the option of reaching out to me daily when life presents you a struggle that you're having trouble with. I can help you shift your focus, think around the problems, and not get tied up in the stress and worry that normally keeps you stuck.

This is something that I had to learn to do for myself very early on because otherwise, I wasn't going to last 5 minutes on my own healing journey.

I've learned a lot in 8 years and now I'm here to help you get okay with your own journey.

You can message me for info or check out my website. https://dellawren.com

Love to all.

Della

#struggle #thestruggleisreal #patreon #patreoncreator #selfmastery #selfmasterycoach #focus #focuscoach #perception #problem #thinkingproblem #dontworrybehappy #journey #doitanyway #keepgoing #privatecoaching #writer #indieauthor #contentcreator

Are you able to notice the struggle around you and be okay?

Does that seem insensitive or uncaring to you? I get why it might. Here's the thing - you don't think it's insensitive of the tow truck driver not to get stuck with you when they come to pull you out. You accept that if the tow truck gets stuck they can't help you. Why don't you have the same expectation of yourself in your own life?

You jump in the mud puddle of the struggle because you think you're making other people feel better or that you're supposed to, but it solves nothing.

Your power is not in the mud puddle. You can't fix anything from that vantage point.

When struggles would come up in my life I would stop everything. I would stop writing. I would stop posting on social media. I would stop doing regular day-to-day tasks. I would literally sit on my couch in a panic waiting for the problems to resolve. They rendered me completely powerless and useless.

Guess how well that worked for me. Guess how much that accomplished.

There are problems in the background right now and here I am. I stopped jumping in the mud puddle. I stopped rendering myself powerless anytime some little thing would happen. I learned to allow myself to continue my focus and be okay even though things were happening around me.

I learned to be okay in the struggle. I learned to be okay in the imbalance.

It doesn't mean you have to ignore everything or pretend it's not happening. Those things can be happening in the background and you can be okay at the same time. They aren't mutually exclusive.

It's all in your focus.

It's all in what you think about.

It's all in what you do inside of yourself with the things that happen around you.

You get a choice in how to respond or react to absolutely everything that you see going on in the world around you. Nothing in your response is a given, automatic, or required. You decide what you do with what happens; nobody else.

I made the choice to take my power back from the world around me that I had given it to. It's allowing me to continue on with my life even while things are happening around me. It's allowing me to focus. It's allowing me to make my own choices and do my own thing.

I want you to be able to do the same thing for yourself.

I can help with your focus and the thinking problem you have when you're ready. Hit up dellawren.com for more info.

Love to all.

Della

#focuscoach #focus #powerful #perception #problem #mudpuddle #selfmastery #healing #thinkingproblem #spirituality #choices #respondorreact #yourchoice #patreon #privatecoaching #healer

A mind left to its own devices is a torture chamber for most people because of all the messages the mind picks up from the world around it.

#trainyourbrain #control #selfmastery #thinkingproblem
#healingjourney #spirituality #mindset #indieauthor #writer #writerlife #contentcreator #patreoncreator #patreon #audience #payingattention #focus

Your mind is a muscle and an out of control toddler all at the same time. It needs structure and boundaries so that it doesn't cause you pain.

You are not your mind and you have the power to give your mind the structure and boundaries it needs.

Your mind doesn't have to be a problem to you. You just have to learn how to stop letting it cause trouble by getting control over your thinking.

I often tell you to start with the thing that screams the loudest because that thing is what's on replay in your head. It's the easiest thing to catch.

Trust me when I tell you, your mind wants an audience far more than it wants to stay stuck on a given topic. It will change its tune when it loses you as an audience.

Since you're the audience, you get to choose what you pay attention to. You can shutdown anything you don't want to listen to.

It's time to start to train your brain because it will play nicely once you teach it how to do that. By the way, what that looks like will be slightly different for everybody.

Love to all.

Della

#trainyourbrain #control #selfmastery #thinkingproblem #healing #spirituality #mindset #indieauthor #writer #writerlife #contentcreator #patreoncreator #patreon #audience #payingattention #focus

The lag time between a choice you make and actually moving forward with that choice will allow the doubt to creep in there. The faster you can move the better.

If you can manage your thinking and/or act quickly on your choices, you'll remove the doubt and you'll be able to move forward with them.

Why does the doubt creep in there?

Self-protection. The mind fills in the unknown space with something and often that something is the potential for pain because the mind is trying to keep you safe.

When you recognize that it's safe to look in the shadows and that the unknown doesn't have to be scary, you can find ways to move forward with your choices anyway.

You don't have to get stuck in the doubt.

Managing your thinking and acting on your choices quickly are the two simplest ways to stay out of the doubt.

Love to all.

Della

#dellawren #Doubt #choices #indecision #selfmastery #thinkingproblem #thoughts #managethemind

What happens when you make a bad choice? What do you do with that in your head?

We all screw up. It's a normal part of being human. Accepting that we're going to make mistakes is part of the learning process. That's how we grow.

The most important thing we need to understand is that we can't beat ourselves up. Do not ever take out the hammer and beat yourself on the head with it because you screwed up.

That beating yourself up thing that you want to do is the lie you tell yourself in your head about the problem.

So, what do you do when you make a bad choice?

First, accept your humanness. It's okay.

Second, what pain was the choice hooked to? Generally, not always, when we make crappy choices it's because we're making them from some sort of old pain. The choice is based on an old behavior that you no longer need. What's the lie you're telling yourself about why you needed to make the choice you did? Where's the pain?

Mental clarity is your goal. If you don't find the pain and heal that or deal with it by changing your thinking and behavior, then you just end up in a repetitive cycle. If you don't want that, then your job is to gain the mental clarity and change your behavior so you don't have to repeat it.

Third, do you have an option to mitigate further problems? Can you change your choice? Can you do anything about the decision you've already made? Depending on the circumstances you may or may not be able to and that's okay.

Once we have mental clarity, we have the potential to make a new choice. That won't work in every circumstance, but it will work sometimes. It's important to use it when it does. But the thing is, if you're stuck in beating yourself up you won't even see this when it comes about. You'll ignore it completely because you're too busy being mad at yourself. Mental clarity frees you to do this kind of work for yourself.

Bad choices create possible consequences. The trick here is just to know that you can handle what shows up. You may not like it, but you don't have to struggle with it either. You can handle what happens and it doesn't have to be the end of the world. You don't have to get stuck and you definitely don't have to end up in a repetitive loop.

You have always have a choice of how to think and behave. You just have to have enough awareness to make that option possible.

One of the things that we can work on in private coaching is how to manage crappy choices that are based on crappy thinking and old survival mechanisms.

I don't judge your choices. You have veto power over your own life. I'm always just going to adapt based on the choices you're making for yourself.

My primary role is to encourage you to question those choices instead of getting stuck in beating yourself up. The crappy choices are a hint that maybe there's something there to work on. That's where I can help you find that and then offer you a strategy to help shift it within yourself so you don't get stuck in the loop.

If you decide you want to go around in the loop, that's cool too. Then we'll go around in the loop and I'll point out the scenery all along the way. I'll even show you when you get back to where you started from.

The loop isn't a problem to me because I understand that you're going to get what you need from the experience. I know that it'll be fine. The loop offers clarity and more opportunities for more guidance. It offers additional experiences that you can use to help yourself. My role is to simply show you those possibilities. What you do with it after that is up to you.

Check out https://dellawrenbooks.com for more info on my private coaching packages and how I can help you begin to do this for yourself.

Love to all.

Della

#Choices #privatecoaching #healer #thinkingproblem #spirituality #selfawareness #clarity #consciousness #awareness #cycles #change

You're afraid of what you're going to find in there. Maybe the wound is true. Maybe I'm not good enough, smart enough, worthy enough, and so on. But those are stories and they aren't true. That's your pain that makes you think that.

When you realize that it's just your pain talking and that there is nothing scary there, then you can move forward with dealing with it.

The world isn't showing you that you suck. You're telling yourself that and then you see it when you look around you.

Change the conversation you're having with yourself by dealing with the wound that causes you to make up all the stories.

There's a better way forward and yes, I can help you deal with it when you're ready.

https://dellawren.com or https://dellawrenbooks.com

Love to all.

Della

#healing #coaching #help #spirituality #thinkingproblem #clarity #consciousness #awareness

Perception creates the illusion that determines how you see your reality. I think of perception as a pair of those 3D glasses you get at a movie theatre. If you tried to watch the movie without those glasses on, what would happen? Depending on the technology being used, the movie might appear blurry or pixelated or it might look completely normal with only the 3D effects not being seen.

When we go to a 3D movie we have control over whether we wear the glasses or not. We can choose not to wear the glasses and skip the 3D effects. If the 3D effects make us feel sick, then we can choose to take the glasses off so that we can feel better. The 3D glasses are a choice and in the same way, so is your perception.

The thing with perception is that we’re not aware of it. It’s not something we consciously do for ourselves. We put on glasses at the movie theatre consciously and intentionally. When we live our lives we don’t pay conscious attention to our own perception. This creates an illusion or an effect in our minds that we’re not aware of and don’t take control over. We can get control over our perception by learning to manage our thoughts.

Love to all.

Della

#3dglasses #thinkingproblem #illusions #perception #reality #interpretation #spirituality #healing #consciousness #awareness