When our summer’s day is cancelled and melts away

Summer has arrived and the atmosphere has changed. People are excited to be outside socialising and it seems like every family is making the most of the warmth.

A heatwave was predicted to arrive for the weekend and I wanted to make the most out of the popular family area at Steel Space in City Square. The water fountains there are adored by kids.

I asked your mum where she would drop you off and pick you up. This way, I could organise and maximise our time by asking your grandma and Clive to meet us at City Square before handing you back to your mum at 4pm.

Last summer I had more time with you, but your mum has cut it back to 4pm. For many families their fun is barely starting while by 3:15 I’m having to get back towards the handover point.

Another disappointment

On Saturday your mum sent me a message to inform me you had had a rough night.

I’d spent the last couple of days making plans with family and working out the itinerary so I could keep you cool but also make the most of our time.

I went to various supermarkets to ensure I had lots of options for your lunch and afternoon snacks too. Watermelons were in high demand but I didn’t stop until I had one, so I could hydrate you with refreshing slices.

Stupid optimism

Yesterday, I went to a Elly’s BBQ who lives nearby. While I socialised, I had you on my mind and tried to be positive that you’d be better for our Sunday together.

Jenny baked a tasty cake so I asked her what she included, to make sure it was suitable for you, and brought some home for you to try.

The fridge was full of watermelon, I had all the ingredients ready for lunch and plenty of snacks. It was hard to sleep, I was eager to see you.

The dreaded message

I don’t know why I let myself get upset when I finally saw the message cancelling. I can’t even go up and visit you to look after you when you’re unwell.

The feeling of not seeing you arrests me. It took me hours to get myself together after trying to figure out how to fix this situation.

I know things will change somehow so I’m doing everything to make sure you will always have a happy welcoming home with me.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7vkCAgrDDv3AgRCXYJUUoD?si=a2c1cb2320aa45dd

I picked this song because it’s monotonous and repetitive. Just how this situation feels.

We’ll have our sunny days together

I’m fast losing the moments of having you run around naked in the sun, filled with joy and a huge smile – the one I love so much.

I’m thinking about our future, the next decade. We’ll have lots of lovely moments together. One day we’ll fall asleep in the park together. One day we’ll go camping together. I can’t wait. They will be some of my happiest moments in my life.

I’m sick and upset about losing so many precious moments, I hate it and just want to skip forward to when we can spend the day together and chat all day, without anything to worry us.

Please always know it wasn’t me not wanting to look after you when you were unwell. Your mum is doing everything she can to stop us having a relationship. I’m sorry everything is a mess.

I promise when you’re able to make the decision yourself, you’ll always have a home with me.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2dkIVglYeSeGEVfu0ttySn?si=LqSAEOM9Sse72q5woZ9L6A

#cancelledDay #dadBlog #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #familyDiary #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #missingYou #myGirl #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting #summerIsHere #withoutYou

Family court day was like a nightmare

The sun’s rising over Gold Rings Park. It’s a clear sky and Kingsford is already getting busy.

I’m too tired to think or be upset. The coach is full of young tourists chatting in various languages, pleased to return home from their holiday in the Big City.

Back in the Big City on the train back home

Moments like these fill me with sadness because it’s clear your mum is willing to lie to get between us. She doesn’t want me to have a meaningful part of your life, she wants to control everything.

The court hearing

I arrived to an office style building, unsure what to expect. Inside, your mum asked for a private room, a space reserved for victims. She’s willing to put on a show, as ridiculous as it is, considering we meet at your handover. She’s no victim, and at this point, more qualified for being an actor.

The hearing was brief. I couldn’t make my statement because I was too upset. Reading my statement was like being tortured. I’ve never been more humiliated in my life. I was there to beg to see you. The setup was like a criminal asking for leniency. What was my crime? To want to love and protect you?

Your mum had a team around her. A hotshot barrister and solicitor created a shield where she didn’t even have to speak for herself. She paid others to lie for her. She will ensure no expense will be spared to get her way and push me out of your life.

Your mum’s barrister proclaimed several times that we were in agreement on many aspects. A manipulation designed to perpetuate the status quo your mum imposed. I have never agreed to losing our relationship. I will never agree for you to be taken away from me.

Your mum’s barrister also said your mum did not want to be involved in litigation. This was one of the few truthful comments, however it has always been within her control to discuss arrangements. She the one, that refuses to speak.

Fundamentally, your mum is the one demanding full control. I have only asked for equal parenting, so I can be there to look after you and help make your life as wonderful and happy as it should be.

Next steps

A further report was ordered, this will be done on your behalf and the court will use its recommendations.

I expect it will advise to keep the status quo. Your mum would have calculated this from the start. This whole process had an outcome when she started it. Your mum covertly planned and calculated it to have maximum impact against me.

You may never have a childhood where I have proper involvement. But you’ll see that I will be there for you no matter what, even if that’s just a few days I’m allowed.

The days assigned to me are like the arrangements set to a criminal. My only crime will have been to love your little face and wanting to be there for you.

Losing hope

I’m exhausted, depressed, saddened, like nothing I’ve ever experienced or could imagine. Life is hell and the only thing I want is to give you a bath at night, get you snug into bed and give you a kiss when you wake up.

It will soon be a year since I was last with you when you woke up in the morning.

We will never have our time back, your mum has stolen it and denied us our love.

Listen through the podcast

#anythingForYou #dad #dadLife #daddySGirl #daughter #emotional #emotionalDay #emotionallyBroken #family #familyCourt #familyCourtHearing #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightingForYou #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #missingYou #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting

It’s the day before our family court hearing

I’m on the train on the way home. On the way in to the platform, a woman was coming down the escalator behind me shouting ‘Jesus loves you’. At a time like this, I truly hope so; I need all the help I can get.

At home, further documents arrived. Your mum has continued her barrage of accusations and I have almost no time to prepare. For hours after work I read through her statements and prepared responses.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow may be the worst day of my life. The best was the first time I kissed you. The worst, so far, was when your mum took you away from me.

I will be getting up at 6am so I can get the bus to Kingsford and then coach to Lakeside where I will get another bus to River Town. This long journey may be a sign of my bad luck. National rail strikes on a day I just have to get to River Town. But this time with unbelievable sadness, I won’t even get a chance to see you.

I have my personal statement ready, my response to allegations ready and I will fight for you sweetheart – I won’t give up. 💞

Court is at noon.

Listen through the podcast

#childCustody #courtHearing #dad #dadLife #daughter #familyCourt #familyLawyer #familySolicitor #fatherSJustice #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightForYou #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #legalBattle #loveMyBaby #missingYou #neverGiveUp #parentalAlienation #parenting

Your mum’s false allegations to family court

It’s been a horrendous couple of days.

Yesterday I woke up to emails from your mum’s lawyers. Half asleep, my stomach tightened in reaction to what I dreaded would be inside… it was much worse that I thought possible.

Your mum has accused me of abuse. She is lying and maliciously exaggerating as a way of taking you from me. She doesn’t want us to have a relationship, or even develop a friendship.

I’m writing this on my phone on the train. I’m crying, it’s humiliating. Keeping busy is the only thing I can do to try to cope.

Everything I’ve prepared for and patience I’ve given to your mum is meaningless against her lies.

I treated her with care and looked after you both. You are precious to me. She is trying to destroy me and steal you from me.

All I can think about is how I won’t be able to look after you in a time of need and how she’s doing everything she can to ruin our relationship.

My hands are shaking. My body won’t release from panic mode. I’m a complete wreck.

If you need help 🆘

I understand how life can get really really hard. Please seek help if you’re struggling. There are many organisations that can lend an ear and offer compassion and privacy at your time of need.

Please do not suffer on your own. We all go through rough periods in our lives and may need support to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Contact Samaritans (UK) or one of the other organisations if you’re having suicidal or difficult thoughts.

I have compiled a list of organisations that support men and women in the UK. You can also google for support where you are in the world.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/53F7fcXgUA1jCYxmcr3yZP?si=XkwVNoycRQeVW5qfXFQ2BA

#brokenFamily #dad #dadLife #daughter #falseAllegations #family #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #hostileCoparent #hostileMother #myGirl #myLittleOne #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting

New year with my unwavering love

It’s been another Sunday travelling to see you for a few hours. This month is going to be very difficult as the court date is set for early next month.

The constant stress caused by your mum continues to have an impact. Although the pain is hard, I’m learning to deal with it. I hate to think of the long-term damage the last 6 months have caused.

Our day together

I planned a simple day to accommodate for the cold and the rain. Last week you really enjoyed the scrambled eggs, so I thought I’d try that again, plus sharing the lunch I would get at the restaurant too.

Delayed trains

The train strikes continue to cause disruption and unpredictability, so I let your mum know my time of arrival, once I was on the train and could provide the clearest details. To my surprise, she responded harshly. The train was arriving at 11:21 am and remnants of the strikes the day before, meant earlier trains weren’t running normally. Your mum would know this, but decided to set the tone for the day, perhaps the year ahead.

She also insisted I drop you off at 4 pm. I decided to send her a message later in the day and avoid problems discussing when I picked you up. She has now shown she will take you away if she wants and it creates incredible stress to me.

On our way

I picked you up and did the half hour walk to the centre. You were a little unsettled but I persevered as I didn’t want to get to the centre during the lunchtime rush.

We got to the usual Japanese spot, it’s my preferred option because they don’t mind how long we stay and when we’re lucky we have a large table or a booth to ourselves. You enjoyed the octopus balls (takoyaki), I really love how you ask for more food now, and I gave you a bit of chicken without the breadcrumbs.

Our routine is working as best it can for now. You’re in a good mood and every time we have time together we communicate better and better. I can’t wait for us to have a normal time together and when you can chat away with me and relax.

I’m completely fascinated by everything you do and love everything about you.

After lunch at the library

We continued on to the library because it’s around the corner, has other children and generally the safest weatherproof place in the area.

You’re intrigued by the other children and I hope not too disappointed when you walk up to older kids and they don’t want to play. You tried to make friends with a few little ones but they were there to read. I’m sure you’ll be the same too when you find things you enjoy! I’m looking forward to reading with you and teaching you our family language in the future.

We took a moment to play with the crayons and paper. To my surprise you drew me a picture. I will treasure it. My creative little artist.

Handing you back

The rest of the day went fine. I took us towards the station by the museum. Your mum had sent stressful messages insisting I drop you off at 4 pm even after I had calmly and politely explained that we had not agreed a drop off time and it would be reasonable to make it 4:15 pm so I could get a bit more time with you and get the 4:30 pm train.

Even with polite communication your mum is very difficult. The stress gave me a horrible stomach pain. It upsets me so much that I would’ve travelled over 3 hours and walked in the cold for over an hour to see you, but your mum would rather I wait needlessly for half an hour for the train on my own, than have 15 more minutes to give you a cuddle.

Heavy feelings

The stress is too much at the moment.

I’m keeping sensible and not reacting. You’re the most important person to me and I won’t let the harassment and antagonisation cause further problems.

I dream about the days when things will be better and we can have happy stress-free time together.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6mQeVC3yBMKtGCn1FTVU6n?si=IVw024ZYRfKqwWSgxQJEhg

#dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #fatherDaughterTime #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heavyFeelings #hostileCoparent #JapaneseFood #mentalHealth #parentalAlienation #positiveParenting #qualityTime #SundayTogether #toddlerDad