When you crave a coffee at 6pm instead of a drink. #ToddlerDad

Also day like 15 of entire family being sick 🤧

My baby girl is growing up, I’m a proud father

It was an unexpectedly big day, little things changing as you grow, make a big difference.

Big girl

You’re now eating well, so rather than cook something at home and struggle to find somewhere to warm it up (many places don’t like doing it because of allergies and things like that), I had decided to give a restaurant’s kid menu a go. This along with you no longer drinking formula means you’re basically a big girl now.

I also feel like you can understand me. We communicate together you cooperate, you signal and ask me for things and help me get you ready.

You’re no longer a baby, a potato. You’re a real little person with preferences and a unique personality. I absolutely adore it, every little thing you do is my favourite. I’m completely in love with you darling, every cuddle is the best.

A little present

At work, Jane kindly gave you a little bus. You enjoyed taking it out of the box and moving it around. Luckily I recorded you opening it for the first time and the big smile you had. I sent it to Jane passing on your thanks.

We also spent a while at the history museum, it was nice to see there were still areas to explore. We’ve been there many times now, and I assume will need to keep going back to stay away from the bad weather.

Hometime without you

I’m on the train back to the Big City, tired from the bitter cold. It was -1°C most of the day. People around me are sick and I don’t feel great. But we had a lovely day. This will be a huge boost for the week ahead. I will go to sleep tonight with a huge smile on my face.

I love you so much sweetheart, you’re my first thought in the morning and last at night.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7AA764j1HkSP70qv0o6B5a?si=Gk-HWbE6Tqu1SY5IfPEHPg

#bigGirlNow #dadLife #daddy #family #father #fatherBlog #fatherSRights #feelingTheLove #growingUpFast #loveHer #myGirl #myHeart #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting #preciousMoments #toddlerDad #toddlerLife

Putting a toddler to sleep is a war 😅

#parenting #toddlers #toddlerdad

Our fuzzy family member has passed

I heard from your uncle that Pluto passed today.

You met him too few times but I’m pleased you had the chance. Hearing you giggle with him was one of my highlights of last year

Pluto has been in the family since before you were born. It’s incredible all the things that have happened, from when he was a puppy to you being born.

Something that was very similar between you both, was your tenderness.

If heaven exists, we’ll all be reunited one day I suppose!

One of my favourite videos is of you chasing Pluto around giggling and pulling at his hair. Maybe you were jealous!

Difficult memories

The last few times we were together with Pluto bring difficult memories. In the summer, our time had been cancelled again and again so grandma suggested we travel to River Town even if it was only a moment.

We travelled for hours and hours and your mum only allowed us 2 hours. She said it was because you had been unwell, but also refused to meet in the centre, probably 5 minutes in the car, which meant that we lost an hour travelling between the centre and the station.

I can’t understand how it would be in your interest to be needlessly taken in the buggy for an hour rather than enjoying the weather at the park with the family dog.

The last time you saw Pluto was when we went to visit grandma and the following day, just days before my birthday and Christmas, your mum refused to let us go to see your uncle and took you.

I wish memories of Pluto and you were happier and without this struggle and pain.

The future

One day there will be more pets and little ones. We’ll snuggle together when we’re under the weather and have the best time at picnics.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6CY3KZr7AJckBIPLdtu3ld?si=6j7qvgnYQveoa661DH9fZA

#dadLife #daughter #deadDog #deadPet #dogs #familyLife #familyPets #familyProblems #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fuzzyFriends #grievingProcess #hostileMother #littleGirl #memoriesOfPets #pets #summerMemories #toddlerAndDog #toddlerDad

What a beautiful clever girl you’re growing into

I was excited to have you back at home to play, relax and enjoy your home – the space that’s all yours since before you were born.

I prepped our lunch in advance of collecting you from City Square station so we could have the most time together.

Straight after travelling an hour on the train, I take you back on transport, fortunately not too far. Your precious little self is in a good mood usually, so I can give you cuddles in the warmth soon after collecting you.

At home

It’s a usual cold January, so being outside in the low temperature and damp, isn’t much fun. I try to make home as enjoyable as possible for you, including giving you the chance to explore.

You’re developing a huge amount at the moment, you can now comprehend lots of things and you have a very helpful spirit about you.

Last time you were home you spilt some water and got the kitchen towel to clean up.

Today I asked for help taking the high chair legs from the cupboard over to the kitchen and you enthusiastically cooperated. When I changed your nappy then asked you to take it over to the bin, you gladly helped. I was pleasantly surprised how well you’re understanding things.

I still can’t get my head around the reality you’re not a docile baby anymore.

A walk around the city lake

After lunch and play time we went for a walk around the neighbourhood. I made sure you were wrapped up super cosy.

It breaks my heart to see other families together. I’m grateful for the moment but I wish things were better for us.

Before heading back to the station I gave you some snacks.

There are so many videos online of babies trying different fruits and their reactions – I know you’ve tried lots already, so that first time experience isn’t there, but at the least it’s a first for us.

Your sweet nature

On the train back to City Square station I noticed you were trying to give Spot some water. Isn’t it funny that as you grow your maternal nature comes out.

As you grow, there’ll be lots of last times too

It was the last time I gave you formula. Things are moving really fast, before I know it you won’t need me to put your shoes on as well as all the other things I enjoy helping you with.

The early months of your life were taken from me. I’d do anything to have them now, they’re fast becoming lost to the past.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4FhBbaPeVms9Zn8SM0vthh?si=dzGJsgGSQd-j6GXrA32Q8g

#dadLife #earlyYears #familiesTogether #fatherSRights #fatherhood #growingChild #growingToddler #growingUpFast #heartbreak #lastTime #parenting #parentingMoments #SpotTheDog #toddler #toddlerDad #tryingFruits #weaning

New year with my unwavering love

It’s been another Sunday travelling to see you for a few hours. This month is going to be very difficult as the court date is set for early next month.

The constant stress caused by your mum continues to have an impact. Although the pain is hard, I’m learning to deal with it. I hate to think of the long-term damage the last 6 months have caused.

Our day together

I planned a simple day to accommodate for the cold and the rain. Last week you really enjoyed the scrambled eggs, so I thought I’d try that again, plus sharing the lunch I would get at the restaurant too.

Delayed trains

The train strikes continue to cause disruption and unpredictability, so I let your mum know my time of arrival, once I was on the train and could provide the clearest details. To my surprise, she responded harshly. The train was arriving at 11:21 am and remnants of the strikes the day before, meant earlier trains weren’t running normally. Your mum would know this, but decided to set the tone for the day, perhaps the year ahead.

She also insisted I drop you off at 4 pm. I decided to send her a message later in the day and avoid problems discussing when I picked you up. She has now shown she will take you away if she wants and it creates incredible stress to me.

On our way

I picked you up and did the half hour walk to the centre. You were a little unsettled but I persevered as I didn’t want to get to the centre during the lunchtime rush.

We got to the usual Japanese spot, it’s my preferred option because they don’t mind how long we stay and when we’re lucky we have a large table or a booth to ourselves. You enjoyed the octopus balls (takoyaki), I really love how you ask for more food now, and I gave you a bit of chicken without the breadcrumbs.

Our routine is working as best it can for now. You’re in a good mood and every time we have time together we communicate better and better. I can’t wait for us to have a normal time together and when you can chat away with me and relax.

I’m completely fascinated by everything you do and love everything about you.

After lunch at the library

We continued on to the library because it’s around the corner, has other children and generally the safest weatherproof place in the area.

You’re intrigued by the other children and I hope not too disappointed when you walk up to older kids and they don’t want to play. You tried to make friends with a few little ones but they were there to read. I’m sure you’ll be the same too when you find things you enjoy! I’m looking forward to reading with you and teaching you our family language in the future.

We took a moment to play with the crayons and paper. To my surprise you drew me a picture. I will treasure it. My creative little artist.

Handing you back

The rest of the day went fine. I took us towards the station by the museum. Your mum had sent stressful messages insisting I drop you off at 4 pm even after I had calmly and politely explained that we had not agreed a drop off time and it would be reasonable to make it 4:15 pm so I could get a bit more time with you and get the 4:30 pm train.

Even with polite communication your mum is very difficult. The stress gave me a horrible stomach pain. It upsets me so much that I would’ve travelled over 3 hours and walked in the cold for over an hour to see you, but your mum would rather I wait needlessly for half an hour for the train on my own, than have 15 more minutes to give you a cuddle.

Heavy feelings

The stress is too much at the moment.

I’m keeping sensible and not reacting. You’re the most important person to me and I won’t let the harassment and antagonisation cause further problems.

I dream about the days when things will be better and we can have happy stress-free time together.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6mQeVC3yBMKtGCn1FTVU6n?si=IVw024ZYRfKqwWSgxQJEhg

#dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #fatherDaughterTime #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heavyFeelings #hostileCoparent #JapaneseFood #mentalHealth #parentalAlienation #positiveParenting #qualityTime #SundayTogether #toddlerDad

It’s -3 and freezing

I’m on my way to River Town, again. Your mum said there were problems with the trains this weekend so she wouldn’t travel to the Big City. We had agreed to switch locations recently but she hasn’t honoured that agreement. The trains are fine, I’m on one now.

‘Baby it’s cold outside’

The weather has dramatically turned for the worse. It’s now -3 during the day! I’m very concerned about what this will mean for the coming months. Being outside bouncing between museums and shops isn’t nice – we should be home.

Considering the extreme weather, I asked your mum to bring you to the Big City. So we could spend the day at home with family. Grandma, Clive and Pluto were keen to share some festive time with you. Your mum has a car, which is used regularly, so any issues with the trains shouldn’t impact the journey. Your mum refused and insisted I travel to River Town, which includes us doing a half-hour walk to the centre in freezing weather.

I’m trying to create happy moments together, but these days are really hard. I’m worried our time being made so difficult will result in you not wanting to spend time with me.

Your mum drives to the station to drop you off, then goes past as I push your buggy to the centre. Neither offering a lift or agreeing to meet at the centre.

Our day

I cooked your meal, an old favourite of salmon and sweet potatoes. The mashes and things that I’ve made for you recently don’t seem to take your interest so I’ll try this meal which you enjoyed in the past.

I think Nando’s will be one of the first chain restaurants towards the centre and although we haven’t been before I expect they will be little-one-friendly.

It’s become difficult to find good eateries for you as River Town is touristy and has lots of shops. Combined with bad weather this means most places are packed and less welcoming for us.

After lunch we can go to the shops and a museum.

I have my Christmas jumper on and I bought you a new musical toy.

Keeping warm

I picked you up at Nero across the road from the station, we were wrapped up to the max and I went on to Nando’s as planned.

You were asleep and I can understand it could be confusing to wake up in a new place. You woke surprised and got upset. Sometimes I feel you don’t remember me. I was able to settle you quickly, but the moment really hurt. It’s hard to know you don’t wake up and feel happy you’re with your loving dad.

Now you were up and comfortable, I could finally give your beautiful little face some kisses and get on with our day.

You loved your new toy. Both for the noise you could make, plus the feeling of the bells on your skin.

After eating we went around the corner to the shopping centre. It’s nearly Christmas and it was extremely busy. At the department store there was a Santa and his helper photo scene. I hoped you would enjoy the costumes but you hated it!

The rest of the day was a struggle. It wasn’t easy keeping you warm because naturally you wanted to be out and about but also, when in the buggy, wanted to hold your hands outside! I tried to find places between the station and the centre to minimise time outside but it was still far too cold.

Next week

As your mum isn’t letting us have Christmas together, she agreed to me seeing you in the Big City both days next weekend. There are train strikes on Saturday so I hope she will be driving and not cancel.

I’ve asked her to share details so we can make the most of our time, but she refuses. Everything is dictated and she doesn’t share info so it’s difficult for me to make plans.

I’d simply like to make things more comfortable for you. Depending on where you’re travelling I could adjust plans to minimise your travel time but I’m kept in the dark. All this seems to serve is to make it harder for us.

Thinking about our future

It’s almost Christmas, I’m hoping next year will be better. Perhaps we can have a snowfight next December.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7IILL79TCe0DPgF5zK5ICC?si=zaHsusCJTLeam-gAkxbKqQ

#Christmas #ChristmasPhotos #coldWeather #dad #dadBlog #dadLife #dadSunday #daddyBlog #difficultCoparent #emotions #family #familyDay #fatherBlog #fatherSRights #fatherhood #freezing #makingMemories #missingYou #myGirl #parentalAlienation #parenting #parentingStruggles #previousMoments #Santa #toddler #toddlerDad #winter #wrappedUp #Xmas #XmasPhotos

First week of cold December

It’s Sunday and I’m on my way to see your grandma in Market Village. The plan had been to look after you in the Big City, as last weekend your mum stayed in River Town due to the rail disruption – I took the various replacements to River Town because your mum didn’t want to drive.

I’m keen to make the most of the day, but there will be a big Beloved shaped gap and I’m sure we’ll be talking about you.

Gifts for another time

I video called your grandma on Friday and I could see they were at the shops and had picked up some prezzies for you. We’ll have to find another opportunity to give them to you.

Your mum has stopped me from seeing your updates

Over the last months, I’ve been desperately trying to gather more info about you as your mum withholds everything and does the minimum to keep me updated on your milestones or anecdotes. She didn’t let me know about your first steps or words.

It may seem normal to you now however, many things in life have fairly recently been moved over to apps. In the past, nursery staff would keep parents up-to-date at the end of the day, when parents picked up their little ones, also by letters and phone calls. Now most nurseries input to a system that organises the updates for parents through an app. They add details like nappies, behaviour, events and lovely things like cute photos.

It’s completely normal for me to have access to this as it’s about you and there would be no reason to deny a father from these updates.

I informed your mum I required my details to be added alongside hers for everything relating to you. She didn’t respond to this so I informed her I would contact the GP and nursery directly. She didn’t respond or object (as she would have no right to).

After chasing the nursery who have taken a long time to arrange access and update your details, they emailed me to say that your mum wishes for me not to have access to the Family app. She doesn’t even want me to see the pictures of you playing or know how well you’re progressing.

Kids Centre Management – Janet at 16:14

Dear Father, Many thanks for your email. I have spoken to Mother and she has confirmed that she wishes for you not to have access to the Family app.

I sent your mum an email on Friday evening to insist on an explanation. Soon after, she sent me a message to tell me you were unwell and therefore I would not see you over the weekend. Sick or well I can’t give you a kiss or tell you I love you in person.

I had asked your mum to do a video call, so I could send you my love virtually, but she never responded.

Planning for court

In preparation for court next year, I met with our solicitor. We discussed the situation and she advised me on what to include in my parenting plan.

Versions of it have been shared with your mum however, as usual, I haven’t received a response. It includes things like sharing time with you and 50/50 time when we live in the same city.

I also discussed about learning your paternal family language, our solicitor explained that this is important for your heritage. I want you to have the language to speak with your family and all the opportunities it will give you in your future.

Last night at Jimmy’s bowling

A little while ago I thought it would be a good idea to plan something for my birthday. Not being with you makes each day difficult and the only thing that’s been getting me through is spending time with friends and keeping busy.

Jimmy’s is a quirky almost vintage-style venue just outside Elm Street station. It makes an ideal birthday party venue. During the day it’s packed with kids. I booked a couple of bowling games and last night the event finally arrived.

I spoke proudly about you and showed pictures to friends I hadn’t seen in a while and our friends Aaron and James were there taking a brief moment away from dad duties.

Things are really tough at the moment

This is another upsetting difficult week and as winter gets harsher there’s nothing more I would want than to cuddle up with you.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2PsL9OYruPB2v3z3x6hSZ4?si=H7x5VVe4TY6abXjzUiDnGw

#coldWinter #dad #dadLife #daddyDaughter #December #familyCourt #familyLawyer #familySolicitor #fatherSRights #fatherhood #girlParenting #heartbreak #legalAdvice #missedTime #missingYou #myGirl #parentalAlienation #parenting #seekingHelp #toddlerDad #toddlerParenting

Chatty in River Town calling me da-da

It was a cold but sunny winter’s morning and on my way to see you there were more train strikes and some works on the usual City Square station route so I took a different train from Purple Lane which takes longer.

I prepped a different meal for you. As you like mushy things at the moment, I boiled a red pepper, peeled the skin off and separately boiled chicken to combine with some yoghurt. Blended – it should taste nice. I prepped a few finger foods for you too, it’s adorable seeing you pick the pieces and eat like an adult at a wine and cheese party.

I considered places for you to roam during our time together, unfortunately the parks are too muddy so perhaps museum or touristy spots are best.

Our day

It was our first festive day! The start was tricky, you wanted to stay with mum and after a bit of time at Pret (where you had a babyccino, it seems your first Pret too!) Eventually, you settled enough to head off with me.

After lunch at Yo Sushi, where the staff were super friendly and helpful, we went to the square where there were performances all day for the Christmas lights switch-on. We danced, you smiled and laughed and cautiously admired a few pups too!

With our limited time, I thought it would be best to be indoors to keep warm and give you space to roam. We went to the animal history museum where there were loads of skeletons, preserved creatures in jars and taxidermy. Your naughty self wanted to climb on the precious exhibits and run around.

I gave you as much chance as possible to have fun and during a little break you treated me to saying ‘daa-daa’ lots, which fortunately I got a video of!

It was a lovely day, but it’s getting much harder during this colder weather. I’ll persevere as long as the trains are running. I’ll be happy to spend the day with you rain or snow.

Heading back to handover

Sadly your mum is still being hostile. After that long day, she still finds ways of criticising. The half-hour walk back to that station isn’t particularly interesting and I wrap you up cosy, so you tend to fall asleep on the way. Knowing this, your mum still keeps commenting that you’re not sleeping enough and sleeping too much. Nothing is ever right, it seems.

Something will change one day. For now, the interaction with her is usually something very negative and makes leaving you for another week even more unnecessarily sad.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Mc6MozS4K9LbWptgSbtvs?si=1Ek8OxaLSIGxVxSwHzSVew

#autumn #blogging #Christmas #coldWeather #dad #dadLife #daddy #daughter #emotions #family #fatherSRights #fatherhood #food #gratitude #grief #happiness #heartbreak #hostileMother #kids #life #littleGirl #love #memories #missingYou #myGirl #onlineWriting #parentalAlienation #parenting #relationship #toddler #toddlerDad #words #writing

Whelp he shat in the tub. How is your evening going.

#toddlerdad