Let’s Unpack This Mess Brooke Alexis Nicole Love

Hey everyone. Today is one of those rare, quiet days where I find myself sitting here, getting paid to essentially do nothing. Usually, my life is moving a mile a minute—balancing work, school, and being a mom—but when the world slows down like this, my mind tends to wander into the “vault.” You know the one: that collection of life stories that are so wild they sound like fiction, yet they are 100% my reality.

I’ve decided it’s time to put something out in the open. I’m doing this not out of anger, but out of a desire for clarity and peace. It’s been sitting on my heart, and honestly, at this stage in my life, I’ve realized that speaking the truth with grace is the only way to truly close a chapter.

From Guardian Angel to Heartbreak

Years ago, I met a girl—let’s call her Brooke Alexis Nicole Love. Our meeting was like something out of a movie. I was at a bar for a modeling meeting that felt “off” from the start. A guy was buying me drink after drink while secretly sipping water, clearly trying to get me to a vulnerable place. Brooke walked in, clocked the situation immediately, and followed me to the restroom to warn me. She told me I wasn’t safe and offered me a way out.

I left with her, and the very next day, the news reported a tragedy involving a young woman just miles from where we had been. In my eyes, Brooke was a guardian angel. I felt a debt of gratitude that turned into five years of deep, sisterly loyalty. I was her “calm” to her “fireball.” I stood by her through every hardship—miscarriages, abortions, and personal struggles. I even advocated for her with my own military recruiter to help her get into the training she wanted when others said no. I gave her my last dollar and my full heart because I believed in the bond we had.

When Trust is Broken: The Reality of Betrayal

Life eventually took us in different directions, but we reconnected when I was at a very vulnerable point—married, with my son, and pregnant with my daughter. Despite my husband’s initial hesitation, I opened my home to her when she needed a place to stay. I truly thought we were picking up where we left off.

However, the peace was an illusion. When neighbors started telling me that “voices” were coming from my home while I was at work, and that my husband and my “friend” were together behind my back, my world shattered. I chose the path of a mother—I didn’t want an altercation or a fight. I was protecting the life inside me. I had her legally removed from my home. On her way out, she took my EBT card and sold it. It was a sharp, painful ending to a five-year investment of love.

Dealing with Manipulation and Calculated Drama

Years passed. We didn’t speak. But my nature is to look for the good in people, and when I faced difficulties with my son’s father, I made the mistake of reaching out to her for help. Instead of being a bridge, she became a wedge. She entered a relationship with him, got pregnant by him, and to this day, she exerts a level of control over his life that is honestly baffling.

What’s even more concerning is the behavior that followed. I haven’t spoken to this woman since 2017 or 2018, yet she recently reached out with a casual “Hi.” Behind the scenes, however, she has been posting my photos, my son’s photos, and even private, sensitive content I’ve discussed in previous blogs.

It’s fascinating, really, to watch someone become entirely addicted to the drama of hating you. Over the years, it’s become abundantly clear that she thrives on playing the victim. She has this uncanny, almost psychopathic ability to twist stories, using calculated reverse psychology to manipulate anyone and any situation to benefit her narrative. She will stalk, copy, and harass, but the moment she is called out, she immediately cries foul.

The Psychology of Obsession and Stalking

She loves to paint others—especially me—as the villain who is “unhinged,” when the terrifying reality is that she is constantly projecting her own severe, dark mental health struggles onto everyone else. She is literally trying to wear my life like a costume, right down to involving herself with the father of my children, simply because her own insecurity won’t let her build an identity of her own. It takes a profound, scary lack of grip on reality to behave this maliciously while trying to convince the world you are the one who has been wronged.

Brooke, if you are reading this—and I know you are, because an obsession like yours doesn’t take days off—I want to speak to you woman-to-woman, with nothing but respect and a deep, genuine concern for your well-being.

A Message of Peace Over Competition

It has been nearly a decade. I am not competing with you. I am not in a race with anyone but the woman I was yesterday. I am busy being a mother, a professional, and a student. It is exhausting to watch someone try to “win” a contest that doesn’t exist. Your deep-seated jealousy is screaming through every single post you make. You’re trying so hard to act like you’re better than me, showing off on social media for an audience of strangers just to get a fraction of the attention you are so desperately starved for. We both know it’s a façade to cover up how insecure you truly are, barely holding on while trying to compete with a woman who isn’t even looking in your direction.

To the world, you act tough and “fireball” online, but we both know that in person, you are always mute. You shrink. Let me make one thing abundantly clear: I am not afraid of you. Trying to look scary or intimidating behind a screen doesn’t work on me. It just looks like a desperate cry for the attention you clearly didn’t get enough of as a child. You use shock value—my private photos, my innocent child—because you know you have nothing else of substance to offer. Harboring this much hate, jealousy, and obsession for someone from your distant past is a heavy burden to carry. I truly, sincerely hope you seek the serious psychiatric help you need to find peace in your own mind, so you can finally stop obsessing over mine.

Setting Boundaries for Public Tantrums

If you actually wanted to hash things out or talk like the adults we are, you have plenty of ways to reach me. You have my email. I know you have ways of finding my number. You can even ask my son’s father for my phone number—he will give it to you. There is no need for the public tantrums or the manipulative, calculated social media displays designed to get a reaction out of me.

Trying to use a gun to look “scary” or “cool” online doesn’t make you brave, Brooke, and it certainly doesn’t frighten me. It makes you look like someone who is desperately overcompensating for a complete lack of internal strength and character. Real strength is sitting down and having a conversation, not posing for photos to intimidate a woman you haven’t seen in eight years.

Legal Liabilities and Cyber-Harassment Consequences

While I am handling this with grace, I have to be clear about the lines being crossed. This isn’t just “mess”; it’s a series of legal liabilities that can follow you for a lifetime, especially given your history:

• Nonconsensual Distribution of Private Images (CPC §647(j)(4)): In California, “revenge porn” carries significant jail time and fines.
• Stalking & Cyber-Harassment (CPC §646.9): Repeatedly posting about me and my family to cause distress is a “wobbler” offense that can lead to up to three years in state prison.
• Felony Distribution of Minor’s Likeness: Posting images of a minor without consent, especially in a harassing context, is a massive legal risk.
• Military Repercussions: For someone who fought so hard to get into the military, a pattern of cyberbullying and criminal harassment can lead to a loss of security clearance and administrative separation.
• Brandishing/Intimidation: Using a firearm in a threatening manner, even digitally, can fall under Penal Code 417, which carries jail time and can permanently strip away your right to own that weapon.

Choosing Grace and Healing

I have let the past go. I have moved on to a life filled with purpose and love. If you and my son’s father have built a bond over a mutual dislike for me, then I hope that bond brings you whatever comfort you are looking for. But please, focus on your own family. Focus on your own growth.

I am choosing to remain calm, graceful, and kind, but I am also choosing to be firm. My peace is not up for negotiation. I hope you find the strength to heal from the toxic hate you’re holding inside and finally move forward. The “adult” world is much more fulfilling than the one you’re currently fabricating online.

Be well, and please—keep my children and my name off your page.

— Tina

When Loyalty Gets Twisted Into Silence

I was sitting around the other day, minding my own business and nursing my absolute lifeline—a Philz Iced Tesora with heavy cream and sugar (because life is simply too short for black coffee)—when I came across a quote that stopped me mid-sip.

It said: “Letting somebody get in your ear about the person you love is a form of Disloyalty.”

Whew. Let’s just take a collective deep breath on that one.

We talk a lot on this blog about accountability, personal growth, and cutting out the drama. But usually, we’re talking about the big, loud, obvious stuff. This quote, though? It targets the quiet, sneaky, subtle stuff that creeps into our lives when we aren’t paying attention. It’s the conversations we entertain because we don’t want to be “rude.” It’s the people-pleasing trap that ends up sabotaging the very foundation of our homes.

The Team Dynamic and Modern Challenges

If you’re building a life with someone—navigating the everyday chaos, making sure Noah and Maureen get where they need to go, splitting bills with Mo, and trying to remember who was supposed to take the chicken out of the freezer—you are a team. And today, we need to talk about why leaving the locker room door open for the peanut gallery is the ultimate betrayal.

Defining Disloyalty: It’s Not Always an Explosion

When we think of disloyalty, our minds immediately go to the extremes: cheating, lying, financial infidelity. But disloyalty isn’t always a massive explosion; sometimes, it’s a slow leak. Letting someone “get in your ear” rarely starts with a friend or family member outright saying, “I hate your partner.” It’s usually wrapped up in faux concern, casual gossip, or a manipulation tactic dressed up as care.

How Outside Influence Starts Small

You know how this goes. You have a minor vent session about how your partner left their socks on the floor for the 47th day in a row. It’s normal annoyance. But then, your friend leans in and says, “Wow. Are they always that disrespectful to you? I could never put up with that. You know that’s a red flag, right?”

Suddenly, a stray sock has been diagnosed as a profound character flaw by someone who has a degree from TikTok University. If you sit there and nod along, validating their exaggerated critique of the person you love? That’s the leak. That’s the disloyalty. They call it “just being honest,” but if you sit with it long enough, it sounds a lot more like, “Let me help you doubt the person you love.”

Accountability and the United Front

Then there is the person who always has a “different perspective” on your relationship, usually one that paints your partner in a negative light. They do not argue with facts because facts are not their aim. Their aim is fog. Their aim is distraction. They want to make you so busy questioning yourself and your relationship that you stop questioning them.

The Drafts in Your House

Here is the hard truth about accountability: you cannot complain about the drafts in your house if you’re the one leaving the windows wide open.

When you allow someone to consistently speak poorly of your partner, question their motives, or amplify their flaws, you are silently co-signing their disrespect. The person you love trusts you to be their safe space. They trust that when they are not in the room, their name is safe in your mouth. When you let an outsider come in and start picking them apart, you are breaking that united front.

Channeling Your Inner Olivia Benson

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to the people I love, I have to channel my inner Olivia Benson. You have to investigate the motive of the person doing the talking, protect the perimeter of your relationship, and shut down the interrogations that don’t serve your family.

The Burden of the “Strong One”

Let’s pause here, because I know exactly who is usually targeted by these “ear-whisperers.” It’s the strong ones.

People love calling you strong when they want access to your endurance. They admire your stability when they need somewhere to lean. They praise your patience when they have already exhausted yours. They look at your resilience like it is a personality trait instead of a survival skill. And let me just say, being the strong one is flattering until it becomes a job description nobody paid you for.

When Resilience Becomes a Job

You become the emergency exit, the cushion, the translator, the one who keeps things from breaking, even when you are already cracked yourself. It is funny in a sad way, the way people can look at a woman who is already carrying enough—juggling nursing shifts, BSN studies, kids, and trying to keep the dog from eating the throw pillows—and decide she has room for one more emotional suitcase.

They do not ask if your hands are full. They just hand you another bag and say, “You’re good with pressure.” Baby, I am good with prayer. Pressure is a different ministry.

Practical Steps to Protect Your Partnership

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “But Tina, I hate conflict!” Listen to me carefully: Setting a boundary is not being mean. It is being clear. People-pleasing outside your relationship at the expense of the person inside your relationship is a recipe for disaster.

4 Techniques for Setting Boundaries

Finding Balance Through Softness and Humor

If life handed me a sea, I’d probably build a raft with sticky notes and a coffee mug as a sail. Humor is the duct tape of relationships and life. It fixes small holes, lightens the load, and reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously.

Celebrating the Tiny Wins

When you’re protecting your peace, you have to actively look for the tiny wins that glue life together:

• Putting on clean socks straight from the dresser, not the laundry pile.
• Remembering someone’s name after you’ve confidently introduced yourself.
• Getting out of bed before your alarm—twice in one week.
• Cooking something that doesn’t taste like a science experiment.

The Power of Softness

It is easy to become hard when life keeps testing you. Harder to stay soft. Hardest of all to stay soft without becoming naïve. But softness is not weakness. Softness is evidence that pain did not complete its assignment.

Final Thoughts on Loyalty

At the end of the day, the people whispering in your ear do not have to sleep in your bed, pay your bills, or navigate the beautiful, messy reality of your day-to-day life. You and your partner do.

Loyalty isn’t just about what you do when your partner is watching. It’s about how fiercely you protect their name, and your union, when they aren’t around to hear it. Life doesn’t come with a perfect blueprint. It comes with stories we tell aloud, mistakes we own, and moments of quiet awe when we realize we’re still here.

The Limit Of What Can Be Requested

Learn why asking for too much can lead to negative results. Understand the limits in requests and negotiations.

#NegotiationTips, #SettingBoundaries, #CommunicationSkills, #ProblemSolving, #ExpectationManagement

https://newsletter.tf/why-asking-for-more-causes-problems/

Asking for 'one more thing' can sometimes lead to problems, not progress. There's a limit to what people or systems can handle.

#NegotiationTips, #SettingBoundaries, #CommunicationSkills, #ProblemSolving, #ExpectationManagement
https://newsletter.tf/why-asking-for-more-causes-problems/

Why Playing Both Sides is a No-Go

Hey guys, it’s Tina. Grab a snack, get comfortable, and let’s have a little heart-to-heart.

I posted something on my stories earlier that really seemed to strike a chord, and I wanted to expand on it here because, honestly, it’s been weighing on my mind. The post said: “& if u ever played both sides in any situation pertaining me, I don’t fw you let’s get that clear ✌🏾😆”

I know, I know—it sounds a bit blunt. But if you know me, you know I value transparency over everything.

The “Double Agent” Energy

We’ve all met that one person. You know the type. When they’re with you, they’re your absolute best friend. They’re nodding along, saying, “Oh my god, I totally agree, that was so out of line!” Then, ten minutes later, they’re across the room with the person they were just venting about, laughing and doing the exact same thing.

It’s called “playing Switzerland,” but honestly? Switzerland has better chocolate and way less drama.

Loyalty is Not a Part-Time Job

In my world, loyalty isn’t a part-time job. I’m not asking for blind devotion—I’m a grown woman, I can handle a difference of opinion. What I can’t handle is the “double agent” energy. If you’re trying to be a bridge between me and someone who’s actively disrespecting me, you aren’t a peacemaker. You’re just a spectator enjoying the show from both front-row seats.

Why the Vibe Matters

It’s not just about the gossip. It’s about the vibe.

• Trust is a Mirror: Once someone plays both sides, that mirror is cracked. Even if you glue it back together, I’m always going to see the lines.
• Energy Preservation: Life is way too short to be wondering if the person I’m venting to is going to use my words as currency to buy favor with someone else.
• The “Peace” Myth: People who play both sides often claim they “just want everyone to get along.” But usually, they just want to stay in everyone’s good graces so they don’t miss out on any invitations.

The Difference Between “Nice” and “Loyal”

Look, I get it. Being “nice” to everyone is easy. Being loyal is work.

I’ve had people try to come back into my circle after playing the middle man, acting like nothing happened. They’ll be like, “Tina, I just didn’t want to get involved!” Honey, by trying not to get involved, you basically signed up for a double shift of involvement.

Upfront Enemies vs. Lukewarm Friends

I’d honestly rather have an upfront enemy than a lukewarm friend. At least with an enemy, I know where the boundary is. With a “both-sides” person, I’m constantly checking my back to see if they’re holding a knife or a peace treaty. (Usually, it’s a knife wrapped in a peace treaty—very tricky!)

Choosing Quality Over Quantity

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Ouch, is she talking about me?”—maybe take a second to look at your circle. Are you being a friend, or are you just being a fan of the drama?

I’m at a point in my life where my circle is getting smaller, but the quality is getting higher. I want people around me who are solid. If I’m wrong, tell me to my face. If someone else is wronging me, don’t go grab a coffee with them and pretend it’s all good.

Final Thoughts on Respect

It’s about respect. If you can’t pick a side when things get real, then don’t be surprised when I pick the side that doesn’t include you. ✌🏾

Anyway, that’s my rant for the day! I feel ten pounds lighter just typing this out. To my real ones: I see you, I love you, and I appreciate you for being solid. To the fence-sitters: hope you have a comfortable cushion, because it looks lonely up there!

Why I’m Done Being a Human Doormat

Hey everyone, Tina here. Pull up a chair, grab a coffee (or something stronger, I don’t judge), and let’s have a real “heart-to-heart” about something that has been weighing on me lately.

I recently saw a quote that hit me like a cold splash of water to the face. It said: “There’s no reward for sticking by people who treat you badly.”

Read that again. Let it sink in.

The Myth of the “Loyalty Trophy” in Toxic Relationships

For the longest time, I thought there was some secret “Loyalty Trophy” waiting for me at the end of the marathon of being mistreated. I honestly believed that if I just held on long enough, if I was patient enough, kind enough, or “understanding” enough, the person on the other side would eventually have an epiphany. I thought they’d wake up one day, look at me, and say, “Wow, Tina, you’ve been so resilient through my absolute nonsense. Here is a gold medal and my eternal respect.”

The Reality of Staying Too Long

That trophy doesn’t exist. In fact, the only thing you get for “sticking it out” in a toxic situation is a high-octane case of burnout and a very expensive therapy bill.

We’ve all heard the phrase “Ride or Die,” right? It sounds so romantic and edgy in songs. But in reality, if the person you’re “riding” with keeps trying to push you out of the moving car, why are you still in the passenger seat?

Recognizing the Pattern of Emotional Neglect

I used to pride myself on being the friend who was always there. The one who would answer the 3:00 AM “I messed up” text for the tenth time in a row. But I started noticing a pattern: my “loyalty” was being treated like a subscription service that they didn’t have to pay for. I was giving 100% of my energy to people who wouldn’t even give me 10% of their respect. I was basically a human sponge, soaking up everyone else’s bad moods, insults, and neglect, thinking I was being “strong.”

Newsflash to past-Tina: That’s not being strong. That’s being a doormat with a pulse.

Why We Struggle with Setting Boundaries

I’ve been doing some soul-searching (it’s messy in there, don’t recommend it unless necessary), and I realized we stay for a few reasons:

There Is No Reward for Suffering

But here’s the thing I’ve finally learned: Walking away isn’t mean. It’s a survival tactic.

Let’s Look at the Math

If you stay with someone who treats you like an afterthought, what do you actually gain?

• Do you get more energy? No, you’re exhausted.
• Do you get more confidence? No, your self-esteem is currently in the basement.
• Do you get a “Good Person” certificate? No, you just get more of the same bad treatment because you’ve taught them that you’ll tolerate it.

The “reward” for sticking by someone who treats you badly is simply… more bad treatment. It’s a closed loop. The only way to win the game is to stop playing.

Choosing Self-Worth and Moving Forward

So, I’m officially resigning from the “Sticking By People Who Treat Me Like Trash” committee. I’ve handed in my badge and cleared out my locker.

From now on, my loyalty is a premium product. It’s reserved for the people who show up, who respect my boundaries, and who don’t make me feel like I have to audition for a spot in their life every single day.

If you’re reading this and you’re currently “sticking it out” with someone who makes you feel small, consider this your permission slip to leave. There is no prize for suffering. The real reward is the peace of mind you find when you finally decide that you are worth sticking up for.

Anyway, that’s my rant for the day. I feel ten pounds lighter just saying it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go enjoy some peace and quiet—and maybe a slice of cake, because that’s a reward I actually enjoy.

Accountability is a Two-Way Street 

Let’s have a little “come to Jesus” meeting, shall we?

I posted a quote today that really touched my spirit—and by “touched my spirit,” I mean it made me want to tag about five different people, but I chose peace and just hit “upload” instead. The quote said: “I’ll admit my wrongs, but you ain’t about to just sit there and act like you ain’t do shit.”

Can I get an amen? Or at least a “girl, same”?

Owning My Flaws and Personal Growth

Look, I’m at a point in my life where I’m okay with being the villain in someone’s story if it means I’m being honest. I’m grown. I’ve got flaws. I’ve got a “Tina” way of doing things that isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. If I messed up, I’ll own it. I’ll look you in the eye and say, “Yeah, I was out of pocket. My bad.” I’ll even do the whole “I’m sorry” song and dance if the situation calls for it.

BUT—and this is a big, capital-B ‘But’—

Do not think for one second that my confession is a hall pass for you to play the victim. We are not doing that today. We are not doing that this year. In fact, let’s just retire that move entirely.

The Trap of the One-Sided Apology

You know the type. You’re in the middle of a heated discussion, and you finally say, “Fine! I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I was wrong for that.”

And then… silence.

They just sit there, nodding like a judge passing a sentence. They’re looking at you with that “I’m glad you finally realized how difficult you are” face. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here thinking, Wait a minute. Are we just going to skip over the three hours of gaslighting and the passive-aggressive comments that led me to raising my voice in the first place? Is that the game we’re playing? Because I didn’t bring my jersey for that sport.

Why Accountability Matters in Relationships

I own my mistakes because I want to grow. I want to be a better version of Tina than I was yesterday. But accountability isn’t a gift I give you so you can feel superior; it’s a door I’m opening so we can both walk through it and fix the problem.

If I’m the only one standing in the “I Messed Up” zone while you’re lounging in the “I’m Perfect” lounge, the math just doesn’t add up. The equation is broken.

My New Rules for Mutual Accountability

So, here’s how it’s going down from now on:

Walking the Marathon Together

Relationships—whether they’re with your partner, your best friend, or your cousin who always “forgets” her wallet at dinner—require two people to be real. I’m happy to take the first step, but I’m not walking the whole marathon for both of us.

Stop Playing the Victim

If I’m big enough to admit my wrongs, you better be big enough to acknowledge yours. Otherwise, you’re just sitting there in a house of cards waiting for a breeze.

And let’s be real… I can be a very strong breeze when I want to be.

Stay real, stay accountable, and for the love of everything, stop acting like you’re innocent when we both know you’ve got receipts too.

Love,

Tina

Why My Absence is My Best Accessory

You know that feeling when you finally emerge from your house to grab a latte or run that one errand you’ve been putting off for three weeks, and you run into someone you haven’t seen since the Obama administration?

They look at you like they’ve just spotted a rare, flightless bird. They tilt their head, squint, and eventually hit you with the line: “Oh my gosh, Tina! I literally never see you around anymore!”

I usually just smile, give a little “Haha, yeah, life is crazy!” laugh, and keep it moving. But internally? My soul is doing a celebratory backflip. I’m thinking, “I know. I make sure of that.” 😂

The Quiet Power of Protecting Your Peace

Let’s be real: being “seen” is exhausting. In a world where everyone is broadcasting their lunch, their workout, and their existential crises in real-time, there is a profound, quiet power in being a total mystery.

It’s not that I’m becoming a hermit (okay, maybe a little bit), but I’ve turned “staying out of the way” into a literal art form. If social interaction was a video game, I’d be playing on Stealth Mode.

Mastering the Art of Staying Out of the Way

• The Grocery Store Ninja: I don’t just go to the store; I conduct a tactical mission. I know exactly which aisles have the highest “chat risk.” If I see a former coworker near the frozen peas? I’m pivoting. I will literally abandon my cart and hide behind a display of artisanal crackers before I engage in small talk about “how the weather’s been.”
• The Social Media Mirage: My Instagram is basically a museum of “Where in the world is Tina?” because I only post things three days after they happened. By the time you see I was at that cute bistro, I’m already back in my pajamas, three episodes deep into a true crime documentary.

Why Your Boundaries Are Your Greatest Strength

People think “I never see you” is a slight. They think you’re lonely or that you’ve fallen off the face of the earth. But for me? It’s the ultimate compliment. It means my boundaries are working. It means I’m successfully protecting my peace.

There’s a certain magic in being the person people wonder about. When you aren’t everywhere, the times you do show up actually mean something. I’m not “around”; I’m curated. I’m like a limited-edition drop, but instead of sneakers, it’s just me in a hoodie trying to buy avocados in peace.

Recharging Your Social Battery

I think a lot of us feel this way, right? We love our friends, we love our community, but the social battery is a fickle thing. Sometimes, the best way to recharge is to simply… evaporate for a while.

The Specific Joys of Disappearing

Living Low-Key and Selective

So, if you’re like me and your favorite phrase to hear is “I never see you around,” welcome to the club. We meet every Tuesday, but nobody shows up because we’re all at home enjoying our own company.

I’ve realized that my “disappearing act” isn’t about being rude—it’s about being selective. Life is loud. If I can control the volume by making sure I’m not “around” for the noise, I’m going to do it every single time.

Stay low-key, my friends. It’s much more peaceful down here.

The Art of Staying “Out the Way

Hey everyone, it’s Tina.

If you’ve seen that quote floating around lately—the one that says, “I be out the way in real life, ion fw nobody who don’t fw me I be chilling fr”—just know that was written specifically for my soul. It is my current life anthem, my personality trait, and honestly, my greatest achievement of the year.

If you’re wondering where I’ve been, the answer is: minding the business that pays me.

Entering My “Low-Power Mode” Era for Mental Health

Let’s be real for a second. We’ve all had those phases where we felt like we had to be everywhere, know everyone, and reply to every single text within three seconds. Not me. Not anymore. I’ve officially entered my “Low-Power Mode” era, and let me tell you, the battery life on my mental health has never been better.

I’ve realized that trying to force a connection with people who aren’t on your wavelength is like trying to charge an iPhone with a literal potato. It’s exhausting, it’s messy, and at the end of the day, you’re still at 1%.

Choosing Energy and Genuine Connections

Now? If the energy isn’t “I genuinely want to see you win,” then I am nowhere to be found. If you don’t “fw” (mess with) me, I promise you, I am not losing sleep over it. In fact, I’m probably getting an extra eight hours because I’m not overthinking a conversation I had with someone I didn’t even like in the first place.

Why Being Selective Isn’t Being Lonely

Being “out the way” doesn’t mean I’m lonely; it means I’m selective. It’s the difference between a crowded, noisy basement party and a private lounge with soft lighting and good snacks.

Why I’m Loving This Low-Key Vibe

• Zero Drama: When you aren’t in the mix, you don’t get stirred. I hear about drama second-hand now, and it feels like watching a reality show I’ve already canceled.
• Quality Over Quantity: My “circle” is more of a “dot” at this point, but that dot is solid gold.
• The Power of “No”: I’ve learned that “No” is a complete sentence. “Do you want to come to this event with 50 people you don’t know?” No. “Can you help me with this thing that drains your soul?” No.

Rediscovering Joy Without an Audience

People ask me, “Tina, what do you even do all day if you’re so ‘out the way’?”

First of all, mind yours! (Just kidding… mostly). But seriously, I be chilling. I’m rediscovering the joy of things that don’t require an audience. I’m reading books, I’m actually finishing my coffee while it’s still hot, and I’m laughing at memes in a group chat that has exactly three people in it.

Moving from FOMO to Peaceful Protagonist

There is a certain kind of power in being unreachable to the wrong people. It creates space for the right things to actually show up. I used to think I was missing out (shoutout to my old friend, FOMO), but now I realize that the only thing I was missing out on was myself.

If you’re feeling drained, stop trying to be the “main character” in everyone else’s story and start being the peaceful protagonist in your own. If someone doesn’t vibe with you, let them go. Don’t chase, don’t beg, and definitely don’t check their Instagram stories to see what they’re doing.

Final Thoughts on Protecting Your Peace

Stay out the way. Keep your circle small. Drink your water. Protect your peace like it’s a winning lottery ticket—because, in a world this loud, a little bit of quiet is worth a fortune.

Stay chilling, friends.

The “Welcome Home” Mat Needs an Intervention

Hey y’all. Grab your coffee (or something stronger, I don’t judge), because we need to have a real “sister-to-sister” moment. I saw something today that triggered a memory so vivid I practically smelled the cheap cologne and lies from 2019.

The Reality of the “Houdini Hustle”

You know the vibe: “These men really be having they way. They go out, do whatever they want, cheat, act a fool, and then—when they’re tired of the streets—they come back home to ‘play house.’ And the wildest part? We’re standing there at the front door with open arms and a home-cooked meal.”

Lawd, help us.

I call it the “Houdini Hustle.” He disappears, stops answering texts, and is out here living his best single life while you’re at home wondering if the “delivered” receipt on your iMessage is a personal attack from Apple. Then, suddenly, he reappears. He’s “realized what he had,” or he “misses his peace.”

Stop Making Your Heart a Revolving Door

And because we have hearts the size of Texas, we let him back in. We start posting those “My King is Home” pictures on the ‘gram, praising him for “never leaving” (even though he was gone for three weeks in October!).

The Reality Check: Sis, he didn’t “stay.” He just ran out of options and knew your door was the only one that didn’t require a security deposit.

Falling in Love with Potential vs. Reality

I’ve been there. I’ve been the “sloo ssa” (as the kids say) who thought my love was a magical potion that could turn a frog into a prince. We think if we love them hard enough, they’ll finally see our worth. But here’s the tea: You can’t see the value of a diamond if you’re too busy looking for rocks.

It’s easy to get caught up in the “potential” of a man instead of the “reality” of him. We fall in love with the version of him that exists in our heads—the one who is faithful, consistent, and actually remembers our birthday. But when the version in front of us is a professional “hide-and-seek” champion, we have to wake up.

Why He Won’t Change if the Door Stays Open

I’m not saying people can’t change, but I am saying your heart isn’t a revolving door. You are not a rest stop on the highway of his bad decisions.

If he can go cheat and come back to a celebration, why would he ever stop? As the saying goes, “I wouldn’t leave your slow self alone either” if I knew I could have my cake, eat it, and then come back for your dessert too!

It’s Time to Flip the Mat

It’s time to take that “Welcome” mat, flip it over, and write “NOT TODAY” on the back.

It hurts to let go, but it hurts way more to be the person waiting at the door for someone who doesn’t respect the house they’re living in. You deserve a partner who stays because they want to, not because they’re “ready to play house” after the playground got too cold.

Keep your head up, keep your standards higher, and for the love of everything holy, stop praising him for doing the bare minimum after he gave you the absolute maximum stress.