Tina Okoli-AzzalarabWhy Playing Both Sides is a No-Go
Hey guys, it’s Tina. Grab a snack, get comfortable, and let’s have a little heart-to-heart.
I posted something on my stories earlier that really seemed to strike a chord, and I wanted to expand on it here because, honestly, it’s been weighing on my mind. The post said: “& if u ever played both sides in any situation pertaining me, I don’t fw you let’s get that clear ✌🏾😆”
I know, I know—it sounds a bit blunt. But if you know me, you know I value transparency over everything.
The “Double Agent” Energy
We’ve all met that one person. You know the type. When they’re with you, they’re your absolute best friend. They’re nodding along, saying, “Oh my god, I totally agree, that was so out of line!” Then, ten minutes later, they’re across the room with the person they were just venting about, laughing and doing the exact same thing.
It’s called “playing Switzerland,” but honestly? Switzerland has better chocolate and way less drama.
Loyalty is Not a Part-Time Job
In my world, loyalty isn’t a part-time job. I’m not asking for blind devotion—I’m a grown woman, I can handle a difference of opinion. What I can’t handle is the “double agent” energy. If you’re trying to be a bridge between me and someone who’s actively disrespecting me, you aren’t a peacemaker. You’re just a spectator enjoying the show from both front-row seats.
Why the Vibe Matters
It’s not just about the gossip. It’s about the vibe.
- Trust is a Mirror: Once someone plays both sides, that mirror is cracked. Even if you glue it back together, I’m always going to see the lines.
- Energy Preservation: Life is way too short to be wondering if the person I’m venting to is going to use my words as currency to buy favor with someone else.
- The “Peace” Myth: People who play both sides often claim they “just want everyone to get along.” But usually, they just want to stay in everyone’s good graces so they don’t miss out on any invitations.
The Difference Between “Nice” and “Loyal”
Look, I get it. Being “nice” to everyone is easy. Being loyal is work.
I’ve had people try to come back into my circle after playing the middle man, acting like nothing happened. They’ll be like, “Tina, I just didn’t want to get involved!” Honey, by trying not to get involved, you basically signed up for a double shift of involvement.
Upfront Enemies vs. Lukewarm Friends
I’d honestly rather have an upfront enemy than a lukewarm friend. At least with an enemy, I know where the boundary is. With a “both-sides” person, I’m constantly checking my back to see if they’re holding a knife or a peace treaty. (Usually, it’s a knife wrapped in a peace treaty—very tricky!)
Choosing Quality Over Quantity
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Ouch, is she talking about me?”—maybe take a second to look at your circle. Are you being a friend, or are you just being a fan of the drama?
I’m at a point in my life where my circle is getting smaller, but the quality is getting higher. I want people around me who are solid. If I’m wrong, tell me to my face. If someone else is wronging me, don’t go grab a coffee with them and pretend it’s all good.
Final Thoughts on Respect
It’s about respect. If you can’t pick a side when things get real, then don’t be surprised when I pick the side that doesn’t include you. ✌🏾
Anyway, that’s my rant for the day! I feel ten pounds lighter just typing this out. To my real ones: I see you, I love you, and I appreciate you for being solid. To the fence-sitters: hope you have a comfortable cushion, because it looks lonely up there!
#bloganuary #dailyprompt #fakeFriends #FriendshipBoundaries #Integrity #loyalty #personalGrowth #settingBoundaries #socialCircles #toxicFriends #trust
Sir Thomas Goodwin, M.S.
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