Why Playing Both Sides is a No-Go

Hey guys, it’s Tina. Grab a snack, get comfortable, and let’s have a little heart-to-heart.

I posted something on my stories earlier that really seemed to strike a chord, and I wanted to expand on it here because, honestly, it’s been weighing on my mind. The post said: “& if u ever played both sides in any situation pertaining me, I don’t fw you let’s get that clear ✌🏾😆”

I know, I know—it sounds a bit blunt. But if you know me, you know I value transparency over everything.

The “Double Agent” Energy

We’ve all met that one person. You know the type. When they’re with you, they’re your absolute best friend. They’re nodding along, saying, “Oh my god, I totally agree, that was so out of line!” Then, ten minutes later, they’re across the room with the person they were just venting about, laughing and doing the exact same thing.

It’s called “playing Switzerland,” but honestly? Switzerland has better chocolate and way less drama.

Loyalty is Not a Part-Time Job

In my world, loyalty isn’t a part-time job. I’m not asking for blind devotion—I’m a grown woman, I can handle a difference of opinion. What I can’t handle is the “double agent” energy. If you’re trying to be a bridge between me and someone who’s actively disrespecting me, you aren’t a peacemaker. You’re just a spectator enjoying the show from both front-row seats.

Why the Vibe Matters

It’s not just about the gossip. It’s about the vibe.

• Trust is a Mirror: Once someone plays both sides, that mirror is cracked. Even if you glue it back together, I’m always going to see the lines.
• Energy Preservation: Life is way too short to be wondering if the person I’m venting to is going to use my words as currency to buy favor with someone else.
• The “Peace” Myth: People who play both sides often claim they “just want everyone to get along.” But usually, they just want to stay in everyone’s good graces so they don’t miss out on any invitations.

The Difference Between “Nice” and “Loyal”

Look, I get it. Being “nice” to everyone is easy. Being loyal is work.

I’ve had people try to come back into my circle after playing the middle man, acting like nothing happened. They’ll be like, “Tina, I just didn’t want to get involved!” Honey, by trying not to get involved, you basically signed up for a double shift of involvement.

Upfront Enemies vs. Lukewarm Friends

I’d honestly rather have an upfront enemy than a lukewarm friend. At least with an enemy, I know where the boundary is. With a “both-sides” person, I’m constantly checking my back to see if they’re holding a knife or a peace treaty. (Usually, it’s a knife wrapped in a peace treaty—very tricky!)

Choosing Quality Over Quantity

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Ouch, is she talking about me?”—maybe take a second to look at your circle. Are you being a friend, or are you just being a fan of the drama?

I’m at a point in my life where my circle is getting smaller, but the quality is getting higher. I want people around me who are solid. If I’m wrong, tell me to my face. If someone else is wronging me, don’t go grab a coffee with them and pretend it’s all good.

Final Thoughts on Respect

It’s about respect. If you can’t pick a side when things get real, then don’t be surprised when I pick the side that doesn’t include you. ✌🏾

Anyway, that’s my rant for the day! I feel ten pounds lighter just typing this out. To my real ones: I see you, I love you, and I appreciate you for being solid. To the fence-sitters: hope you have a comfortable cushion, because it looks lonely up there!

#bloganuary #dailyprompt #fakeFriends #FriendshipBoundaries #Integrity #loyalty #personalGrowth #settingBoundaries #socialCircles #toxicFriends #trust

Giver” Era is Officially on Hiatus

Hey everyone, Tina here. Pull up a chair, grab a snack (because I certainly don’t have one to share right now), and let’s have a little heart-to-heart about the state of my “customer service” department.

You know that friend? The one who is always the “fixer”? The one people call when they need a jumpstart at 2 AM, a $20 loan until Friday, or a shoulder to cry on because they ignored your advice and went back to their toxic ex for the fourteenth time?

Yeah. For a long time, I was that girl. I prided myself on being the reliable one. I had the “I got you” energy on lock. But lately, I’ve realized that my “I got you” tank is running on fumes, and the fumes are actually just me hyperventilating into a paper bag.

Reaching the Limit: Entering the “Don’t Ask Me For Nothin'” Season

The other day, someone reached out asking for a “huge favor.” My eye started twitching before I even finished reading the text. It wasn’t even a hard favor, but my brain immediately went into lockdown mode. It was in that moment I realized I’ve reached my limit. I have officially entered my “Don’t Ask Me For Nothin’” era.

I saw this quote today that basically summed up my entire soul in one sentence:

“If u need anything, I mean anything, don’t hesitate to ask another mf cause ion got it.”

Read that again. Let it marinate. It is poetic. It is honest. It is my new voicemail greeting.

The Reality of Setting Boundaries

I know it sounds a little harsh, but hear me out. Setting boundaries is usually described as this elegant, peaceful process where you sit in a lotus position and say, “I am protecting my peace.”

In reality? Setting boundaries feels more like closing the shutters, locking the door, and pretending you aren’t home when you see the “Can I ask you a question?” bubble popping up on your phone.

What “Ion Got It” Really Means

“Ion got it” isn’t just about money—though, let’s be real, inflation is out here acting like a supervillain—it’s about everything:

1. Emotional Labor

I am currently at capacity. My empathy meter is at 1%. If you tell me your problems right now, I might just respond with “dang, that’s crazy” for three hours straight because I simply do not have the bandwidth to process your drama.

2. Time

If you ask me to help you move, just know I have a mysterious back injury that only flares up when I see a cardboard box.

3. Energy

I used to be the person who would stay up late helping people figure out their lives. Now? If it’s past 9 PM, my brain has already clocked out, filed its taxes, and gone to sleep.

Overcoming the Guilt of Being “Polite”

I think a lot of us feel this way, but we’re too “polite” to say it. We keep saying “yes” until we’re bitter, tired, and looking at our friends like they’re chores.

So, I’m giving you permission to join me in this season of unavailability. It’s okay to tell people that the shop is closed for inventory. It’s okay to admit that you are currently the “mf” who needs help, rather than the one giving it.

A Quick Guide for Those Asking for Favors

So, if you’re reading this and you were about to text me to ask if I can “just quickly” do something… please refer back to the quote above.

• Do I love you? Yes.
• Am I rooting for you? Always.
• Do I have the mental, physical, or financial resources to solve your current crisis? Refer to the previous answer.

Refilling the Cup

I’m taking some time to refill my own cup. And honestly? My cup is currently a thimble. It’s going to take a while. Until then, there are approximately 8 billion other people on this planet—surely one of them has what you’re looking for!

Stay hydrated, stay blessed, and most importantly, stay away from my inbox with “favors” for at least three to five business months.

#emotionalBurnout #FriendshipBoundaries #HealthyRelationships #MentalHealthAwareness #personalGrowth #protectingYourPeace #SayingNo #SelfCareTips #settingBoundaries #storiesFromTina #TheFixerMentality

Platonic bubble baths? The math isn't mathing. 

Let’s be real: shared nudity is an intimate act. Calling it "just friends" is gaslighting yourself. We are advocating for clear communication and avoiding the awkwardness.

Where do you draw the line? 👇

Watch here: https://youtu.be/pG60qA4grqw

#FriendshipBoundaries #Awkward #SocialAwareness #LoveLife #Podcast

Some People Unfriend You Over Beliefs—That’s OK
Jim Ellermeyer reflects on how relationships shift when opinions come to light, and how mindfulness helps us accept it. www.FishingWithoutBait.com
#Mindfulness #Authenticity #FishingWithoutBait #JimEllermeyer #FriendshipBoundaries