The cat burglar

“I was kissing a cow when central called. I came as fast as I could.”

“I see. That explains the smell.”

“What smell?”

“You smell like a cow.”

“Oh. That’s not the cow.”

“What is it, then?”

“My deodorant.”

“What fragrance are you using that smells so bad?”

“Barnyard Animal. Why?”

“It figures.”

“Anyway, what do we have here?”

“A burglar was killed.”

“Is that the burglar?”

“Yes. It is the cat you see on the floor, bleeding from a gunshot wound.”

“A *cat* burglar then…”

“You know what they say?”

“A cat in the hand is worth two in the bush?”

“No. Why would this apply here?? What they say is curiosity killed the cat.”

“Okay. How do you figure this applies in this case?”

“Look at his face.”

“Ah, yes, that’s the most curious case of resting hamster face I’ve ever seen.”

“Yes, that’s what killed him.”

“But how?”

“I think curiosity works slowly, more like an amoeba going after a shark than like lightning fellating a tree.”

“Fellating a tree???”

“I mean felling a tree. Anyway, you laugh at the amoeba but slowly, slowly it does its work and kills the shark. And then who has the last laugh?”

“I don’t know.”

“Not the shark. That’s for sure… because it is dead.”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction

When Your Handwriting’s Too Human: The AI Detector Dilemma for Neurodivergent Writers

AI detectors pose challenges for neurodivergent writers, often misinterpreting their unique styles as artificial. While handwriting analysis aims to capture individuality, it may overlook the beauty of imperfections in human expression. Embracing authenticity and selecting supportive writing tools is essential for maintaining one's voice amid scrutiny from algorithms.

https://dreamspacestudio.net/when-your-handwritings-too-human-the/

The leading cause of death

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, doctor.”

“How are you doing?”

“It’s probably best not to tarry. I’m parked in the metered zone. Give it to me straight, doctor. How much time do I have left?”

“Let me get the right visual aid. Ah… yes. You see this display with the time ticking down?”

“Yes.”

“That’s the time you have left.”

“Shit! That’s less than five minutes!”

“I’m very sorry.”

“I won’t even have time to put my things in order.”

“Wait, what???”

“If I’m going to die, I need to put my things in order.”

“Who said anything about you dying so soon?”

“You said my time is being counted down by this display.”

“Oh. Yes. That’s the time you have left on your parking spot. I thought that’s what you meant.”

“Oooohhhh… ha ha. So I get to live then?”

“For a while, yes.”

“Say, you’ve never told me what I have.”

“Oh, yes. You’re not going to die within the next five minutes, but you do have a terminal condition.”

“Shit… what condition?”

“You have an acute case of being alive.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, did you know that being alive is the leading cause of death, not only in this country, but everywhere on the planet?”

“So I won’t die soon?”

“No, you’ll die of ocular burnout 10 years from now.”

“Ocular burnout? What is it?”

“That’s top secret, I’m afraid. At any rate, you’ll live long enough to pay the parking ticket that will be automatically generated for you, just… about… now, according to my display.”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction #doctors

How AI Helps Neurodivergent Freelancers Unmask

Freelancing as a neurodivergent writer offers freedom but often involves masking atypical traits, leading to profound burnout. This performance drains energy, making tasks feel overwhelming. However, AI tools can provide essential support by facilitating clearer communication, managing energy, and helping set boundaries, enabling writers to work authentically and sustainably.

https://dreamspacestudio.net/how-ai-helps-neurodivergent-freelancers-unmask/

Of tigers and krakens…

[Knock at door]

“[Cracks the door open] Yes, what is it?”

“Pest control. I’m coming to take care of the tigers.”

“The tigers?”

“Yes.”

“I find hard to believe that you take care of tigers.”

“Here is our flier. Look at that list.”

“Cockroaches… Mice… Chupacabras… Krakens… Ha, yes, tigers. It is on your list.”

“The building’s management has specifically asked us to take care of tigers. They want to make sure that no tigers bother you.”

“Well, that seems to be legit. Do come in.”

“Thank you.”

“I have to tell you though. I’ve been here three years, and I haven’t seen any tigers.”

“Oh?”

“In fact, I don’t think there are tigers in this entire country… Well, except in zoos.”

“You never know when a tiger will escape from a zoo, hitch a ride in a taxi and show up at your doorstep. As one might say, better safe than sorry.”

“I suppose, but I think you’re wasting your time with tiger prevention.”

“Now, you should clear the living room.”

“Why?”

“Those tigers are big fellas. The trap will take your entire living room.”

“Really? There are no tigers here! Your trap is pointless. Hmm… say, can I interest you in taking care of Krakens?”

“Krakens? Where?”

“I saw a couple of them last week behind the fridge.”

“Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! You know what this means?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I get to use the nukes!”

“Nukes! How does this fit with better safe than sorry????”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction

Taimi: The Unserious Dating App for Unserious Folks

If it walks like a duck, and it looks like a duck… Photo by Bryan Padron on Unsplash … sometimes it is indeed a duck, but sometimes it is a skunk cosplaying as a duck. Taimi is the latter. Taimi stinks, it already stank, but now it stinks even more. It brands itself LGBTQ+ Dating and Chat. However, Taimi is an unserious dating app pretending to be serious. It fails at this, badly. If you haven't done so already, I do invite you to read my previous take on Taimi. You'll see there that […]

https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2026/03/18/taimi-the-unserious-dating-app-for-unserious-folks/

He died doing what he loves best

“I came as fast as I could. I was frying air when central called.”

“Frying air?”

“Yes.”

“How do you fry air?”

“You know how a hair drier dries hair? An air fryer fries air. I got a new air fryer. It fries air to a crisp.”

“I see. Your grammatical logic is impeccable.”

“So what happened here?”

“A murder.”

“And I suppose that this is our victim, lying on the floor, covered in blood?”

“No, that’s Sergeant Fox, resting after a mishap with a ketchup bottle. The victim is over here.”

“Ah. What does the coroner say?”

“Apparently, our victim died doing he loves best.”

“And what’s that?”

“Masturbating.”

“Ah, yes, that would explain the hand down the pants, and the ridiculous smile on his face.”

“No, I’m afraid that’s a congenital feature.”

“You mean to tell me that this man was born with his hand down his pants? It must have been a difficult birth.”

“No, I’m talking about his face.”

“Yes, babies are born with a face. Nothing special about this.”

“I’m actually talking about his facial expression.”

“How do you figure that it is congenital?”

“For one thing, the smile was not momentary, look at his badge. [Shows the badge.]”

“Good god! This man has the worst case of resting clown face that I have ever seen. But how do you know it was congenital? It could have been the result of plastic surgery gone wrong.”

“Look at this. Forensics reconstructed the man’s face as a child.”

“Ah yes, even as a child, he looked like a cartoon clown.”

“And look at this. Forensics even reconstructed the man’s dog.”

“A balloon dog! A balloon dog for a clown checks out.”

“Forensics also reconstructed the man’s wife.”

“What gives? I see a blank piece of paper.”

“Exactly. He never married.”

“I see.”

“The kicker is that his wife looks exactly like his goat. Look!”

“You’re showing me the same piece of paper.”

“Yes, that’s because he never had a goat either.”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction

Can I show you my tits?

“What can I do for you?”

“I would like to purchase a bird.”

“Oh, can I show you my tits?”

“I beg your pardon.”

“My tits. Do you want to see them?”

“Madam, your proposal is quite indecent.”

“Indecent? How?”

“You proposed that I see you in a state of undress.”

“What? I’ve got great tits and I just wanted to show them to you.”

“I care not as to whether your breasts are great or banal. I just don’t want to see them.”

“Would you stop talking about my breasts? I want to show you birds.”

“Oh, I heard tits.”

“Yes, if my great tits don’t interest you, my assistant just acquired blue tits. Do you want to see her blue tits?”

“Madam, for the last time, I do not wish to see anybody’s breasts, no matter what color they are.”

“Let me try another way. Is there a type of bird that interests you?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. Boobies. I’d like to see your boobies.”

“My boobies? Impudent!”

“What? You don’t have boobies?”

“Now you’re just insulting me.”

“Well, then. I shall leave, without having seen your boobies… or your breasts for that matter.”

“Very well!”

“Hmm… what next on my list of errands? Ah, yes, I shall go to the grocer to take a look at her melons.”

“You want to see her melons? Out of my store, you clod!”

“I shall take my leave anon.”

“Good!”

“I go check out the grocer’s melons and then I’ll go to the hardware store to get myself a nice pair of jugs and some nipples.”

“I’m sure the staff there will gladly let you see their jugs and their nipples. Oaf!”

“I must now bid you mammary.”

“Mammary to you too, sir!”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction #birds #breasts

A deadly combination

“I came as soon as I could. I was in the middle of surgery when central called.”

“I see.”

“[Phone rings.] Hold on! I’ve got to take this. [Picks up the cellphone.] “Yes. Yes. Let me know if the patient’s state changes, and remember the hydration. [Hangs up.]”

“How’s the patient?”

“As dead as when I left him.”

“Dead? Why do you need him hydrated?”

“Oh, I don’t need him hydrated. I was reminding the nurse to drink water. I don’t want to go back home to a dead patient and a dead nurse.”

“Home? Your home is equipped for surgery?”

“Yes, my home is complete with solarium, jacuzzi, batcave, and an OR.”

“I also did not know you were a doctor besides being a police officer.”

“I’m just an amateur. I learned my craft by reading the back of cereal boxes.”

“But there is no medical information on the back of cereal boxes.”

“Indeed, that’s why I call myself an amateur. Anyhow, what happened here?”

“An armed robbery, but the perpetrator was killed.”

“Is that the perpetrator on the floor bleeding from a gunshot would to the head, and not breathing?”

“Yes.”

“Look at that attire!”

“You know what they say?”

“What do they say?”

“Dress for the job you are seeking.”

“Well, by the looks of it, this criminal wanted a job as a clown circus.”

“True. Though he has a serious case of accountant face.”

“Yeah, the attire of a clown, and the face of an accountant. That’s a deadly combination if I’ve ever seen one.”

“How do you figure? We’re still alive.”

“Yes, but our victim is dead.”

“I see.”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction

A surprise in every box.

“Is this the Department of Formal Complaints?”

“No, this is the Department of Informal Complaints.”

“Oh, but the sign on the door says…”

“I was joking. This, indeed, is the Department of Formal Complaints. There is no such thing as a Department of Informal Complaints. That would be bonkers.”

“Ah. Well, I’d like to submit a formal complaint. Hmm… no, I wouldn’t *like* to submit it. ‘Like’ is the wrong word. I would be displeased to submit… That does not sound quite right either.”

“You want to submit a formal complaint, right?”

“That’s it.”

“What is it about?”

“Your boxes of cereal claim that there is a surprise in every box.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I opened my box, looked for the surprise, and found a turd.”

“Go on.”

“And it wasn’t just a turd, it was a third of turd.”

“A turd of a turd? I find that hard to believe. Our turds do not produce other turds.”

“No, not a turd of a turd. A third of a turd. How shall I put it? One over three of a turd.”

“Oh, a third of a turd. Would you have liked a whole turd?”

“We’re going astray here. What kind of a surprise is a turd?”

“Well, were you surprised?”

“Sure. I expected something like a toy, or some knick-knack.”

“Okay, so the writing on the box is truthful. There was a surprise in your box.”

“That’s your stance?”

“Yes, I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

“I see.”

“This is the wrong department for such activity. You want the Department of Making Mountains Out of Molehills, next door.”

“[Picks up phone and dials.]”

“Who are you calling?”

“The Department of Farcical Situations.”

“Why?”

“To report this situation!”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #turd

#AutisticWriters #TheDailyIsotope #turd