Lawyer talk
“[On the phone.] Yes. Yes. Yes, with extra sauce and cheese. [Hangs up]”
“Sauce and cheese? I take it you were ordering a pizza.”
“No, I was talking to my lawyer.”
“Your lawyer??? Why were you talking about sauce and cheese, then?”
“I was teaching my lawyer how to order a pizza.”
The alien abduction
“I came as fast as I could. I was curling my hair when central called.”
“That explains the hair curlers still in your hair.”
“What have we here?”
“By the looks of it, an abduction.”
“Ah. You know what they say, right?”
“No, what do they say?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I was hoping *you* would know. Anyhow, is that the victim’s underwear, on the floor?”
“Yes. Judging by the content of the toilet, she was abducted by aliens in mid-shit.”
“How do you figure?”
“Look at the floaters, and there is no toilet paper in the bowl.”
“No, I mean, how do you figure it was aliens?”
“Look at what they left behind.”
“That’s alien alright. I can’t read the writing.”
“You’re looking at my notepad. Look at this, here.”
“The latest issue of Aliens Abducting Women Mid-Shit. It’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I’ll show you. [Holds mirror.] See that booger on your nose?”
“You’re right. It is right on my nose. Thanks for the heads-up. I’m going to have to go see my dermatologist before it multiplies.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”
“How do you figure?”
“It looks too young. Probably does not know multiplication yet.”
“Hang on. I’ve got to take this call. [Picks up phone.] Yes. Yes. It was an abduction. Yes. [Hangs up.]”
“You were on the phone with the coroner, I take it.”
“No, I was ordering a pizza from the flower shop.”
#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction #aliens #AlienAbduction
David Green is an autistic writer of the epic and urban, fantastical, cosy and mysterious. He's also a mega-mega-mega fan of Supernatural, which celebrates its 21st birthday this year. David will look at the Winchester's "family business" of hunting monsters, dealing with Heaven and Hell, and trying to figure out exactly what happened to their parents. 🧵⬇️
The Alfredo sauce tastes funny…
“Oh, waiter!”
“Yes.”
“I’m not satisfied with this Alfredo sauce.”
“Oh. Let me taste it. […] It tastes like perfectly fine Alfredo sauce to me.”
“It does? To me this tastes like my husband.”
“Your husband?”
“Yes, husband. I mean I do like the taste of my husband, but Alfredo sauce should not taste like him.”
“You like the taste of your husband?”
“Yes, I do kiss him every day.”
“Is that your husband there?”
“Yes. It is.”
“Don’t you see the issue?”
“What issue?”
“He’s a block of Parmigiano cheese!”
“No, no, no… He would have told me if it were the case.”
“Let’s try something. [To the husband:] Sir?”
“…”
“Sir?”
“…”
“See. He’s not reacting. That’s because he’s a block of Parmigiano cheese.”
“Okay, bucko! Now, you’re just insulting us. I’ve told you he’s not a block of Parmigiano cheese.”
“What is he, then?”
“A block of Romano cheese.”
“Aha! There’s Romano cheese in the Alfredo sauce!”
A question at Eastercon had David Green pondering why neurodivergent creatives seek out other neurodivergent creatives: It’s all about acceptance.
https://britishfantasysociety.org/searching-for-people-like-me/
#writers #writing #writingcommunity #autism #autismawareness #autisticwriters #creativity #creativetoots #neurodivergence #neurodiversity
The cat burglar
“I was kissing a cow when central called. I came as fast as I could.”
“I see. That explains the smell.”
“What smell?”
“You smell like a cow.”
“Oh. That’s not the cow.”
“What is it, then?”
“My deodorant.”
“What fragrance are you using that smells so bad?”
“Barnyard Animal. Why?”
“It figures.”
“Anyway, what do we have here?”
“A burglar was killed.”
“Is that the burglar?”
“Yes. It is the cat you see on the floor, bleeding from a gunshot wound.”
“A *cat* burglar then…”
“You know what they say?”
“A cat in the hand is worth two in the bush?”
“No. Why would this apply here?? What they say is curiosity killed the cat.”
“Okay. How do you figure this applies in this case?”
“Look at his face.”
“Ah, yes, that’s the most curious case of resting hamster face I’ve ever seen.”
“Yes, that’s what killed him.”
“But how?”
“I think curiosity works slowly, more like an amoeba going after a shark than like lightning fellating a tree.”
“Fellating a tree???”
“I mean felling a tree. Anyway, you laugh at the amoeba but slowly, slowly it does its work and kills the shark. And then who has the last laugh?”
“I don’t know.”
“Not the shark. That’s for sure… because it is dead.”
When Your Handwriting’s Too Human: The AI Detector Dilemma for Neurodivergent Writers
AI detectors pose challenges for neurodivergent writers, often misinterpreting their unique styles as artificial. While handwriting analysis aims to capture individuality, it may overlook the beauty of imperfections in human expression. Embracing authenticity and selecting supportive writing tools is essential for maintaining one's voice amid scrutiny from algorithms.https://dreamspacestudio.net/when-your-handwritings-too-human-the/
The leading cause of death
“Good morning.”
“Good morning, doctor.”
“How are you doing?”
“It’s probably best not to tarry. I’m parked in the metered zone. Give it to me straight, doctor. How much time do I have left?”
“Let me get the right visual aid. Ah… yes. You see this display with the time ticking down?”
“Yes.”
“That’s the time you have left.”
“Shit! That’s less than five minutes!”
“I’m very sorry.”
“I won’t even have time to put my things in order.”
“Wait, what???”
“If I’m going to die, I need to put my things in order.”
“Who said anything about you dying so soon?”
“You said my time is being counted down by this display.”
“Oh. Yes. That’s the time you have left on your parking spot. I thought that’s what you meant.”
“Oooohhhh… ha ha. So I get to live then?”
“For a while, yes.”
“Say, you’ve never told me what I have.”
“Oh, yes. You’re not going to die within the next five minutes, but you do have a terminal condition.”
“Shit… what condition?”
“You have an acute case of being alive.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, did you know that being alive is the leading cause of death, not only in this country, but everywhere on the planet?”
“So I won’t die soon?”
“No, you’ll die of ocular burnout 10 years from now.”
“Ocular burnout? What is it?”
“That’s top secret, I’m afraid. At any rate, you’ll live long enough to pay the parking ticket that will be automatically generated for you, just… about… now, according to my display.”
How AI Helps Neurodivergent Freelancers Unmask
Freelancing as a neurodivergent writer offers freedom but often involves masking atypical traits, leading to profound burnout. This performance drains energy, making tasks feel overwhelming. However, AI tools can provide essential support by facilitating clearer communication, managing energy, and helping set boundaries, enabling writers to work authentically and sustainably.https://dreamspacestudio.net/how-ai-helps-neurodivergent-freelancers-unmask/
Of tigers and krakens…
[Knock at door]
“[Cracks the door open] Yes, what is it?”
“Pest control. I’m coming to take care of the tigers.”
“The tigers?”
“Yes.”
“I find hard to believe that you take care of tigers.”
“Here is our flier. Look at that list.”
“Cockroaches… Mice… Chupacabras… Krakens… Ha, yes, tigers. It is on your list.”
“The building’s management has specifically asked us to take care of tigers. They want to make sure that no tigers bother you.”
“Well, that seems to be legit. Do come in.”
“Thank you.”
“I have to tell you though. I’ve been here three years, and I haven’t seen any tigers.”
“Oh?”
“In fact, I don’t think there are tigers in this entire country… Well, except in zoos.”
“You never know when a tiger will escape from a zoo, hitch a ride in a taxi and show up at your doorstep. As one might say, better safe than sorry.”
“I suppose, but I think you’re wasting your time with tiger prevention.”
“Now, you should clear the living room.”
“Why?”
“Those tigers are big fellas. The trap will take your entire living room.”
“Really? There are no tigers here! Your trap is pointless. Hmm… say, can I interest you in taking care of Krakens?”
“Krakens? Where?”
“I saw a couple of them last week behind the fridge.”
“Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! You know what this means?”
“No, I don’t.”
“I get to use the nukes!”
“Nukes! How does this fit with better safe than sorry????”
Your Autistic Life
Lauren McMenemy
Nicole Myers