So. I'm back. I am no longer majoring in computer science, and I found out a lot about myself.

I've been fearful about wasting my time with things I'm too anxious to do...but basically, I think I want to post my art on SM like here and others and I want to find a fresh new place to post my content. I want to have an online portfolio.

I sometimes get concerned because I want money from my art and just get money in general, but when art becomes a job, I become a perfectionist. Instagram is suspicious and oversaturated and other websites that are popular are unpleasant.

So, basically, I'll be posting here and potentially youtube. Hopefully people like my work. It's harc to find people that understand me and I just want to be clearer.

It literally was a mistake in the system why I was born and had to be a burden. Now, I'm stuck here until someone kills me or I die. I'm literally sick of all this crap and my existence hurts people but if I take myself out, I hurt people, might ruin myself and not die, or I have thought of my mind of total damnation.

It was a cruel joke, and I want this to be over somedays. I want to be useful and if I'm not, I don't deserve to be alive. I don't know why I'm a pathetic, worthless loser but I hate it and it doesn't do anything to help me or anyone around me. What's the point of this crap? I'm exhausted. What's wrong with me?

They should make lobotomies available again.

#Vent #CallForHelp #Useless #Frustrated #CryTyping #Pathetic

Some days I mourn my envitable, some days I just yearn...I'm not the person I thought I'd be when I was younger and I'll never be the person I want to be.

Some days I just want to wake up and be masculine appearing and have a boyfriend or a husband and be his boyfriend or husband. I don't think that's possible for me. Not where I am, not where I live, not where I'll be. I can't keep living like this, but to change would to be forever alone. In the body I have now, I wouldn't be so lonely.

Sometimes, I rather wither away. Sometimes, I know I'd be better gone.

I don't have spite, I don't live for spite. I just am here and alive. It's really something else. I'm tired. I don't understand anything or know anything. Sometimes art is the only thing I have to be myself because I don't think there's a me out there and if they are there, they're really unreal.

#Writing #MentalHealth #Transgender #BlackPerson #Stressed #Dysphoria

Happy Valentine's Day! #ValentinesDay

💕🩷

I want to add other links where I can be found on here but it's proving itself to be quite difficult.

Anyway, I want to know how many of you all post your stories on here or link from another account. I am thinking about using Tumblr, but I'd be happy with anything (a little less happy on WordPress, but I might go back). Where should I post stories?

#writing #writers #WritersOfMastodon #writerscoffeeclub

Currently, I am so nervous. 😅
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Oh hey, you made it here.

I am new. I will list some things about me.

I live in the US 🇺🇸
I am a Black American🧑🏿‍🦱
I am a nonbinary person  
My pronouns are they/them
I have diagnosed ADHD (you'll be able to tell)
I studied art in university (waste of time) 🎨
I love to write ✍🏿
I currently am (as of 2025) studying computer science in university🧑🏿‍💻
I previously had accounts on Wordpress and many other social media but frequently have breakdowns and delete them or abandon them.

I am so glad to meet you, and I can't wait to learn more about the communities around.

Thanks for listening!

#introduction #artist #writer #adhd