Alex BicalhoJan 8, 2023
Mr. Funk E. Dude 🤡

Let’s create a series of conspiracies that lead to progressive actions, but for totally made up reasons.

“Switch to solar? Of course! Don’t you know that the government is trying to control our minds through the powerlines? If all of the homes have solar, they can’t get to us.“

Jan 8, 2023 at 2:30amTusker
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
“Of course I believe in aliens! They are the ones that have been putting fossil fuels into the ground so that we’ll use it to terraform our atmosphere into their alien planet! That’s why we got to stop using them!“
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
“Do you know why you want to start your own garden? Because the Hollywood elite want to keep selling their magazines to you at the grocery store to promote themselves. If you start growing your own food, then the grocery stores go out of business, and they’ll no longer have a place to sell their magazines!“
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023

"Want to know the REAL reason your city doesn't have a better public transit or rail system?

COMMUNISTS!

It's because they don't want us to have better things then they do.

They know that if you didn't have to drive to work or the store, that you would be able to buy an even BETTER car then the one you have now, AND you'd have less wear and tear on it!

Fucking commies! "

Show threadIan Alexander MartinJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude Most of these conspiracy theories you’re coming up with — this one especially — have better logic than the ‘real’ conspiracy theories do.
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
@IanAMartin 🤣
Show threadIan Alexander MartinJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude Often, conspiracy theories are fun to explore because they’re so delightfully Byzantine in their logic, but I recall a ‘documentary’ I saw which was trying to convince viewers that there was an ancient alien base of operations on our moon. They had all kinds of photos and drawings which they claimed proved conclusively that there was a cannon, or a ship, or a bridge spanning a chasm up there. I was successful in knocking down their logic by merely thinking ‘or that’s a rock.’
Show threadLeftwardswingJan 8, 2023
@IanAMartin @Mrfunkedude lol the things people believe, I tell ya....
Show threadIan Alexander MartinJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude @Leftwardswing THIS ROCK PROVES CONCLUSIVELY THAT COLUMBUS OHIO IS THE EXACT BALANCE POINT FOR THE FLAT DISC THAT IS THE WORLD!
Show threadLeftwardswingJan 10, 2023
@IanAMartin @Mrfunkedude 🤣🤣🤣
Show threadAquiel ‘Aqi’ DracoJan 8, 2023
@IanAMartin @Mrfunkedude but wait, there’s a documentary out about that hidden moon basis https://youtu.be/Py_IndUbcxc
Iron Sky Official Theatrical Trailer [HD]

YouTube
Show threadIan Alexander MartinJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude @AqiDraco HAH! Alas, they never once mentioned NAZI aliens.
Show threadAquiel ‘Aqi’ DracoJan 8, 2023
@IanAMartin @Mrfunkedude just realized there’s even a follow up documentary that may or may not feature a uhm for real T-Rex. You did know that there are dinosaurs on the Moon! I certainly must watch that ASAP. https://youtu.be/URTPgGEhmNM
Iron Sky: The Coming Race | Official Trailer (HD) | Vertical Entertainment

YouTube
Show threadIan Alexander MartinJan 8, 2023
@AqiDraco @Mrfunkedude So… NAZI alien dinosaurs…? I would like to live in this world of which they speak. Not forever, obviously, just for an hour or two. Then I would get out as fast as my Delorean could take me.
Show threadZeborahJan 8, 2023

@Mrfunkedude My made up conspiracy-theory-for-good is that antivax conspiracies were started by Big Pharma. Because if you eradicate a disease you can't sell vaccines for it anymore - but if a small percentage of the population refuse to get vaxxed, the disease will hang around forever, and so will your profits.

Same with anti-mask. If you wear a mask you don't get colds and they lose all the profit from selling you decongestant pills and cough syrups.

FOLLOW THE MONEY!

Show threadMatthew 🌒Jan 9, 2023
@zeborah @Mrfunkedude they learned their lesson from smallpox. Wiped out the whole thing and now they can't sell any more smallpox vaccines! They'll never make that mistake again
Show threadWendy LadyJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude you're actually getting a little too real now.
Show threadJames 🦉 #FBPE Jan 8, 2023

@Mrfunkedude 🤣 Love it!

"THEY want you on social media to enslave your mind. The internet IS the Matrix. Take the red pill."

Show threadpocket full of hawthornes 💦Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude ooh, i love that theory...
Show threadTane Piper ⁂Jan 8, 2023

@Mrfunkedude literally the plot to this wonderful little sci-fi short "Rakka" from Neill Blomkamp

https://youtu.be/VjQ2t_yNHQs

Oats Studios - Volume 1 - Rakka

YouTube
Show threadbendaJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude I mean we don't have to get that conspiratorial. what it takes to run the power lines are literally killing us.
so is private health care.
so is our work.
etc etc
Show threadTargas_TaargasJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude
[looks around]
if we have universal healthcare for all, doctors and hospitals will be out of the for profit business. which means evil billionaires can't get a hold of our DNA and experiment with it. nor will they be able to use us as guinea pigs for their medicines.
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
@Targas_Taargas 🤣
Show threadTargas_TaargasJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude
it has to work. i mean we have the anti-vax crowd already, why not go for it.
Show threadLyndon HoodJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude why put the chemtrails in the airplanes when they have coal plant chimneys? That's why I'M wearing a mask.
Show threadSean TilleyJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude This reminds me a lot of the idea of "Prospiracy Theories": https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/03/04/prospiracy-theories/
Prospiracy Theories

[Title from this unrelated story or this unrelated essay] Last week I wrote about how conspiracy theories spread so much faster on Facebook than debunkings of those same theories. A few commenters …

Slate Star Codex
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
@deadsuperhero 🤣🤣🤣
Show threadJohn Philpin Ⓜ️Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude great idea… but what about the waves you can’t see? #5G
Show threadMexicanYentaJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude I still wear a mask everywhere. The government told us to stop because they want us to be too weak to fight back!
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
@MexicanYenta I knew it!
Show threadmidwesterner 🦬Jan 8, 2023

@Mrfunkedude

I think there are already plenty of #doomsday #preppers who used solar panels for independence from the grid.

So that part is already taken care of

Show threadmyska Jan 9, 2023

@midwesterner @Mrfunkedude I mean Doomsday prepping isn't really a conspiracy theory though

More a paranoia that arises from real world events

Show threadmidwesterner 🦬Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude here's one: wind turbines prevent government drones from spying on your house
Show threadkristophrJan 8, 2023

@Mrfunkedude there’s a conspiracy theory that Kermit the frog did 9/11.

I gotta find the link for it, but it had a compelling argument.

Show threadkristophrJan 8, 2023

@Mrfunkedude

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/kermit-did-911-meme

Why ‘Kermit Did 9/11’ is the Conspiracy Theory That Won’t Croak

Actually, it looks like Bert and Elmo were in on it, too

MEL Magazine
Show threadThatchJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude "They" don't want you to drill for geothermal because the secret nuclear escape bunkers were built around the thermal vents to keep them livable during a fallout winter.
Show threadVoronJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude a lighter version of this: Dependence on oil is giving a strategic economic & military advantage to China a current global leader in solar technology & production. It reduces China’s need to engage in the Middle East while increases America’s making the U.S. vulnerable to massive price fluctuations due to OPEC and entanglement in wars costing massive amounts while China produces a technology & a manufacturing base not vulnerable to these issues
Show threadVoronJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude or “don’t wear a mask to prevent Covid, wear it so the deep state can’t track you with their cameras every and use it to put you on the list to take your guns away”
Show threadBromJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude DISCORDIAN!!..;). Brilliant idea!
Show threadcliffwalker 👣 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 🇪🇺Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude good idea! 😄
Show threadJohn E. GrantJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude ChatGPT, is that you?
Show threadNeil A. EvansJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude if it works, it works.
Show threadDr. Amy, Psy.D.Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude ok but I read something about how anti vaccine propaganda is promoted by foreign governments to trick us into weakening our population and leaving ourselves vulnerable to bio warfare
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
@dramypsyd OH NO! 😉
Show threadDr. Amy, Psy.D.Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude RIGHT better get vaccinated!
Show threadZeNeece 🦄🏎️Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude OMFG YES! I had similar ideas ages ago, but no platform in which to do it, as no one ever listened to me.
This would be fun, and hilarious, and .. good? Could it backfire? Sigh, it probably would.
Show threadZeNeece 🦄🏎️Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude They don't WANT you to be educated! The government wants to Keep the Man Down! (appealing to the masses there, calling people Man)
Those bastards think education will make us weak! Colleges are for people who see past the BS of the Sheeple. Go to College! Then they can't keep oppressing us!
HA! We need a hashtag, of course! #SubversivelyGoodConspiracy
Show threadMre. Dartigen [maker mode]Jan 8, 2023

@Mrfunkedude I vaguely remember reading a really, really compelling article that outlined how the oil crisis in the 70s and peak oil theories actually did lead to a huge drop in oil consumption and consequent environmental and health benefits...

...so the industry quickly pivoted to painting peak oil believers as ridiculous and not the least bit credible, because oh no our profits. And they like to do the same to anyone who brings up the subject in any way at all, because oh no what if our profits.

(Fair warning though, I have ascended to being a peak resources believer after finding out that we're apparently also chewing through a lot of metals and other vital elements at an alarming rate, and even the ones that are theoretically very easy to recycle aren't being recycled nearly enough. Don't start me on low-background steel.

The annoying thing is though that it keeps turning out that I'm right about stuff like the plastics industry trying to use COVID to force people to buy more plastics because their sales were slipping and they were freaking out. I would like to stop being right about these things.)

Show threadBoneHouseWasps🔶🇬🇧🇪🇺Jan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude "What do you mean you won't buy an electric car? What if I was a Trump supporting RW arsehole on social media?"
Show threadEric StovekenJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude Why do you think we don’t have universal health care? Because the puppet masters want us to pump money into their corporations. Part of your monthly premium literally goes to pay the salary of people finding reasons to deny your claim. They even made fiduciary responsibility laws so it’s “illegal” to put patient needs ahead of the financial concerns of the puppet masters. Healthcare owned by the ppl would strip the Illuminati of a major revenue stream.
Show threadHill_HobbitJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude @EMStoveken Currently the US workforce works mainly for the insurance companies. People are sticking with corporate jobs they would leave if not for the loss of isurance. Doctors, Dentists, Psychiatrists, and Optomotrists can only offer services that are reimburssable by insurance. The insurance industry is willing to spend billions ... with a 'b'... to keep their position of power. This is not due to some covert or sinister plot, it is bald-faced self interest. Dictators do not step down for the good of their countries and neither will the insurance industry.
Show threadEric StovekenJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude @hill_hobbit Well, yeah. The thing is that the people advocating for universal healthcare are afraid to appeal to the anger and fear of voters enslaved by the system. They speak in terms of what the Government can do for people (an idea that is anathema across vast highly vocal swaths of the population). The emphasis should be on how bad the current system is fucking us. Hence this thread using CT language to promote progressive ideals.
Show threadEric StovekenJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude @hill_hobbit Not to say that this humorous thread should be used to cultivate actual mainstream talking points, but it is an entertaining thought exercise in terms of the semantics of messaging and could perhaps trigger some ideas on how to pitch valuable policies without having to appeal to things like empathy and basic human decency.
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
@hill_hobbit @EMStoveken you realize that these are supposed to be satire right?
Show threadHill_HobbitJan 8, 2023
@EMStoveken @Mrfunkedude <sigh> no, I probably don't. Which "these" do you mean? Please explain so I don't sound like a tweet... er... I mean twit.
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023

@hill_hobbit @EMStoveken I meant replies to the original post.

I appreciate the seriousness of your opinions but wasn't sure if you knew this was supposed to be a post thread that satirized conspiracy theories to twist them towards progressive ends?

Just checking.

Show threadHill_HobbitJan 8, 2023
@EMStoveken @Mrfunkedude LOL, I see it now. ADHD didn't read the whole thread before responding. Thanks for the heads-up.
Show threadMr. Funk E. Dude 🤡Jan 8, 2023
@hill_hobbit @EMStoveken ha! No problem!
Show threadHill_HobbitJan 8, 2023
@EMStoveken @Mrfunkedude as freinds do. Much appreciated. :-)
Show threadEric StovekenJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude A proper network of national high speed rail will compromise Their ability to fly planes. Less planes = Less chemtrails.
Show threadGurtbeef RobeJan 8, 2023
@Mrfunkedude fucking dumbasses who moderate posts deleted my response to this post even though it was extremely obvious satire that was a reply to your post calling for satire. Lol 🤦🏻‍♂️