My coworker just asked me this question. And I have to choose one. I could either have unlimited sex for the rest of my life or eat whatever I wanted without gaining a pound..

That question is so unfair. Either way, I'm starving. #shitpost #thisreallyhappened #workday

Jamie

Guy: Sex talk.
Me: Answers, changes topic
Guy: Answers, back to sex talk.
Me: indulges, changes topic.
Guy: Answers, back to sex talk.
Me: Ignores sex talk, hello, pultonic?
Guy: Apologizes, two DM's back and forth, non-sexual. Then, back to sex talk..
Me: Stops answering...

#dating #singleanddating #datingapphell #thisreallyhappened

Jamie

Have you ever called out someone for being a rude and inconsiderate asshole, and then the next time you encounter them in a similar situation, they use the one size fits all empathetic phrase, "I'm sorry that happened to you," and it's so painfully obvious its fake, that your eyes squint and water? #thisreallyhappened #fakeasspeople

Jamie

Me: [rides roller coaster]
Apple Watch: "Looks like you've been in a car crash! Are you okay?"

Me: [orgasms loudly]
Apple Watch: "It's really noisy here! You should protect your hearing!"

Me: "You don't want me to have any fun at all, do you?"

#ThisReallyHappened

I can tell that we're ready for Skynet.

Me: Alexa, play some heavy metal
Alexa: Enjoy this Superman, by Three Doors Down
Me: wat
Alexa: Also, have some Century, by Fall Out Boy

#ThisReallyHappened #echo #amazon #ai #skynet #music #ThreeDoorsDown #FallOutBoy #HeavyMetal

This summer we visited the Village of Elbow in Saskatchewan, Canada.

My youngest gets the pun crown for Elbow: "I wonder if this town had only one founder, or if it was a joint effort." 😂 So proud.

My inferior pun: "I hear the mayor had to resign... turns out he was crooked."

Elbow has under 400 census residents, like the Village of Eyebrow I puntificated about here: https://sfba.social/@mrbenji/109532956813125870

#ThisReallyHappened #improv #DadJoke #pun #DadJokes #puns #Canada #Saskatchewan #humor #joke #humour