Well, finally, email notifications on hear-me.social are working again. They seemingly broke with the last upgrade and fortunately were also broken on my test instance so I could play around without disrupting services here.
The cause was bizarre, and it took a while to find it.
I have my own email server for a hundred reasons, and it's hosted on Digital Ocean. I host this Mastodon server, (and others) on Digital Ocean. But, around the time I did the Mastodon upgrade, the Mastodon servers could no longer send email.
The cause...
Digital Ocean has a policy to restrict IPV6 access to an SMTP server hosted on Digital Ocean. Mastodon was attempting to connect to my mail server using IPV6 and was blocked. Oddly, I can connect via IPV6 from my home computer, which is against their policy and from other DO servers. Maybe not for long?
I found reference to this Digital Ocean policy in a post from 2014, but other hosters probably have the same policy.
"The main reason behind why we have chosen to block these ports by default is due to how blacklists handle IPv6 addresses, in the event of a spam report. Rather than listing only one address, blacklists will list the full /64 subnet of addresses that the spam report came from, which impacts a whole range of customers and droplets unaffiliated with the incriminating droplet/user. When a whole range is affected, even newly created droplets can be affected if they are assigned an IP for a blacklisted subnet."
Had I known this, I would have set up the mail server to only use IPV4, but it's a bit late to change it. My workaround was to use the IPV4 address for the SMTP server in the Mastodon configuration file instead of using the domain name.
Anyway, anyone on hear-me.social who runs into issues with email from this point on, please let me know.