Rachel McDoveToday is my autiversary!
7 years ago, today, I got diagnosed. It was literally life changing for me.
Talk of mental health, self harm below. It does end on a more cheerful note though.
I struggled with my mental health since I was young. Decades of being on and off antidepressants (mostly on), in and out of work, and education (mostly out). Mental health crisis after mental health crisis.
I now understand that, a lot of the time, those crises were periods of autistic burnout.
I now understand that my angry self harming was me redirecting meltdowns. I never had a single job where I didn't self harm in the toilets at least once. Not one.
I now understand that a huge proportion of everything I've ever struggled with was because of my autism.
Since diagnosis, I have been able to come off antidepressants altogether, stopped struggling with insomnia, stopped grinding my teeth in my sleep, and started down a path of self acceptance and self compassion. All of which has allowed me space to deal with my trauma in therapy.
It's not all easy, of course. It didn't magically make everything OK, but it did change a lot of really important stuff for me. I still, 7 years later get light bulb moments where I realise that something in my life is the autism. Still unmasking, maybe always will be. But every time I let myself stim, or have a meltdown without cutting myself, or honour my needs as an autistic person, it gets easier. And my life gets better.
Diagnosis isn't available to everyone, it's not beneficial to everyone, but it improved my quality of life enormously. I am so grateful.
#Autistic #Autism #AutisticAdult #AutisticWoman #AutisticWomen #LateDiagnosedAutistic #Autiversary
7 years ago, today, I got diagnosed. It was literally life changing for me.
Talk of mental health, self harm below. It does end on a more cheerful note though.
I struggled with my mental health since I was young. Decades of being on and off antidepressants (mostly on), in and out of work, and education (mostly out). Mental health crisis after mental health crisis.
I now understand that, a lot of the time, those crises were periods of autistic burnout.
I now understand that my angry self harming was me redirecting meltdowns. I never had a single job where I didn't self harm in the toilets at least once. Not one.
I now understand that a huge proportion of everything I've ever struggled with was because of my autism.
Since diagnosis, I have been able to come off antidepressants altogether, stopped struggling with insomnia, stopped grinding my teeth in my sleep, and started down a path of self acceptance and self compassion. All of which has allowed me space to deal with my trauma in therapy.
It's not all easy, of course. It didn't magically make everything OK, but it did change a lot of really important stuff for me. I still, 7 years later get light bulb moments where I realise that something in my life is the autism. Still unmasking, maybe always will be. But every time I let myself stim, or have a meltdown without cutting myself, or honour my needs as an autistic person, it gets easier. And my life gets better.
Diagnosis isn't available to everyone, it's not beneficial to everyone, but it improved my quality of life enormously. I am so grateful.
#Autistic #Autism #AutisticAdult #AutisticWoman #AutisticWomen #LateDiagnosedAutistic #Autiversary
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