I’m realizing how I’ve been compensating for dysautonomia or whatever it is I have for awhile now. (I’m fairly convinced that’s what it is, but no diagnosis yet.)

I’m noticing why I have been so rigid about doing things a specific way —I’ve been minimizing the cost of chores in certain ways to help myself without realizing it.

For a long time this problem was going on and being ignored. I had felt generally (and relatively mildly) unwell and was just chalking everything up to this being the norm for me. I wasn’t even noticing that the little compensations were being done to maximize what I’m actually able to do *because of* physical limitation. I was noticing what felt like ocd-level compulsion to do things a certain way but I thought that was just me and my autism wanting to control and prevent, from a mental standpoint. Who I am may have affected the perhaps overly adamant and rigid approach to these things, but I see now that the actual root was in trying to do the best I could with house work within my narrowing limits.

Now that I’m at a point where I’m really having a hard time with these symptoms, I can clearly see how these approaches are designed around these physical problems.

#chronicillness