It's strange to have changed how I use social media. Where once I followed the examples of posting about education milestones, trainings, stories about progress at work, now I'm not posting for an audience, just journaling things I am thinking or like.
I understand my why for this change. I guess it's a bit of unmasking as it often seems to highlight being out of step in my environment; something I used to work to reduce others observing about me.
Between Belonging
I've been doing a lot of shedding lately. Identities, communities, masks I didn't even know I was wearing. And in the quieter moments I've started to notice what's left when all of that falls away.
The thing that's true across every version of me, every role, every phase, every room I've learned to navigate, is that I care deeply. I always have. And for a long time I hid that, because caring deeply isn't always safe.
I've moved through a lot of spaces over the years. Each one met a real need for a season. Each one also had edges I learned to stay inside. So I got good at managing what I showed and where. It works. And it's exhausting.
What I've been slowly understanding is that I don't miss the spaces so much as I miss what I felt in them. Being listened to. Being known. Having somewhere to bring my feelings, my questions, my grief, my half-formed hopes. And having someone meet me there with genuine curiosity and kindness.
My husband still gives me all of that. Even after all these years. But something in me wants more than one place to feel that way. Not an audience. Not a group organized around a cause or a wound. Just a handful of people I don't have to translate myself for.
I'm in a slow season of integration right now. Learning to be a better steward of myself. Learning that I don't have to explain everything; sometimes I can just feel it.
But I also miss talking. Really talking. And I'm starting to believe I deserve a place to do that again.
If any of this lands for you, if you've ever felt the specific ache of being known in pieces but not as a whole, I'd love to hear that I'm not alone in it.
Busy music on purpose to give the feeling in my skin and bones as the stimulation rises
The 5 Levels of Neurodivergent Overstimulation
The "Background Hum" (Irritability):
• The Vibe: You're fine, but you're not fine.
• The Trigger: A light is too bright, or there are two different sources of audio playing (e.g., the TV is on and someone is playing a TikTok out loud).
• The Symptom: You start getting "short" with people for no reason.
The "Statistically Impossible" noise (Focus Loss):
• The Vibe: Your brain stops processing
• The Trigger: Someone is tapping a pen or whispering while you're trying to read.
• The Symptom: You have to read the same sentence 10 times because the "noise" is taking up all the RAM in your brain.
"T-Rex Arms" & Stimming
(The Shutdown):
• The Vibe: You stop moving "normally."
• The Trigger: Too many people asking you questions at once.
• The Symptom: Your hands go into "raptor" position, you start rocking, or you go completely silent because speaking feels like it requires altogether too
much energy.
The "Texture Trauma" (Physical Discomfort):
• The Vibe: Your skin feels "too tight."
• The Trigger: You suddenly become aware of your waistband, your hair touching your neck, or your socks being slightly damp/twisted.
• The Symptom: You have to change your clothes immediately or you will lose your mind.
The "Total System Error" (The Meltdown/ Burnout):
• The Vibe: The world needs to end for 20 minutes.
• The Trigger: One final, tiny thing like dropping a fork or a door slamming.
The Symptom: You need a dark room, noise- canceling headphones, and zero human contact for the next 3 to 5 business days.
Sildes from @realtalkneurodiversity
#audhd #adhd #autisticwomen #stimming #shutdowm #neurodivergent
Is there a link between autism and being transgender? Here's what the science says
https://fed.brid.gy/r/https://www.advocate.com/health/autism-link-transgender-lgbtq
Dawn Riley
Dawn_Riley
Advocate.com
Rachel McDove
Michela