AI6YR Ben

Anyone have a screwdriver? I think this guy may have some screws loose.

"...A senior Federal Emergency Management Agency official with a history of violent rhetoric and promoting conspiracy theories says he once teleported to a Waffle House 50 miles away..."

https://www.alternet.org/gregg-phillips/

#FEMA #teleportation

Trump official says he teleported 50 miles to a Waffle House

Alternet.org
Mar 20 at 4:52pmWeb
Show threadNature PunkMar 20
@ai6yr it's nice that the guy in charge of emergency responses is so level headed because if that Chinese Army massing in Mexico arrives you're all going to need that kind of leadership. :(
Show threadErik HMar 20
@naturepunk @ai6yr Hey Google, how do I explain to myself that I drove to a Waffle House 50 miles away while black out drunk?
Show threadEric BonoMar 20

@ai6yr

It's a fine line between a screwdriver and a shiv. I have a screwdriver is what I'm saying.

Show threadLaura "Tegan" Gjovaag ⛈ 🐸Mar 20
@ai6yr
He confuses "black out drunk" with "teleporting"?
Show threadGJ Groothedde 🇪🇺Mar 20
@realtegan
Tbf to the black out drunk they're very similar. One moment you're here, the next you're magically there. 🙄
@ai6yr
Show threadKnowAttitudeMar 20

@Eetschrijver @realtegan @ai6yr

Could be both black out drunk and lunatic fringe, as in the song

Lunatic Fringe
I know you're out there
You're in hiding
And you hold your meetings
We can hear you coming
We know what you're after
We're wise to you this time
We won't let you kill the laughter

Lunatic Fringe
In the twilight's last gleaming
This is open season
But you won't get too far
We know you've got to blame someone
For your own confusion
But we're on guard this time
Against your final solution

We can hear you coming
(We can hear you coming)
No you're not going to win this time
We can hear the footsteps
(We can hear the footsteps)
Way out along the walkway
Lunatic Fringe
We know you're out there
But in these new dark ages
There will still be light

An eye for an eye
Well, before you go under
Can you feel the resistance
Can you feel the...thunder

Show threadobscurestarMar 20
@realtegan @ai6yr He probably meant 'telecommuting' after his boss figured out it was the safest way to have him operate the deep fryer.
Show threadChris PetrilliMar 20
@ai6yr @Viss a bit of Locktite will fix that. Also any other openings on his body.
Show threadLightfighterMar 20
@ai6yr He had to come up with a story, and stick to it. No way he could tell his fundy friends and relatives he was black-out drunk. This seems to be what he came up with as a "reasonable" story... At least that's my guess.
Show threadSerf de WebMar 20
@ai6yr
Are you in a waffle house right now?
Show threadfancysandwichesMar 20
@ai6yr people teleport to waffle houses every day. It's the prime spot to find blackout drunk people at a certain time of day, who have no idea how they got to Waffle House.
Show threadClickyMcTickerMar 20

@ai6yr
“We’ve got Chinese migrants or foreign fighting force moving into the United States and about to cross our border from Texas to California.”

I think he believes teleportation is in widespread use, because the only way to cross a border from Texas to California is via teleportation.

Show threadandybrwnMar 20
@ai6yr The whole admin is 5150
Show threadMsMeropeMar 20
@andybrwn @ai6yr
I’d rather they were all 10-5-5
Show threadJim HubbellMar 20
@MsMerope @andybrwn @ai6yr
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Show threadCybarbieMar 20

@ai6yr

Handler: "Well Krasnov what do have for us today?"
Krasnov: "Hired a disaster guy for FEMA"
Handler: "But this is normal?"
Krasnov: "No you don't understand - an idiot who thinks he can teleport"
Handler: "You will get Hero of Russia for this"
Krasnov: "Thinking of making Elon head of child services..."
Handler: "wow sick"
Krasnow: "IKR it is a pretty good idea"
Handler: "No you are sick person"

Show threadBakersRelayMar 20
@ai6yr Palm slap to forehead, violent head shake, unintentional laugh…
Show threadBekahMar 20

@ai6yr If I could teleport, I don’t where Waffle House would rank as a destination but it would be very far down.

(There’s a time for Waffle House, no hate)

Show threadMsMeropeMar 20
@ai6yr
Wait, this isn’t an onion article?
I can’t tell anymore …
Show threadHowToPhil (Phillip R)Mar 20
@MsMerope @ai6yr Reality stopped being real around the end of the last Mayan Calendar because we forgot to get the new calendar
Show threadMsMeropeMar 20

@howtophil @ai6yr

technically things went to shit after the Cubs won the world series.

It's been nothing but horror after horror ever since.

Show threadHowToPhil (Phillip R)Mar 20
@MsMerope @ai6yr That temporal war between the McFlys and the Tannens really screwed things up!
Show threadTechnodadMar 20
@ai6yr FEMA, huh? Looking forward to the new CERT training module on teleportation.
Show threadMsMeropeMar 20
@technodad @ai6yr
Ugh, the props we will have to build for that 🫩
Show threadAI6YR BenMar 20

@MsMerope @technodad

Hmm..

"Step onto this disc and we'll toggle this electronic doodad! Instant teleportation across the room! Ignore the chloroform on a cloth and the wheelbarrow!"

Show threadobscurestarMar 20

@ai6yr I mean being a fascist does get around that whole question of the soul with teleportation so there's that for plausibility of his claim, but call me skeptical.

OTOH, I think Trump should be considered living proof that pyrokinesis isn't a thing.

Show threadJoyce Bell 🇺🇦🇨🇦🇲🇽🇬🇱🚫🧊Mar 20

@ai6yr Hahaha maybe he thinks that FEMA uses the Waffle House Index, so his Waffle House teleportation gives him an in.

https://wafflemenu.us/waffle-house-index/

Waffle House Index: The Simple System That Measures Storm Impact

Waffle House Index infoghraphicThe Waffle House Index is one of the simplest ways to tell how bad a storm really is. When a Waffle House stays open and serv

Waffle House Menu
Show threadTheNovemberFella ✊🏳️‍🌈 🇺🇦☸️🛰️🚀Mar 21

@ai6yr Pictures. Or it didn't happen.

🙄