Mastodawn

John Leonard Mar 6

Nobody on LinkedIn has ever had a bad day. Every setback is a "growth opportunity." Every firing is a "new chapter." Every complete professional disaster is framed as "excited to announce." These people would describe the Titanic as "a bold pivot to submarine operations."

Didzis 🚂Mar 6

@Daojoan Perfect, made my day 😅 Thank you!

ben moretti Mar 6

@Daojoan I need it for work but have stopped all notifications and stopped looking at it. Life is much better.

Petra van Cronenburg Mar 6

@Daojoan I know someone working in the hospital. She says, these managers, if their life style makes them seriously ill, are the worst patients. They've never learned to ask for/need help and often get aggressive against the personal. Others don't stop whining. The cardhouse gets destroyed ...

Albert Cardona Mar 6

Always quite the unveiling of someone's character when, upon starting an internship, they post about it in LinkedIn ... and their description is several octaves above the actual work. Conversely, there are those who don't do that.

@Daojoan it's such a fake world. Reminds me of Monty Python
https://youtu.be/UijhbHvxWrA?is=apZEtDTbzAlFXJms

Monty Python & The Holy Grail: "...It's just a flesh wound..."

YouTube

Petra van Cronenburg Mar 6

@Robo 👍 @Daojoan

@Robo 👍 👍 @Daojoan

@Robo @Daojoan the minister of silly walks' LinkedIn page probably describes his position as: "Providing crucial leadership in ambulatory deregulation".

Straw Dog in the Wires Mar 6

@Daojoan that's because we don't have down-to-earth LLMs writing linked in posts in a shitty/depressed mood.

Confused Middle Aged Dad Mar 6

@StrawDog @Daojoan Marvin as an LLM chatbot. That would be something special

Straw Dog in the Wires Mar 6

@confusedMiddleAgedDad @Daojoan maybe that's what finally differentiates us form AI ... irony and daytime depression. Or we just need to star training a model from scratch.

amedee_de_murcia Mar 6

@Daojoan Reminds me of an 80's french dark comedy where some people get their brain "flashed" to be constantly happy and productive. An horrifying and smiling new humanity emerge.

Hans-Cees 🌳🌳🤢🦋🐈🐈🍋🍋🐝🐜Mar 6

@Daojoan there's a meme for that
but also a server failure, meme follows

Paul Harrison Mar 6

@hanscees @Daojoan

@hanscees @Daojoan "It's not 'dog'… it is 'Senior Branch Retrieval Manager'"

Sam Van Horne, Ph.D.Mar 6

@nblr @hanscees @Daojoan And I’m merely Assistant to the Branch Manager

Mark Lynch Mar 6

@hanscees @Daojoan as the owner of a black Labrador who religiously chases *every* squirrel in the local park on every visit, I find this relatable 😀

@mark_f_lynch @hanscees @Daojoan I have a 'razor focused spherical object acquisition manager who takes every opportunity to seek engagement and make new connections'

Albert Cardona Mar 6

@hanscees @Daojoan

Least we forget that #LinkedIn is owned by #MicroSlop , formerly #Microsoft

@Daojoan As the everlasting sparkling side of life syndrom

Schall und Stille Mar 6

@Daojoan I once invented the "great LinkedIn drinking game", which is great fun and dangerous to your health, albeit in German only.

Google Translate does quite a good job translating it, but it has a few German peculiarities in it (Frank Thelen for instance is a German wannabe-Musk imitator and minor celebrity who gets interviewed by tabloids when they need someone from 'the economy').

Maybe it's time for an international version…

https://schallundstille-de.translate.goog/2025/01/16/das-grosse-linkedin-trinkspiel/?_x_tr_sl=auto&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=de&_x_tr_pto=wapp

Petra van Cronenburg Mar 6

@stephan I had a good laugh at the original and now finally understand why there are so many beer-drinking zombies in Germany. 😂 🤣

Ulrike Heiß Mar 6

@NatureMC
Könnte eins auch schön mit Bios machen. Bei Fremdsprachen "Klartext", einmal trinken, bei "Tacheles" zweimal. Usw.
@stephan @Daojoan

Paul - Antifa. LGBTQ+ safe.Mar 6

@Daojoan It's the facebook for companies.

@paulk @Daojoan in some circles "I am not on LinkedIn" became new "I am not on Facebook". Yesterday I experienced it literally.
And "but you should have company info if you would change jobs some day"... As if it was factual info there, not emotional, cheer-generating posts, currently often automated to LLMs...
Professional work networking should never mix with social media emotion-driven mechanisms, I guess.

Sergey SAV 🐧Mar 6

@Daojoan This is awesome! Made my day also 😀

@Daojoan 😂😂😂

Brandon Rohrer Mar 6

@Daojoan I’m thrilled to announce that I’m in this picture and I don’t like it

Peter Bloem Mar 6

We've added iceberg interaction to our experience portfolio.

@Daojoan don't forget that the Titanic endeavour also comes with great compensation package that includes opportunities to work out and unlimited cold plunges.

.

Ridscherli Mar 6

@Daojoan "This morning I had a cup coffee, and I want to share with you what this tells us about outstanding entrepreneurship" #linkedin

@Daojoan I only use it to get notifications of new articles from Anne Appelbaum.

Albert Cardona Mar 6

Anne Applebaum has her bluesky account bridged here @anneapplebaum.bsky.social and there is also @anneapplebaum

@albertcardona @Daojoan @anneapplebaum.bsky.social @anneapplebaum Belt AND suspenders.

I am also signed up for her email notifications. JHU sends out notices on her work.

I do not want to risk missing one of her articles.

She and Molly White ( @molly0xfff ) are ground truth for me

БРОНЗЫ БИТЬ Mar 6

@Daojoan kill it with fire. Or is that make it "pleased to announce its new role in a storied and expansive void with multidimensional opportunities for expansion through innovative integration of pyrotechnics, heat and the exploration of iron implements and bladed tools"

dasgrueneblatt Mar 6

John S. Erickson 🙏Mar 6

@Daojoan …and every third sentence is a new thought. A new paragraph. Disruptive! Innovative! 😎

As a highly experienced Sub-aqua Ceramics Engineer I ought to look into this Linkedin stuff.

Mike Dolbow Mar 6

@Daojoan I had one in January.

But I deleted those posts ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Duckbilled Plattypus.Mar 6

@Daojoan "Corey and I pleased to announce our new exciting new opportunity as Special Envoy to the new Shield of the Americas, expanding our portfolio from head of the Homeland to head of ALL of the Americas. And yes, we get to keep the deportation jet! "

"I'm pleased to announce my exciting new opportunity as Ambassador, expanding my portfolio as surprised former girlfriend of Don Trump Jr where I offended his family, to a whole new nation I can offend if they can learn to speak American. So grateful."

Joan Combs Durso Mar 6

@Daojoan People can’t go public with their reaction to being let go for fear no one wants to hire an embittered, angry, almost bankrupt, new employee. Displaying the green banner of “open to work” in a kind of proto-solidarity is the most radical some people will ever become— scared to lose their health insurance and cash for housing, comforted to know it it’s not a solo quest. Good luck to the seekers!

@econoprof @Daojoan I have had the open to work thing on since it was introduced. Wouldn't want to scare off someone willing to give me large amounts of money for doing things I enjoy by pretending the thing I'm doing now is the best possible job for me.

Joan Combs Durso Mar 6

@rupert Best of luck! There are a few job search consultants building a community around the banner there and providing what looks like useful advice. It strikes me as more genuine than the folks spreading that “run your resume thru ai” meme a while back. LinkedIn mutual aid?

@Daojoan @alice in sucks being genuinely excited on linkedin about anything. Everything there is so unauthentically positive it’s hard to share anything real.

andrew_meir Mar 6

@Daojoan please tell us that you cross posted this on LinkedIn 😆

fabiosantoscode Mar 6

@Daojoan the productivity deity known as "In" is fickle. Followers of "In" must perform acts of forced positivity at scheduled times to keep it from erasing the family savings.

@Daojoan wrote about my LongCovid journey... Bad months turning into years. Got a lot of support.

One does not have to keep up appearances; that opportunity talk is a choice.

Tristan Colgate-McFarlane Mar 6

@Daojoan /me looks around, finds cardboard box, puts it under the router so that it is no longer dangling from the network cable from the patch panel, closes the rack door and goes off to update linkedIn with something about "overcoming logistical challenges with dynamic real world innovations"

Coding Gardener Mar 6

@Daojoan A fair few of these posts are probably written by a language model.

Joanna Holman Mar 6

@Daojoan every fight with their wife is an opportunity for a blog post about the 3 leadership lessons they learned from it

Grumble 🇺🇸 🇺🇦 🇬🇱Mar 6

@joannaholman @Daojoan Imagine a version of LinkedIn as an 1840 slaves market: "LockedIn"

Capitalism is one hell of a drug.

Jeff Grigg Mar 6

Yep; it's quite a pivot opportunity they created there!

Ernst Greiner 🇪🇺Mar 6

an actual bus Mar 6

@Daojoan To be fair that's american business culture in a nutshell. I say this as a canadian who has worked with lots of american clients (though not before linkedin existed), y'all just have this trademark lingo for positively framing any and everything.

@Daojoan I was fired half a year ago, and have to use LinkedIn to look for a job, but I hate this exact thing, and I both can't and refuse to write anything positive about this shitty experience, but also feel it will undermine me to write what I really feel, which is that this is soul wrenching, and I took a temporary contract job in the meantime to pay the bills but I hate waking up every day, and I viscerally hate the people who fired me from a job I loved because of politics.

GhostOnTheHalfShell Mar 6

I think it would be funny if a collection of people went against the grain and talked only about their woes

@Daojoan I've always wondered how many of those posts are actually written by "people".