ZAPPED
Every day, the inflatable tubeman flailed in advertisements of âUSED CARS,â and âHOT DEALSâ.
âDREAM CARS!â read his sign. âHIGH END! CHEAP!â
Cars screamed past at horrifying speeds and he flailed until six oâclock when Wilf, the owner, would flick the big red switch at the tubemanâs base and watch his long orange body wilt.
One day the tubeman watched a woman pull into the dealership. She was grinning and pear shaped, with a floppy hat. She had ringlets of grey curls and thick cateye glasses and lots of red lipstick and she was absolutely radiant with joy.
âWilfieeeeee,â she squealed, bouncing into the dealership.
Six oâclock came and went and Wilf didnât come out to turn off the tubeman.
As the sales team left, and darkness crept over the parking lot, the tubemanâs flailing became imperceptibly panicked. Traffic thinned, and his wide eyes got wider. His inviting grin shifted to teeth gritting terror. Wilf always turned him off before sunset, and, as dusk rolled in, the tubeman thought the world was ending.
But as the stars came out, and bats flitted in the cool air the tubeman gazed in awe and wondered at the night, this cool, quiet, peaceful thing heâd never experienced before. He was struck.
Finally, Wilf and the woman strolled outside. She was holding his arm, and Wilf sauntered with a straight back.
âTammy,â Wilf said.
âYes?â Tammy had lipstick smeared all across her teeth.
âI know itâs silly,â he started. His grey moustache trembled. âWe hardly know each other, but you make me feel young again.â
âWilfie!â Tammy planted a huge, wet kiss right on Wilfâs lips. When she finally pulled away, the two panted, Wilf with a big smear of red across his mouth.
Tammy was breathless.
âI feel like Iâm in my forties again! Or my twenties! Or high school! Quick,â she said. âLetâs screw in my car!â
The tubeman had no idea what âscrewâ meant, but as the blue car began to rock and the windows fogged, he watched with equal parts horror, joy and amazement.
For the next couple weeks, Wilf came to work with a sparkle in his eye. He started wearing a tight red golf shirt and would pause at his reflection in the dealership door.
Things continued like this. Every day at lunch, Tammy came bouncing into the dealership, Wilfâs name operatic on her lips. Sheâd tip her hat at the tubeman flailing in the heat. She and
Wilf giggled, and kissed and screwed in Tammyâs car, always leaving the tubeman on, to whirl blissfully in the night air.
Then Wilf came to work with tension in his walk. When he glanced at his reflection in the dealership door, he glanced quickly, like he was touching something hot and didnât want to burn his fingers. He tugged at his red golf shirt where it was tucked into his khakis.
At lunch when Tammy arrived, her gaze was downcast. She didnât tip her hat at the tubeman, and she slouched into the dealership, hands clasped in front of her.
She left a few minutes later, wiping her eyes with the backs of her soft hands. Tammy wasnât bouncing at all.
âWait!â Wilf called, running after her. âDonât worry, it was silly, Iâll return them.â
âAcupulcoâs not the point,â Tammy called from her car. âI thought we were on the same page!â
She left.
Wilf hung his head and cried, fat tears marking his red golf shirt.
After that day, an urgency filled Wilf like a fan was blowing it in. His movements were calm, but inside, Wilf was flailing.
The boxes came on trucks and they were beige and unassuming and anonymous. But inside, they contained bright colours, tassels, grins. Wilf was buying dozens of tubepeople.
His employees gossiped and frowned, but he carried on, plugging them in and standing back as they unfurled into wriggling life. By the end of a month, Wilf had 23.
One night, after everyone left, Wilf came out and sat under his 23 tubepeople, swigging a bottle of rye.
âIt makes sense,â he grimaced. âShe wanted to screw in her car, and I wanted to have dinner and take her and her daughter to Acupulco.â
The tubepeople spun around him.
âGuess,â he said, hiccuping. âGuess I just thought at our age, weâd have something a little steadier.â
Night was falling, and the tubepeopleâs twisting bodies cast long shadows on the pavement. Fireflies were starting to wink, and the dayâs heat radiated against the nightâs coolness.
Wilf rubbed his nose. âWhen I was seventeen years old, I was doing dishes. Our kitchen looked out on this big field of the people next door, covered in muck and chopped off corn stalks. There were a few clouds in the sky, but it wasnât even raining, and I saw our neighbour, Tom, walking out across that field, and all the sudden, he got struck by lightning.â
Wilf took a long drink and burped through his nose.
âBolt just hit him in the head, and his body went writhing around, like he was one of you. But I swear to god, maybe it was the electrical current making his muscles go funny, but he was smiling the whole time. Like this.â
Wilf looked up at the tubepeople, grinning.
The tubepeople grinned back.
âWhen I met Tammy, I felt like neighbour Tom. Like something great and magnificent had come out of nowhere and smote me, and all I could do was flail around and smile. But now that sheâs left, I feel the same wayâ totally zapped.â
Wilf went to drink again, but found the bottle empty. He giggled, slumped back on the steps, and started to snore.
The tubepeople didnât really understand Wilfâs point. Actually, they didnât understand anything at all. But they enjoyed his company and the cool night air. And as Wilf drifted off into his drunken stupor, he did too, his broken heart easing in the grove of multicoloured flailing bodies.
#Cars #Fiction #flailing #JessiWood #multicoloured #olderAdults #relationships #story #tubepeople #ZackMason