#MondayMourning: Louise the Unfortunate

No one knows Louise's real story. Legend has it that she traveled to Natchez sometime after the Civil War in search of her fiancé. For reasons unknown, she found herself stranded and husbandless.

Too proud to return home, she became a seamstress, maid, then "woman of the night." After dying in her mid-20s, a mysterious benefactor paid for her funeral and this headstone, more than what most paupers received.

#HisAndHearsePress #Cemetery #Monument #Memorial #Gravestone #Headstone #ReconstructionEra #Natchez #Louise #LouiseTheUnfortunate #Epitaph #WomenOfTheNight

#MondayMourning: It’s YOUR Grief

Grief is a very individual experience. There are so many factors that affect it, like your personality, support network, beliefs, previous losses, and the security you feel in other aspects of your life (financial, housing, relationships, work).

Don't use the grief experiences of others as a gauge for your own. Grieve in the way that feels comfortable to you, and don't worry if others think you're doing it too much or too little.

#HisAndHearsePress #Grief #Mourning #GriefAndLoss #GriefSupport #GrieveYourWay

#MondayMourning: Wind Phone

An unconnected phone, sometimes in a booth, designed as a place to hold one-way conversations with lost loved ones. A notebook beside the phone allows visitors to write messages of remembrance.

The first public wind phone was created after the 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Otsuchi, Japan, and has been visited 30,000 times. Since then, replicas have appeared worldwide and enabled grieving people to reflect, connect, and speak their messages for the wind to carry.

What do you think? Would this be a helpful grief tool for you?

#HisAndHearsePress #Grief #GriefAndLoss #GriefSupport #GriefTools #WindPhone #Funeral #Memorial #Mourning #Bereavement

#SeattlePride's 2023 #theme celebrates 'one big, beautiful galaxy'.

Join the LGBTQ Community to kick off #PrideMonth at #VolunteerPark on June 3rd for #Seattle #PrideinthePark featuring #drag artists #CeasarHart, #VersaceDoll & #MondayMourning. Moon Palace headlines the main stage, with non-stop #LGBTQIA+ #performances, including the addition of a new #dance-focused stage curated by #Supernova.

#Women #Transgender #LGBTQIA #Washington #Pride #PrideMonth
https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/seattle-pride-month-says-new-theme-celebrates-community-one-big-beautiful-extravagant-galaxy/TY2HA2UYPFGVLCXZTOGNT5ATW4/

#MondayMourning: Workplace Grief

Do you spend more time with your coworkers than your own family? Sometimes we establish close bonds with our colleagues. At the very least, their mood and performance have a direct impact on our own. What happens when a coworker experiences a loss and throws the workplace into upheaval?

Here are a few things to consider.

- Don't judge the severity of a loss based on degree of kinship. As in, don't expect them to bounce back quickly because it was "just" a cousin or "just" a former spouse. You don't know how close they may have been or what responsibilities are now theirs.

- Family Leave and PTO are woefully insufficient for someone to handle the affairs AND recover from grief. Really, four days off is supposed to cut it? Grief experts recommend a MINIMUM of 20 days. Unfortunately some people are forced back to work way before they're ready, either because their time off is gone or their bills are piling up. They may have to pay out of pocket for funeral expenses or suddenly have their household income reduced by half.

- Adjust your expectations. Just because someone is physically present at work doesn't mean they're mentally present. Exhaustion, stress, the inability to focus, and a wide range of emotions will interfere with their performance. Obviously! They might hyper focus for a while to keep busy, only to break under the workload as their brain fog renders them useless. Coworkers should strive to understand that it isn't a personal failing, and that picking up the slack without resentment is the greatest kindness they can offer.

- Offer support while respecting privacy. Avoid empty offers ("if there's anything I can do, let me know") and empty platitudes ("I know how you feel... he's in a better place.") Instead of asking, "how are you doing?" ask "how is today?" Give them an opportunity to talk and just listen. Find out what they want you to say to others ("she had a loss in the family and will return calls next week.")

#HisAndHearsePress #Grief #Coworkers #Workplace #WorkplaceCulture #WorkFriends #WorkSpouse #FamilyLeave #WorkplaceGrief

#MondayMourning: Mourning Animals

You've heard of mourning doves (so-named because of their melancholic coo), but did you know there's also a mourning warbler (a bird that looks like it's wearing a mourning veil) and a mourning *GECKO* (their nightly vocalizations were once interpreted as mourning the lack of male mates in the entirely female species - true story)?!

That's not what we're talking about today though. We're talking about wild animals that grieve the loss of their herd/pack mates.

Scientists have long refused to consider whether animals grieve since it's assumed that grief requires an understanding of life and death. It's also easy to anthropomorphize animals, which is to say that we assign them human characteristics and emotions.

However, scientists are finally opening up to the idea. Innovations in testing and monitoring have revealed new information. Here are some behaviors they've observed in various species, specifically ones known for forming social bonds.

- Cetaceans (whales, dolphins, porpoises) often carry or push their dead in the water to keep them close or afloat, especially after the loss of a calf. It's awkward and tiring, going against self preservation instincts for no clear purpose.

- Elephants spend time visiting with and touching their dead. Touching allows them to investigate, but they also spend time standing around the body without touching. They return over time to visit the skeletal remains. A study has shown that elephants cry around dead bodies (they produce tears when they're stressed or excited), and their vocalizations change. They can also bury or cover bodies.

- Non-human primates (different types of monkeys) gather together, standing watch for days. Dead baby monkeys are carried and mothers scream. Some become depressed enough to stop eating, starving to death. Chimpanzees can check the body for signs of life, then clean debris from fur and use tools to clean teeth. Baboons have shown higher levels of stress hormones followed by increased grooming behaviors (which stimulates oxytocin to counteract it).

- Magpies bring grass to lay by the bodies of their dead.

- Giraffes have been seen nudging and guarding dead calves, not eating or drinking. They wrap their necks around each other, almost like a hug.

Some animal behavior is attributed to chemical shifts, causing ants and termites to bury their dead. Large groups of crows gather around carcasses, but it's more of an investigatory behavior than grief (a *murder investigation*, if you will). Rather than mourning, they're collecting information and identifying potential threats in the area.

It'll be interesting to see science evolve so we can discover how universal mourning really is!

#HisAndHearsePress #Grief #GriefAndLoss #Animals #AnimalGrief #Wildlife #Funeral #AnimalBehavior #Mourning

#MondayMourning: Stages of Grief - Expectations vs Reality

Most of us are aware of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's DABDA grief model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and take it to mean "the stages of grief."

However... the stages are a collection of anecdotal experiences from dying people, NOT the people grieving!

Kubler-Ross studied over 200 terminally ill patients, but amassed a collection of case studies rather than empirical evidence or systematic investigation. Newer studies don't really support her findings.

Still, we steadfastly cling to the prescribed grief journey and compare our own experiences to that example of normality. We crave direction and validation in times of emotional upheaval, and following a guideline gives us a lifeline. Otherwise, how do we know if we're grieving "right?"

In reality, the grief journey doesn't make linear stops. It's a mishmash of conflicting emotions, like a rollercoaster that sometimes goes forward, sometimes goes backward, and sometimes falls off the rails completely. Judging your experience by the metrics of societal expectations will lead you to believe that you're failing at grieving properly. Don't do that.

Instead, get to know the variety of emotions that may pass through you while you navigate your loss. Accept them as normal and valid, then let them go. If any particular feeling becomes overwhelming and you're unable to cope, you're allowed to ask for guidance, counseling, support groups etc.

No one's grief will be the same as yours, so don't compare! Grieve on your own timeline and whatever way suits your needs.

#HisAndHearsePress #Grief #StagesOfGrief #GriefAndLoss #Emotions #Death #MentalHealth #ElisabethKublerRoss #OnDeathAndDying #GriefTips #GriefSupport

#MondayMourning: The Rainbow Bridge Poem

If you've ever had a pet, you're probably familiar with this poem. It's the go-to condolence for animal lovers. If you're not in the know, it's a poem that's been featured all the way from Dear Abby to every veterinarian's office ever. It describes animals "crossing the bridge" into a super awesome meadow. Their youth, health, and mobility are restored, and they spend their days romping about together. They're fantastically happy, but for one thing: they miss their person.

Eventually, a day comes when the pet sees a familiar figure in the distance. They break from the pack, running to tackle their person with vigor, then escort them across the bridge. Everybody cries.

For years, the poem has been credited as Anonymous or Unknown. Worse, several people have claimed authorship. A writer of pet cemetery books (no, not that Pet Sematery book) recently tracked down the original author. She was astonished to learn that her words had been famous for decades. She still has the first handwritten draft, completed after the family dog died in 1959.

Edna Clyne-Rekhy, an 82 year old artist and animal lover, lives in Scotland. She was only 19 when her dog, Major, died in her arms. Prompted by her deep grief, Edna's mother suggested she write down her feelings. Those words have brought comfort to millions of pet lovers ever since.

#HisAndHearsePress #RainbowBridge #TheRainbowBridge #CrossingTheRainbowBridge #PetLoss #PetGrief #GriefPoems #Veterinarian #EdnaClyneRekhy #OriginalAuthor

#MondayMourning: How to Help Pets Grieve (because they do!)

Pets can grieve the loss of a human or furry friend. Sometimes it's because they miss their buddy, but they're also sensitive to disruptions in routine and pack dynamics. Watch for changes in personality, appetite, bathroom habits, grooming, vocalization, and sleep. Some pets get clingy while others withdraw. Some hide. Some search for their missing loved one.

Help guide your little companion through their grief journey with these tips:

- Maintain familiar routines and schedules when possible (meals, walks, playtime bedtime). Familiarity is comforting.

- Provide new treats and toys for mental stimulation and distraction. Explore a new place. Teach them a new trick. Try something different or challenging.

- Give extra attention and affection, but be careful not to reward or reinforce unwanted behavior. Ignore whining and pacing, but then lavish love and calmness on them when they're not acting out. Be cautious about punishing bad behavior (destruction, soiling), as it may create additional fear and anxiety.

- Your pet will pick up on your own grief and stress. Speak in a calm, happy voice to reassure them, even if you're sad. You might feel like pouring out your emotions on your pet to avoid unleashing them on others, but it's distressing to them. Watch what vibes you're putting out.

- If possible, let your pet see/smell their buddy's body to help them understand. If it's an animal friend in a euthanasia situation, ask your vet what they recommend. If it's a human friend, you might be able to make arrangements for the pet to visit the mortuary.

- Be patient while your pets establish a new pack hierarchy. Allow an adjustment period before introducing a new pet. In the meantime, give your pet extra attention or playdates with known animal buddies to alleviate isolation.

- While grief is unique with no set timeline, consult a vet about excessive or prolonged changes in behavior or appetite. They might have an underlying health condition, or may benefit from supplements or actual antidepressant medication.

#HisAndHearsePress #PetsAndGrief #GriefSupport #Dogs #Cats #Pets #Death #Grief