#MondayMourning: Stages of Grief - Expectations vs Reality

Most of us are aware of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's DABDA grief model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and take it to mean "the stages of grief."

However... the stages are a collection of anecdotal experiences from dying people, NOT the people grieving!

Kubler-Ross studied over 200 terminally ill patients, but amassed a collection of case studies rather than empirical evidence or systematic investigation. Newer studies don't really support her findings.

Still, we steadfastly cling to the prescribed grief journey and compare our own experiences to that example of normality. We crave direction and validation in times of emotional upheaval, and following a guideline gives us a lifeline. Otherwise, how do we know if we're grieving "right?"

In reality, the grief journey doesn't make linear stops. It's a mishmash of conflicting emotions, like a rollercoaster that sometimes goes forward, sometimes goes backward, and sometimes falls off the rails completely. Judging your experience by the metrics of societal expectations will lead you to believe that you're failing at grieving properly. Don't do that.

Instead, get to know the variety of emotions that may pass through you while you navigate your loss. Accept them as normal and valid, then let them go. If any particular feeling becomes overwhelming and you're unable to cope, you're allowed to ask for guidance, counseling, support groups etc.

No one's grief will be the same as yours, so don't compare! Grieve on your own timeline and whatever way suits your needs.

#HisAndHearsePress #Grief #StagesOfGrief #GriefAndLoss #Emotions #Death #MentalHealth #ElisabethKublerRoss #OnDeathAndDying #GriefTips #GriefSupport