i recently discovered the field of Mad Studies - the study of "mental illness" from the view point of those labeled as mentally ill, drawing attention to the prejudices that underlie most of the "scientific" study of mental "disorders". I read this article

https://imsj.journals.publicknowledgeproject.org/index.php/imsj/article/view/7389

last night on the way aphantasia - the inability to "see" visual imagery in one's mind - seems to be on a trajectory to be labeled as a disorder and a disability. Since i am aphantastic myself, this caught my attention. Really eye opening to see how something that i think of as perfectly normal and that has never caused any distress or problems in my life is being pathologized by those who consider that their ability to visualize things makes them superior and "normal". Quite alarming even. This trend really needs to be nipped in the bud before it ends up hurting people.

Just now i was thinking more generally about how disability is often created by a society that refuses to accomodate people who are different, like how using a wheelchair is mostly a disability because architects, civil engineers, and others responsible for designing and building public and private infrastructure have to be dragged kicking and screaming into making their constructions wheelchair friendly. Think about buildings with no entrance ramps, no elevators, and narrow halls and doors, something all too common in my new home state.

While thinking about this i starting thinking about other "disabilities", like being deaf, and it occurred to me to wonder if deaf people ever "hear" music in their heads in any fashion. i've never had an opportunity to ask any deaf people about that, but it occurred to me that if they did not have that ability then it wouldn't exactly be a loss to them, would it? And then i wondered if even all hearing people have this ability. i can hear music in my head very easily, but since i can't visualize images in my head, it stands to reason that it's possible there are people in the world who can't hear music in their heads. Are any of you out there like that? Have i been unjustly assuming that everyone can hear mental music?

#Aphantasia #MadStudies #Disability

Well, I had therapy yesterday…

this session actually felt productive.

I’ve been wondering for a long ass time why I write the way that I do. It feels like I’m possessed much of the time. Once I start on a project, I find it very difficult to stop, and if I’m not working on a project, even if there is no specific creative urge, it induces paralyzing anxiety. I feel like I constantly have to be working on something or else I feel like I go (more) insane, start climbing the walls, what have you. I’m a perfectionist about my work, too – if it’s not up to a very high bar that LITERALLY NO ONE ON EARTH is holding me to but myself, I panic and find it very difficult to share it.

I’m also VERY rigid in other areas of my life. I am severely anxious about a lot. I have a damn near pathological need to know as much as possible, especially if it might possibly involve me, no matter how mentally taxing learning all of this information might be day in and day out. I feel like I have to know. Additionally, I feel like I have to be doing something about what I know, lest the doomspirals begin in that way, as well. I hold people to very, very high standards as well because if they fall short, it makes me VERY anxious, like my life could fall apart at any moment, someone could get hurt, etc..

I’ve been like that for as long as I can remember. We all have.

I talked with my therapist about much of this yesterday and he said that it sounded like I was describing obsessive-compulsive disorder. Initially he recommended seeing a psychiatrist about it, but I reminded him that due to my trauma with all of that (see: all of my posts about my mother DIYing MKULTRA with psych meds, etc.) and the fact that while it does suck to create this way, writing and creativity is my lifeline. I don’t know what I would do without it, and I am processing a lot of my trauma when I write. So ultimately we determined that that probably wasn’t the best idea since it wasn’t necessarily harming me and in fact doing more good at this point in time.

So, that’s my confession for you all. I quite likely have OCD and it’s the root of much of my creativity, perfectionism, and a whole lot of other shit. It feels less like a death sentence to admit that than I thought it would.

Until tomorrow (or the doomspirals will get me, haha),

-Allēna

#MadStudies #mentalHealth #OCD #processingTrauma #therapy #tragicBackstory

Day 2 of #DGAVL 2025 #conference had fascinating talks by Daniel Weidner on confessions in the #autofiction s of KO Knausgard, Annie Ernaux & Sheila Heti, and by Sara R Gallardo on #autobiographies by psychiatrized authors, from 19th c to today #MadMovement #MadStudies

#LiteraryStudies

Me whenever someone tells me to “act normal” or “tone myself down” -Allēna

#disabilities #queer #trans #neurodivergence #madstudies #strokesurvivor #queerart

#disabilities #MadStudies #neurodivergence #queer #queerart #strokesurvivor #trans

To whomever it may concern….

-Allēna

#disabilities #NEISvoid #madstudies #queer #trans #disabled #dissociativeidentitydisorder #strokesurvivor #queerart

#disabilities #Disabled #dissociativeidentitydisorder #MadStudies #NEISvoid #queer #queerart #strokesurvivor #trans

Buchtipp zum #ProtestTag5Mai
Subjekte der Inklusion
Die Theorie der trilemmatischen Inklusion zum Mitfühlen
von der großartigen Mai-Anh Boger ✊ 💞

"Dieses Buch handelt von dem dissonanten Begehren, nicht diskriminiert zu werden. [...] Es ist geschrieben worden für alle, die (a) sich anders fühlen oder (b) darauf bestehen, ganz normale Menschen zu sein oder (c) sich fragen, ob die Worte ‚anders‘ und ‚normal‘ für sie überhaupt Sinn ergeben oder (d) alles davon auf einmal – in einem manchmal kaum aushaltbaren Gewirr der Selbstbefragung, sowie für deren Pädagog_innen und andere, die dieses Gefühl verstehen wollen."

https://www.edition-assemblage.de/buecher/subjekte-der-inklusion/

#DisabilityJustice #Inklusion #Trilemma #UnSichtbar #Barrierefreiheit #AngryCripples #InklusionIstMenschenrecht #HumanRights #beHindert #BehindertenrechteSindMenschenrechte #SocialJustice #AuDHG #MadStudies #DisabilityStudies #DeafStudies #AbolishAbleism #Ableismus #AbleismusAbschaffen #Neurodivergenz #CrippleFight #WirSindNichtAlle #verRückt

De Mad Lit: "Os recordamos: 🗣️ ¿Puede hablar la loca? De la locura como metáfora a las epistemologías en primera persona. Sara R. Gallardo, Universidad de Viena.

📍¿Dónde? Centro Cultural La Corrala (UAM). Calle Carlos Arniches 3-5, Madrid.
🕛 ¿Cuándo? El viernes 25 de abril a las 12:00 h.
ℹ️ Organiza: David Becerra (david.becerra@uam.es)

#Locura #MadStudies

The “Gift” of Prophecy – A collage.

Enjoy, motherfuckers. It’s like this.

-Allēna

#ventart #madstudies #collage #digitalcollage

#Collage #digitalcollage #MadStudies #ventart

A creation of Eight’s from a year ago.

Eight’s mixed media tomfuckery goes hard. I have no idea how else to explain this nonsense, but I feel it must be immortalized here 🤣

-Allēna

#ArtistsOnMastodon #Collage #Deathcabforcutie #didsystem #MadMastodon #MadStudies #queerart #queerartist

As the lab results roll in, I’m hard at work on medical theories because that’s what we do..

It’s plausible that due to Hera‘s incredible (heavy sarcasm) DIY MKULTRA scheme she put us through in our late teens and early twenties, the high doses of lithium we were on damaged our pituitary gland, adrenals, and kidneys while our thyroid bounced back, aided by the Vitamin B100 experiment Laz started a few months ago. HRT has quite possibly made it worse because (hypothetically) nothing that’s supposed to process testosterone normally can or will.

Huzzah. I hate this existence sometimes. Fuck psychiatry. We didn’t even need to be on lithium anyway. But here we are, persevering through this existence by means of sheer fucking spite. I’ve written a note to our PCP about this theory already. I’ll see what he says.

-Theo, standing in for Allēna today because she fell asleep.

#AcceptanceMatters #didsystem #DIYMKULTRA #Hera #ibuprofenExperiment #MadMastodon #MadStudies #MedicalResearch #mentalhealth #NEISvoid #plural #strokesurvivor #TWAbuse #TWMedicalAbuseTWMedicalNeglect #vitaminB100Experiment