Ashley HalliwellWhen the strange and seemingly omniscient wall in headspace appears to have decided you pass the vibe check..
-Allēna
#animation #Collage #did #dissociativeIdentityDisorder #MadMastodon #shortvideo #Video #videoclip #weirdart
Doom Guy created this glorious edit of a gender meme.
If this isn’t us coming out as plural, unclockable multigender fucks, I don’t know what is.
Image description: text on the upper left panel reads “I wish I was’t”, followed by an image of a skull with an abnormally small sized brain inside of it on the right side.
The next text panel down on the left reads “I can just”, followed by an image of a human head with a brain with neurons firing on the right side.
The second to last text panel panel down on the left reads “I always was [redacted]”, followed by an image of a human head with a glowing brain inside of it.
The final text panel on the bottom left of the image reads “destroy capitalism”, followed by an image of a human head with a brain inside of it emitting rays of light on the bottom right. (end description)
-Allēna
#DoomGuy #gender #genderFuckery #Humor #MadMastodon #meme #memeEdit #multigender #partner #polyamory #queerJoy #Shitpost
A creation of Eight’s from a year ago.
Eight’s mixed media tomfuckery goes hard. I have no idea how else to explain this nonsense, but I feel it must be immortalized here 🤣
-Allēna
#ArtistsOnMastodon #Collage #Deathcabforcutie #didsystem #MadMastodon #MadStudies #queerart #queerartist
As the lab results roll in, I’m hard at work on medical theories because that’s what we do..
It’s plausible that due to Hera‘s incredible (heavy sarcasm) DIY MKULTRA scheme she put us through in our late teens and early twenties, the high doses of lithium we were on damaged our pituitary gland, adrenals, and kidneys while our thyroid bounced back, aided by the Vitamin B100 experiment Laz started a few months ago. HRT has quite possibly made it worse because (hypothetically) nothing that’s supposed to process testosterone normally can or will.
Huzzah. I hate this existence sometimes. Fuck psychiatry. We didn’t even need to be on lithium anyway. But here we are, persevering through this existence by means of sheer fucking spite. I’ve written a note to our PCP about this theory already. I’ll see what he says.
-Theo, standing in for Allēna today because she fell asleep.
#AcceptanceMatters #didsystem #DIYMKULTRA #Hera #ibuprofenExperiment #MadMastodon #MadStudies #MedicalResearch #mentalhealth #NEISvoid #plural #strokesurvivor #TWAbuse #TWMedicalAbuseTWMedicalNeglect #vitaminB100Experiment
Getting Back on Track
When we were younger, mid teens or so, our family would always accuse us of having a one track mind and say that we needed to “get off the track” when we hyperfocused on something a bit too hard for their taste or comfort.
I, Allēna, am particularly bad about that. I’m very tightly wound, and I feel like a compressed coil much of the time. If something releases pressure on that coil, I might just.. Erupt and spill everywhere. I know much of that pressure is self imposed now that I’m an adult and is the result of a life filled with trauma, and as a result I am slowly but surely learning that I can learn to relax and I’ll still be safe and not everything will go to shit. I don’t have to be this poised image of perfection, and nor does everyone else. Not all the time, anyway. I view my AuDHD/CPTSD pattern recognition as both a blessing and a curse in this respect. It makes me very anxious, but I also get a lot done and a lot done in a way that gets results.
That being said, I’ve been slowly learning now that life is becoming more stable to make time for my special interests, both old and new. That hyperfocus, that “track”, if you will, is what energizes me. I can’t switch mental trains of thought or tasks easily like a neurotypical or someone who has a different “flavor” of ADHD can. However, whatever I’m doing, if I care about it and enjoy it, I give it my all. I throw my entire soul into it, and gods, does it make me feel alive again.
It never hasn’t..
I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to relax through my burnout like a neurotypical will. However, I do know that engaging with people and things that make me feel alive again when I’m up for the task is the closest thing I feel to R&R.
And lately, I’ve been giving an old comfort show of mine a re-watch – Heroes. It’s an odd one. I don’t know many people who have seen it at all, but many actors I love are in it, and we watched most of it with our family back in 2011-12 or so, mostly on Wednesday nights.
It has been an odd experience. Very comforting, yet I only remember about half of it. I think it’s because while I loved it, I was likely severely dissociated at the time, largely focused on other things and people, and may not have been the only headmate in front, but didn’t realize it at the moment.
I don’t know. What I do know is this – it seems to have been a huge influence on my audio drama The Third Prophecy a little over a half decade later and one of the shows that made my system realize we were plural, but we couldn’t admit that to anyone for several more years.
I’ll need to keep watching. I’ll keep y’all posted.
-Allēna
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#ActuallyADHD #actuallyAuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #cptsd #didsystem #hyperfocus #MadMastodon #MadStudies #mentalhealth #NEISvoid #patternrecognition #plural #ramble #reflection #strokesurvivor #trauma
Poor Lazarus when they’re caught in the middle of a situation they can do nothing about is often like:
🎶That’s me in the corner
That’s me fucking my fleshlight
Squawking like a chicken🎶
That’s payback for THE ENTIRE SLEW OF MEMES ROASTING ME the other day, dumbass 🤣
-Castor
These appeared to me in a dream…
In the dream, I guess we had created an ad campaign for this site and these ads and others were fuckin EVERYWHERE, guerilla marketing style.
And I have to say, I think my subconscious kinda cooked here.
Seeing as more people seem to be commenting on here and about Open Sorcery in DMs (looking at our crush, Doom Guy, who finally gets a proper nickname on here), I’m gonna include my nifty email subscription form at the bottom of this post if you wanna follow us for further chaos.
If you’re on the Fediverse, please give us a follow! You’ll be rewarded with batshit content of all kinds 💛
Hehe.
-Lazarus
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#adcampaign #DreamDiary #GuerillaMarketing #MadMastodon #MadStudies #Shitpost
Valentine’s Day Thoughts
In all honesty, I never really think about that holiday??
My sweet Danish partner reminded me it existed today and I told him that due to my time blindness I’m likely to find myself in a situation out of a sitcom where someone who has a crush on me invites me over or something, I have no fucking clue what day it is, everyone else gets extremely upset with me, and I just end up rolling with it and they confess their love for me with flowers and chocolate and I’m like “I’m so sorry… what year is it again” 😭
I’ve forgotten my own birthday before. I’m not fucking kidding. I tend to forget Valentine’s Day exists especially hard because I wasn’t exactly…. Desirable until well into adulthood, and even now it’s still a mindfuck to me that people want to date me at all? So wheee. AuDHD is a helluva thing.
-Allēna
#actuallyADHD #actuallyAuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #chronicFatigue #MadMastodon #MadStudies #mentalhealth #NEISvoid #neuroqueer #strokeSurvivor #tbi #Timeblindness
Unraveling: A Zine
I made my first zine today because I was bored and needed a vent. If you want a copy of your own, it’s free to download over here!
I hope you enjoyed this zine! I had a lot of fun making it.
-Castor
#art #batshittery #chronicIllness #CommunityCare #deconditioning #DigitalArt #healing #hyperindependence #MadMastodon #MadStudies #mentalhealth #perfectionism #zine
Damn it, River.
My fucking headmate thought it was an excellent and hilarious fucking idea to schedule a neurologist appointment on the day our father died of brain cancer nine years prior and then make me handle it. At least Lazarus had the fucking foresight to get it switched to a virtual appointment several damn days ago so I didn’t have to go anywhere.
I’m never letting Mr. Batshit For Brainholes schedule anything ever again. This wasn’t fucking funny.
But at least we have that out of the way, and an EEG is scheduled for February 18. They might strobe the fuck out of our brainhole during that, so brace yourselves for utterly batshit post seizure posts from us truly. 😭
Fun fucking times. Thank you, Lazarus, for your excellent harm reduction work. At least you didn’t try to punk me for once.
I somehow summoned the energy (likely due to sheer irritation at River’s bullshit idea of a joke) to put clothes on and then shave my face later, so have selfies in honor of this most dubious occasion.
My left hand does whatever the fuck it wants, I guess. But at least this was a nice bit of gender euphoria today.
Once more, with my entire ass, FUCK YOU, RIVER.
-Allēna
#2SLGBTQIA #agender #AntiPsychiatry #badJoke #CurrentEvents #dissociativeidentitydisorder #femadjacent #gayselfie #grief #headmates #MadMastodon #MadStudies #nonbinary #plurality #polygender #Prank #River #selfie #sliceOfLife #System #womanadjacent #Xavier
