New Video: My Testimony (They aren’t going to like this!)

I just posted a new video on YouTube. And I have been working on it for A LONG TIME.

I couldn’t even guesstimate how many hours I have put in on this one. Off and on for months.

I wanted it to be just right, because it is THAT important.

I tried to keep the video as short as I possible. It starts with a brief summary of my DHS case, with the help of my beautiful mini-me Bitmoji. I had to include the summary to set the stage for a recording that I made.

Back in 2019, at the hearing for the termination of my parental rights, I recorded myself reading the letter I had written for the judge while I was on the stand.

Check it out! And please do let me know what you think!

https://youtu.be/lmVQXaMDu5o

#BentonCountyDHS #childProtectionServices #childWelfareReform #court #dhsCps #iowa #IowaDHHS #juvenileCourt #letterToJudge #parentalRights #stopLegalKidnapping #terminationOfParentalRights #testimony

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins (Suck Your Food Box Dick)

Five Years.

It’s coming up on the five year anniversary since I said goodbye to my children. It’s hard to believe. It doesn’t seem right, and I’ve had to count the years out on my fingers several times.

2020. 2021. 2022. 2023… 2024.

I have reflected on years past in previous posts, so if you are just tuning in, the links above will get you all caught up.

This article will be long enough, because I could easily write a full blog post for each of the five pumpkins. That is exactly why I am breaking it up into parts.

Five years of digging deep on child welfare and child abuse has brought about many revelations. About the system, the laws, the policies, the actual practices I saw and experienced personally, and the experiences of others around me… revelations about myself. These insights have shaped my views, changing some of them and reinforcing others.

I want to keep it short and sweet, but I have a lot to points to make.

Each pumpkin is like a themed chapter in a book that I wrote specifically for the intended audience. This holiday tradition and my efforts are dedicated to my children, in honor of the loss of our family. The only tradition that even comes close to bringing me joy like holidays used to.

This is the third and final part in this series about Halloween 2024. In Part One, I started the countdown with Pumpkins #5 and #4.

I continued with Pumpkins #3 and #2 in Part Two. And like I said, I had a hard time deciding which pumpkin was #1, because #2 was such a close second…

…but the design on Pumpkin #1 is definitely my favorite of ALL the pumpkins that I have decorated for DHS so far!

Pumpkin #1

Suck Your Food Box Dick!

I wonder if they had any idea what I was talking about when the supervisor and staff members first read it. I picture them scratching their heads and wondering out loud what it meant. Well, in order to explain my inspiration for this original design, I will have to take you back in time a little bit. In addition to answers the big 5 W’s, you will need a little background information.

When?

It was November 8th, 2022, I remember very clearly for several reasons.

• I had been giving the incredible opportunity to sit down for an interview with my friend, Rick Stewart, the Libertarian candidate for governor, and I had been frantically working to publish a blog post about it before the election.

• November 8th was Election Day in 2022!

• Earlier that morning I got up early to watch the Super Full Blood Moon Total Lunar Eclipse. I sat in the south parking lot at the old West school and watched the whole thing.

If you have ever worked in health care, you already know that the energy is intense during a full moon. Eclipses tend to supercharge the energies of the full or new moon. A lunar eclipse can only happen on a full moon, when the shadow of the earth completely covers the moon, creating an effect that turns the moon red. (Lunar eclipses are also sometimes called blood moons.)

The energy of a full moon is about completion, clearing, and letting go. It can also be a time of heightened emotions, disturbed sleep, and intense dreams. It can trigger the release of pent up emotions, anxieties, grief. This can be a very cathartic experience, allowing us to release emotional baggage and move forward with a lighter heart.

It was a very emotional morning for me, watching the moon and reflecting on the events of the previous couple days. I left the old school parking lot that morning refreshed and full of energy after a good cry. I went home, showered, and got to work finishing my blog post before I set out on a mission to make sure my friends all made it to the voting booth.

Who?

Since I met Lucas, Cami, and Lucas’ three teenage daughters, they’ve truly become like family to me. Just a few months after we met, Lucas’ mom, Jackie, passed away. The girls had lived with Jackie for most of their lives, and they were very close to her. Lucas and Cami had moved in a couple of years earlier when Jackie’s health started to decline, and she needed oxygen. Jackie was in charge and she kept everything running at home. so when her health suddenly took a turn for the worse, it was a huge adjustment for everyone when she passed.

I only met Jackie a few times, but she was always warm and welcoming. Lucas later shared with me that she liked both me and Jim. I think she knew that her clock was ticking. Whenever we talked, she seemed relieved to know that Cami and Lucas had friends like us nearby.

After she was gone, Lucas and Cami did their best to step into Jackie’s shoes; Jim and I were there to help however we could. Lucas quickly became like a brother to me, and Cami, like a sister. It meant a lot to support them as they adjusted to their new roles as the primary caregivers. Three teenage girls are a handful for anyone, but with the added grief of losing the family matriarch, and taking on the responsibilities of managing the household, they understandably struggled at times. I am proud of them for how they pulled together!

The girls and I clicked right away! Jackie had been very protective, and so they had spent a majority of their free time at home. Even at 16 and 17 years old, they had never ventured further away than a 2 block radius from the house! We often joked about going out and exploring the “real world.” Jim and I loved watching them come out of their shells!

We got them out of the house for bike rides, took them out on the river, went camping, celebrated holidays and birthdays together. They came to me with everything from homework to boy problems. I loved being able to help with “teenage girl stuff”—offering advice, support, or just being there when they needed someone to talk to. We shared so many moments that brought us closer, and they filled a big place in my heart.

Where?

There are several homes across eastern Iowa where I am welcome at any time night or day. Safe spaces where I can walk right in, no questions asked… Most of them I have stocked with toiletries and maybe even a change of clothes just in case. Lucas and Cami’s house was one of those places for me.

You see, Jim and I consider his mom’s house to be our “home base,” but honestly nowhere feels like home to me since the kids have been gone. My life is completely and utterly different from what it was before. We like to joke that we aren’t meant to stay anywhere too long, and it’s true.

That may be hard for most people to understand, let alone accept… I get that. Trust me, it’s hard for us to understand and accept sometimes, too. We’ve come to realize that we aren’t meant to have a place to call our own, at least for right now. It is part of our journey and our mission to remain available, should our help be needed. And the universe has a way of directing us to exactly where we are supposed to be…

Anyways… It was a little after noon by the time I made it to Cami and Lucas’ house that day. Lucas worked second shift, so they were still in bed, but they woke up easily enough when they heard me walk in the kitchen. I remember my excitement and they couldn’t help but laugh as I announced the special occasion… “IT’S ELECTION DAY! WAKE UP GUYS!”

They groaned and rolled their eyes as they joined me in the kitchen. I brewed a pot of coffee and we sat down to catch up. It had been a week or two since I had been around, and they had some news.

What?

I could see the frustration and the hurt on Cami’s face as she told me that they were being investigated by DHS. According to the report, Laci had accused Cami of being physically abusive to her, and she had also reported domestic incidences between Cami and Lucas where Laci was injured after trying to intervene.

I felt bad for Cami, because I had been around the house often enough to know that Cami is not mean or abusive in anyway… I had never even seen her raise her voice at the girls! And she didn’t really need to. They were dramatic at times, like any other teenage girl, and kind of lazy. We all had to remind them repeatedly to clean up their rooms, but they really were pretty good kids, so I was surprised to hear that Laci was saying these things!

Lucas talked about his phone conversation and meeting with the case worker. He reassured Cami that he didn’t think that the allegations were true, and he wasn’t sure why Laci would say that either. He didn’t seem very concerned about the investigation, but Cami was still upset.

So we talked about the things that I tell every parent about dealing with DHS:

• You do not have to:
  • answer their questions!
    • They think you are guilty of abusing your child! And they are looking for every bit of evidence that they can find, so they can take it to the county attorney and file a court case against you.
    • Well meaning parents might think it will “look better” if they cooperate. Respectfully decline to respond to their questions, and do not give them permission to meet with your child again (because chances are- they already did!). They may act like you are required to, but the fact is anything you say can and will be twisted and used against you in a court of law.
  • let them into your home!
    • in fact, I advise against it. Once you allow them into your home, you are basically waiving your 4th, 5th, and 6th amendment rights!
  • submit to drug testing or any other intervention without a court order!
    • Never go to a doctor or lab recommended by CPS. They are contracted by DHHS/CPS, this is a conflict of interest, and the results are “indisputable” unless it suits their agenda (trust me!)
• If you DO decide to talk to them… RECORD EVERYTHING- every phone call, every face-to-face conversation, every time.
  • Download a call recorder app. I have used Cube ACR in the past. You can set it up to automatically record, and then you can shut it off after starting a call if you don’t need it to be. That app even records messenger calls!
  • When it comes down to it, it’s your word against theirs. They do not record, their reports are written after the fact
    • I have caught several untrue statements when reviewing reports in the past.
  • Consider carrying a back up option for recording conversations just in case. In addition to my phone that has both a call recording app and a recording app, I also carry a digital recorder with me wherever I go.
• Remember this PRICELESS advice I had drilled into my head in nursing school:

If you didn’t document it, you didn’t do it!

I cover this information and a bunch more tips and tricks for parents to help them be a PROACTIVE parent and avoid DHHS/CPS involvement in my mini course: PROTECT YOUR FAMILY!

I remember saying, “Okay, enough lecturing…” and shifting the conversation to the election, when we heard someone knocking on the front door on the other side of the house. I am not sure how, but I immediately had a feeling that I knew who it was…

Cami and Lucas looked at each other and then me, surprised. Neither one of them were expecting company, and neither of them made a move to go answer the door, so I jumped up from my seat and walked out into the front porch. The family never used that door, and the windows were covered with blinds and blankets to help insulate from the cold. The plastic was still in place, so I had no choice but to peek through the blinds and I saw a lady standing on the front step, clipboard in hand.

Our eyes met briefly before I let the blinds close again. I didn’t say a word, just turned around and went back to where Lucas and Cami were sitting. Lucas was irritated when I told them who was outside and said they didn’t mention anything about stopping by today when he spoke with them the day before. Cami was already stressed, and her anxiety shot through the roof. Lucas and I both reminded her that she didn’t have to answer the door. She calmed a little bit, but when the woman knocked again, louder this time, Cami headed towards the door.

I walked with her, reminding her what I had literally JUST SAID- that she doesn’t have to answer questions or let her in the house. I could see she was on the verge of tears as she reached out to open the door, so I grabbed her phone and pulled up the play store to download an app. I heard them talking, and I tried to hurry but the download seemed to take FOREVER

“If you are going to talk to her, at least record it!” I told her as I handed her the phone. Then I grabbed my backpack and headed to the bathroom, figuring this would be a good time for me to brush my teeth and finish putting on my makeup.

I listened to their conversation as they walked through the house. I could hear the judgement in the woman’s voice as she questioned Cami. Cami agreed to let her in, and walked her through the house to show her the girls’ room. She made a derogatory comment about the dog shit on the living room floor. It was Laci’s job to clean up after Jackie’s cute little chihuahua, Jax- and she had really been slacking!

I will admit that I had a few smart ass remarks to what I was hearing and I tried my best to stay out of it. She was right behind Cami as they walked into the kitchen. She looked in the bathroom at me and asked my name. I was short with her when I told her. She asked why I was there, and I told her we were going to the food pantry and shut the door. I heard Cami tell her that I was there to get them to go vote as she walked her to the door.

I was proud of myself for keeping my cool. I had so much that I wanted to say, but I knew that my words would fall on deaf ears. I told Lucas and Cami that I would stop back and I walked to the food pantry. I was frustrated and needed to take a walk, then I saw that case worker at the gas station. She was parked by the gas pumps, using paper towels to clean the bottom of her shoes with a disgusted look on her face. I had no doubt that she was thinking about Cami and Lucas’ house. That just pissed me off more.

After I grabbed the food, I asked the ladies if Brody was in his office. They could tell that I was upset. They told me that he wasn’t in, but as I turned around to leave, I saw him pulling in to the parking lot.

Brody is the high-risk unit probation officer for Benton County. He’s a good dude… the kind of probation officer that people respect, because he is fair and he’s not trying to catch anyone up on bullshit. I wasn’t on probation at the time, but I still went to see him from time to time. We have good conversations about life and I’d like to think he respects me in return, because he knows I’m not on bullshit.

I was fighting back tears when I walked up to him before he even had a chance to get his stuff out of the car. I didn’t even try to keep my voice down as I talked to him about Lucas and Cami and that case worker. He didn’t know them but he listened to me patiently as I unloaded my frustrations. See, it’s one thing for someone to pick on me, hurt me, try to break ME… but I can NOT stand the thought of anyone hurting the people that I love…

They had already taken my children, right? So I didn’t have the motivation to bite my tongue like I did when I was fighting for my family. I’ve always thought that was rather risky for them to do… Obviously they didn’t know me when I was younger!!

I can’t remember everything I said, but I do remember yelling that they (DHS) needed to leave my friends alone, and how they didn’t know their head from their asses when it comes to actually helping people. I yelled about the people that have my sons and the $1000 they get paid in adoption subsidies every month per kid. He motioned for me to calm down, looking behind me. I turned around and saw that case worker walking from her car to the door.

“That’s the bitch right there! I am more qualified for her job than she is! Except you couldn’t pay me enough to steal people kids!”

She sneered at me before she turned to walk through the door. I turned back to Brody and he kind of chuckled as he told me again to calm down. The smile on his face caught me off guard, and I let out a big sigh and said, “Well, its’ true.”

We stood there talking for a few minutes more as my blood pressure slowly returned to normal. I apologized for yelling at him, and he said he understood. I know he really doesn’t. Very few people truly do.

Why?

Later that same day, I went back to Cami and Lucas’ house. The girls were home from school, and I pulled Laci aside to talk to her. With Lucas’ permission, I had to ask about the accusations. And once Laci started answering my questions, I stopped and asked if it was okay to record our conversation. I still have that recording.

Laci told me that the case worker had pulled her out of class again that afternoon. She shared with us that the first time she was pulled out of class for almost 2 hours. And that day, she had been pulled out of class again for another hour. Strangely though, she said the case worker didn’t ask her anything more about the allegations she had made…

Laci said the case worker spent the entire hour asking her about me and Jim. She asked about my relationship with their family and if I lived with them. She made the comment to Laci that she didn’t make $1000 a week, which was interesting because I didn’t say anything to Laci about my conversation with Brody… Laci also said that the case worker told her “not to listen to me, because I am crazy.”

Isn’t that nice? But that’s not all…

It was a couple weeks later when I stopped back at Cami and Lucas’ house. They had let me know that the assessment came back unfounded, but when I got there Cami was excited to show me the report they had gotten in the mail.

I sat down with the envelope and pulled out the packet of paperwork. I read it quietly while Cami made dinner, and bust out laughing when I got to the part she was waiting for me to read… I could hardly believe it, but there it was right there in black and white!

Written as if she were quoting me directly… “This is food bank day. Suck my food box dick.”

Wow! As absurd as it was, her sad attempt at talking shit caught on and became an inside joke. I laughed it off, because anyone that knows me would know it was completely ridiculous! And Lucas and Cami were standing right there! They will tell you that I didn’t say anything like that!

So I tried to brush it off, but then one night I had a genius idea! I spent way more time than I would like to admit creating a t-shirt image for “suck your food box dick” the way I saw it in my mind. I put together a couple different options and we even polled our friends to see which font was the best. I am interested to hear what you think, so don’t let me down…

By the way, that’s not all she had to say about me…

https://youtube.com/shorts/Jemm_Z_gtmY?feature=share

But Wait… There’s More!

Just in case you were feeling kinda skeptical. Like this was just some fluke, an isolated incident of ridiculousness…

I also wanted to share this allegation reported against me back in 2021…

…This report Supervisor Mindy Druschel to grant the child protective worker CONFIDENTIAL ACCESS to Jim’s children. This means they are able to pull Jim’s kids out of class and question them for as long as they deem necessary, behind closed doors, without a parent’s permission.

Because I was allegedly observed “smoking out of a metal curved pipe, exhibiting “jerky” movements, and scratching at my skin…”

When the caller (quite obviously the former neighbor who was always really fake nice) said our “home” was raided… he or she must be referring to the day that the City of Vinton destroyed and stole everything we owned, including the organic medicinal herb garden (NOT marijuana) from Jim’s property in the name of “nuisance abatement” (Read about their Legal Theft.)

I know for a fact that man never saw me smoke anything out of a “curved metal pipe,” but I do remember feeling watched and looking over to see him staring at me through the blinds while I was pulling weeds and cleaning up outside just a few days before the allegation was made. Totally not creepy at all…

For the record, both of these allegations were NOT CONFIRMED.

Due Process

The following Introduction to CIVIL LIBERTIES WITHOUT EXCEPTION: NCCPR’s Due Process Agenda for Children and Families has been copied directly from the National Coalition For Child Protection Reform‘s website.

Suppose, when he was attorney general, William Barr had proposed anti-terrorism legislation with the following provisions:

Special anti-terrorism police could search any home without a warrant – and stripsearch any occupant — based solely on an anonymous telephone tip.  Any occupant of the home could be detained for 24 hours to two weeks without so much as a hearing – and they’ll probably be detained far longer because, in the special anti-terrorism court set up by this legislation, all the judges are afraid to look soft on “terrorists.”

At that first hearing the detainees may – or may not – get a lawyer just before the hearing begins, and they almost never get effective counsel.

At almost every stage, the standard of proof is not “beyond a reasonable doubt” or even “clear and convincing” but merely “preponderance of the evidence,” the lowest standard in American jurisprudence, the same one used to determine which insurance company pays for a fender-bender. 

And in most states, all the hearings and all the records are secret.

Had Barr proposed such legislation, it’s reasonable to expect that civil libertarians would have responded with fury.

Yet this hypothetical anti-terrorism law already is the law governing the system we call “child welfare.”  And sadly, many who in other circumstances are quick to defend civil liberties either stand silent or support it.

Indeed, at a time when the racial bias of police forces is getting widespread attention, it’s urgent to understand that child protective services workers are also a police force.  The family police, as they should properly be called, have even more power than the police in blue uniforms.  A police officer can throw a Black child against a wall and frisk him.  A family police (CPS) caseworker can march right into that child’s home, interrogate him, stripsearch him, and take him away from his family on the spot.

The National Coalition for Child Protection Reform believes the only way truly to protect children is to demand civil liberties without exception. There can be no true child protection when a government agency is given virtually unchecked power, almost no accountability, and operates in secret. 

That is why enacting meaningful due process protections for families is even more important than improving the “services” they receive from child welfare agencies.

Since 2000, NCCPR has issued more than 30 reports on 20 state or local child welfare systems.  Below, with updates, are some of the due process recommendations from these various reports. (click link to download)

Many people are surprised to find out that getting placed on the child abuse registry doesn’t require a criminal conviction or even a court trial. In Iowa, accusations can be “founded” and added to the registry based on vague or unreliable evidence. This means someone can be labeled as an abuser without the chance to fully defend themselves, creating a system that’s prone to mistakes. Being on the registry can ruin a person’s reputation, making it hard to get a job, find housing, or maintain relationships—all without proof of criminal wrongdoing.

Often, reports of abuse or neglect are based on subjective opinions or hearsay. These reports can stem from misunderstandings or even personal conflicts between adults. Caseworkers analyze the information and decide whether to add someone to the registry, but their decisions can be influenced by biases, lack of training, or the overwhelming number of cases they handle. Mistakes in this process can have long-lasting consequences for the accused, even if the accusations aren’t entirely accurate.

Being listed on the child abuse registry can turn a person’s life upside down. It’s especially damaging for people who work in fields like education, healthcare, or childcare, where even a suspicion of abuse can end a career. But the impact goes beyond those industries—employers in any field might see the listing and assume the worst. This creates a situation where innocent people can’t move forward or rebuild their lives, trapping them in a cycle of punishment without proper evidence or due process.

Fixing the child abuse registry is crucial to protecting everyone’s rights. While it’s important to keep kids safe, the system also needs to do a better job of ensuring that families are not subjected to unnecessary stress and trauma. Most importantly, people need a clear and fair way to appeal their placement on the registry. Without these changes, innocent people will continue to face unnecessary harm, and the system will fail to deliver the justice it was meant to uphold.

To give a young, inexperienced worker the power of God, send her out on what she is convinced is a godly mission to rescue innocent children from the scum of the earth — knowing that there will be no penalty for removal and hell to pay if she leaves the child home and something goes wrong — and then expect her to exercise self-restraint is more than can be expected of most human beings.

Richard Wexler (May 2022) in “CIVIL LIBERTIES WITHOUT EXCEPTION:
NCCPR’s Due Process Agenda for Children and Families“

More information on the Child Abuse Registry and working to get your name cleared below.

Just the Facts, Ma’am!

I have written about cognitive biases and logical fallacies before. Repeating myself hear on these points seems redundant at this point. Either they are listening, or they aren’t… I am sick to my stomach about it, but I can’t force anyone to see the error in their ways.

“Stop saving us from our families. Save our families FOR us!”

– A youth in foster care

https://youtu.be/cegl1BZ-0tI?si=8OgfsA9sjnpU-B28

Falsely Accused?

And from Psychology Today… How to Stop False Accusations in their Tracks

Clearing Your Name

You need to be aware that there is a very limited 90 day window after the outcome of a child abuse assessment has been decided to take action in order to appeal the decision. Unfortunately, from what I have read, there are no easy avenues to appeal the information on the registry outside that timeframe.

How does it affect me if I am placed on the abuse registry?

Although these are two separate registries, if you have a “founded” abuse report on either one, you may not be able to work with children or dependent adults. With both, you may lose your job if you currently work with those groups of people. If you work with children or dependent adults, or if you apply for a job where you would, then the employer has a right to certain abuse information. They can find out if you are on the abuse registry. They must ask you to sign a release for them to check the registry.

What can I do if I think the HHS decision is wrong?

You can appeal the decision. If you believe you are not guilty of child abuse, you have 90 days to file an appeal from the date of the written notice finding that you have abused a child.

If you appeal a dependent adult abuse finding within 15 days, HHS cannot place you on the abuse registry until final agency action is taken. If you do not file an appeal within 15 days, then you have 60 days to appeal the dependent adult abuse decision, but your name will be placed on the registry until the final outcome of the appeal. You must send a written request for a correction of the child abuse or dependent adult abuse finding to HHS. If you do not send your request for an appeal of the decision within90 days for child abuse or six months for dependent adult abuse, you may not be able to get your name off the registry. Your appeal should say why you think your name should not be on the Registry and that you would like to have a hearing about the decision to put your name on the Registry. Be sure to include the incident number from the HHS decision.

I’m working now in a nursing home and have been placed on one of the abuse registries. Can I keep working?

Your employer can ask HHS to do an evaluation and see if you may still be able to work with children or dependent adults. If HHS says you cannot work with these groups of people, you may appeal this decision. Unlike the 90 days or six months to appeal a founded abuse report, you have just thirty days to appeal a decision by HHS that you may not work with children or dependent adults, or that you may not be the sole supervisor of them. You must send a written appeal and explain why you think you should be able to work with these groups of people. If you do not send an appeal within 30 days, your appeal might not be granted. In order for a late appeal to be granted, you must show what is called “good cause.” Good cause means you had a good reason for not filing an appeal on time.

Where can I go for help with an appeal?

Iowa Legal Aid may be able to help people with their appeals. Call 1-800-532-1275 to make an application for assistance.

Iowa Legal Aid provides help to low-income Iowans. 

To apply for help from Iowa Legal Aid:

• Call 800-532-1275.
• Iowans age 60 and over, call 800-992-8161.
• Apply online at iowalegalaid.org

Last Review and Update: Mar 17, 2023

What can I do if I do not agree with the finding in the Child Abuse Assessment Report?
If you are the person who is alleged to be responsible for the abuse (or one of them), you can appeal the decision.  You must file the appeal within 90 days of the decision. To file an appeal, you need to send a written and signed statement to the DHS Appeals Section, 1305 E Walnut Street, Des Moines, Iowa 50319-0114 (or file an appeal electronically, as explained below). The written statement needs to include the reason you don’t agree with the findings in the Assessment.
You can also appeal the decision electronically. There are online appeal forms, in English and Spanish, available at https://hhs.iowa.gov/programs/appeals/how-appeal.
If you are the subject of the report and believe some information is wrong in a Child Abuse Assessment, you can make a request for correction of the information.  This request is made to the local DHS office, whose address will be on the letter that comes with the Assessment.  You can only request a correction within 90 days of the decision.
An appeal and a request for correction are different things (but both have a 90 day deadline). If you have any questions, you should contact a private attorney.  

Who has access to Child Abuse Assessment Reports?
Child Abuse Assessment Reports are confidential and protected. Only certain people have access to the Reports. The people who have access to the Assessment Report depends on what type of finding is made in the Report. Generally, the parent, guardian, or a custodian of the child will have access. The court, certain agencies, or others may also have access.

How do I get a copy of a Child Abuse Assessment Report if I am an authorized person?
You can request a copy by filling out a “Request for Child and Dependent Adult Abuse Information” form and emailing, faxing, or mailing it to the Central Abuse Registry at the Iowa Department of Health and Human Services. You can get a copy of the form by going to https://hhs.iowa.gov/ and entering 470-3301 in the search box.  The email, fax, and mailing address for the Central Abuse Registry are on the top of the first page of the form.

If I am an authorized person or have a copy of a Child Abuse Assessment, can I share it with other people?
No! There are laws about who child abuse information can be shared with. It is a crime to share the information or release the documents to anyone who is not authorized to have access to the information. You can find more information about the rules against releasing or sharing child abuse information on the second page of the “Request for Child and Dependent Adult Abuse Information” form. Please talk to an attorney before you share child abuse information with anyone.

Last Review and Update: Oct 08, 2024

Check out the article from Rise Magazine (2020) Clearing Your Name After an Investigation: How to Seal and Amend Your Record.

The Children’s Bureau– an office of the Administration for Children and Families- reports that Child Welfare Information Gateway, a service of the Children’s Bureau, provides information about the laws governing the central registry in each state in the following summaries of state statutes:

Review and Expunction of Central Registries and Reporting Records summarizes state laws regarding central registries and the expungement of records, or review laws specific to Iowa.

Disclosure of Confidential Child Abuse and Neglect Records summarizes state laws regarding the protection of confidential child abuse and neglect records, or review laws specific to Iowa.

Per the Iowa DHHS website:

“The requestor will receive response from HHS informing if there IS or IS NOT a record of child abuse listing the person as responsible for a founded, registry placed child abuse assessment. Upon further request, the central abuse registry can provide more specific report data. Information regarding re-dissemination, criminal penalties, and appeals are included on the requesting form.”

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Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part TWO

Five Years.

It’s coming up on the five year anniversary since I said goodbye to my children. It’s hard to believe. It doesn’t seem right, and I’ve had to count the years out on my fingers several times.

2020. 2021. 2022. 2023… 2024.

I have reflected on years past in previous posts, so if you are just tuning in, the links above will get you all caught up.

This article will be long enough, because I could easily write a full blog post for each of the five pumpkins. That is exactly why I am breaking it up into parts.

Five years of digging deep on child welfare and child abuse has brought about many revelations. About the system, the laws, the policies, the actual practices I saw and experienced personally, and the experiences of others around me… revelations about myself. These insights have shaped my views, changing some of them and reinforcing others.

I want to keep it short and sweet, but I have a lot to points to make.

Each pumpkin is like a themed chapter in a book that I wrote specifically for the intended audience. This holiday tradition and my efforts are dedicated to my children, in honor of the loss of our family. The only tradition that even comes close to bringing me joy like holidays used to.

Pumpkin #3

Recidivism, Relapse, and Irreparable Harm

Let’s break this down, starting with RECIDIVISM.

When I said the word RECIDIVISM while reading my letter to the court at the hearing to terminate my parental rights, I felt a shockwave in the room. The judge called for a recess immediately after my testimony. No one said a word while everyone exited the courtroom.

My brother and I stayed quiet until we made it comfortably far enough away from the building. He broke the silence first, confirming what I felt in the courtroom with his impression of what they were thinking.

“I can’t believe she knew THAT WORD!” He said with an expression of disbelief on his face, mocking the prosecutor and my DHS case worker.

We both laughed and I was grateful that he understood the importance of what I had said. Recidivism is the likelihood of a person to reoffend or relapse, and I feel very strongly that those rates are strongly linked to the conditions and demands placed upon him or her by the system.

The child welfare system was created to protect children, but sometimes it causes more harm than good—especially to parents who are already facing challenges. My experience with the system is one example of how it can push people to their breaking point, rather than offering the support they need to succeed. As a mother and a former nurse, I lost my professional career and parental rights, largely because of policies and actions taken by child welfare workers who made no efforts to hide the fact that they were against me from the start. The system that was supposed to protect families ended up destroying mine.

One of the biggest problems with the child welfare system is how it handles parents who are struggling with addiction or other personal issues. Instead of focusing on rehabilitation and keeping families together, the system often jumps straight to separation. When parents lose their kids, it isn’t just heartbreaking; it can push them to relapse.

Many parents who are recovering feel that their children are their main motivation to stay clean and rebuild their lives. Taking kids away removes that motivation and leaves parents with a sense of hopelessness. In this way, the system’s policies can actually contribute to recidivism—pushing people who were already struggling even further down a hard path.

The stress of fighting a legal battle, facing accusations, and losing your children often leads people to cope in unhealthy ways, like turning back to substance use. Rather than receiving compassion, support, and understanding, parents often face judgment and are left with few options. The system doesn’t provide many resources to help parents who are doing their best to recover and be there for their children. By tearing families apart instead of supporting them, the system can cause lasting trauma, not only to parents but also to the children who are caught in the middle.

Reform is needed to make the child welfare system more supportive of struggling parents. Instead of policies that immediately look to punish, we need policies that work to lift up families and keep them together whenever possible. This is about protecting families from unnecessary harm and giving people a real chance to get back on their feet.

Check out this TED talk from Molly McGrath Tierney, the former Director for the Baltimore City Department of Social Services, the organization responsible for managing the City’s child welfare and public assistance programs. For 6 years prior to her TED talk, Molly led a massive reform effort to dramatically improve the impact of services to vulnerable citizens of Baltimore. Listening to her speech brought tears to my eyes and gave me hope that there is a brighter future for our children facing a child welfare system that has been getting it so wrong for too long.

https://youtu.be/c15hy8dXSps?si=F6x8l8ly-m6rAA6c

In a brief summarizing their 2021 Recidivism Report, the Council on Criminal Justice shared that “the drop in return-to prison rates could be explained by changes in the behavior of those being released (i.e., committing fewer new crimes or violations of supervision), or by changes in the behavior of the criminal justice system (such as police arrest practices or policies regarding how probation and parole agencies respond to supervision violations).” I propose that the positive changes in behavior of those being released is directly dependent on the changes in the criminal justice system.

Trump signed the First Step Act into law in 2018. In a separate research brief from August 2023, the Council on Criminal Justice examines the positive effects that have resulted from the widespread changes to the system in First Step Act: An Early Analysis of Recidivism.

RAND is a nonprofit, nonpartisan research organization that develops solutions to public policy challenges to help make communities throughout the world safer and more secure, healthier and more prosperous. Their website has a TON of great information on our criminal justice system, recidivism, and the need for reform. Check out this research brief about Resetting Recidivism Risk Prediction.

Educate Yourselves

This isn’t the first time that I have pointed them in the direction of EVIDENCE BASED PRACTICES. The link I added to the top of the pumpkin is for the US government’s Child Welfare Center for States Capacity Building Collaborative. The Center for States helps child welfare agencies build capacity to improve performance by using continuous quality improvement (CQI) and implementation best practices.

The phrase “Educate yourself!” is thrown around a lot these days, but when it comes to working with people struggling with addiction or family challenges, education is critical. It’s not just about knowing the basics—it’s about understanding evidence-based practices that make a real difference. There are some key areas that can help child welfare professionals and others in social work make a positive impact, rather than unintentionally causing harm.

The following list of recommended topics for study is by no means exhaustive, but it is a good start! I have even taken the time to include a few links for each topic.

• substance misuse
• addiction and recovery
• cultural competency
• conflict TRANSFORMATION
• emotional intelligence
• establishing rapport
• whole-hearted connection
• cognitive biases and logical fallacies

First, let’s talk about substance misuse, addiction, and recovery. These are complex issues that require real understanding, not just assumptions. Addiction is not just about willpower; it’s often rooted in trauma, mental health struggles, and even genetics. Educating yourself about the science behind addiction and the best ways to support recovery is essential for anyone who truly wants to help people get back on their feet.

• Disrupting Stigma is a report from the National Center on Substance Abuse and Child Welfare (NCSACW) about “How Understanding, Empathy, and Connection Can Improve Outcomes for Families Affected by Substance Use and Mental Disorders”
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers this advisory report- COMPREHENSIVE CASE MANAGEMENT FOR SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER TREATMENT
• Casey Family Programs offer a weatlh of resources on this topic. A great place to start is their article from August 2023: How can the child welfare system support families affected by substance use disorder?

Then there’s cultural competency. Not every family looks the same, and everyone brings different backgrounds and beliefs to the table. When professionals don’t understand or respect a person’s culture, they risk making decisions that may feel right to them but can be devastating for the family. This includes awareness of the terminology used and its effect on families and teams as the case progresses. Education in cultural competency helps people approach each family with an open mind and respect.

Conflict transformation is another critical area. Conflict is natural, but in child welfare, it often comes with high stakes. Conflict transformation is about resolving issues in a way that builds bridges and creates real, lasting solutions instead of just escalating the problem. Along with this, emotional intelligence is key. Understanding your own emotions and those of others is crucial in high-stress situations, helping everyone stay calm and connected.

The Berghof Foundation is an international organization that has been instrumental in promoting the concept of Conflict Transformation as a means of achieving sustainable peace worldwide. The Berghof Handbook for Conflict Transformation is an excellent resource for learning more about how conflict transformation and how it improves upon the traditional practice of conflict resolution.

I found this free course called Develop Your Emotional Intelligence on Alison to be an excellent resource for learning and bolstering skills for emotional intelligence.

Building a whole-hearted connection with the families they serve helps professionals establish trust and show genuine care. When people feel understood and valued, they’re much more likely to open up and work together. This is closely tied to the skill of establishing rapport—an essential step for any professional who wants to make a positive impact.

I recommend this Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto, from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (*paid link) and the TED talks that Brene Brown gave on The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame to help gain insight on these critically important aspects of working with families.

Lastly, understanding cognitive biases and logical fallacies can change how professionals approach each situation. We all have biases, but learning about them can help professionals avoid snap judgments and incorrect assumptions. Members of the multidisciplinary team involved with a child welfare case should implement a check system to ensure these biases are not unfairly influencing their work. This leads to fairer, more thoughtful decisions that focus on each family’s unique situation. I would recommend the following tools from an organization called School of Thought:

• Cognitive Biases- Check your Bias
• Logical Fallacies- Fallacy Detector

Child welfare professionals and those in social work hold enormous power and responsibility. By educating themselves in these areas, they can bring real change to the system—helping families heal instead of pushing them further down a path of struggle.

Psychoactive Pharmaceuticals

I remember the look of absolute hatred and disgust on the caseworker’s face when I not-so-politely reminded her (and I quote) “You are not a medical professional, you are a social worker.”

This absolutely true statement was my response to her insistence that I allow them to prescribe ADHD medications to my son. I was a registered nurse with years of experience managing the medication regimens for my pediatric clients. I have performed hundreds of drug regimen reviews and I can still tell you what you need to know about a majority of medications on the market, even after a few years away from direct patient care (thank you nursing school!).

And I also know that the scope of practice for social workers most definitely does not include anything making medical decisions or prescribing medications.

When I asked her why, she told me that Noah was “aggressive to the other children at the foster care home.” That’s it. That was her rationale. Rather than consider the reasons behind his aggression- the fact that they had taken my son from his parents and sent him to live with strangers, for example- the only logical solution in her mind was medicating the symptoms.

Had she taken the time to actually review Noah’s medical history- which I know she had access to because I was forced to sign consent forms for his pediatrician and counselor at Tanager when they changed his primary care providers– she would have known that Noah had tried ADHD medications in the past. And she would have known that we had discontinued those medications after he had developed significant side effects from them, including personality changes and vision problems.

Over the next several months, the case worker continued to push for medications, and I continued to refuse her. Even though I reminded her that the 5 letters behind my name (RN, MSN) meant that I was credentialed to teach child development in a university setting, she treated me like I was a huge POS! Like not letting them drug my son was neglecting his needs!

We even discussed what we’d done in the past at a family team meeting, but never once did she listen to me. Like I said in my letter to the court… the DHS caseworker failed to fully utilize my unique knowledge and skillset to my children’s advantage! In fact, she did everything she could to directly disobey my wishes as a parent!

When we were finally able to get Noah in to see a specialist at the University of Iowa’s Center for Disability and Development, the doctor agreed with me that medications were not necessary, and that Noah needed to continue with cognitive behavioral therapy. This only seemed to infuriate the caseworker more. So she insisted that the school perform a 504 evaluation.

If you aren’t familiar with Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, it says that every child is entitled to a free appropriate public education (FAPE), and that schools must evaluate students who might have disabilities, at no cost to parents or families. Based on the results of that evaluation, a student may be eligible for accommodations that help them succeed. For more information about the Individualized Education Program (IEP) and 504 Evaluation, check out this resource from the Iowa Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) Information (i3) website: COMPLETING AN INITIAL EVALUATION.

Later on in my case, after DHS had taken my children back to foster care, the case worker insisted that Noah needed an antidepressant. This is when I lost it and yelled at her, “Will you stop trying to drug my child with psychoactive medications?!”

She also was very insistent that I get a prescription for antidepressants… I adamantly refused this as well. My court-ordered counselor agreed with me. The symptoms of depression that I was experiencing were SITUATIONAL!! If they weren’t holding my children hostage, I wouldn’t have been struggling with anxiety attacks, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of despair, etc…

It has long been my professional opinion that prescribing these types of medications to children and adolescents is not appropriate, especially when we do not have a clear understanding of the long-term effects that these medications have on developing brains and bodies!

As a healthcare professional, I often researched and advocated for trying other treatment alternatives before jumping right to pharmaceutical measures. I talk more about this in my article Alternative to Medications, and its updated version Metaphysics versus Modern Healthcare.

I recommend a TED talk by a British journalist and best-selling author named Jon Ronson. The TED talk is called Strange Answers to the Psychopath Test and it is definitely high on the list of my favorite TED talks!

If you think you are ready to dive deep into the metaphysical aspects of health and the fundamental root (spiritual) causes for physical symptoms and dis-ease, visit the Spirit Alembic website to read through HAPPY BUDDHA’S Holistic Counseling MANUAL for People Of The Western World.

Injustice

And the last entry for Pumpkin #3 includes wise words from Martin Luther King, Jr.

The quote is from a letter that Dr. King wrote “From the Birmingham jail, where he was imprisoned as a participant in nonviolent demonstrations against segregation, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in longhand the letter which follows. It was his response to a public statement of concern and caution issued by eight white religious leaders of the South” (Letter from Jail, 1963).

He goes on to say, “”Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

Click to download the full Letter from Birmingham Jail.

Pumpkin #2 Who Benefits?

I had a hard time choosing between the last two pumpkins, which one would be #1. This one was a close 2nd, because the quote I painted on the front is so powerful.

Judge Marilyn Milian’s quote, “If you have to destroy a family to help a child, who benefits?” highlights a major flaw in the child welfare system’s approach. The system’s goal is to protect children, but too often, it does this by breaking families apart, causing long-lasting harm to both the children and their parents. So, like Judge Milian, I want to know:

WHO BENEFITS?

The Children?

When we talk about helping children, it’s easy to assume that removing them from challenging family situations is the answer. But the reality for kids placed in the foster care system is often far from ideal. Statistics show that children in foster care are at serious risk for many long-term problems that can have lifelong impacts. The system meant to protect them can sometimes lead to even more harm.

Children who spend time in foster care are eight times more likely to experience abuse than children who stay with their families. This abuse can include physical, emotional, and even sexual harm. Instead of feeling safe, many of these kids end up feeling even more vulnerable and traumatized. They also face a higher risk of emotional struggles, including developmental delays, feelings of despair, and detachment from others. Growing up without the stability of a family can make it difficult to trust people or build healthy relationships.

One shocking statistic is that foster care children are twice as likely to suffer from PTSD as war veterans. The trauma of being removed from their home, bounced around in the system, and sometimes mistreated leaves many kids dealing with anxiety, nightmares, and overwhelming stress. The pain doesn’t end there. These kids also struggle with substance abuse: they are seven times more likely to become dependent on drugs and twice as likely to struggle with alcoholism, depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses compared to their peers.

These numbers reveal a system that, instead of protecting children, often places them in even more harmful situations. Focusing on keeping families together through community support and crisis prevention could prevent many of these negative outcomes. Instead of removing children, the child welfare system should invest in resources like therapy, financial aid, and addiction support to help families overcome their challenges. This approach would provide stability and security without exposing kids to the harmful effects of foster care.

The statistics make one thing clear: it’s not the children that benefit from CPS intervention!

The Parents?

When children are removed from their parents, the pain and trauma extend deeply into the lives of those left behind. For many parents, especially those who grew up in tough households and faced additional challenges, it feels like being punished twice. Many of these parents worked hard to overcome obstacles and create a better life, only to find themselves unfairly judged and separated from their children by the very system that failed to protect them as kids.

Parents who’ve had their children taken away are 2.5 times more likely to attempt suicide than other adults, and tragically, they’re five times more likely to die by suicide. The heartbreak of losing a child, especially when many parents feel misunderstood or misjudged, can drive them to a point of despair. The trauma leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and a deep sense of stigmatization, often leaving parents with a loss of self-worth. The process can make them feel like they’ve failed as parents, even when the circumstances were often outside their control. This cycle of guilt and shame often results in worsening mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and a high rate of polysubstance misuse—using multiple drugs or substances to cope with overwhelming feelings.

Adding to this heartbreak is the fact that many of these parents grew up in communities that were torn apart by addiction crises, like the methamphetamine and opioid epidemics. These crises didn’t appear out of nowhere; they were fueled by big pharma and the government’s failure to enact proper legislation to control these highly addictive substances!

Small-town America was hit especially hard, with families, jobs, and the community fabric destroyed by addiction that spread without proper regulation or prevention. For parents who grew up in such environments, the challenge is even greater: they’ve been exposed to addiction from a young age, and when they, too, fall victim, they’re punished instead of helped.

If the child welfare system focused on supporting families and preventing crises, it could make a world of difference. Parents need resources—mental health care, addiction counseling, financial assistance, and parenting support—to overcome these challenges without the risk of losing their children. Recognizing the larger systemic failures at play would allow us to approach family support with compassion and fairness.

The State?

When parental rights are terminated, it’s often portrayed as a necessary action for the child’s protection. However, in reality, the termination of parental rights frequently benefits not the child, but the state and the professionals involved in the process. Agencies like DHHS (Department of Health and Human Services) or CPS (Child Protective Services), judges, prosecutors, and even Child and Family Service Providers (CFSPs) all have financial incentives tied to child removal and foster care placements. These incentives create a troubling conflict of interest that often works against families trying to stay together.

For the state, every child placed into foster care or adopted out brings in federal funding. Federal programs such as Title IV-E provide significant funds to states for foster care, adoption, and even incentives to expedite adoptions. The more children that enter the system, the more money flows into the agencies handling their cases. This financial dependency on child removal creates a clear conflict of interest: rather than focusing on reuniting families and supporting parents in crisis, these agencies are incentivized to separate families and push for adoption or long-term foster care placements.

For DHHS and CPS, these financial incentives are accompanied by job security and budget growth. The more cases they handle, the more staff and resources they justify, which means more funding for their departments. Rather than prioritizing the well-being of children, these agencies have financial motives to keep children in the system. Judges and prosecutors also face pressures and incentives in these cases. For many judges, making quick decisions in favor of child removal can appear “safer” politically, as it avoids potential backlash if something were to go wrong with the family in the future. Prosecutors, meanwhile, are often aligned with CPS and DHHS, handling cases in ways that maximize child removal rather than working toward family support or reunification.

Private providers, including Child and Family Service Providers (CFSPs), also stand to benefit financially. These ancillary services, which often include therapy, supervised visitation, drug testing, and parenting classes, are contracted by the state and often paid on a per-service basis. With each step of the process, from assessments to court-ordered programs, there’s money to be made. This setup makes it profitable to keep families involved in the system, requiring them to complete multiple services to even have a chance at reunification. This dependency on services makes it harder for parents to reunite with their children, as they’re forced to comply with a costly and time-consuming process that benefits the service providers.

The financial incentives behind child removal and parental rights termination create an unhealthy system where the people who are supposed to help families have reasons to work against them instead. In cases where family support and crisis intervention could help, the current approach often defaults to removal, prolonging family separations to ensure revenue streams remain steady.

Ultimately, the state and its players—DHHS/CPS, judges, prosecutors, and CFSPs—are profiting from families’ pain. Instead of helping parents overcome temporary crises and strengthening family bonds, this setup tears families apart to serve financial interests. This situation only underscores the need for reform that prioritizes family unity and long-term well-being over short-term gains. A fair and compassionate system would redirect funding from foster care and adoption incentives to support programs for families, helping parents and children stay together whenever possible.

The statistics reveal that the system’s current approach often does more harm than good, pushing parents into despair. A compassionate, supportive system that understands the root causes of addiction and respects parents’ efforts to overcome them could save lives, strengthen families, and help restore the communities that have suffered under the weight of the addiction crisis. It’s time we build a child welfare system that lifts families up rather than tearing them apart!

Shift the Focus!

Instead of separation, the focus should be on strengthening families with community supports and crisis prevention. The key to true support lies in looking at family difficulties as crises that can often be resolved with the right help. Families facing hard times need resources like therapy, financial aid, addiction counseling, and parenting support to stay together while working through their challenges. By offering community supports focused on crisis prevention, we can help families stabilize before things reach a breaking point. This approach not only protects children from the trauma of separation but also helps parents get back on their feet.

Investing in crisis prevention and community supports isn’t just compassionate—it’s also cost-effective. Research shows that every dollar spent on prevention has a return of $7. By investing in helping families early, we reduce the need for costly interventions later, like foster care and court cases, while giving kids the stability they need. Children who grow up with family support are also less likely to need state services down the road, benefiting the community overall.

In case you missed it… Read Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins- Part ONE.

Keep an eye out for the final chapter of Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins- SYFBD!

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4 responses to “Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part TWO”

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DHS Offers Justifications to Senator Ernst

Last updated

Several weeks ago, I received a letter in the mail from Senator Joni Ernst. I missed a couple of attempts by her office to reach me via email to follow up on the information I submitted on her website. I had made a few small changes to personalize it for her before sending essentially the same content I had included in My Message to Governor Reynolds.

The letter from Senator Ernst, accompanied by a release of information form, reassured me that once completed and received, “an inquiry will be initiated immediately on my behalf.”

I discovered last weekend that on July 19, 2022, I received an brief email from Senator Ernst’s office, encouraging me to review the attached letter they had received from the Legislative Liaison, Maddie Wilcox. Upon receiving the inquiry regarding my case, Ms. Wilcox asked the Cedar Rapids Services Area Administration to review and report back. This is the information they compiled.

Below, I will share the 6-page document I prepared in response. I expected stronger arguments from the department to counter the bold truths I had shared about them in my plea for help to Senator Ernst. Before I offer a brief synopsis regarding the cases listed in the letter, I would like to clarify the difference between unconfirmed, unfounded, confirmed, and founded reports:

“Unconfirmed” means that upon completion of a child protection assessment, the department has determined, based upon a preponderance of the evidence, that a child does not meet the definition of an abused or neglected child.

“Unfounded” refers to a report where the local children and youth agencies determine that allegations of child abuse are not substantiated

“Confirmed” reports are when child abuse/neglect occurred but it was minor, isolated, and not likely to reoccur, and the perpetrator was not placed on the child abuse registry.

“Founded” reports indicate that child abuse/neglect occurred, and the perpetrator is listed on the child abuse registry.

I will provide greater detail below, but here is a quick recap of the cases they listed:

• Case #1- September 2006 to May 2007 was UNCONFIRMED, UNFOUNDED
• Case #2- September 2007 to March 2008 was CONFIRMED, UNFOUNDED
  • Noah was born December 2008
• Case #3- May 2011 to December 2011 was UNCONFIRMED, UNFOUNDED
• Case #4- March 2013 to February 2014 was FOUNDED
  • Elijah was born December 2013
• Case #5- February and July 2018- this assertion was stated in such a way that it is misleading, and although the reports were FOUNDED against me, this determination was based on untrue statements and cognitive bias, rather than the facts.
• the multiple infractions in violation of my contract with the Iowa Board of Nursing came as the direct result of their failure to return contact with the INAP Director.
• The decision I made to self-suspend my nursing license was presented to me as the best option due to their negligence.
• Self-suspension of my Registered Nursing license does not automatically strip me of the knowledge, skill set, or critically thinking or decision making skills I developed as a professional skilled nurse
• Self-suspension of my nursing license does not diminish my capacity to make medical or mental health decisions for my child in cooperation with my children’s medical care team.
• The drug testing I completed for the Department of Human Services and my probation officer showed the last positive test result obtained 1/4/2019 by my PO indicated marijuana use.
• Two patch test results showed trace positive results in October and November for methamphethamine- my objections to the validity of those results were ignored.
• Despite providing significant documentation from my doctor as to the severe adhesive allergy symptoms I exhibited with the sweat patch adhesive, and the prescription antihistamines I had to take to keep those symptoms at bay while wearing the patch, my case worker continued to order them.
• I was unlawfully charged with the possession of marijuana and paraphernalia, despite the owner claiming full responsibility and pleading guilty to both counts. I refused to plead guilty to the same possession charges, so court was continued several times until I finally accepted the plea agreement in February 2020.
• I was sentenced to complete the program at the Waterloo Women’s Center for Change over 1.5 grams of marijuana and a pot pipe that was not mine.
• A hair test taken in July 2019 following the removal of my children after the bogus possession charges came back clean for all substances, strong evidence in my favor that I had not been using.
• A timeline of events in my case would provide a clear visual to outline the sluggish progression and questionable decision making process of the team under the leadership and direction of the DHS caseworker.

My Initial Response

Tell Me What You Think

I earnestly want to hear your opinion. I want to understand all sides. The only way we will be able to move forward as a society is if we take all sides into consideration as we work to figure out how to fix this.

Before I was able to finish this post, I began to write a second letter to Senator Ernst. I had some profound revelations that lead me to understand a better way of addressing all of the huge hurdles we face. Instead of pointing fingers and placing blame, we need to look to the future. In order to overcome all the challenging aspects, we need to have a complete understanding from all aspects.

No name calling or hurtful comments directed at a specific person please… Let’s have an honest discussion in the comments.

Sign My Petition

I am grateful that Senator Ernst is paying attention, but if we want our elected leaders to take this issue seriously, we need to stand together. I have put together a petition asking for a complete overhaul of the system in Iowa, and I need your help!

Update February 2025

BIG things have been happening since then. Just to recap since Fall 2023…

Some things were good, some were great…

Halloween 2023: Pumpkins for Family Preservation

I jumped into politics

Caucus 2024

Proud Member of the Libertarian Party!

Are You Sick of the Two Party System, too?

Update for February 2024

Ashley Meredith for Iowa House

A Little Photo Shoot

Interview with Political Lens

read more on the official website for
Ashley Meredith for Iowa House

I started publishing my courses!

Creating Holistic Goals

Protect Your Family

I wrote some great articles…

Key Points from the EMF Summit

Wastebook: The Infuriating Yearly Report on Wasteful Government Spending

The Raver’s Manifesto

The Twelve Universal Laws series

Rules for Civil Conversation

I published my 1st YouTube videos!

My Very First YouTube Video!

Remember, Remember the 5th of November: It’s Election Day!

New Video: My Testimony (They aren’t going to like this!)

And the 2024 Halloween tradition didn’t disappoint…

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part 1

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part 2

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins SYFBD

But some things were… pretty freaking horrifying actually. My nightmares coming true…

Do They Read My Letters?

Five Years After the Hearing to Terminate my Parental Rights

Update to Senator Ernst

February 6, 2025

Today I typed up an update and submitted it to Senator Ernst on her website, pleading for her help.

Subject: Urgent Request for Assistance in Reinstating Parental Rights

Dear Senator Ernst,

I hope this message finds you well. I want to thank you again for your assistance asking Iowa DHS for more information in 2022. I am writing to provide an update on my situation and to seek your assistance in the reinstatement of my parental rights concerning my two sons.

I learned in July 2024 that Josh and Ashley Drew, the adoptive parents of my children, were facing serious charges related to child endangerment, and their phones and laptops were seized in February 2024. In December 2024, Josh pled to a lesser charge, while Ashley was convicted of felony child endangerment. A reporter recently contacted me about their upcoming sentencing hearing, and informed me that the child victim in their case “almost died, temporarily lost use of his legs, was way underweight… was locked in his room with nothing but urine and feces.” Notably, the other eight children in the home, including my two sons, appeared to have been well cared for. However, I am deeply concerned about the potential impact on their mental health due to possible exposure to such traumatic events and their prolonged separation from me over the past five years.

Given these developments, I am earnestly seeking guidance and support to initiate the process of reinstating my parental rights and reuniting with my children. I understand that Iowa law may not currently provide a direct mechanism for reinstatement after termination. However, considering the circumstances, I am hopeful that exceptions can be made or alternative legal avenues explored.

Your advocacy and assistance in this matter would be invaluable. I am committed to providing a safe and nurturing environment for my sons and believe that reestablishing our family bond is in their best interests.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

Ashley Meredith

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Five Years after the Hearing to terminate my parental rights

If you caught my story on Facebook or Snapchat a few weeks ago, then you already know.

Josh and Ashley Drew were scheduled to be at Washington County Courthouse for a pre-trial conference on Friday, November 22, 2024. Ironically, the last time I had seen them face-to-face was at my hearing to terminate my parental rights. Five years earlier TO THE DAY.

Road Trip

I got up early and put on my favorite dress. Jim and our friend, Melissa, and I hit the road at 08:11 AM. We struggle with making it anywhere on time, so I was proud of us.

My stomach was in knots the whole ride there.… One hour and six minutes. Sixty-three point eight miles…

I had been counting down to this date for months… Since I found out about their charges. I shared with you about them in my post Do They Read My Letters?

I prayed it hadn’t been continued! So I checked Iowa Courts Online again. (Love that site. Very useful! Look up my record while you are there- but I guarantee the slide show and accompanying blog post will be insanely more entertaining!!)

Nothing new had been posted… So I took another deep breath, lit a cigarette, and pulled out my phone to play some tunes. I have a playlist for my children- ‘I miss my babies‘- but I didn’t want to cry my makeup away. I needed to stay calm… try happy music.

Ok, Geordie Kieffer. His music always lifts my spirits! 🙂 So I set up a decent queue, secured my phone to the dash, and pulled out my bag. I brought some cards that I picked out especially for them, and I started writing.

/image- card for Josh
/image- card for Ashley

At the very least, I would give the cards to them. Or stick them under the wiper blade on their windshield if they wouldn’t talk to me… No, I had no intention of taking NO for an answer!

I took the selfies that you are seeing on the drive down to share what we were up to on my social media accounts. I thought a little extra positive energy for a good outcome wouldn’t hurt. And I needed it!

I was finally going to have the opportunity for a face-to-face conversation with the people that fostered, then adopted my sons. The people that had denied me contact with them since they were last taken from me on December 14, 2019.

I wanted to know WHY?!?! And I wanted to know WTH was going on. Class C Felonies for two people that barely had a speeding ticket before that. The way the charges were brought was weird, the crazy high bond amount they paid to get out of jail, the regular trips out of state, and the search warrants…? I couldn’t understand what had happened.

And… I hoped and prayed like hell that maybe…maybe I would get to see the boys. Noah will be 16 next month, Elijah will be 11. They were 10 and 5 when they were taken.

Pit Stop

There’s a little town right off Highway 218 about 30 minutes south of Coralville. There’s a truck stop sitting right there when you get off the exit. I had stopped there five and a half years ago, on the way to my son Elijah’s preschool graduation. I bought him the cutest little blue Owl for a gift.

We made a quick stop there on our way to Washington so I could run inside. I really hoped that I would find another little blue owl. It’s wasn’t Eli’s Sweetie Bird, but Sweetie Bird was long gone.

/image

I had another blue owl that was identical to it, just a little bigger, too. One for Eli, one for Noah. Grandpa bought it for me at Theisen’s over a year later. I cried when I saw it…

The two of them were hanging out in a bird cage alongside my grandmother’s birdfeeders at Jim’s lot the day the city “abated a nuisance.” And by that, I mean they stole all of our things…

I was cautiously optimistic that they would have the same stuffed animal. I check every Ty Beanie Boo display I come across at stores and gas stations. It was a 2019 edition, so I know it’s unlikely, but I check anyway.

They didn’t have blue owls, but they had two tiny black owls. They were dressed up for Halloween with little red sparkly horns. I meant to cut them off, but I just realized that I didn’t. I hope they didn’t read anything into that… facepalm.

The Courthouse

I lit another cigarette as we pulled into town. I watched nervously as our destination got closer on Google maps. We drove by the east side of the building and back around the block. As we turned the corner back onto west Main St, I pointed ahead and told Jim, “Park right beside a large van.”

I had never seen their vehicle before, but I had a strong feeling it was theirs. The bumper stickers on the back window were a dead giveaway, even if they didn’t have their name displayed. #DREWCREW

I finished my cigarette and mustered up the courage to go inside. Holding the envelopes in my hand, I pushed open the truck door and a strong cold wind instantly cooled the toasty warm cab. I muttered, “Wish me luck…” before slipping out and heading toward the door.

Once inside, I stood there for a minute to take some deep breaths. I had been rehearsing what I would say, trying to manifest the best possible outcome for months, but my mind was blank. A few people shuffled past me, coming and going in the little entryway, but I barely registered they were there.

The sign on the wall said COURTHOUSE 3RD FLOOR. I opted for the stairs; it gave me more time to think.

I wasn’t winded, but my heart was beating so loud when I reached the top step. I swear the people sitting there could hear it, but I kept my poker face on.

I stepped through the doorway and gazed clockwise around the room. Finally, to my right, seated in a little conference room, facing me, with the door open, was Josh. We locked eyes. I held his gaze and nodded slightly as I walked to the chair closest to him. My back to the doorway, I tried to listen in on the conversation as I sat there.

Just a couple minutes later, Josh walked out. He didn’t see me as he crossed the room and turned around to sit down, again facing me. As he sat, we locked eyes again. He paused for a moment, and a weird kind of smile crossed his face before taking his seat and pulling out his phone. I assume he was texting Ashley and confirming that it was me.

I snapped a quick picture of him and glanced up a couple times to see if I could make eye contact again while he pointedly avoided my stare. All of a sudden, tears started falling. I couldn’t even try to stop them.

Dammit, why didn’t I think of tissues?!

The woman sitting next to me glanced over and I felt all the eyes in the room when she said, “Oh my God, are you okay?”

I quietly told her yes and thanked her, hoping she would leave it at that. What would I say if she asked why I was crying, anyway?

Josh got up and walked back to the room where he’d been, avoiding eye contact as he walked.

I stared straight ahead, and the tears started again. I regret that I didn’t catch the name of the woman sitting next to me, but I am thankful she was there. We talked briefly and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I tried my best to explain my situation, why I was there, and who that man was that looked at me when he sat down.

I kept my voice low as I answered her questions and listened to her story. A few minutes had passed and I felt bad for cutting her off mid-sentence to tell her that if they walked out, that I would have to go. All I could think about was if my time was running out, and my intuition proved to be right.

Not even a minute later, Josh walked out and turned to go down the stairs in a hurry. I looked at the woman and excused myself, then followed after him. I spoke his name as I reached the top of the stairs.

At first, he held out his hand and said, “I am not doing this now. I am not talking to you. And he continued down the stairs.”

Then I am sure he probably realized that I wouldn’t be so easily deterred… In hindsight I realize his primary objective was to get me away from his wife. Like I’m going to hurt her… Trust & believe that if I carried that much malice in my heart, it would have been done already!

I told him that I was parked right next to him so we might as well go outside, and moved to continue down the stairs. He responded that he was just going to use the restroom and stopped on the landing. I handed him the cards as I passed by.

When I turned to face him from several steps down, and I could see he was visibly upset. He tried to scold me for how selfish it was for me to show up like this on such a difficult day for him and his family.

I told him that wasn’t my intention, and that I didn’t know what else to do. I told him I wasn’t there to fight, I just want answers.

“And you pick TODAY! Without any consideration for our feelings!”

I really resent it when people assume that I haven’t considered their feelings! I have a deep understanding of psychology and social psychology. Plus I am an excellent overthinker and I have had NOTHING BUT TIME to think about everyone’s point of view. Just ONCE IN AWHILE, I would ask them to return the favor. When AM I allowed to express my feelings and it’s NOT a burden to everyone?

Big fat teardrops started falling out of my eyes when I said, “I miss my sons!”

I could hear the irritation in his voice when he asked how I thought it was a good idea… today of all days.

I asked him what other choice did they leave me.

They better not act like I haven’t tried to contact them! I even got a list of every phone number and email address known to be associated with them. And I know my emails were received and read! They opened both of them multiple times.

I shot back by asking if he knew what day it was, for me.

He softened a bit and shook his head slightly… I could see it on his face. He did know.

I said it anyway, “Five years ago today was the hearing to terminate my parental rights.”

He nodded, and I could tell that he was doing his best to keep his composure, but his stress level was palpable in the air. I put my hands in my pockets and felt the recorder I had brought with me.

I forgot to turn it on… Dammit, Ashley!

He said something again about it was a very stressful day for him, that court hearing in particular, and I was making it worse. They had to decide whether or not he would spend 10 years in prison, and how dare I pick today.

Yes, HOW INCONVENIENT for him… Like I don’t know the storm of emotions a person has walking in the door of a courthouse for a pretrial conference?! NOT FOR FELONY CHILD ENDANGERMENT I KNOW THAT!!!!

I was instantly filled with rage and despair, but I held my voice even and took a quick breath before I opened my mouth to speak again…

I reassured him again that I did not want to make things any more stressful, but I didn’t know what else to do. I saw a chance to confront them in a public place where it was “safe,” and I took it.

He couldn’t believe it. His arms fell out, palms up in front of him when he asked me, “So you really drove all the way down here today just for this?”

I knew the question before he finished, it was one I had anticipated, so I didnt hesitate as I squared up to him and looked him straight in the eye. “Yeah, I did…”

“What would you have done? Would you have rather I showed up at your home? Because don’t think I haven’t considered it dozens of times over the years.”

He was quick to say no, that wouldn’t be good.

“What do you expect me to do? I don’t know what’s going on! I just want to know that they are happy and healthy…”

His face was somber and he quietly reassured me, “They are…”

The tears kept coming, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away… “I am not the enemy. I am not against you. I do not want the charges to be true, and I do not want you to go to prison. I do not want my sons to endure any more trauma than they already have! I don’t want that for your family either!

Don’t think I don’t know how you feel right now… I call it living in the Void… When you can’t make plans beyond the next court date. When you have no idea what your life is gonna look like over the next couple years…”

I paused briefly and when he didn’t say anything, I continued, “I haven’t seen my sons in FIVE YEARS! I don’t know if my son even knows who I am… and I know you are terrified about that yourself right now…”

“And I know that you know the long term effects of cutting communication with the birth parents! I know that you do, because I have read the foster parent training!”

I can’t remember his exact wording, something about it being their choice.

I felt a tearing pain searing through my chest. I have no doubt the look on my face was the scary kind of calm that skips the music, but I managed to keep my voice quiet when I heard myself say, “Are you insinuating that my sons don’t want to talk to me?!”

I had wondered that several times before… crying into my pillow or Jim’s shoulder. He would always be quick to reassure me that it wasn’t true. But I wasn’t so sure. And Jim wasn’t there.

Josh started to share with me about his childhood and why they foster, because he grew up “in a not good home.”

I interrupted him to say, “I did too!”

He paused briefly to consider my response, then said something about reading all of the training. I am not sure what exactly he was trying to say, I wasn’t going to hear it.

“I have read the training, too, and the policy and procedures manuals. And I know everything they are doing wrong… better than they do. Do you even know that I used to teach people how to take care of their kids?“

Someone walking down the stairs from court passed us, and we paused to let them through. Then Josh motioned and said we should go outside. I turned and walked quietly down the stairs ahead of him.

I held the door behind me as took a few steps outside. It was a cool, breezy day, especially in the shade of the building. I pulled my coat tighter around me.

A man followed us out. He walked a few steps further out on the cement patio to the left of the door and slowly turned around. His face was softer when we made eye contact again.

The brief interlude gave us both a chance to regain some composure. Tears welled up in my eyes once again when I said,” I just want to tell them I am sorry that I failed them, that I didn’t protect them… I just want to tell them I love them…”

He sighed, “I can’t promise you anything. But I will take your address, and I will ask them if they want to write you, and… maybe send you a school picture.”

He held out the cards and pulled a pen out of his pocket.

I said, “okay” and wrote the address where I have been staying.

I was handing him back the envelope when the woman from upstairs walked out the door. I turned to face her when she said my name. She looked back and forth between Josh and I as she walked over, saying something about her ex not being very happy, some good outcome for her.  She hugged me and said, “I hope you get answers and things work out for you, too!”

“I’m glad things worked out for you! Thank you!”

I could feel Josh quietly watching our exchange. I glanced at him and back to her walking away. I turned and made eye contact again before I continued, “I am not a bad person. I was not a bad mother…”

He reassured me again that they are doing good, they are happy.

“My daughter isn’t speaking to me right now either. I know that I am just a reminder…”

My words trailed off and we just looked at each other for a moment longer. “I miss them so much…”

He let the words sit in the air between us for a couple seconds. “I will ask them to write you…”

He looked at the door, and I could tell he was going to start walking away… “But I got to get back up there.”

I wanted so badly to ask to see them, but the words caught in my chest as tears started falling again.

“Ok. Thank you. Good luck,” is all I could say.

And just like that, he was gone…

I pulled my coat tight around me and took deep breaths as I walked around the corner and down half a block to the truck. I slipped inside and quickly pulled the blanket over my legs.

Jim was walking the dog and Melissa was sitting in the back seat with her headphones on, dozing off.

I leaned forward and rested my face in my hands on my lap and listened to the wind blowing around the truck. I took several deep breaths before the sobs broke through. Our conversation echoed in my mind and I felt a hand patting my back, but I didn’t look up for awhile.

Jim and Luna got back a few minutes later. Jim started the truck and we sat there, quiet. I know they were waiting for me to give them some kind of sign or direction what to do next. A few minutes passed by when an idea struck me. I startled them when I sat up.

More Messages to Deliver

I pulled out my Surface and opened my email. Searching through the sent folder, I scanned the subjects and clicked on a message thread from August 11.

“Dr. Mr. Repp…”

I am incredibly quick and accurate at typing, but it took me a little longer than it should have because I chose my wording carefully. Looking back on the email today, I do see an error and of course I would word some things a little differently in hindsight, but I mean what I said. Both to Josh and to the Washington County Attorney that is prosecuting their case.

This is what I sent him that day.

Nov 22, 2024, 11:36 AM
to countyattorney

Dear Mr. Repp,

I know that you are not asking for my opinion, but I feel compelled to offer it anyway.

From what I understand, my sons Noah and Elijah are happy and healthy in their care. They are doing well in school and they are bonded with the other children in the home. Josh and Ashley Drew are good people. I am grateful that they were able to offer my sons a loving, stable home,and I know that they can provide them with a life that I cannot.

I do not know the specifics about this case, but I am hoping that you might consider speaking with my son Noah before you make a decision that could alter their lives forever. Perhaps the troubled youth that is the center of this situation was not truthful in his or her allegations? My heart breaks for that child as well, because I am sure that they have been through a lot, too.

I have no doubt that you are a wonderful person as well; I have heard from several people that you are a great county attorney. That you care and you’re work means so much more to you than a high conviction rate. I have faith that you would not want to send an innocent man to prison.

Josh and Ashley have opened their home to countless children and have made their lives a better by being part of it. And they could potentially help countless more children, but their family needs Josh to stay the strong, high functioning family unit that they have grown to be!!

I humbly ask that you take a minute to consider what I have written you today. I will be sending you loving energy and praying for divine guidance for you through this case, and all your cases.

Bless you, and thank you for the work that you do! You are appreciated!! ✌️💖

Sincerely yours,

Rev. Ashley Meredith, MSN

I hit send, and then I pulled out the cards that I had brought for Noah and Elijah. They were beautiful cards, carefully chosen specifically for each of them. I did not take pictures, but that’s okay. I had not thought about what I would write ahead of time and my mind was blank.

What could I say that I hadn’t written to them before in letters and cards that I sent? I had no idea where to start and everything I came up with just seemed so… pointless. So I just told them that I am sorry and I miss them and I love them. I signed them and tucked the envelope in, so Josh and Ashley could read what I wrote if they wanted.

If I understood Josh correctly, the boys didn’t want to hear from me anyway… That thought tears me up inside. I know I made mistakes, but I don’t feel like anyone deserves this!

What could I have possibly done? Or what do they think I did that they would be happier without me in their lives at all?

Five years is a long time to rake over every detail in my mind. I don’t do that nearly as often as I used to, but sometimes it consumes me…

That’s all folks…

That is all the information that I have for now… I have no right to know about the health and wellbeing of the children they stole from me. So, I guess I will just… wait.

My inner child is throwing herself on the floor, kicking and screaming, “I DON’T WANNA WAIT ANYMORE!!!”

Meanwhile, you might likely find my adultier present self with a blank stare, looking at the floor or the wall. I might have tested my body’s limits over the past several years, but trauma has f*cked me up more than any substance I ever put in my body…

Except maybe alcohol… that sh*t really f*cked my life up. And I am glad I don’t drink anymore. I feel like there should probably be a decent sized group of people that are also glad I do not drink anymore… I chose to face my demons and deal with them in a healthier way, that didn’t include prison time….

Anyways, enough of that side rant…. Stay tuned! I will let ya know when I know more!

Please pray for my family! And send positive thoughts and loving energy! We need them!

Thank you for your support!

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When Good Intentions Go Wrong: The Monkey and the Fish

I wish I could remember where I first read this analogy.

What I do remember is how awe struck I was at its simplicity… yet how perfectly it captures the essence of the situation.

Tonight I decided to add a little flair and expand on the story with greater detail, so you can really get a sense of it. I enlisted the help of chatgpt’s image generator for photorealistic illustrations of the scenes. Perhaps I will make a short video of it as well…

The Monkey and the Fish

Imagine a vibrant jungle, alive with the sounds of chirping birds and rustling leaves. High above, in the thick branches of a sturdy tree, sits a curious monkey named Milo. His brown fur glistens under the dappled sunlight as he scans the sprawling landscape below with bright, inquisitive eyes. As he gazes down at the shimmering river that snakes through the forest floor, something catches his attention—a flash of silver amidst the rolling waves.

Milo leans closer to get a better look and notices a fish caught in a furious battle against the rushing current. It thrashes desperately, its scales glinting like precious jewels as it gasps for air. From his vantage point high above, it seems to Milo that this creature is trapped in an insurmountable struggle—tugged relentlessly by forces beyond its control.

The sight tugged at the monkey’s heartstrings—a creature so small and fragile caught in a tumultuous world that felt cruel and unforgiving. Driven by an instinctual compassion, he leaned over the edge of his perch, feeling powerful yet vulnerable as he reached down into the chaos.

“I will save you,” he thought earnestly. Without fully understanding the world beneath him—a world where water is life—the monkey scoops up the desperate fish from its watery home.

Holding it aloft, he feels a surge of accomplishment wash over him; surely this act will be seen as heroic!

With great care and a sense of accomplishment, Milo places his new friend high among the leafy branches where he believes it will be safe from danger.

But as moments passed in stillness while he waited for expressions of gratitude or relief to emerge from this aquatic creature now nestled amongst leaves and twigs, confusion began to cloud his mind.

Instead of calm acceptance or happy splashes against bark-covered limbs, he observed with growing alarm how the fish began to gasp even more violently than before. Its body flopped wildly; fins fluttered helplessly in search of freedom but found none amidst this foreign landscape far removed from its home.

Milo’s confusion deepens with each agonizing wriggle of his newfound companion. The smile slowly fades from his expression. Convinced that patience would yield understanding—that perhaps all it needed was time to adjust—the monkey clung tightly to his belief in having done right by intervening at all.

He quietly reassures himself that he has done the right thing— he did what he had to do—he removed the fish from danger! Yet deep down lies a creeping realization that eludes him: despite his good intentions, he has stripped away everything essential for survival—everything that defined what it meant to be a fish.

A Lesson in Perspective

In this poignant tale lies an essential lesson about empathy and understanding—how our best intentions can lead us astray when we fail to recognize others’ needs are different from our own survival instincts. As we navigate life’s challenges alongside those who may be struggling in currents unseen by us—whether they are fellow humans or creatures like our ill-fated fish—it is crucial we strive not only to act but also listen deeply before leaping into action.

Let us remember: true compassion comes not just from desire to help, but also through understanding—bridging worlds with wisdom rather than assumptions—to ensure every gesture truly serves its intended purpose rather than leading another toward despair disguised as rescue. Sometimes what we perceive as aid can inadvertently cause harm if we don’t take time to listen and learn about those we wish to help.

A Lesson for CPS

As Milo sits among the leaves, watching the fish struggle, he cannot comprehend why his actions have led to suffering instead of salvation. His intentions were pure, his heart was in the right place—but his lack of understanding has turned his help into harm.

This is the tragic flaw in many well-meaning interventions: the failure to recognize that survival and safety look different for different beings. What may seem like a desperate struggle from one perspective is often simply the natural rhythm of life from another. When we act based on assumptions rather than true understanding, we risk doing more damage than the very dangers we seek to prevent.

This same flawed reasoning can be seen in the actions of child protective services (CPS) workers who assume that removing children from their homes is always an act of rescue.

They see struggling families, mistaking hardship, poverty, or temporary crisis for unfit parenting. Instead of providing support to strengthen the family unit, they rip children from the only environment they have ever known, placing them in a foster system that often exposes them to more trauma, neglect, and abuse than they ever faced at home.

Just as the monkey could not see that water is life for a fish, these caseworkers fail to understand that a child’s greatest source of stability and identity is often their own family—even if that family is struggling. In their rush to “save,” they end up causing irreparable harm, just like the well-meaning but ignorant monkey.

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This story offers a valuable lesson about perspective, understanding, and true compassion for anyone that seeks to intervene in the life of another, particularly for those in the child welfare field. #stoplegalkidnapping #childwelfarereform #familypreservation #parentalrights #saveourchildren #iowa #iowadhhs

https://iridescentalchemyst.wordpress.com/2025/02/03/the-monkey-and-the-fish/