Iridescent AlchemystApr 16

Huge Update: The Audit Petition for Iowa DHHS is Finally Done!

I have some big news to share. After months of digging through records, I’ve finally finished the official petition to audit the Iowa Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS).

This post will be cross posted on Iowa Family Rights, Ashley for Iowa, and Iridescent Alchemyst on Substack!

This isn’t just a simple letter. It’s a massive 205-page research packet with 38 attachments and over 50 government reports- You can find the full list of attachments with links at the end of this post.

It proves that for 29 years (since 1997), Iowa’s child welfare system has been stuck in a loop of the same dangerous mistakes… and THEY KNOW IT!!

Here is a sneak peek of the document list and title page for the Petition to Audit packet I have prepared for Iowa’s Auditor of State Rob Sand

THIS is the work the state’s Child Welfare Task Force was supposed to do after a girl named Sabrina Ray was tragically starved to death by her foster parents in 2017. Maybe you remember that is the 3rd child that has died while under the “care and supervision of Iowa’s Department of Human Services” to have made headlines in Iowa.

Rest in Peace
😇Shelby Duis (1998-2000)
😇Natalie Finn (2000-2016)
😇Sabrina Ray (2001-2017)

The Numbers Are Worse Than You Think

When I say the system is “broken,” I have the statistics to back it up. Here are some of the most shocking and disturbing facts found in official reports:

  • Failed Safety Checks: In a major federal review, Iowa failed 91% of its safety assessments—meaning the agency didn’t properly check if kids were actually safe in most cases.
  • Rules Are Ignored: My research shows a 78% “Policy-Practice Gap.” That’s a fancy way of saying the agency ignores its own safety and paperwork rules almost 80% of the time.
  • Foster Care Danger: Kids in Iowa are 4.7 times more likely to be abused while in foster care compared to the national target.
  • Wasting Tax Money: Because of bad record-keeping, Iowa is at risk of having to pay back $40 million in federal funds.
  • Constant Staff Changes: About 30–35% of case managers quit every year. This means a family might get three different workers in just three months, so no one ever really knows what’s going on with the kids.

Taking This to the State Capitol

I’m not letting this research sit on a shelf. I’ve already sent emails and offered to send the full packet to the people in charge of overseeing our state government, including:

  • Senator Tony Bisignano, Ranking Member of the Senate Government Oversight Committee who has been pushing for more accountability.
  • The Government Oversight Committees in both the House and Senate (led by people like Senator Kerry Gruenhagen and Representative Holly Brink).
  • The Health and Human Services Committees, who are directly responsible for DHHS.
  • The Media, including Laura Belin at Bleeding Heartland, to make sure the public knows what’s happening.

What’s Next?

Now that the research is done, I’m working on the very last step: collecting the final signatures needed under Iowa Code § 11. Once I have those, I can hand everything over to State Auditor Rob Sand for a formal, independent investigation.

If you live in Iowa and you want to show your support for this effort, head to Change dot org to sign the online version of the petition!

sign the petition

For nearly 30 years, the state has been able to hide these failures behind the guise of protecting children and their privacy, and sealed court records. It’s time to finally bring what’s been done in the dark out to the light so we can actually protect Iowa’s children.

Want to know more?

I know you are eager to know more…. My research and the Audit Petition Packet focuses on Eight Domains and Thirteen Failure Categories.

Audit Snapshot (Attachment 3)

The focus area, key documents, and observed patterns for each of the 8 domains from Table 1: Audit Snapshot [A3] Audit Petition Packet v1.9 (4/16/2026)

The Systemic Failure Matrix (Attachment 28)

The columns represent the 39 attachments and each of the rows is one of the 13 failure categories I focused on. 
Table 33: Systemic Failure Matrix [A28] Audit Petition Packet v1.9 (4/16/2026)

And some more of those disturbing statistics:

Safety and Fatality Indicators

  • Extreme Starvation Metrics: In two of Iowa’s most high-profile fatalities, teenagers were found at weights far below normal: Natalie Finn weighed 66 lbs at death, and Sabrina Ray weighed only 56 lbs.
  • Mass Rejection of Abuse Reports: In SFY24 alone, the agency rejected 20,891 abuse reports involving children ages 0–5; notably, 5,824 of those rejected reports involved infants and toddlers.
  • Maltreatment Recurrence: Iowa’s maltreatment recurrence rate (the rate of children abused again within 12 months) is 19.1%, which is double the national target of 9.7%.
  • Foster Care Abuse Rate: Children in Iowa foster care are maltreated at a rate of 42.61 per 100,000 days, which is 4.7 times higher than the national target of 9.07.

Workforce and Operational Collapse

  • Staffing Depletion: Between federal review rounds, the agency documented a loss of 638 staff members.
  • Extreme Caseloads: Caseworker caseloads have been documented as high as 35–40 cases per worker, while the agency recently reported a 13% decline in case managers alongside a 19% increase in caseloads since 2016.
  • Supervisory “Time Poverty”: Supervisors in the field spend 50% of their time on documentation and paperwork rather than coaching staff or reviewing case safety.
  • Recruitment Delays: It takes an average of 72 days to fill critical child protection vacancies, far exceeding the agency’s own target of 50 days.

Fiscal Negligence and Federal Non-Compliance

  • Unallowable Claims: A technical analysis found that Iowa claimed $40 million in federal funds for “Solution Based Casework” (SBC) that was not actually eligible for Title IV-E reimbursement.
  • Uncollected Revenue: State auditors found the agency failed to collect $3.2 million in nursing facility penalties, representing a “statutory defiance” of the law.
  • Questioned Federal Costs: A single special investigation into a behavioral health contractor identified $167,716 in questioned costs across IPN, SOR, and ARPA federal grants.
  • Historical Payment Errors: For over a decade, state audits have found a 19% error rate in cases where families were receiving both foster care and Family Investment Program (FIP) payments simultaneously.

Systemic Service and Capacity Gaps

  • Collapse of Child Care Infrastructure: Over the last decade, Iowa has seen a 56% decline in child care programs and a 6% decline in total child care spaces.
  • Under-Capacity Due to Staffing: Roughly 57% of licensed child care centers are operating below their licensed capacity specifically because they cannot find enough staff to meet required ratios.
  • SafeCare Performance Failure: In a recent reporting period, 0% of contractors met the performance benchmarks for the SafeCare program.
  • Substance Abuse Removal Surge: Between 2014 and 2018, removals of children due to parental substance abuse increased by 47% (from 1,424 to 2,093).

Data Integrity and Oversight Void

  • Inaccessible Records: Despite having a massive budget, the agency admitted that basic workforce qualification data is “not readily available” and requires a manual review of physical personnel files.
  • Unlinked Child Records: An independent analysis of the KinderTrack database found 286 unlinked parent-child records, making it impossible to perform accurate safety or fiscal analysis.
  • Ombudsman Workload Explosion: The Iowa Ombudsman’s office opened 6,266 cases in FY2025, representing a 57% increase since 2014

I am eager to see what our state legislature has to say about all this. A press release has also been sent out to a couple local papers. And I will not be quiet until something is done to correct these horrible injustices!

I will keep you posted!!

✌️💖🌈🦄 Ashley Marie Meredith, MSN
Petition Organizer

P.S. I am sure this will piss off all of the right people… and for the record, I will NEVER unalive myself!!

Momma loves you Alexys, Noah (Nashville) and Eli (Elliot)!!
I miss you EVERY DAY!!

I will NEVER stop fighting for my boys to come home
where they belong!!

References

SECTION 7 — Supporting Evidence & Attachments

PART 1 — Jurisdiction & Authority

  • Attachment 1 — Statutory Authority (Iowa Code § 11.6, § 11.24)

PART 2 — Federal Oversight Failure

PART 3 — Current Admissions by the State

PART 4 — Independent Systems Evaluations

PART 5 — Auditor Findings

PART 6 — Oversight Breakdown

PART 7 — Risk & Harm Conditions

  • Attachment 27 — Fatality Risk Analysis
  • Attachment 28 — Failure Matrix

PART 8 — Failure Outcomes

PART 9 — Public Impact & Contradictions

PART 10 — Case-Level Audit Trigger

  • Attachment 35 — Affidavit – Ashley Marie Meredith RE: communications with Washington County Attorney Nathan Repp
  • Attachment 36 — Affidavit – Ashley Marie Meredith RE: Procedural History & Exhaustion of Reporting Channels

PART 11 — Public Interest

PART 12 — Open Records

  • Attachment 38 Open Records Requests
    38A- 26-927
    38B- 26-1536
#AuditIowaHHS #auditor #childAbuse #childAbusePrevention #childProtectionReform #childWelfareSystem #Conspiracy #corruption #dhsCps #fraud #health #HHS #iowa #JusticeForMe3 #MentalHealth #news #parenting #saveOurChildren #stopLegalKidnapping #UnitedWeStand #WETHEPEOPLE
Iridescent AlchemystFeb 3, 2025

Five Years after the Hearing to terminate my parental rights

If you caught my story on Facebook or Snapchat a few weeks ago, then you already know.

Josh and Ashley Drew were scheduled to be at Washington County Courthouse for a pre-trial conference on Friday, November 22, 2024. Ironically, the last time I had seen them face-to-face was at my hearing to terminate my parental rights. Five years earlier TO THE DAY.

I took this selfie on the way to the hearing to terminate my pareantal rights on 11/22/2019

Road Trip

I got up early and put on my favorite dress. Jim and our friend, Melissa, and I hit the road at 08:11 AM. We struggle with making it anywhere on time, so I was proud of us.

11/22/2024 0846 am

My stomach was in knots the whole ride there.… One hour and six minutes. Sixty-three point eight miles…

11/22/2024 0846

I had been counting down to this date for months… Since I found out about their charges. I shared with you about them in my post Do They Read My Letters?

11/22/2024 0847

I prayed it hadn’t been continued! So I checked Iowa Courts Online again. (Love that site. Very useful! Look up my record while you are there- but I guarantee the slide show and accompanying blog post will be insanely more entertaining!!)

State of Iowa VS Joshua and Ashley Drew
Count 1 Neglect or Abandonment of Dependent Person Offense Date 10/23/2023 Class C FelonySearch Warrant Executed 2/8/2024 to seize the cell phones, computers of Joshua and Ashley Drew

Nothing new had been posted… So I took another deep breath, lit a cigarette, and pulled out my phone to play some tunes. I have a playlist for my children- ‘I miss my babies‘- but I didn’t want to cry my makeup away. I needed to stay calm… try happy music.

Ok, Geordie Kieffer. His music always lifts my spirits! 🙂 So I set up a decent queue, secured my phone to the dash, and pulled out my bag. I brought some cards that I picked out especially for them, and I started writing.

/image- card for Josh
/image- card for Ashley

At the very least, I would give the cards to them. Or stick them under the wiper blade on their windshield if they wouldn’t talk to me… No, I had no intention of taking NO for an answer!

I took the selfies that you are seeing on the drive down to share what we were up to on my social media accounts. I thought a little extra positive energy for a good outcome wouldn’t hurt. And I needed it!

11/22/2024 0847

I was finally going to have the opportunity for a face-to-face conversation with the people that fostered, then adopted my sons. The people that had denied me contact with them since they were last taken from me on December 14, 2019.

I wanted to know WHY?!?! And I wanted to know WTH was going on. Class C Felonies for two people that barely had a speeding ticket before that. The way the charges were brought was weird, the crazy high bond amount they paid to get out of jail, the regular trips out of state, and the search warrants…? I couldn’t understand what had happened.

And… I hoped and prayed like hell that maybe…maybe I would get to see the boys. Noah will be 16 next month, Elijah will be 11. They were 10 and 5 when they were taken.

This is one of the last pictures we took together 9/26/2019

Pit Stop

There’s a little town right off Highway 218 about 30 minutes south of Coralville. There’s a truck stop sitting right there when you get off the exit. I had stopped there five and a half years ago, on the way to my son Elijah’s preschool graduation. I bought him the cutest little blue Owl for a gift.

We made a quick stop there on our way to Washington so I could run inside. I really hoped that I would find another little blue owl. It’s wasn’t Eli’s Sweetie Bird, but Sweetie Bird was long gone.

/image

I had another blue owl that was identical to it, just a little bigger, too. One for Eli, one for Noah. Grandpa bought it for me at Theisen’s over a year later. I cried when I saw it…

The two of them were hanging out in a bird cage alongside my grandmother’s birdfeeders at Jim’s lot the day the city “abated a nuisance.” And by that, I mean they stole all of our things…

I was cautiously optimistic that they would have the same stuffed animal. I check every Ty Beanie Boo display I come across at stores and gas stations. It was a 2019 edition, so I know it’s unlikely, but I check anyway.

They didn’t have blue owls, but they had two tiny black owls. They were dressed up for Halloween with little red sparkly horns. I meant to cut them off, but I just realized that I didn’t. I hope they didn’t read anything into that… facepalm.

The Courthouse

I lit another cigarette as we pulled into town. I watched nervously as our destination got closer on Google maps. We drove by the east side of the building and back around the block. As we turned the corner back onto west Main St, I pointed ahead and told Jim, “Park right beside a large van.”

I had never seen their vehicle before, but I had a strong feeling it was theirs. The bumper stickers on the back window were a dead giveaway, even if they didn’t have their name displayed. #DREWCREW

11/22/2024 0936

I finished my cigarette and mustered up the courage to go inside. Holding the envelopes in my hand, I pushed open the truck door and a strong cold wind instantly cooled the toasty warm cab. I muttered, “Wish me luck…” before slipping out and heading toward the door.

Once inside, I stood there for a minute to take some deep breaths. I had been rehearsing what I would say, trying to manifest the best possible outcome for months, but my mind was blank. A few people shuffled past me, coming and going in the little entryway, but I barely registered they were there.

The sign on the wall said COURTHOUSE 3RD FLOOR. I opted for the stairs; it gave me more time to think.

I wasn’t winded, but my heart was beating so loud when I reached the top step. I swear the people sitting there could hear it, but I kept my poker face on.

I stepped through the doorway and gazed clockwise around the room. Finally, to my right, seated in a little conference room, facing me, with the door open, was Josh. We locked eyes. I held his gaze and nodded slightly as I walked to the chair closest to him. My back to the doorway, I tried to listen in on the conversation as I sat there.

11/22/2024 0942

Just a couple minutes later, Josh walked out. He didn’t see me as he crossed the room and turned around to sit down, again facing me. As he sat, we locked eyes again. He paused for a moment, and a weird kind of smile crossed his face before taking his seat and pulling out his phone. I assume he was texting Ashley and confirming that it was me.

11/22/2024 0949

I snapped a quick picture of him and glanced up a couple times to see if I could make eye contact again while he pointedly avoided my stare. All of a sudden, tears started falling. I couldn’t even try to stop them.

Dammit, why didn’t I think of tissues?!

The woman sitting next to me glanced over and I felt all the eyes in the room when she said, “Oh my God, are you okay?”

I quietly told her yes and thanked her, hoping she would leave it at that. What would I say if she asked why I was crying, anyway?

Josh got up and walked back to the room where he’d been, avoiding eye contact as he walked.

I stared straight ahead, and the tears started again. I regret that I didn’t catch the name of the woman sitting next to me, but I am thankful she was there. We talked briefly and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I tried my best to explain my situation, why I was there, and who that man was that looked at me when he sat down.

I kept my voice low as I answered her questions and listened to her story. A few minutes had passed and I felt bad for cutting her off mid-sentence to tell her that if they walked out, that I would have to go. All I could think about was if my time was running out, and my intuition proved to be right.

Not even a minute later, Josh walked out and turned to go down the stairs in a hurry. I looked at the woman and excused myself, then followed after him. I spoke his name as I reached the top of the stairs.

At first, he held out his hand and said, “I am not doing this now. I am not talking to you. And he continued down the stairs.”

Then I am sure he probably realized that I wouldn’t be so easily deterred… In hindsight I realize his primary objective was to get me away from his wife. Like I’m going to hurt her… Trust & believe that if I carried that much malice in my heart, it would have been done already!

I told him that I was parked right next to him so we might as well go outside, and moved to continue down the stairs. He responded that he was just going to use the restroom and stopped on the landing. I handed him the cards as I passed by.

When I turned to face him from several steps down, and I could see he was visibly upset. He tried to scold me for how selfish it was for me to show up like this on such a difficult day for him and his family.

I told him that wasn’t my intention, and that I didn’t know what else to do. I told him I wasn’t there to fight, I just want answers.

“And you pick TODAY! Without any consideration for our feelings!”

I really resent it when people assume that I haven’t considered their feelings! I have a deep understanding of psychology and social psychology. Plus I am an excellent overthinker and I have had NOTHING BUT TIME to think about everyone’s point of view. Just ONCE IN AWHILE, I would ask them to return the favor. When AM I allowed to express my feelings and it’s NOT a burden to everyone?

Big fat teardrops started falling out of my eyes when I said, “I miss my sons!”

I could hear the irritation in his voice when he asked how I thought it was a good idea… today of all days.

I asked him what other choice did they leave me.

They better not act like I haven’t tried to contact them! I even got a list of every phone number and email address known to be associated with them. And I know my emails were received and read! They opened both of them multiple times.

I shot back by asking if he knew what day it was, for me.

He softened a bit and shook his head slightly… I could see it on his face. He did know.

I said it anyway, “Five years ago today was the hearing to terminate my parental rights.”

He nodded, and I could tell that he was doing his best to keep his composure, but his stress level was palpable in the air. I put my hands in my pockets and felt the recorder I had brought with me.

I forgot to turn it on… Dammit, Ashley!

He said something again about it was a very stressful day for him, that court hearing in particular, and I was making it worse. They had to decide whether or not he would spend 10 years in prison, and how dare I pick today.

Yes, HOW INCONVENIENT for him… Like I don’t know the storm of emotions a person has walking in the door of a courthouse for a pretrial conference?! NOT FOR FELONY CHILD ENDANGERMENT I KNOW THAT!!!!

I was instantly filled with rage and despair, but I held my voice even and took a quick breath before I opened my mouth to speak again…

I reassured him again that I did not want to make things any more stressful, but I didn’t know what else to do. I saw a chance to confront them in a public place where it was “safe,” and I took it.

He couldn’t believe it. His arms fell out, palms up in front of him when he asked me, “So you really drove all the way down here today just for this?”

I knew the question before he finished, it was one I had anticipated, so I didnt hesitate as I squared up to him and looked him straight in the eye. “Yeah, I did…”

“What would you have done? Would you have rather I showed up at your home? Because don’t think I haven’t considered it dozens of times over the years.”

He was quick to say no, that wouldn’t be good.

“What do you expect me to do? I don’t know what’s going on! I just want to know that they are happy and healthy…”

His face was somber and he quietly reassured me, “They are…”

The tears kept coming, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away… “I am not the enemy. I am not against you. I do not want the charges to be true, and I do not want you to go to prison. I do not want my sons to endure any more trauma than they already have! I don’t want that for your family either!

Don’t think I don’t know how you feel right now… I call it living in the Void… When you can’t make plans beyond the next court date. When you have no idea what your life is gonna look like over the next couple years…”

I paused briefly and when he didn’t say anything, I continued, “I haven’t seen my sons in FIVE YEARS! I don’t know if my son even knows who I am… and I know you are terrified about that yourself right now…”

“And I know that you know the long term effects of cutting communication with the birth parents! I know that you do, because I have read the foster parent training!”

I can’t remember his exact wording, something about it being their choice.

I felt a tearing pain searing through my chest. I have no doubt the look on my face was the scary kind of calm that skips the music, but I managed to keep my voice quiet when I heard myself say, “Are you insinuating that my sons don’t want to talk to me?!”

I had wondered that several times before… crying into my pillow or Jim’s shoulder. He would always be quick to reassure me that it wasn’t true. But I wasn’t so sure. And Jim wasn’t there.

Josh started to share with me about his childhood and why they foster, because he grew up “in a not good home.”

I interrupted him to say, “I did too!”

He paused briefly to consider my response, then said something about reading all of the training. I am not sure what exactly he was trying to say, I wasn’t going to hear it.

“I have read the training, too, and the policy and procedures manuals. And I know everything they are doing wrong… better than they do. Do you even know that I used to teach people how to take care of their kids?“

Someone walking down the stairs from court passed us, and we paused to let them through. Then Josh motioned and said we should go outside. I turned and walked quietly down the stairs ahead of him.

I held the door behind me as took a few steps outside. It was a cool, breezy day, especially in the shade of the building. I pulled my coat tighter around me.

A man followed us out. He walked a few steps further out on the cement patio to the left of the door and slowly turned around. His face was softer when we made eye contact again.

The brief interlude gave us both a chance to regain some composure. Tears welled up in my eyes once again when I said,” I just want to tell them I am sorry that I failed them, that I didn’t protect them… I just want to tell them I love them…”

He sighed, “I can’t promise you anything. But I will take your address, and I will ask them if they want to write you, and… maybe send you a school picture.”

He held out the cards and pulled a pen out of his pocket.

I said, “okay” and wrote the address where I have been staying.

I was handing him back the envelope when the woman from upstairs walked out the door. I turned to face her when she said my name. She looked back and forth between Josh and I as she walked over, saying something about her ex not being very happy, some good outcome for her.  She hugged me and said, “I hope you get answers and things work out for you, too!”

“I’m glad things worked out for you! Thank you!”

I could feel Josh quietly watching our exchange. I glanced at him and back to her walking away. I turned and made eye contact again before I continued, “I am not a bad person. I was not a bad mother…”

He reassured me again that they are doing good, they are happy.

“My daughter isn’t speaking to me right now either. I know that I am just a reminder…”

My words trailed off and we just looked at each other for a moment longer. “I miss them so much…”

He let the words sit in the air between us for a couple seconds. “I will ask them to write you…”

He looked at the door, and I could tell he was going to start walking away… “But I got to get back up there.”

I wanted so badly to ask to see them, but the words caught in my chest as tears started falling again.

“Ok. Thank you. Good luck,” is all I could say.

And just like that, he was gone…

I pulled my coat tight around me and took deep breaths as I walked around the corner and down half a block to the truck. I slipped inside and quickly pulled the blanket over my legs.

Jim was walking the dog and Melissa was sitting in the back seat with her headphones on, dozing off.

I leaned forward and rested my face in my hands on my lap and listened to the wind blowing around the truck. I took several deep breaths before the sobs broke through. Our conversation echoed in my mind and I felt a hand patting my back, but I didn’t look up for awhile.

Jim and Luna got back a few minutes later. Jim started the truck and we sat there, quiet. I know they were waiting for me to give them some kind of sign or direction what to do next. A few minutes passed by when an idea struck me. I startled them when I sat up.

More Messages to Deliver

I pulled out my Surface and opened my email. Searching through the sent folder, I scanned the subjects and clicked on a message thread from August 11.

“Dr. Mr. Repp…”

I am incredibly quick and accurate at typing, but it took me a little longer than it should have because I chose my wording carefully. Looking back on the email today, I do see an error and of course I would word some things a little differently in hindsight, but I mean what I said. Both to Josh and to the Washington County Attorney that is prosecuting their case.

This is what I sent him that day.

Nov 22, 2024, 11:36 AM
to countyattorney

Dear Mr. Repp,

I know that you are not asking for my opinion, but I feel compelled to offer it anyway.

From what I understand, my sons Noah and Elijah are happy and healthy in their care. They are doing well in school and they are bonded with the other children in the home. Josh and Ashley Drew are good people. I am grateful that they were able to offer my sons a loving, stable home,and I know that they can provide them with a life that I cannot.

I do not know the specifics about this case, but I am hoping that you might consider speaking with my son Noah before you make a decision that could alter their lives forever. Perhaps the troubled youth that is the center of this situation was not truthful in his or her allegations? My heart breaks for that child as well, because I am sure that they have been through a lot, too.

I have no doubt that you are a wonderful person as well; I have heard from several people that you are a great county attorney. That you care and you’re work means so much more to you than a high conviction rate. I have faith that you would not want to send an innocent man to prison.

Josh and Ashley have opened their home to countless children and have made their lives a better by being part of it. And they could potentially help countless more children, but their family needs Josh to stay the strong, high functioning family unit that they have grown to be!!

I humbly ask that you take a minute to consider what I have written you today. I will be sending you loving energy and praying for divine guidance for you through this case, and all your cases.

Bless you, and thank you for the work that you do! You are appreciated!! ✌️💖

Sincerely yours,

Rev. Ashley Meredith, MSN

I hit send, and then I pulled out the cards that I had brought for Noah and Elijah. They were beautiful cards, carefully chosen specifically for each of them. I did not take pictures, but that’s okay. I had not thought about what I would write ahead of time and my mind was blank.

What could I say that I hadn’t written to them before in letters and cards that I sent? I had no idea where to start and everything I came up with just seemed so… pointless. So I just told them that I am sorry and I miss them and I love them. I signed them and tucked the envelope in, so Josh and Ashley could read what I wrote if they wanted.

If I understood Josh correctly, the boys didn’t want to hear from me anyway… That thought tears me up inside. I know I made mistakes, but I don’t feel like anyone deserves this!

What could I have possibly done? Or what do they think I did that they would be happier without me in their lives at all?

Five years is a long time to rake over every detail in my mind. I don’t do that nearly as often as I used to, but sometimes it consumes me…

That’s all folks…

That is all the information that I have for now… I have no right to know about the health and wellbeing of the children they stole from me. So, I guess I will just… wait.

My inner child is throwing herself on the floor, kicking and screaming, “I DON’T WANNA WAIT ANYMORE!!!”

Meanwhile, you might likely find my adultier present self with a blank stare, looking at the floor or the wall. I might have tested my body’s limits over the past several years, but trauma has f*cked me up more than any substance I ever put in my body…

Except maybe alcohol… that sh*t really f*cked my life up. And I am glad I don’t drink anymore. I feel like there should probably be a decent sized group of people that are also glad I do not drink anymore… I chose to face my demons and deal with them in a healthier way, that didn’t include prison time….

Anyways, enough of that side rant…. Stay tuned! I will let ya know when I know more!

Please pray for my family! And send positive thoughts and loving energy! We need them!

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#childWelfareReform #DREWCREW #ElijahJohn #family #fiction #iowa #IowaDHHS #IowaFamilyRights #JusticeForMe3 #NoahScott #shortStories #shortStory #stopLegalKidnapping #WashingtonCounty #writing

Do They Read My Letters?

This is a post like no other that I’ve written before. If you’ve been dying to hear more in this the latest chapter in my life’s saga, you will not be disappointed. I held nothing…

Iridescent Alchemyst