Mastodawn

Iridescent Alchemyst Nov 11, 2024

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part TWO

Five Years.

It’s coming up on the five year anniversary since I said goodbye to my children. It’s hard to believe. It doesn’t seem right, and I’ve had to count the years out on my fingers several times.

2020. 2021. 2022. 2023… 2024.

I have reflected on years past in previous posts, so if you are just tuning in, the links above will get you all caught up.

This article will be long enough, because I could easily write a full blog post for each of the five pumpkins. That is exactly why I am breaking it up into parts.

Five years of digging deep on child welfare and child abuse has brought about many revelations. About the system, the laws, the policies, the actual practices I saw and experienced personally, and the experiences of others around me… revelations about myself. These insights have shaped my views, changing some of them and reinforcing others.

I want to keep it short and sweet, but I have a lot to points to make.

Each pumpkin is like a themed chapter in a book that I wrote specifically for the intended audience. This holiday tradition and my efforts are dedicated to my children, in honor of the loss of our family. The only tradition that even comes close to bringing me joy like holidays used to.

Pumpkin #3

Recidivism, Relapse, and Irreparable Harm

Educate Yourselves

Psychoactive Pharmaceuticals

Injustice

Pumpkin #2 Who Benefits?

Pumpkin #3

Recidivism, Relapse, and Irreparable Harm

“Your policies directly contribute to RECIDIVISM, push people to RELAPSE, and cause IRREPARABLE HARM to people who are already struggling!”

Let’s break this down, starting with RECIDIVISM.

When I said the word RECIDIVISM while reading my letter to the court at the hearing to terminate my parental rights, I felt a shockwave in the room. The judge called for a recess immediately after my testimony. No one said a word while everyone exited the courtroom.

My brother and I stayed quiet until we made it comfortably far enough away from the building. He broke the silence first, confirming what I felt in the courtroom with his impression of what they were thinking.

“I can’t believe she knew THAT WORD!” He said with an expression of disbelief on his face, mocking the prosecutor and my DHS case worker.

We both laughed and I was grateful that he understood the importance of what I had said. Recidivism is the likelihood of a person to reoffend or relapse, and I feel very strongly that those rates are strongly linked to the conditions and demands placed upon him or her by the system.

The child welfare system was created to protect children, but sometimes it causes more harm than good—especially to parents who are already facing challenges. My experience with the system is one example of how it can push people to their breaking point, rather than offering the support they need to succeed. As a mother and a former nurse, I lost my professional career and parental rights, largely because of policies and actions taken by child welfare workers who made no efforts to hide the fact that they were against me from the start. The system that was supposed to protect families ended up destroying mine.

One of the biggest problems with the child welfare system is how it handles parents who are struggling with addiction or other personal issues. Instead of focusing on rehabilitation and keeping families together, the system often jumps straight to separation. When parents lose their kids, it isn’t just heartbreaking; it can push them to relapse.

Many parents who are recovering feel that their children are their main motivation to stay clean and rebuild their lives. Taking kids away removes that motivation and leaves parents with a sense of hopelessness. In this way, the system’s policies can actually contribute to recidivism—pushing people who were already struggling even further down a hard path.

The stress of fighting a legal battle, facing accusations, and losing your children often leads people to cope in unhealthy ways, like turning back to substance use. Rather than receiving compassion, support, and understanding, parents often face judgment and are left with few options. The system doesn’t provide many resources to help parents who are doing their best to recover and be there for their children. By tearing families apart instead of supporting them, the system can cause lasting trauma, not only to parents but also to the children who are caught in the middle.

Reform is needed to make the child welfare system more supportive of struggling parents. Instead of policies that immediately look to punish, we need policies that work to lift up families and keep them together whenever possible. This is about protecting families from unnecessary harm and giving people a real chance to get back on their feet.

Check out this TED talk from Molly McGrath Tierney, the former Director for the Baltimore City Department of Social Services, the organization responsible for managing the City’s child welfare and public assistance programs. For 6 years prior to her TED talk, Molly led a massive reform effort to dramatically improve the impact of services to vulnerable citizens of Baltimore. Listening to her speech brought tears to my eyes and gave me hope that there is a brighter future for our children facing a child welfare system that has been getting it so wrong for too long.

https://youtu.be/c15hy8dXSps?si=F6x8l8ly-m6rAA6c

In a brief summarizing their 2021 Recidivism Report, the Council on Criminal Justice shared that “the drop in return-to prison rates could be explained by changes in the behavior of those being released (i.e., committing fewer new crimes or violations of supervision), or by changes in the behavior of the criminal justice system (such as police arrest practices or policies regarding how probation and parole agencies respond to supervision violations).” I propose that the positive changes in behavior of those being released is directly dependent on the changes in the criminal justice system.

Trump signed the First Step Act into law in 2018. In a separate research brief from August 2023, the Council on Criminal Justice examines the positive effects that have resulted from the widespread changes to the system in First Step Act: An Early Analysis of Recidivism.

RAND is a nonprofit, nonpartisan research organization that develops solutions to public policy challenges to help make communities throughout the world safer and more secure, healthier and more prosperous. Their website has a TON of great information on our criminal justice system, recidivism, and the need for reform. Check out this research brief about Resetting Recidivism Risk Prediction.

Educate Yourselves

This message should be loud and clear:
It’s about time that you EDUCATE YOURSELF!

This isn’t the first time that I have pointed them in the direction of EVIDENCE BASED PRACTICES. The link I added to the top of the pumpkin is for the US government’s Child Welfare Center for States Capacity Building Collaborative. The Center for States helps child welfare agencies build capacity to improve performance by using continuous quality improvement (CQI) and implementation best practices.

The phrase “Educate yourself!” is thrown around a lot these days, but when it comes to working with people struggling with addiction or family challenges, education is critical. It’s not just about knowing the basics—it’s about understanding evidence-based practices that make a real difference. There are some key areas that can help child welfare professionals and others in social work make a positive impact, rather than unintentionally causing harm.

The following list of recommended topics for study is by no means exhaustive, but it is a good start! I have even taken the time to include a few links for each topic.

substance misuse
addiction and recovery
cultural competency
conflict TRANSFORMATION
emotional intelligence
establishing rapport
whole-hearted connection
cognitive biases and logical fallacies

First, let’s talk about substance misuse, addiction, and recovery. These are complex issues that require real understanding, not just assumptions. Addiction is not just about willpower; it’s often rooted in trauma, mental health struggles, and even genetics. Educating yourself about the science behind addiction and the best ways to support recovery is essential for anyone who truly wants to help people get back on their feet.

Disrupting Stigma is a report from the National Center on Substance Abuse and Child Welfare (NCSACW) about “How Understanding, Empathy, and Connection Can Improve Outcomes for Families Affected by Substance Use and Mental Disorders”
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offers this advisory report- COMPREHENSIVE CASE MANAGEMENT FOR SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER TREATMENT
Casey Family Programs offer a weatlh of resources on this topic. A great place to start is their article from August 2023: How can the child welfare system support families affected by substance use disorder?

Then there’s cultural competency. Not every family looks the same, and everyone brings different backgrounds and beliefs to the table. When professionals don’t understand or respect a person’s culture, they risk making decisions that may feel right to them but can be devastating for the family. This includes awareness of the terminology used and its effect on families and teams as the case progresses. Education in cultural competency helps people approach each family with an open mind and respect.

ACF report on language-bias Download

Conflict transformation is another critical area. Conflict is natural, but in child welfare, it often comes with high stakes. Conflict transformation is about resolving issues in a way that builds bridges and creates real, lasting solutions instead of just escalating the problem. Along with this, emotional intelligence is key. Understanding your own emotions and those of others is crucial in high-stress situations, helping everyone stay calm and connected.

The Berghof Foundation is an international organization that has been instrumental in promoting the concept of Conflict Transformation as a means of achieving sustainable peace worldwide. The Berghof Handbook for Conflict Transformation is an excellent resource for learning more about how conflict transformation and how it improves upon the traditional practice of conflict resolution.

I found this free course called Develop Your Emotional Intelligence on Alison to be an excellent resource for learning and bolstering skills for emotional intelligence.

Building a whole-hearted connection with the families they serve helps professionals establish trust and show genuine care. When people feel understood and valued, they’re much more likely to open up and work together. This is closely tied to the skill of establishing rapport—an essential step for any professional who wants to make a positive impact.

I recommend this Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto, from Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (*paid link) and the TED talks that Brene Brown gave on The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame to help gain insight on these critically important aspects of working with families.

I found this Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto and it led me to Brene Brown’s life changing TED talk about The Power of Vulnerability

Lastly, understanding cognitive biases and logical fallacies can change how professionals approach each situation. We all have biases, but learning about them can help professionals avoid snap judgments and incorrect assumptions. Members of the multidisciplinary team involved with a child welfare case should implement a check system to ensure these biases are not unfairly influencing their work. This leads to fairer, more thoughtful decisions that focus on each family’s unique situation. I would recommend the following tools from an organization called School of Thought:

Child welfare professionals and those in social work hold enormous power and responsibility. By educating themselves in these areas, they can bring real change to the system—helping families heal instead of pushing them further down a path of struggle.

Psychoactive Pharmaceuticals

I remember the look of absolute hatred and disgust on the caseworker’s face when I not-so-politely reminded her (and I quote) “You are not a medical professional, you are a social worker.”

This absolutely true statement was my response to her insistence that I allow them to prescribe ADHD medications to my son. I was a registered nurse with years of experience managing the medication regimens for my pediatric clients. I have performed hundreds of drug regimen reviews and I can still tell you what you need to know about a majority of medications on the market, even after a few years away from direct patient care (thank you nursing school!).

And I also know that the scope of practice for social workers most definitely does not include anything making medical decisions or prescribing medications.

When I asked her why, she told me that Noah was “aggressive to the other children at the foster care home.” That’s it. That was her rationale. Rather than consider the reasons behind his aggression- the fact that they had taken my son from his parents and sent him to live with strangers, for example- the only logical solution in her mind was medicating the symptoms.

Had she taken the time to actually review Noah’s medical history- which I know she had access to because I was forced to sign consent forms for his pediatrician and counselor at Tanager when they changed his primary care providers– she would have known that Noah had tried ADHD medications in the past. And she would have known that we had discontinued those medications after he had developed significant side effects from them, including personality changes and vision problems.

Over the next several months, the case worker continued to push for medications, and I continued to refuse her. Even though I reminded her that the 5 letters behind my name (RN, MSN) meant that I was credentialed to teach child development in a university setting, she treated me like I was a huge POS! Like not letting them drug my son was neglecting his needs!

We even discussed what we’d done in the past at a family team meeting, but never once did she listen to me. Like I said in my letter to the court… the DHS caseworker failed to fully utilize my unique knowledge and skillset to my children’s advantage! In fact, she did everything she could to directly disobey my wishes as a parent!

When we were finally able to get Noah in to see a specialist at the University of Iowa’s Center for Disability and Development, the doctor agreed with me that medications were not necessary, and that Noah needed to continue with cognitive behavioral therapy. This only seemed to infuriate the caseworker more. So she insisted that the school perform a 504 evaluation.

If you aren’t familiar with Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, it says that every child is entitled to a free appropriate public education (FAPE), and that schools must evaluate students who might have disabilities, at no cost to parents or families. Based on the results of that evaluation, a student may be eligible for accommodations that help them succeed. For more information about the Individualized Education Program (IEP) and 504 Evaluation, check out this resource from the Iowa Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) Information (i3) website: COMPLETING AN INITIAL EVALUATION.

Later on in my case, after DHS had taken my children back to foster care, the case worker insisted that Noah needed an antidepressant. This is when I lost it and yelled at her, “Will you stop trying to drug my child with psychoactive medications?!”

She also was very insistent that I get a prescription for antidepressants… I adamantly refused this as well. My court-ordered counselor agreed with me. The symptoms of depression that I was experiencing were SITUATIONAL!! If they weren’t holding my children hostage, I wouldn’t have been struggling with anxiety attacks, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of despair, etc…

It has long been my professional opinion that prescribing these types of medications to children and adolescents is not appropriate, especially when we do not have a clear understanding of the long-term effects that these medications have on developing brains and bodies!

As a healthcare professional, I often researched and advocated for trying other treatment alternatives before jumping right to pharmaceutical measures. I talk more about this in my article Alternative to Medications, and its updated version Metaphysics versus Modern Healthcare.

Dr. Solinger is Naturopathic Doctor and Clinical Functional Nutritionist with years of clinical experience. Visit her virtual clinic, Root Health, LLC for more information

I recommend a TED talk by a British journalist and best-selling author named Jon Ronson. The TED talk is called Strange Answers to the Psychopath Test and it is definitely high on the list of my favorite TED talks!

If you think you are ready to dive deep into the metaphysical aspects of health and the fundamental root (spiritual) causes for physical symptoms and dis-ease, visit the Spirit Alembic website to read through HAPPY BUDDHA’S Holistic Counseling MANUAL for People Of The Western World.

Injustice

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

And the last entry for Pumpkin #3 includes wise words from Martin Luther King, Jr.

The quote is from a letter that Dr. King wrote “From the Birmingham jail, where he was imprisoned as a participant in nonviolent demonstrations against segregation, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in longhand the letter which follows. It was his response to a public statement of concern and caution issued by eight white religious leaders of the South” (Letter from Jail, 1963).

Photo credit: Kwize

He goes on to say, “”Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

Click to download the full Letter from Birmingham Jail.

Pumpkin #2 Who Benefits?

I had a hard time choosing between the last two pumpkins, which one would be #1. This one was a close 2nd, because the quote I painted on the front is so powerful.

Judge Marilyn Milian is well known for the 22 seasons she spent on The People’s Court

Judge Marilyn Milian’s quote, “If you have to destroy a family to help a child, who benefits?” highlights a major flaw in the child welfare system’s approach. The system’s goal is to protect children, but too often, it does this by breaking families apart, causing long-lasting harm to both the children and their parents. So, like Judge Milian, I want to know:

WHO BENEFITS?

The Children?

It is definitely NOT the children that benefit!

When we talk about helping children, it’s easy to assume that removing them from challenging family situations is the answer. But the reality for kids placed in the foster care system is often far from ideal. Statistics show that children in foster care are at serious risk for many long-term problems that can have lifelong impacts. The system meant to protect them can sometimes lead to even more harm.

Children who spend time in foster care are eight times more likely to experience abuse than children who stay with their families. This abuse can include physical, emotional, and even sexual harm. Instead of feeling safe, many of these kids end up feeling even more vulnerable and traumatized. They also face a higher risk of emotional struggles, including developmental delays, feelings of despair, and detachment from others. Growing up without the stability of a family can make it difficult to trust people or build healthy relationships.

One shocking statistic is that foster care children are twice as likely to suffer from PTSD as war veterans. The trauma of being removed from their home, bounced around in the system, and sometimes mistreated leaves many kids dealing with anxiety, nightmares, and overwhelming stress. The pain doesn’t end there. These kids also struggle with substance abuse: they are seven times more likely to become dependent on drugs and twice as likely to struggle with alcoholism, depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses compared to their peers.

These numbers reveal a system that, instead of protecting children, often places them in even more harmful situations. Focusing on keeping families together through community support and crisis prevention could prevent many of these negative outcomes. Instead of removing children, the child welfare system should invest in resources like therapy, financial aid, and addiction support to help families overcome their challenges. This approach would provide stability and security without exposing kids to the harmful effects of foster care.

The statistics make one thing clear: it’s not the children that benefit from CPS intervention!

The Parents?

When children are removed from their parents, the pain and trauma extend deeply into the lives of those left behind. For many parents, especially those who grew up in tough households and faced additional challenges, it feels like being punished twice. Many of these parents worked hard to overcome obstacles and create a better life, only to find themselves unfairly judged and separated from their children by the very system that failed to protect them as kids.

Parents who’ve had their children taken away are 2.5 times more likely to attempt suicide than other adults, and tragically, they’re five times more likely to die by suicide. The heartbreak of losing a child, especially when many parents feel misunderstood or misjudged, can drive them to a point of despair. The trauma leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and a deep sense of stigmatization, often leaving parents with a loss of self-worth. The process can make them feel like they’ve failed as parents, even when the circumstances were often outside their control. This cycle of guilt and shame often results in worsening mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and a high rate of polysubstance misuse—using multiple drugs or substances to cope with overwhelming feelings.

Adding to this heartbreak is the fact that many of these parents grew up in communities that were torn apart by addiction crises, like the methamphetamine and opioid epidemics. These crises didn’t appear out of nowhere; they were fueled by big pharma and the government’s failure to enact proper legislation to control these highly addictive substances!

Small-town America was hit especially hard, with families, jobs, and the community fabric destroyed by addiction that spread without proper regulation or prevention. For parents who grew up in such environments, the challenge is even greater: they’ve been exposed to addiction from a young age, and when they, too, fall victim, they’re punished instead of helped.

If the child welfare system focused on supporting families and preventing crises, it could make a world of difference. Parents need resources—mental health care, addiction counseling, financial assistance, and parenting support—to overcome these challenges without the risk of losing their children. Recognizing the larger systemic failures at play would allow us to approach family support with compassion and fairness.

The State?

When parental rights are terminated, it’s often portrayed as a necessary action for the child’s protection. However, in reality, the termination of parental rights frequently benefits not the child, but the state and the professionals involved in the process. Agencies like DHHS (Department of Health and Human Services) or CPS (Child Protective Services), judges, prosecutors, and even Child and Family Service Providers (CFSPs) all have financial incentives tied to child removal and foster care placements. These incentives create a troubling conflict of interest that often works against families trying to stay together.

For the state, every child placed into foster care or adopted out brings in federal funding. Federal programs such as Title IV-E provide significant funds to states for foster care, adoption, and even incentives to expedite adoptions. The more children that enter the system, the more money flows into the agencies handling their cases. This financial dependency on child removal creates a clear conflict of interest: rather than focusing on reuniting families and supporting parents in crisis, these agencies are incentivized to separate families and push for adoption or long-term foster care placements.

For DHHS and CPS, these financial incentives are accompanied by job security and budget growth. The more cases they handle, the more staff and resources they justify, which means more funding for their departments. Rather than prioritizing the well-being of children, these agencies have financial motives to keep children in the system. Judges and prosecutors also face pressures and incentives in these cases. For many judges, making quick decisions in favor of child removal can appear “safer” politically, as it avoids potential backlash if something were to go wrong with the family in the future. Prosecutors, meanwhile, are often aligned with CPS and DHHS, handling cases in ways that maximize child removal rather than working toward family support or reunification.

Private providers, including Child and Family Service Providers (CFSPs), also stand to benefit financially. These ancillary services, which often include therapy, supervised visitation, drug testing, and parenting classes, are contracted by the state and often paid on a per-service basis. With each step of the process, from assessments to court-ordered programs, there’s money to be made. This setup makes it profitable to keep families involved in the system, requiring them to complete multiple services to even have a chance at reunification. This dependency on services makes it harder for parents to reunite with their children, as they’re forced to comply with a costly and time-consuming process that benefits the service providers.

The financial incentives behind child removal and parental rights termination create an unhealthy system where the people who are supposed to help families have reasons to work against them instead. In cases where family support and crisis intervention could help, the current approach often defaults to removal, prolonging family separations to ensure revenue streams remain steady.

Ultimately, the state and its players—DHHS/CPS, judges, prosecutors, and CFSPs—are profiting from families’ pain. Instead of helping parents overcome temporary crises and strengthening family bonds, this setup tears families apart to serve financial interests. This situation only underscores the need for reform that prioritizes family unity and long-term well-being over short-term gains. A fair and compassionate system would redirect funding from foster care and adoption incentives to support programs for families, helping parents and children stay together whenever possible.

The statistics reveal that the system’s current approach often does more harm than good, pushing parents into despair. A compassionate, supportive system that understands the root causes of addiction and respects parents’ efforts to overcome them could save lives, strengthen families, and help restore the communities that have suffered under the weight of the addiction crisis. It’s time we build a child welfare system that lifts families up rather than tearing them apart!

Shift the Focus!

Instead of separation, the focus should be on strengthening families with community supports and crisis prevention. The key to true support lies in looking at family difficulties as crises that can often be resolved with the right help. Families facing hard times need resources like therapy, financial aid, addiction counseling, and parenting support to stay together while working through their challenges. By offering community supports focused on crisis prevention, we can help families stabilize before things reach a breaking point. This approach not only protects children from the trauma of separation but also helps parents get back on their feet.

Investing in crisis prevention and community supports isn’t just compassionate—it’s also cost-effective. Research shows that every dollar spent on prevention has a return of $7. By investing in helping families early, we reduce the need for costly interventions later, like foster care and court cases, while giving kids the stability they need. Children who grow up with family support are also less likely to need state services down the road, benefiting the community overall.

I am very proud of this year’s Halloween selfie!

In case you missed it… Read Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins- Part ONE.

Keep an eye out for the final chapter of Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins- SYFBD!

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4 responses to “Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part TWO”

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[…] Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part 2 […]

My Message to Governor Reynolds – Iridescent Alchemyst February 3, 2025 Edit

[…] Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins Part 2 […]

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins – Iridescent Alchemyst November 18, 2024 Edit

[…] In my specific case, I can’t say how much time the case worker actually spent with my children. I have performed many comprehensive assessments on many children during my time as a pediatric case manager, but a social worker is not sufficiently trained or credentialed to administer that testing. That wouldn’t be the first time that my case worker overstepped her bounds with the Iowa Board of Social Work Scope of Practice, but I talk more about that in the next article. […]

Halloween 2024: Five Years of Pumpkins SYFBD – Iridescent Alchemyst November 17, 2024 Edit

[…] continued with Pumpkins #3 and #2 in Part Two. And like I said, I had a hard time deciding which pumpkin was #1, because #2 was such a close […]

What do you think? Do you agree with me? Got something to add? This is your chance to SHOW WHAT YA KNOW!! Share your own advice about this topic! Cancel reply

#1 #2 #3 #3Recidivism #addictionAndRecovery #childAbuse #childAbuseAndNeglect #childAbusePrevention #childWelfare #cognitiveBiases #conflictTransformation #dhsCps #educateYourself #evidenceBasedPractice #familyCourt #fosterCare #iowa #IowaDHHS #IowaFamilies #justice #juvenileCourt #logicalFallacies #psychoactiveMedications #PTSD #recidivism #terminationOfParentalRights #Trauma #traumaInformedCare #welfareReform

Bryan King Jun 5, 2025

Sin, Scripture, and the Smell of Rot.

1,848 words, 10 minutes read time.

I don’t expect you to believe me. Not really. People like James—men who carry their brokenness like a badge and a burden—we’re more warning sign than testimony. The kind of story folks scroll past on Facebook between a political rant and a cat video, pausing just long enough to click “like” on a Bible verse they won’t live by. I know because I take care of him. Every week. I’m his nurse. My name is Clara Jensen.

I’ve seen a lot in my years of home care, but James stuck with me. Not because he’s kind or cruel, but because something about him lingers. His presence, his silence—it’s heavy, like regret that never got named. It’s in the air when you walk through the door: mildew, cigarette smoke, painkillers, and something deeper that clings like old shame.

He’s missing a leg, and the other’s not doing well either. Diabetes, infections, surgeries—doctors have tried everything. But the real rot runs deeper, past the bloodstream and into the soul. His medical file tells a hard-enough story, but it’s the part that’s not in the file that matters. A past he doesn’t talk about. The kind people whisper around. He was involved in things that left scars—on others and on himself. Some of it petty, some of it cruel. Not infamous, just a man who made too many wrong turns and burned too many bridges.

He’s kept much of that life hidden from his family. Covered it up with silence, selective memory, even a few bold-faced lies. But the truth always finds a way through, like mold breaking through drywall. People in the community know more than he thinks. They remember the fights, the broken trust, the way he vanished when responsibility came knocking. Still, James acts like no one sees. Like if he reposts enough scripture, the past might blur around the edges.

His house is a cluttered echo chamber of old tools, stacked books, flea-market leftovers, and framed sayings about strength and faith. His Bible sits on a table nearby, dusty and closed. He shares Christian memes like they’re armor—loud declarations about sin and truth and justice, almost always aimed outward. Rarely about grace. Never about himself.

He never talks about it when I’m there, but I see them when I change his dressings. One day Pastor Micah finally addressed it. Calmly, without accusation. Just a question, light as a scalpel:

“You think sharing those posts helps anyone?”

James blinked, caught off guard. “Just sharing truth.”

“Whose truth?” Micah asked. “God’s truth calls everyone out. Not just the people you don’t like.”

James didn’t answer. Just stared past Micah, toward the wall where a cracked mirror hung—one of the few things in the house that could still reflect anything clearly.

I remember the first time Pastor Micah Reynolds came by. James acted like it was nothing. But I could tell it rattled him. Micah walked through that house with quiet dignity, stepping over stacks of junk and ignoring the smell. He didn’t flinch at the sight of the bandages or the pills scattered on the end table. He just sat down and opened his Bible.

“You ever get tired of posting verses you don’t live?” Micah asked, cool as a spring breeze.

James chuckled and took a drag off a cigarette. “They’re not for me. They’re for the people watching.”

“Is that what you think God is? A spectator?”

James didn’t answer. He just shook a couple pills into his hand—one labeled, one not—and swallowed them dry.

Micah read from Psalm 49. He talked about people who trust in their wealth, who name lands after themselves but still go to the grave with nothing. “Their graves are their homes forever,” he read. James rolled his eyes.

Then Micah told a story about Herod Agrippa. I’d heard it before, but not like that. Herod Agrippa was a king of Judea, a man who craved power and applause more than anything. He was the grandson of Herod the Great—the same tyrant who ordered the massacre of innocent children. Agrippa ruled with an iron fist, crushing anyone who opposed him, including the early Christians. But his greatest flaw was his pride. During a public speech, the crowd hailed him as a god, praising his words as if he were divine. Instead of humbly rejecting their worship, Agrippa accepted it, soaking in their adulation like a man drunk on his own glory.

That moment sealed his fate. Suddenly, without warning, his body began to betray him in the most gruesome way imaginable. According to the Bible, he was struck down by God’s judgment and “eaten by worms.” The worms—parasitic and merciless—devoured him from the inside out, turning his flesh into a rotting, festering ruin. It was a slow, agonizing death that stripped away every bit of his false pride. The man who sought to be worshipped as a god ended his life consumed by decay, a horrifying warning about the price of arrogance.

James called it dramatic. Micah called it justice.

“You saying I’m Herod now?” James asked.

“No,” Micah replied. “I think Herod had more humility.”

I kept quiet in the corner, checking vitals, replacing a bandage. But even I felt the sting of those words—and the heavy, sour smell of rot that seemed to cling to the room, like a silent echo of Herod Agrippa’s fate. James didn’t argue. Not really. He lit another cigarette and stared into the smoke like it held secrets.

After Micah left, James didn’t say a word. He reached down and pulled out an old, faded family photo buried under piles of junk—a snapshot of better days, smiling faces frozen in time before life’s hardships took hold. He didn’t speak of who was in it. I saw him wipe the dust from the frame with his sleeve before setting it gently beside his Bible, its dusty cover closed and untouched.

James isn’t the only one Pastor Micah visits. There are others in similar medical straits—shut-ins with amputations, oxygen tanks, and chronic pain. But their homes feel different. Quieter, cleaner. The air smells of ointment and lavender, not stale smoke and regret. They speak with kindness, gratitude, humility. Their pasts aren’t perfect, but they don’t wear denial like armor. They ask for prayer, not applause. You can tell they’ve made peace with what was, and they’re trying to make peace with what’s left.

The rot hasn’t stopped. James’s leg’s still going bad. The infection’s still spreading, and the rot in his good leg is beginning to bloom, like mold that’s found new flesh. The pills are still there—some from doctors, some not.

I don’t know how this story ends. Not yet. Maybe that’s the whole point—the uncertainty, the unfinished business that makes it real. Because the last chapters—his repentance, his healing, his truth—haven’t been written. Not yet. And as long as those pages remain blank, there’s still room for change, for grace, for something different to take hold. Maybe that’s hope. Maybe that’s what keeps us coming back to stories like James’s. Because if a story isn’t finished, it means it’s still alive. And if it’s still alive, then maybe it can still be changed.

Author’s Note:

This story is a work of fiction. James, Clara, Pastor Micah, and the events within these pages are not based on any real individuals, though they are inspired by the struggles and complexities I’ve witnessed in many lives. The characters and situations are crafted to explore themes of pride, regret, grace, and redemption, not to portray any actual person or event.

The story of James is unfinished, and intentionally so. As the writer, I didn’t want to close the book on him—because real people rarely get neat endings. His journey is still unfolding. Redemption, if it comes, will come in small, unglamorous ways. Maybe he finds peace. Maybe he doesn’t. But the choice to change, to confess, to finally live what he shares—that choice remains. And as long as that choice exists, the story isn’t over. Not for James. And maybe not for you, either.

Your story is unfinished as well. No matter what you have done, no matter the mistakes you’ve made or the pain you’ve caused or endured, how you finish your story is up to you. There is a powerful truth in the saying: you may not have caused the problem, but the problem is yours to fix. That responsibility can feel heavy, but it is also where hope begins. The chapters ahead can be written with courage, honesty, and grace.

So take this story as a mirror and a challenge. Like James, you carry the power of choice within you. The past does not have to define the future, and the weight of regret can be lifted, step by step. The story isn’t finished—not really. And that means it can still be changed.

D. Bryan King

Sources

Disclaimer:

The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the author. The information provided is based on personal research, experience, and understanding of the subject matter at the time of writing. Readers should consult relevant experts or authorities for specific guidance related to their unique situations.

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