Dan Ports
Mike Sheward"For the love of god, wipe down your work laptop before returning it to the IT team" - a memoir.
Paul_IPv6wow. triggering memories of cleaning out keyboards when i was in IT...
Violet@Ice:~$💜
@SecureOwl I used to work on HUNDREDS of Chromebooks every year when I was in EdTech. You really, really don't want to know how bad some of it got both in physical and software guck
TelH90@violet @SecureOwl there's a reason refurbishers and repair technicians wear gloves...
- Because "cat piss" is the least disgusting shite folks like Louis Rossman came across…
Luna Lactea
Amber 
@jackemled @violet @SecureOwl I love me some cockroaches and mysterious bodily fluids. Opening it up to smell straight catpiss etc
Johan Wärlander 🦀@violet @SecureOwl I feel like a first pass with a pressure washer would solve a lot of problems at once..
Evan Beaver@SecureOwl I run mine through the dishwasher as a courtesy
Bruce Heerssen
Solarbird 
@SecureOwl me, in three acts:
1. Users can't be expected to wipe a laptop properly, that should be IT's jo
oh wait
2. you mean physically, like, clean it up, bu
oh
no nono nono no no no no no nonoNONONOnononono
3. eeeeeeeeeew
Sebastian Lauwers@SecureOwl @floe You mean physically, digitally, or both?
Florian 'floe' Echtler@teotwaki @SecureOwl this is left to the imagination of the reader 😖🫣
Michael Gale@SecureOwl I leave a cockroach in for every phishing test I was sent during my tenure
G0rb 
@SecureOwl the most frightening viruses I've seen on computers haven't been digital
L@g0rb @SecureOwl the nastier bugs I found on a computer weren’t software.
LLM / Luddite Language Model@g0rb @SecureOwl if you can indeed see viruses, I’ve got a job offer for you! 😉
zaicurity@SecureOwl or before taking it into a public space.
Y⃒̸̷̝̜̙ͥͥͥngmar@SecureOwl Also check to make sure you haven't left the CD with your private special photoshoot in the tray of your work laptop. Unless that was some clever ploy?
And in a completely different case, do keep your child and animal porn collection on the computer and as fucking desktop background when handing the PC in for repair. We repaired it, saw it and called him to come pick his computer up. The two police officers sipping coffee in a room next door took him and his computer away. The look on his face when he realized they were there for him was priceless.
That's my IT tips for the day.
Dec [{(
)}]@SecureOwl
The secret to running a succesful cybercafe is always having enough spare Clear Waterproof Anti-Dust Silicone Keyboard Protector Cover Skins to hand.
The secret to running a succesful cybercafe is always having enough spare Clear Waterproof Anti-Dust Silicone Keyboard Protector Cover Skins to hand.
Ben Rush@SecureOwl @catsalad We all know that will never happen. Make sure to expense your nitrile gloves and sanitary wipes
☭ Father Hardstone@SecureOwl Don't forget to spray some Luminol on the laptop an using a UV 🔦 to see all the "funny stuff" 😈
I can’t believe its not @twcau@SecureOwl Four words: University student fecal matter.
University student laptops are the absolute worst.
Hisses with Geese 🌱@SecureOwl Looks like many of us have been/are traumatized. I remember cleaning some laptops several times, as they were layered with food and other gunk. Ugh.
The Doctor@SecureOwl You just laid me off?
No. You still have a job, you do it.
Maya🌙@SecureOwl the most disgusting laptop I've ever received was from someone who said something along the lines of "I took some time and cleaned up the OS for you and I wiped all my data"
cafeinux@SecureOwl
I once had to install a monitoring tool on all our company laptops. No management software at the time, so manual install on all 150 laptops.
One black guy became as white as me when he brought his laptop in and understood what we meant by "monitoring tool" and asked "like... you'll see the websites I visit?".
The laptop was exactly in the state you might imagine. I washed my hands with alcohol.