Doc ImpossibleHey.
Hey, you.
Yeah, you. The person reading this. You, specifically.
Be messier and weirder. Fuck up more. And cut people a break when they're messy and weird and fuck up, if you can.
Queerness is about being messy.
Oh, also, since I've got you here:
That weird sex thing you're super ashamed of, and have never told a soul that you're into?
Like half of your friends are into it too, and are just as scared of saying anything. You could be having an interesting conversation with them right now.
Just sayin'.
It might be a quarter. But statistically, from what the research says about kink? Unless you're a shut-in, *someone* you're friends with is into it, pretty much guaranteed.
Shame sucks. Sure, talk in private, but it's just sex. It's not that big a deal.
Signed: a gal who's ace-spectrum.
Faith, Purple haired feminist 🧋 
@Impossible_PhD And don't forget that if there's a gender you've always been meaning to try out, you should just go for it.
@faithisleaping or a combination of genders!!
@Impossible_PhD Gender is like a soda fountain. Not only is there more than two flavors but you're free (even encouraged) to mix and match and have as much or as little as you want.
Also, free refills! You can always go back for more or a different gender if you don't like the one you concocted last time you were at the gender fountain.
Rachel@faithisleaping @Impossible_PhD I'm treating gender more like a broken computer and turning it off then back on again repeatedly until something starts working or I figure out what is really wrong
@Impossible_PhD @faithisleaping next step is to try some percussive gender maintenance
Karin!@faithisleaping @Impossible_PhD this is a good metaphor for me because I’m an agender person who just asks for a cup of tap water. Too frugal for gender
@nirak @faithisleaping And the thing is? Tap water is still good stuff!
Willow "Wolveric" Catkin
@WolvericCatkin Bootlegged genders are 100% welcome!
BewilderedKat 
@Impossible_PhD
Also, kink doesn't have to be sexual. Almost all the kink stuff I do is non-sexual. People wouldn't know that if they haven't explored. I endorse this suggestion to just talk about things with friends.
Also, I will volunteer to hop in a group chat and shamelessly talk about kink or sexuality if it helps break the seal.
Signed: An enby that's aro-ace-spec
Miakoda 
@h3mmy @Impossible_PhD A kink can also be non-sexual in one setting, and sexual in another. Or one aspect of it is sexual, and other aspects are not. Maybe they're both at the same time somtimes!
@hellomiakoda @Impossible_PhD It's a form of play, and different people have different perspectives on the matter. You are absolutely right that the same sort of play can involve sexual elements in one scene, and no sexual elements in another.
I've written about kink and my perspective on it a bit. I think one of my recent write-ups is this one: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/114744144317817633
Sometimes, I lose track of what I've published and what I've only drafted.
BewilderedKat :nonbinary_flag: (@[email protected])
Content warning: Discussion of words, kink, and non-sexual kink
DickyFilm 🇳🇱🍉@h3mmy @Impossible_PhD Any books or website recommendations please? I’d love to learn more.
@DickyFilm Well, I have a small series of write-ups: https://lgbtqia.space/@h3mmy/114744144317817633
I am not aware of any books dedicated to asexuality in kink specifically, at the moment. A lot of that sort of knowledge is still percolating in various communities, online and offline. I can easily find discussions about it, but it seems there is actually a need for some sort of compiled version of the takeaways from those discussions.
If you want a book about asexuality in general, "Ace" by Angela Chen is a classic and excellent start. For aromanticism, "Hopelessly Aromantic" by Samantha Rendle really gave me a lot of validation when I was wondering what the heck it means to be aro. "The Other Significant Others" by Rhaina Cohen is an excellent book about the significant relationships we foster and how a normative labeling and/or hierarchy system fails us as social creatures. I cried a lot during that read from all the suspended grief, so forewarning in case that's notable.
BewilderedKat :nonbinary_flag: (@[email protected])
Content warning: Discussion of words, kink, and non-sexual kink
Tess@Impossible_PhD pfft, like I would ever
Much less basically end up building an entire FFXIV FC around one while discussing many others in the FC discord
@tess That's, like, *totally* far-fetched.
Sym (public node) 
@Impossible_PhD @tess I was gonna make a joke about not thinking of it as a kink because y'all have your doctorin' papers and I'm just naturally stupid, but then I remembered that the initial conversation went something like
"can y'all confirm that Jenny is just as much of a bim as the rest of us"
"but I'm not, unless [highly specific adjacent kink] counts" 
"it does and also we like you, stupid"
I forget if I was going anywhere with this, I got really distracted picking out emoji for y'all. 
King Naga Calyo Lucere-Delphi@Impossible_PhD Every time I start talking about glue fetish in a new group of kinksters, there's always someone in the chat who gets turned on by it when they've never thought about it before.
Every.
Time.
I'm good at getting my fetish *stuck* in your mind. 😈
@dragonarchitect Okay, but that pun kills! 🤣
Makes a lot more sense now@h3mmy @Impossible_PhD I'm sure you'll come to love being sticky as much as I do once things have had some time to *cure* and *bond*~
( 🎨 @Venerabela )
@dragonarchitect @h3mmy @Venerabela I'm sorry, and I stg that I'm not trying to fuck your yum, it's just that my time makes "sticky" to be one of the most viscerally "nope" feelings in existence to me.
Have fun though!
@dragonarchitect @h3mmy @Venerabela ugh, tism not time and yuck, not fuck. Zoe needs to wake up before she posts.
Yeah, texturally I'm at the far opposite end of the spectrum: maximum smooth, please. I can sorta get where you're coming from just going uno reverse on what I like, so the attraction makes a basic amount of sense to me.
YKINMKBYKIOK and all that.
@Impossible_PhD Totally fair. Glue isn't really my thing because of texture issues. My first introduction to sticky things was a candy cane and it sealed pages of a book I liked when I was in preschool. I avoided sticky things like the plague because I liked my books too much. Elmer's glue had the "let it dry and peel it off " appeal. Etc
From a texture standpoint I just imagine everything trying to stick to me and it's frustrating. And I can basically smell the industrial foul smell I associate with that type of sticky.
Now, if it was more like smooth slimy goop, that was slippery until you held still against someone or something for too long, I can see how that could be appealing. I interact with many people who enjoy being restricted and snared but have texture sensitivities, a couple of them wouldn't mind the idea of being sealed into comfortable position.
@h3mmy @dragonarchitect @Venerabela Yeah, the only glue I'll use is super glue or stick glue, (unless I'm woodworking, and for that, out come the nitrile gloves) because super glue goes rock hard fast and stops being sticky, and stick glue stays put and not-on-my-hands.
I dunno, when I feel sticky, it's like an almost visceral reaction to go wash for me.
@Impossible_PhD @h3mmy Oh, yeah, I'm kinda particular about my sticky preferences as well. If my hands are a bit icky from not having been washed in a while I've GOT to go wash them because they feel icky. 😖
Food-based sticky also makes me feel icky, too.
But glue sticky is what hits that sensational sweet spot for me. 🥰
@dragonarchitect @Impossible_PhD
*Takes notes*
This is interesting. I might end up having further questions at some point in the future if that's okay? I like understanding what people like about different textures and sensations, and what words people use to describe them. It is very enlightening.
@h3mmy @Impossible_PhD By all means! I love answering questions if I can! 😄
@h3mmy @Impossible_PhD Interestingly enough, smooth slimy goop is a sensation that negatively triggers my own tism, and visually it also has somewhat of a negative appeal to me.
My sticky has got to be STICKY. I love love LOVE the sensations of something gripping my skin merely by being in physical contact with it. 👌🥴💦
@Impossible_PhD @h3mmy I'm sorry but I have no clue what that jumble of letters at the end of your post means...
@dragonarchitect @h3mmy oh! Its an abbreviation common I'm my area in the kink community.
"Your kink is not my kink but your kink is OK."
Juniper 🏳️⚧️🌲@dragonarchitect @Impossible_PhD I'm just really suggestible and will pick up other people's kinks if they describe them, at least for a little while.
@dragonarchitect @Impossible_PhD
(That in itself is probably someone's kink, but I am more of a mind control top by inclination)
CIMB4@eruonna @dragonarchitect @Impossible_PhD ah, the kink mimicry thing that i keep failing to describe to others..
"cimba, do you have any fun kinks?"
"well, no, not exactl-"
"oh so you're like vanilla, that's fine!"
"no.. no, actually far from that"
"huh?"
pretty much any question that goes "are you into [x]?" that doesn't involve sadism i can probably answer with "well no, but actually yes!"
@CIMB4 @eruonna @Impossible_PhD I've got such a huge list of turn-ons and turn-offs--some of which are a bit unexpected by a lot of folks, that I just maintain an f-list profile for the sole purpose of communicating my kinks with others.
@eruonna @Impossible_PhD Sounds like it wouldn't take much for me to get you *stuck* with my favorite fetish for a while, then~ 😘
Gordon Fawks@Impossible_PhD Yeah, no, has more than a few "wait, you're also into this?" Moments the last few years.
Asterisk Phantom 🔜 Animalz@Impossible_PhD I had kept my kinks to myself for 15 years and it was nothing short of torture. It caused me all sorts of mental problems, something that even three years later im still recovering from.
I don’t think my best friend realises how much she saved me from myself just by listening to me, and encouraging me to chase after my dream of becoming Asterisk.
Jocelynephiliac 
@Impossible_PhD this is a very dangerous game you’re playing here!
@twipped There's risk in everything, including holding a part of yourself in shame. 🤷♀️
Lady Helen "Bio" Rodriguez@Impossible_PhD My kinks go from boring typical to frankly bizarre. Heeled boots, gloves, to anything with electricity.
Never shared that with anyone out of fear or shame.
@BioWD Girl, heels are THE BEST. I've got like three pairs of platform heels for the bedroom myself.
And electro play isn't my cuppa, but I know several people who are into it. It's really common in BDSM circles.
As for gloves: we talking like, nitrile globes or opera globes or...?
@Impossible_PhD Opera. Its so elegant and fancy and oh man it just kills me
And with heels its mostly boots like thigh high or knee high. Also just the click click of heels.
@Impossible_PhD Getting opera gloves to fit me is such a pain. But if and when I can get a pair I'll probably just keep them on long as possible. It just, makes me feel like a woman in all the right ways if that makes sense.
God it feels great to just say it out loud!
@BioWD Try Amazon! I get my long and large opera gloves there!
Hazelnoot@Impossible_PhD I wish I could boost this more than once!
@hazelnoot You can always boost it today and then boost it again tomorrow. Or you can be like @SymTrkl and get infinite fedi accounts and boost it on all of them. 😝
sodiboo 
@hazelnoot @SymTrkl @faithisleaping @Impossible_PhD what do you mean bug . that's not a bug. I use that on purpose. please don't fix it
@sodiboo @Impossible_PhD @faithisleaping @SymTrkl don't worry - it is a bug and we're gonna fix it, but we're also planning support for an actual "schedule boost" feature that doesn't involve a hacky workaround!
@Impossible_PhD @faithisleaping @SymTrkl @sodiboo but full honesty - it might be a while before that's implemented. we're running on a skeleton crew and most of the team is handling Life ™️ for the foreseeable future. I've only got ~4 hours per week for Sharkey dev and I'm currently spending all that on anti-spam features 
