So it has come to this. Whatever our hopes for #peace, the long #war has begun again. Do we really fight against #Christmas anymore? Do our #enemies really fight for it? Or does the war feed on itself, devouring us all for its own ends? None know for sure. Only duty remains.

As a medic in the #Army of the #Left, I have of course prepared my kit with a full complement of #essential #oils, #healing #crystals, and #homeopathic #IV solutions. When my brave comrades-in-arms fall on the battlefield, I will be there to expel #toxins and rebalance their #vibrational #energies. I will spare no thought for personal danger: I must pay any price, bear any burden, unblock any meridian to assure the survival and success of cosmic harmony.

My counterparts on the #Right don’t have to carry as much equipment. They just smack their patients on the forehead and shout “By the grace of our #Lord and #Savior you are HEALED! Now rise and fight again!” I’m honestly not sure which approach has better results.