Tina Okoli-AzzalarabThe Great Vanishing Act
Hey everyone, it’s Tina.
Take a look at the quote I just shared on my social media. It says: “The older I get, the more I understand why some people choose to disappear and live a quiet, private life.”
Can we just sit with that for a second? Because lately, that sentence isn’t just a “relatable quote”—it’s starting to feel like a business plan.
The Shift from Being Seen to Being Invisible
Remember when we were kids and the idea of being “invisible” was a literal superpower? We wanted to sneak into movie theaters or eavesdrop on the teachers’ lounge. Now? My version of that superpower is just turning off my “Read Receipts” and pretending I’ve forgotten how to use my phone for three business days.
Managing a Recalled Social Battery
I think as we get older, our social battery doesn’t just drain faster—it feels like the battery itself has been recalled by the manufacturer.
When I was twenty, I wanted everyone to know where I was, what I was eating, and who I was with. If I wasn’t at the center of the chaos, did I even exist? Fast forward to now, and if I’m at a party for more than forty-five minutes, I start calculating the “Irish Exit.” You know the one—where you just… evaporate. No long goodbyes, no “we should grab coffee soon” lies. Just poof. Gone. Like a Victorian ghost, but with better snacks waiting for me at home.
The Struggle of the Digital Age
The digital age makes this “disappearing” act so much harder. We are constantly reachable. We are “pinged,” “slacked,” “tagged,” and “notified.” My phone is essentially a digital leash that screams at me every time someone I haven’t talked to since 2012 has a thought about a sourdough starter.
Redefining What it Means to Disappear
I used to think that “disappearing” meant you were lonely or, let’s be honest, a bit weird. I pictured a hermit in the woods talking to a collection of mossy rocks. But now? That hermit looks like a genius. They’ve got:
- Zero Notifications: The only thing “tagging” them is a literal branch.
- No Small Talk: They don’t have to explain to a coworker why they look “tired” (it’s just my face, Brenda).
- Total Privacy: Nobody is asking them to “hop on a quick Zoom.”
Reclaiming the Mystery of a Private Life
The humor in it is that we don’t actually want to live in a cave (most of us need Wi-Fi for Netflix, let’s be real). What we actually want is to reclaim our mystery.
There is something so deeply peaceful about the idea of people not knowing your every move. There’s a specific kind of luxury in having a weekend where you didn’t post a single photo of your brunch, didn’t update your status, and didn’t check to see who was looking at your stories. It’s like you’re a secret agent, except your only mission is to see how many episodes of a true-crime documentary you can watch before you fall asleep in a pile of laundry.
Choosing Who Gets Access to Your Energy
Let’s be honest: half the reason I want to disappear is because I’m tired of being perceived.
I’m tired of having to have an opinion on everything. I’m tired of the performance. The “quiet life” isn’t about being a recluse; it’s about choosing who gets access to your energy. It’s about realizing that “No” is a complete sentence and “I don’t want to go” is a valid reason.
Practicing the Vanishing Act
If you see me out in the wild and I’m wearing sunglasses indoors and walking at a brisk, “I have a very important meeting with my cat” pace… just know I’m practicing my vanishing act.
I’m not disappearing because I’m sad. I’m disappearing because I’ve finally figured out that the best stories are the ones I don’t feel the need to tell everyone.
What about you? Have you reached that age where a cabin in the middle of nowhere—with a very high fence—starts looking like a luxury resort? Or am I just one bad “Reply All” email away from actually moving to the woods?
#boundaries #digitalBurnout #disappearingAct #mentalHealth #privacy #quietLife #selfCare #socialBattery
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