Why My Circle is Now a Polished Dot

Hey y’all, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab a beverage of choice (preferably something that doesn’t give you heart palpitations, we have enough of those in daily life), and let’s have a real “sister-to-sister” moment.

I recently posted something that’s been living rent-free in my head, and it basically boiled down to this: If you don’t like me, if you’re “feeling some type of way,” or if you’re carrying a backpack full of secret jealousy… please, for the love of all things holy, stay very far away from me.

I know, I know. It sounds “aggressive.” But let’s be honest: I’m not being mean; I’m just being tired.

Have you ever been telling someone good news—maybe you finally got that promotion, or you found a pair of jeans that actually fits both your waist and your thighs (a miracle!)—and you see that look? You know the one. It’s that half-second where their face falls before they plaster on a smile that doesn’t quite reach their eyes.

It’s the “Oh, that’s… nice for you” energy.

I call it the Subtle Hater Olympics. For years, I thought I had to be the hostess with the mostest for people who didn’t even like the appetizers I was serving. I’d stay in friendships where I felt like I was being audited by the IRS every time I spoke. Why do we do that? Why do we give VIP passes to people who are just waiting for us to trip on the red carpet?

People talk about “protecting your peace” like it’s a yoga retreat. For me? It’s more like a high-security prison for my mental health. I’m at the age and stage where my energy is a finite resource. I don’t have the bandwidth to decode your passive-aggressive texts or wonder why you didn’t “like” my photo but watched all fifteen of my Instagram stories.

Here’s the Truth: If being around you feels like a chore, I’m quitting that job.

I’ve dealt with the “jealous-hearted” crowd for way too long. It’s exhausting trying to dim your light just so someone else doesn’t have to wear sunglasses. If my joy is an eyesore to you, honey, look the other way! There’s a whole horizon over there that doesn’t involve me.

I used to be afraid of the “unfriend” button. I used to worry about the awkwardness of a grocery store run-in. But you know what’s more awkward? Spending three hours at brunch with someone who is secretly rooting for your downfall.

Right now, my motto is Anybody Can Go. The “friend” from high school who only calls to gossip? Gone.

• The relative who only “checks in” to see if I’m failing yet? Goodbye.

• The energy vampires who leave me feeling like a shriveled raisin? See ya.

I’m looking for genuine. I’m looking for “I’m so happy for you I could scream” energy. I’m looking for people who are so secure in their own lane that they don’t have time to look over into mine.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oof, is she talking about me?”—then maybe you should check that. But if you’re reading this and nodding so hard you’re getting whiplash, welcome to the club.

Life is too short to be “polite” to people who aren’t kind. My peace isn’t up for negotiation, and my circle is getting smaller, shinier, and way more supportive.

So, to the fakes, the haters, and the “just curious” observers: The exit is to the left. Don’t trip on your way out!

How about you? Have you ever had to do a “friendship audit”? Tell me your “I’m tired” stories in the comments—let’s vent together!

Fighting Ghosts and One-Sided Beef

Hey y’all, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab your beverage of choice (I’ve got my “don’t stress me” tea ready), and let’s have a real-life heart-to-heart.

I saw a quote today that hit me so hard I almost dropped my phone. It basically said that grown people don’t “beef” the way they used to. It pointed out that half the time, people are out here posting subliminal messages, taking shots, and acting out a whole Shakespearean drama… meanwhile, the person they’re mad at has already unfollowed, blocked, or—even worse—just straight up forgot they existed.

And honestly? I felt that in my soul.

We’ve all seen it. Maybe we’ve even been the one doing it (no judgment, we’re growing!). You’re hurt, you’re annoyed, so you post that one specific song lyric on your story. Or you share a cryptic quote about “fake friends” or “loyalty.” You’re sitting there, refreshing your viewers list, waiting for that name to pop up so you know they saw it.

But here is the cold, hard, hilarious truth: They aren’t watching. They aren’t checking for you. They aren’t decoding your captions like they’re National Treasure. While you’re in your room crafting the perfect “I’m doing better without you” post, they are probably at a grocery store trying to decide which brand of oat milk to buy. They aren’t “staying quiet” because your post hurt them; they’re quiet because they aren’t even in the room!

The quote used a phrase that I’m definitely stealing: “Jealousy mixed with imagination.” That is a dangerous cocktail, honey. It creates these made-up storylines where we think everyone is out to get us, or that someone is “winning” a fight that we started in our own heads. When you’re “pressed” over someone who has moved on and stayed unbothered, you aren’t in a conflict. You’re in a solo performance.

It’s like shadowboxing. You’re swinging, you’re sweating, you’re getting exhausted… but there’s nobody else in the ring. You’re just fighting ghosts. And let me tell you from experience: the ghost always wins because it doesn’t even know it’s in a fight.

There is a specific kind of peace that comes when you realize the beef isn’t mutual. It’s actually a huge ego check. We like to think our “enemies” spend as much time thinking about us as we do about them. But the ultimate “grown person” move? Realizing that your energy is too expensive to spend on someone who isn’t even paying rent in your mind.

If someone blocked you, let them! If they unfollowed, they did you a favor by cleaning up your feed!

So, here’s my challenge for us today (myself included):

• Step 1: Put the subliminals away.

• Step 2: Stop checking their page to see if they’re “losing.”

• Step 3: Realize that “staying unbothered” isn’t a pose you strike for Instagram—it’s a way of life.

Life is too short to be mad at a storyline you wrote yourself. If the beef is one-sided, it means you’re the only one holding the grill. Drop the tongs, turn off the heat, and go live your life.

I’m done fighting ghosts. I’ve got too much real-life stuff to enjoy. Who’s with me? 🥂

Pyramid of Need.

By @creative.clinical.psychologist

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Are you addicted to your emotions?

https://de320.isrefer.com/go/startsqac8day/Stuartn/
 
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The booklet incorporates the feelings wheel, a tool that enhances emotional literacy by connecting feelings with thoughts, physical sensations, and behaviors. https://ymhc.me/printables

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Useful questions to ask yourself when you experience a setback.

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How are you feeling today?

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