Tina Okoli-AzzalarabFighting Ghosts and One-Sided Beef
Hey y’all, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab your beverage of choice (I’ve got my “don’t stress me” tea ready), and let’s have a real-life heart-to-heart.
I saw a quote today that hit me so hard I almost dropped my phone. It basically said that grown people don’t “beef” the way they used to. It pointed out that half the time, people are out here posting subliminal messages, taking shots, and acting out a whole Shakespearean drama… meanwhile, the person they’re mad at has already unfollowed, blocked, or—even worse—just straight up forgot they existed.
And honestly? I felt that in my soul.
We’ve all seen it. Maybe we’ve even been the one doing it (no judgment, we’re growing!). You’re hurt, you’re annoyed, so you post that one specific song lyric on your story. Or you share a cryptic quote about “fake friends” or “loyalty.” You’re sitting there, refreshing your viewers list, waiting for that name to pop up so you know they saw it.
But here is the cold, hard, hilarious truth: They aren’t watching. They aren’t checking for you. They aren’t decoding your captions like they’re National Treasure. While you’re in your room crafting the perfect “I’m doing better without you” post, they are probably at a grocery store trying to decide which brand of oat milk to buy. They aren’t “staying quiet” because your post hurt them; they’re quiet because they aren’t even in the room!
The quote used a phrase that I’m definitely stealing: “Jealousy mixed with imagination.” That is a dangerous cocktail, honey. It creates these made-up storylines where we think everyone is out to get us, or that someone is “winning” a fight that we started in our own heads. When you’re “pressed” over someone who has moved on and stayed unbothered, you aren’t in a conflict. You’re in a solo performance.
It’s like shadowboxing. You’re swinging, you’re sweating, you’re getting exhausted… but there’s nobody else in the ring. You’re just fighting ghosts. And let me tell you from experience: the ghost always wins because it doesn’t even know it’s in a fight.
There is a specific kind of peace that comes when you realize the beef isn’t mutual. It’s actually a huge ego check. We like to think our “enemies” spend as much time thinking about us as we do about them. But the ultimate “grown person” move? Realizing that your energy is too expensive to spend on someone who isn’t even paying rent in your mind.
If someone blocked you, let them! If they unfollowed, they did you a favor by cleaning up your feed!
So, here’s my challenge for us today (myself included):
• Step 1: Put the subliminals away.
• Step 2: Stop checking their page to see if they’re “losing.”
• Step 3: Realize that “staying unbothered” isn’t a pose you strike for Instagram—it’s a way of life.
Life is too short to be mad at a storyline you wrote yourself. If the beef is one-sided, it means you’re the only one holding the grill. Drop the tongs, turn off the heat, and go live your life.
I’m done fighting ghosts. I’ve got too much real-life stuff to enjoy. Who’s with me? 🥂
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