Pairs with “Signal for Help” recent boost.

#abusers #AbusiveRelationship

https://www.tiktok.com/@audesk2/video/7551191053164973325

Man from my nightmare
Haunting me in my sleep
You’re selfishness is unfair
Your presence makes me weep

You are everything I want
Yet you are nothing at all
The definition of blunt
Here only to make me fall

You are never there for me
You only take take and take
I can’t stand you’re vanity
How do I get this spell to break?

You are my fears and goals
You are my reason for life
Yet the reason for all these holes
Slitting me open with your knife

You are what keeps me hallow
You are my torment and misery
It’s a tough pill to swallow
That all along you were me ❤️‍🩹

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https://poemsbykatie.wordpress.com/2024/02/20/%f0%9f%8e%adtough-pill-to-swallow%f0%9f%92%8a/

#abusiverelationship #addiction #anxiety #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #bullying #codependency #Depression #grief #poem #poetry #Ptsd #selfcare #toxicRelationships

Judge us all you want, but some of the kindest, most genuine, most loving, most forgiving, and all around best people that I’ve ever met are drug addicts. We walked through hell and made a home a rock bottom, and most of us die because of our disease of addiction. Every one of us that made it out alive are miracles. And before you look at someone and think “they are just selfish junkies” just remember that you never know; your daughter or son could grow up to be addicts.
And you know who will probably be the only one who can save them? That homeless “junkie” that you made fun of.

Not so funny when addiction comes for someone YOU love. Addiction doesn’t care how much money you have in the bank or the color of your skin or how prestigious you are. It chooses it’s target before birth and lays dormant until a substance is finally used which is when the can of worms is opened and all hell breaks lose. Only way to avoid it is to avoid using any mind altering substance for the entirety of your life which, come on, who goes their entire life without ever trying any substances? Especially in this day and age. Life is hard and relief is needed. That relief just ends up taking over your life and turning it upside down.

Anyways, before you judge me or another addict, remember that if you are lucky enough to not have any addicts in your family yet, you probably will sooner rather than later. But either way, you should still be kind and empathetic and gentle with people just for the simple fact that life is fucking hard. We could all use a break every now and then, because no one but Jesus is ever going to be perfect. So stop expecting people to be.

Meet them where they are and help them get to where they want and need to be. That’s how we saved this world from all the evil and coldness that’s currently consuming it. We do it by loving those who need love, empathizing with those who need empathy, and saving those who can and want to be saved. That’s also the only real way to save yourself. That’s why the 12th step in the big book is to carry on the message to other struggling addicts. Because you can’t keep the joy and peace that you have without giving it away.

https://poemsbykatie.wordpress.com/2024/01/12/dont-judge-addiction-%f0%9f%9a%ab%f0%9f%94%97%f0%9f%9b%91/

#abusiverelationship #addiction #blogPost

Suicidal ideations are different for people who’ve attempted and failed… They aren’t about just thinking on how great it would feel to just end it anymore and how easy it would be to do… It’s realizing how much more complicated it is now; it’s realizing that you a) either won’t cut deep enough or will be rushed to the hospital too fast with a Baker act to look forward to. It’s b) realizing that it’s a lot harder to snap your neck than it looks on tv, and that you probably have a better chance of breaking the ceiling fan like I did. It’s c) Trying to OD only you ended up chained to a ventilator for the rest of your miserable life instead.

It’s realizing swallowing a bullet could leave to life as a quadriplegic with a fucked up ass face from all the surgeries. It’s realizing that jumping from a building or bridge will shatter every single bone in your body instantly and excruciatingly. It’s realizing that trying to OD with most pain pills, will just end up shutting down your organs first. And especially if you try using psych pills- you can get tardive dyskinesia on a good day and fry your already fragile chemical imbalances on a bad one.

It’s realizing that, yes, somehow I lived through drifting my car at max speed all down through the middle of nowhere during the dead of the night, and even though I wanted to crash and burn in a blaze of glory at that time… my last car accident from last year (where I did end up crashing my head through the windshield and getting 11 staples in my head) opened my eyes…

And Thank God that I didn’t lose a limb or break anything or lose myself (at least not permanently). Took me until that moment where I was bleeding out miles and miles from civilization to finally start fighting for this life that Ive been so desperately trying to throw away for as long as I can remember… I have lived as recklessly as possible, because there has always felt something deep inside of me that is and has always been so completely fucking broken.

But I realized that you either fucking die… Or you fucking live. It’s really that simple.

And apparently regardless of my heroin addict, reckless, impulsive, adrenaline junkie ass, I still Suck at dying. 👍🏼

Been trying pretty actively for quite awhile now… Maybe it’s time I put a little thought to the other side… To actually find away to coexist with this cruel, unfair entity that we call life. Which is SO much easier said than done, but really, what’s your only other option? -you die, or -you LIVE. I just hope this living life thing turns out to get easier than at least the damn opposite lol 😪❤️‍🩹

And I for one am so fucking tired of dooming myself from the JUMP. Happiness has always seemed to escape me, but maybe I share some blame in that…😮‍💨

My whole adolescence life I planned of dying by 27 and being part of the Forever 27 club. Thought that for years and years. Until I turned 28 last year, and am (if God sees fit) turning the big 29 here soon… *Screams* 🤢

So even though I damn sure feel like I’m back at my fucking lowest and lost everything that I had just built, I’m STILL clean even though a shot sounds more valuable to me than gold right now, but I’m not going to do it. Because that’s exactly what your self righteous ass is counting on, so you never have to be in the wrong regardless what you say, do, and treat me in general.

All I got to say is THANKS FOR THE SPITE, BITCH. It nourishes my soul, keeps me focused, and keeps me making moves and counter moves.

Check fucking mate 🏁♟️📣👏😏😘

https://poemsbykatie.wordpress.com/2024/01/11/suicide-on-my-fucking-mind/

#abandonmentIssues #abusiverelationship #addiction #anxiety #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #breakups #codependency #cravings #death #Depression #domesticViolence #fuckLife #heroin #suicidalIdeations #suicide