I got food for Riko.

So at least the best of the two of us will get a Thanksgiving.

Water, it turns out, is pretty filling as long as you keep drinking it pretty consistently.

I am satisfied that she'll get to eat, and unlike Riko, at least I can understand why this is happening to us...

...and how angry to be about it.

#Hunger #Poverty #Thanksgiving #DogFood #MutualAid #SystemicFailure #Survival #Pittsburgh #TransLatina

🙀 I feel silly, and I feel loved, supported, and seen.

I have been holding onto so much for the past two years, and when I got here—when I almost couldn't rent the car, when I learned my housing had fallen through completely and left me homeless, when I saw how Budget shattered my checking account to unusability—I fell apart.

In some ways, it was a good time to fall apart. I was in a safe place now—thanks to all of you. I had support—thanks to the ridiculously kind and compassionate person that opened their home to me and to Riko. And so it was finally where I could allow myself to break.

And break I did. Quite thoroughly. I needed to. I had a lot to let go of.

Now it's the end of Monday, and while I never did manage to get to call Budget, I did manage to secure a social worker and medical care. I got winter clothes donated to me, and I was able to get started on some low-cost housing applications. So things are beginning to move.

I also called the State Board in PA and may have cried a little from the fact that I can't get a job until they get through my application. The person I spoke to was wonderful and expedited my application. Now it's actually been looked at, and I have some work to do to correct some issues! FINALLY, I'm being seen. FINALLY, things are beginning to happen.

And then I came home, and I finally had a chance to sit and look through my messages at last. Now that my computer is finally set up and comfortable to sit at. And as I looked through my emails I noticed something surprising.

Wnen I was stranded at the car rental place, you all came through for me big time. I thought I was fucked, but you got me on the road. I took all of your donations from PayPal, and I put them in my checking account, which I was then able to use to get here! I only lost about $30 of that in the Budget catastrophe.

But then I also noticed emails from Venmo. And I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT VENMO! So I looked, and holy shit. You all put $300 in there. 😭

With that and Cash App (which my host introduced me to), I can get a bus pass and get a lot more stuff done! I can be ready for my first job interview on Wednesday (yeah, I got one of those too 😊). I can get FOOD!!!!

Obviously, I'm not out of the woods yet. Getting closer to the clearing. Even running towards it. But there's still shadows ahead. Please keep coming out for me just a little while longer. You've believed in me so much that when I fail to believe in myself, I can put your judgement of me over my own and find peace in that way.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

Aside from all this, I'm working on a FFXIV version of Julius Caesar, and I'm putting the final edits on my short story "My Brother's Keeper." And I hope I can have those out soon. Then it's time to hit my novel harder. How can I permit myself to fail after you've invested so much in me? Nah.

Can't stop, won't stop. Thank you, my people. 💙

#TransJoy #MutualAid #Pittsburgh #LifeUpdate #Recovery #LPC #WritingCommunity #FFXIV #TransLatina #CommunityLove

I have already been through so much, and it feels like no matter what I try to do to escape the never ending train of crises that poverty gifts you with, another blow is ready to knock you back down on your ass.

And now, here we are again, and every time it gets a little harder to ask myself why I even bother.

I posted earlier that I made it to safety, and that is true. But I want to be transparent about what that safety cost. This is the hardest part. What I'd rather be right now is self-destructive.

I just checked my bank account, and my lungs flattened out.

The one-way rental vehicle that got Riko and me out of danger was supposed to be manageable. Anything above and beyond the original cost was supposed to go into a payment plan that would allow me to pay back that amount in a reasonable manner. Instead, my debit card was hit with a total charge of $1,045.15.

This, despite the fact that no transactions that overdraw my account should be permitted. In retrospect, I should've just bought a car and sold it for the funds to get my new life started. (That's a joke. A bank would NEVER give YOU that much control over your OWN money. That control belongs to the companies you think you "choose" to patronize.

Leftisms aside, this didn't just drain the funds we raised—it destroyed them.

In my last update that I had "very little left." I have been made mistaken. I now have less than nothing.

I cannot buy food. I cannot pay for gas. I cannot pay for anything until this hole is filled. The bank and the rental agency are closed until Monday, leaving me stuck in this financial freeze.

I need to raise $1,050 immediately just to get back to ZERO.

Please, if you can help me clear this debt so I can actually make it through my first week in Pittsburgh, I would be forever grateful.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#MutualAid #TransCrowdfund #FinancialCrisis #Overdraft #Poverty #SystemicFailure #BudgetRentACar #Pittsburgh #TransLatina #EmergencyFund

P.S. If you know anyone that works for Budget, ask them why they're in the business of destroying people's lives. That's a good question for them to answer.

This is the update I have been fighting to write for three days. The delays, the banking lags, and the "setbacks" are over. Check out the attached image!

We are leaving today.

I have successfully booked an Intermediate SUV for pickup at 12:00 PM today (Tuesday). This isn't just a reservation; it's the fucking LAST PARAGRAPH of the Iowa chapter. This vehicle has the safety features I need for the winter drive and the space Riko needs to travel comfortably.

It's still a little scary. The car was expensive, and gas could be tight. I chose a smaller vehicle because it was cheaper. I may have to leave some stuff behind, but that's OK.

The trip is secured. Might still need help once I land: https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

The important thing is that we'll load up at noon. We'll drive through the night. By tomorrow afternoon, I will be in Pittsburgh, breathing clean air, safe and ready to start the next phase of my life.

To everyone who donated, shared, and kept my spirits alive while I was trying to survive these last few days in this toxic environment: You made this happen. You built the bridge that gets me out of here today. Thank you.

Next stop: Pennsylvania.

Let's go!

#MutualAid #Trans #TransLatina #GoFundMe #EmergencyFund #Pittsburgh #MovingDay #TheExit #Progress #RoadTrip #FinalCountdown

🚀 4 AM Update: The Support is Here. The Final Hurdle is Timing.

It’s 4 AM on Sunday. The mask is off. I’ve been in this atmosphere so long I've been able to take off the mask. It's surprising how quickly you get used to things. I've slept, gratefully, and a lot of that is thanks to the reduced stress from seeing your surge of support yesterday.

When I posted in a panicked state about the toxic air and the massive funding gap, you showed up. I need to thank, by name, the people who are funding this exit:

⭐ David Beers
⭐ Samantha Rose
⭐ Meade Isaiah Madrone

And I must thank the four anonymous heroes who—together with the three heroes I listed above—donated a grand total of $435 towards getting me out of this toxic environment and towards a safe home in Pittsburgh.

I'm not there yet, but I'm close. I'm so close. ⌛

The PA LPC license is almost active. The housing and job interviews are next week. I just need to be sure I get there. I cannot let anything get in the way of this. And I won't. Because thanks to you, I'll soon have the means to get out of here.

The final, scary hurdle is that GoFundMe pledges are not instant. This is the part of the crisis no one talks about—having the pledges but not the cash, and still having to figure out how to bridge that 24-hour gap. Knowing the $435 is coming is what gives me the wherewithal to find a solution.

But the hardest part of all this has been what I'm leaving behind. Not the things. Things don't matter. The people. My housemates aren't evil, and they don't deserve to live the way that they do. They live the way they do because of years of untreated trauma. And I lived with them because I had trauma too, and I had no other options available to me at the time.

We let those who need us most pass through our fingers so often, and as you help me, I can't help but feel guilty that I'm not able to help them. Tried, yeah. But as I've also said in therapy, "You can take a horse to water, but you can never force it to drink." And we rely on what we're most familiar with in order to feel safety.

I could see a world in which this whole GoFundMe campaign fails, I give up, and I never do anything more than this. Maybe one day, I'd apply to SSI like the others here. They'd die long before I did, on account of the current of their health, and so I'd inherit their stuff, which I would now have learned how never to let go. I could see an alternate universe in which they joined me. But we're in this one, and I'll have to make do with what I can have in this one. 😿

I am grieving this morning, but I am full of hope. Thank you for building this bridge. We're not at the finish line yet, but the path is visible. I am in awe of your support.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#MutualAid #Trans #TransLatina #EmergencyFund #GoFundMe #Pittsburgh #ThankYou #CommunitySupport #Trauma #MentalHealth #Grief #PleaseBoost #CrunchTime

🚀 CRITICAL: Environment Toxic. Fund Gap. FINAL 36 HOURS.

This is the final, most urgent update. We are in the last 36 hours.

The Situation: I returned to the house to pack. I lasted less than an hour. The environment is not just unsafe; it's physically toxic. My housemates' cats have saturated my room with ammonia in the time that I was gone washing my clothes and engaging in basic fucking self-care. So my last safe space is gone.

I am currently wearing a mask lined with Vicks VapoRub just to be able to breathe inside. I cannot sleep here. I cannot stay here. Please, gods, I can't. ☠️

The Deadline: My exit deadline is no longer Monday. It is this Sunday night.

The Financial Reality: As had been discussed in a previous update, part of the $746 you all generously donated has been spent on the non-negotiable costs of escape:
🔹 Multiple, repeated washings of all my clothes (decontamination).
🔹 Packing supplies (boxes, tape, bins).
🔹 Food and supplies to survive while packing.

After accounting for everything, I have approximately $400 left for the exit itself.

This is the hard reality: $400 is not enough to cover the one-way truck rental (which requires a debit card hold) AND the gas/tolls for the 15-hour drive to Pittsburgh.

I am now in an impossible position. I am being poisoned by cat pee in a house I cannot leave, with a deadline I cannot meet. I have no other viable, safe options. This fund is the only path that gets me and my dog out safely by Sunday.

We are no longer building a buffer. We are funding the physical exit. The truck. The gas. The tolls.

If you have been watching and waiting, the time is now. This is the final 36 hours. Please. Help me close this gap and get on the road safely on Sunday.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#MutualAid #Trans #TransLatina #EmergencyFund #CrunchTime #GoFundMe #Pittsburgh #PleaseBoost #ToxicHousing #Urgent #UnsafeHousing #CatUrine #Ammonia

⭐ CRUNCH TIME: The Final Push. Leaving Monday. (Second Interview Secured!)

This is it. We are in the final 72 hours.

My absolute last day to leave this environment is this Monday, November 17th. We are in crunch time, and I have two massive updates—one about the future, and one about the present—all thanks to you.

First, the future: The job interview went incredibly well. I am officially in the second round of interviews for the therapist position in Pittsburgh! This isn't just a "hope" anymore; this is an active, in-progress reality. The path to stability is clear, and I am walking it.

Second, the present: I want to tell you what your $696 has already done.

Because of you, I had my first real shower in weeks. Because of you, I have socks again. I've been able to buy food, and I'd forgotten what it tasted like.

Your donations gave me back my basic human dignity and have brought me to tears.

I'm using that energy to get ready. I am packing. I am running all my clothes through the wash multiple times to get the allergens off them. When I came back into the house today, the smell... it's overwhelming. It smelled this bad two years ago, but back then, I believed this is what I deserved.
I don't anymore.

We are in the final push. The $696 we've raised is a miracle, but it must cover the debit-card-friendly truck rental (Budget/Penske) AND the security deposit/first few days in a safe place. We are not at the goal, and Monday is the deadline.

If you have been watching and waiting, this is the moment. This is the final weekend. Help me cross this last bridge. Help me finally get home.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#MutualAid #Trans #TransLatina #EmergencyFund #CrunchTime #GoFundMe #Pittsburgh #PleaseBoost #MentalHealth #SecondInterview

🕊️ Saggy Middles & New Beginnings

You haven't heard much from me in the past day. Gods, you find it's hard after a while to keep up momentum. There's the start, energized and ready to go! Then there's the end, and yay! You got what you wanted!

But the middle. Oh gods, the middle. The hardest part by far. Adrenaline wears off, silence creeps back in, and hope begins to fade. That voice says, "You can't do this," on top of the anxiety of upending my life.

But then, an anonymous donor stepped in. 💝

With a donation of $25, they broke the silence. They reminded me that I'm not alone. They reminded me that this community is still building the floor, plank by plank.

We are still packing. The intake appointment is set. The exit is active. But we still need to cross the finish line. If you’ve been watching and waiting: This is the moment where your support matters most. It keeps the silence at bay.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#MutualAid #Trans #TransLatina #EmergencyFund #MentalHealth #CommunitySupport #GoFundMe #Pittsburgh

💓 STUNNED. An anonymous hero just dropped $250 into the emergency fund. This is a transformative gift. The total is now $671!

This is the tangible cost of a security deposit for a safe apartment in Pittsburgh. This is the "safe landing zone" becoming a reality, built by this community. I also got myself a phone job interview for tomorrow morning, so it's been a very good day, and a very big part of it has been thanks to all of you. 😻

Thank you to this incredible person. Riko (my husky) and I are leaving by Friday. This is happening.

AAAAAAH! 🚀

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#Trans #TransLatina #MutualAid #GoFundMe #EmergencyFund #CommunityFund #TransSafety #Pittsburgh #PleaseBoost

💥 WE ARE OVER $400! Two Anonymous Heroes Just Pledged $251!

I am absolutely speechless and near tears this morning. (Don't worry! They're joyful!)

Overnight, two unbelievably generous anonymous supporters contributed a combined $251 to this emergency fund, including one staggering, game-changing donation of over $200.

This is the single biggest leap in momentum we have had. This brings our total fund to $421!

This is no longer just hope; this is logistics. This is the one-way rental car to Pittsburgh. This is the security deposit for a safe landing zone. This is the proof that this community is building this bridge right now. This community is my lifeline right now, and I have never been more grateful to it, or to all of you, than I am right now. When I was advised to ask for the current goal amount, I hadn't believed it possible that something like that could be achieved. Or that anyone would want to achieve it for me.

I'm still not sure I've fully processed what it means to me that you have seen me. Thank you, all of you. And thank you to these two incredible, anonymous heroes. You have just tangibly built the floor for my new life.

Riko (my husky) and I are planning to leave by Friday. This is happening. I owe it to you. I owe it to me.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#Trans #TransLatina #MutualAid #GoFundMe #EmergencyFund #CommunityFund #TransSafety #Pittsburgh #PleaseBoost

P.S. GoFundMe keeps trying to get me to setup automatic donation thank-yous, and I'm like, "Boy, these people be giving me their hard-earned money, the last thing they deserve from me is a tasteless gingerbread man in the mail." 😹